Improbable Truth

by Charon the Chronicler

Extra: Not What You Expected

Author's Note:

I almost didn't write this one. It was born out of a funny thought that grew into this. If you're not interested in biology, or have a weak stomach, or even a normal stomach, I suggest you turn back now. I did not outright say anything disgusting. But one you start that train of thought...There's no getting off of Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.
In other words, this extra is

Warning: Absolutely disgusting

---

"Hey Windell, I know you say you're male, but I've noticed something..."

"Oh yes, I think I know what you're talking about. Normally, in most other creatures, the male's more, ah, sensitive bits is hidden away in what we call a sheath--"

"Oh, okay then I guess that's--"

"BUT I've discovered this wasn't the case."

"So wait, where is your...?"

"See that's the thing that befuddled me for a while until I discovered something very important: There is only one hole."

"Wat."

"Yes, Val, I know it's hard to digest, no pun intended, but you need to accept that we live on a completely different universe, with a different evolutionary path. You need to accept that organisms here have a non-linear digestive tract. Think of us as adorable, highly evolved jellyfish, without the dreadful sting of cnidocytes."

"So do you guys not, erm, you know?"

"Unfortunately, we are still inefficient organisms. We still have outhouses."

"So it just...comes back out. Oh God. I think I'm going to puke."

"There's a reason I have so much oral hygiene products in the outhouse."

"Please...shut up...I'm concentrating on not dying."

"Fair enough. I hope I've satisfied your curiosity."

"Wait. How do ponies...reproduce without the...equipment?"

"If I had to guess...kissing. Funny isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. So wait, does that mean the couple I spotted from the forest were actually..."

"In the throes of passionate lovemaking? I guess so."

"Jesus Christ."

"I think that would make you a voyeur."

"Gee, thanks."

"On a second thought, maybe not. I saw a couple kissing after a wedding ceremony at city hall."

"Oh thank God, so kissing isn't pony sex?"

"Hmm? No, it definitely is. One hole, remember? I think that reproduction is seen as a natural thing here, so voyeurism isn't a thing."

"Jeeesuuuus. So what, are babies super tiny? Or do you spit out eggs?"

"Nah, babies are about the size of my head. And ponies do give live birth. I saw Mrs. Cake do it at the hospital. Her jaw unhinged like a snake. There was a lot of blood and crying. Isn't the miracle of life beautiful?...Where are you going?"

"To find some bleach. I'll decide whether to drink it or drench my eyes in it on the way there."

Comments

[Charon the Chronicler]

Whoops fell asleep, so it's a few hours late. Consider this chater a huge mistake.

[Rune Heart]

Oi

What the hell is this shit. If anything this is hilarious. Sure, puking your, uh, waste, isn't anything new (south park did it second or something like that, I think?), but I tend to think this is hilarious. So it's basically just a reverse bowel movement/gag reflex all rolled up into one?

[Charon the Chronicler]

6916404 I've studied biology before ever watching the show, so the first time I saw some lewd online, I realized that if the show only showed one hole, they might digest food the same way jellyfish and other creatures with anuses for mouths do. It quickly devolved from there.

[Bokaj]

6916453 ...

[Fireeaters]

All of my 'wut?'!

[Charon the Chronicler]

6916487 sorry

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I'm not sure how to respond, but I love it.

[FordPrefect]

Love it.

Hope to see a fic that uses this idea seriously.

[WiseFireCracker]

Boy, am I glad that I have headcanons about the cartoon medium altering our perception like filters. I can thus safely ignore this whole thing. Forever. Yay sanity!

[Charon the Chronicler]

6916960 If only I were so lucky.

But hey, misery loves company.

[rikusorasephiroth]

I don't care what anyone says, I'm counting this chapter as non-canon.

[PostPony]

I was eating when I started and I was still eating when I was done. Constitution.

[Hallucination]

Are Ponies related to Skags in any way?

[wildlander84]