Dear Sister
It was another calm day in Ponyville, autumn had arrived and the green of the trees were slowly turning into a cascade of colours and natural beauty. The winds were unusually strong that day. The only ponies out were the ponies that had work to do that needed to be done, like the weatherponies struggling against the winds while setting up clouds for the rain to come the next day. At the Sweet Apple Acres, the Apple family was working hard to finish the preparations for the winter to come.
At a familiar tree in the middle of the town, the town librarian was working on re-shelfing her massive collection of books. She had read every last of the books during her years in the town. She was focusing intently on the task at hoof. Levitating so many objects at once was not a small feat. Only unicorns with enough magic and training could manage to do the hardening task. She heard a distinct burping from the room upstairs and a gasp from the little dragon. She gently placed all the books on the floor, so she wouldn’t loose her concentration and damage the books. The gentle patter of draconic feet running down the stairs bought the attention to the purple dragon panting by the staircase, holding one hand on his stomach and a scroll in the other.
’‘Twilight...’’ Spike panted, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. ’‘There’s a letter to you. It’s from Shining Armor.’’ The mention of her brother sparked the lavender unicorn’s attention. She levitated the scroll from Spike’s grip to her. And like Spike had said, the emblem of the Royal Guard was stamped on the scroll.
’‘Thank you Spike. Can you please excuse me for a while when I read this?’’ Twilight gave Spike a pleading look and an adorable little smile that she knew that Spike couldn’t resist. Spike just nodded and walked back up the stairs. She unrolled it and scanned it once before reading it.
Like her brother always did when he wrote, he had used too much ink by not wiping some off before he started writing. It made the writing a little blotched and messed up, but she could still read it as she was used to her brother’s writing. She sighed and chuckled as she started reading.
’‘Dear sister
Hey sis, sorry that I haven’t written to you in a while, I have been really busy after the whole Chrysalis incident and being a newly-wed husband. I just wanted to write to you to say how things are here in Canterlot, as I remember how upset you got when I didn’t write to you about the wedding. But hey! I’m writing to you now, that’s good, right?’’
Twilight paused reading the letter by chuckling and rolling her eyes at her brother’s antics. She blushed slightly at how stupid she had felt after she had yelled at him back in Canterlot, when he hadn’t written to her about the wedding when he had just been to busy with his work to write. She focused back to reading the letter.
’’I also wanted to write to you so you could know that me and Cadence have recieved some wonderful news. Cadence is pregnant! I’m going to be a father Twilie! Can you believe it? I’m so excited for it, I can barely wait! Anyhow, I have already told mom and dad, you should have seen their faces, it was priceless.’’
She paused again from reading the letter. She dropped it to the ground and started bouncing around in a circle like Pinkie Pie does, even challenging the party pony when it comes to grinning. She was going to be an aunt! She stopped and remembered that there still was much left to read in the letter that was now on the floor. She sat down again and levitated the letter to her.
’’I also write to you to say that I have been given an assignment by Princess Celestia. She wants me to go out to the Everfree forest and the outskirts of Equestria to see if the changelings truly have left Equestria. It will just be a short mission out with some task force guards. Don’t worry, I’m sure that nothing could happen. Chrysalis is probably too weak to put up with a fight if we encounter her, the same would be about normal changelings.
Also, can you deliver our thanks to the rest of the Elements of Harmony? Cadence and I never got to truly thank them for all their hard work on the wedding. It’s all I ask for now, as I’m sure that you will. You have great friends, Twilie. Do everything you can to keep them.
I promise you that I will be safe on the mission and that Cadence and I will come visit Ponyville when I return. I never break my promises, that’s something you should already know. I’m going out for the mission this evening. With that, I finish this letter. I love you Twilie, stay safe.
Shining Armor, Captain of the Assero Solis.’’
Twilight gulped at the thought of Shining Armor going out in the field like that. He’s usually in the back lines, but this probably has something to do with the fact that he vanquished the changelings with Cadence. It would only make sense that he would come with them to inject some fear to the changelings if they would see him again.
Twilight sighed and levitated the letter to a desk in the corner of the library. She had an uneasy feeling about him going to the outskirts like this. She levitated an empty scroll, a quill and some ink to her. She dipped the quill in the ink and swiftly shook it clean from some excessive ink and started writing her reply.
’‘Don’t worry about not writing to me when you have work to do, I learned to let you take your time when you were in the position that you are in. Congratulations on the marriage again, it was truly magnificent and it was an honor just to be there.
Oh my gosh! My little big brother is growing up to become a father, this is just amazing! I’m going to be an aunt! I honestly dropped the letter you sent and started bouncing around like my friend Pinkie Pie does, not exactly as charming as when she does it but it felt good to do it for once. Do you happen to know if it’s a filly or a colt? When is she expected to give birth? I am so excited for you, I can only imagine mom an dad’s reaction to it. Shame that I wasn’t there to see it. Anyways, tell Cadence that I’m thrilled and happy for you two.
I really don’t like the idea of you going out in the field, but I guess that it is neccessary and a part of your duty as a captain. I’m just afraid that you could be hurt... Or worse... Please stay safe, please.
I will tell them when I can. All of my friends were excited to be allowed to help plan the wedding with Cadence when you cleaned out the last of the changelings from Canterlot and the city’s surrounding area. I know that my friends are great. I love them all like sisters. Your friends are also great, except for Blueblood. I don’t know why you’re around him.
I can’t wait for you and Cadence to visit, I’ll be sure to tell Pinkie Pie. She’s going to love the opportunity to prepare for another party for royalties. I know that you never break promises, that’s why you’re such a great brother, great friend and an overall great pony to be around. Hug Cadence from me. I love you too, Shiny.
Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic and the personal student of Princess Celestia (Still a fancier title than yours, HA!)’’
Twilight sighed and rolled up the scroll. She was still worried about him and all the things that could happen to him out on the field. She called for Spike to come down and after a few crashes and inappropriate words from the young dragon, he walked over to Twilight and grabbed the letter.
’’To Shining Armor, right?’’ Spike needed to know if he was to send it to the right pony. Twilight just nodded and Spike breathed a soft flame against it. The green fire engulfed the letter and became a smoke that was sent off in the direction of Canterlot.
Twilight started focusing at re-shelfing the books again. All of the books in the library started levitating around her again and she was lost in her thoughts of finishing her work before sundown.
-----
Two weeks had passed since she had recieved the letter from her brother, still no answer from him. The waiting was unnerving and she felt like she was about to loose it again. A burp echoed around the library, snapping her to firm attention to the baby dragon. As soon as she saw him with the letter, she snatched it from him and read it. It had the emblem of the Royal guard.
Spike could see her eyes scan the letter, and he could see her start visibly shaking and her pupils shrink and her eyes widen. Her mouth was slightly open. He saw a single tear roll down her cheek and drip to the floor. She threw the letter to the wall closest to her and ran up the stairs.
Spike was confused at what could have been in the letter that made her so upset. He was about to leave it but the curiosity of what was written on it won the battle of his interest. He walked up to the letter, picked it up and brushed some dust off it and started reading
’’To Twilight Sparkle, Ponyville librarian
Shining Armor, K.I.A.
We at the Assero Solis regret to inform you that Captain Armor and his task force was assaulted. One lone survivor was able to make it back to inform us of the tragic loss. We share our utmost sincere condolences of the loss of Captain Armor.
Princess Cadence has requested you to visit her in her mansion in Canterlot in the earliest convenience. The loss was as tough for her as it is for you, I assure you. Midnight Sparkle and Starlight Sparkle have been informed of their son’s passing as well.
Yet again, I am terribly sorry for your loss and all the pain it will cause.
Lt. Silver Defence’’
Spike just stared at the letter in his hands, glancing at the staircase where Twilight had ran up to her room moments ago. He tried to think of how it would feel like to lose her. He felt sick of just the thought of losing his sister. He dropped the letter and walked up the stairs, he had a sister to comfort.
I guess the power of love can't save you from stealth criticals.
...I am a very bad person.
... I can understand the general idea of this, but... I found that it doesn't convey emotion as strong as it could. It's just not powerful enough, in my honest opinion. You wrote this well, and it honestly moved me a little. But, well... It hasn't moved me enough. Have a thumb for the effort.
P.S. - Poor Cadence. Being a widow Princess can't be easy.
547601 I agree about the emotion. Could have been more...
547601
547607
Trust me, in about a week or so I'll have another pile of one-shot ideas to cram out of my brain. Hell, 4 of my stories are just one-shots. I'll crame some raw emotion into them. Pinkie promise.
547613 Alright then... I'll keep an eye out. But if they don't, I'm shoving a cupcake in your eye.
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No...
547617
Oh... shi-... I WILL DO IT.
Eh... No offense, but... For a one shot, not that moving. I mean... I could MAYBE see this being the start of ANOTHER story, (Or rather, this being chapter 1) but it just... IDK, didn't MOVE me? I mean, I had the 'OH SHIT!' moment when I saw that he had YET to do the mission, but I already knew what was coming. And seriously, two WEEKS to get sent a letter? That's just BS. He's the Captain of the Guard. I'd like to THINK he'd get higher priority than THAT! If you were trying to go for the whole 'it's been so long since I've heard from him' kind of thing, just a couple of DAYS would ahve been plenty, if it was supposed to be a short, simple mission to the Everfree Forest. And also, why weren't the Mane six asked to come along as well, if there was a chance that she WAS there?
You've got a great idea, but it needs some work if it's going to be more moving. Keep working!
(Sorry if I sound negative, but I'm jsut trying to help show where it could use more work, so you can improve for your future stories! )
547709
I thought that this needed continuation, so I'll be writing another chapter to it. Not exactly top priority but I will do it eventually. And don't worry about seeming negative, it's needed for me to improve. I don't hold anything against you for that. I could even thank you, so thanks!
EDIT: Changed the tag to incomplete.
MMMMM whatcha say...
The narration is too omniscient and apathetic. Try "personalizing" it into Twilight's thoughts and feelings on the matter (you can do this while still keeping it in 3rd person) to get readers to sympathize more. Heck, their letters to each other seem kinda distant and formal despite Shining Armor supposedly being Twilight's B.B.B.F.F. (ignoring the criticisms one could make about their behavior in-show about understanding one another). Remember how Twilight went as far as to forgo formality toward Shining Armor in front of the other guards? On his own wedding day?
Looking like a great story. Poor Twilight and Cadence.
Tracking.
Not bad, but not great either. Thumbs up for concept and being an enjoyable read, but it doesn't have the emotional impact it could have. Not sure what else to say. I think part of the problem is that Twilight and the condolence letter felt sloppy. Twilight's letter just didn't feel like something she'd write. Can't explain why though, just a gut feeling. As for the condolence letter, that should have been done in person by a guard, or even given Armour and Twilight's importance with in Equestrian society, Celestia herself. The condolence letter really just didn't work for me, and greatly diminished the story's impact.
More?????????
547821
moar.
goodbye shining
SIN JOKE ANY OONE!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?
Could have been more emotional, but still was fairly good. I hope that you are going to continue the story, I'd really like to see how Twilight's and Candace's lives go further after the loss of Shining Armor.
547961
It's gonna be a slow progress of getting out a chapter for this, as I'm already writing a story with multiple chapters and has scheduled updates for it. I'll try though.
If you wrote more chapters where she goes on adventure to discover if he is truly dead or to get revenge, that would be while a little cheesy, it's some juicy material.
547601Dont worry Cadance will get over it after a couple of hundred years.
Well, that's a kick in the bollocks.
Nice story, tracking.
If continued, this could make a nice not quite dead or came back wrong, with Shining Armor possibly being alive, but changed in a similar manner to how he was in the season finale, but not under mind control...
Midnight Sparkle and Starlight Sparkle has been informed
-have been
552884
Fix'd. Thanks for noticing it.
Damn....That's some sad shit right there....
Tracking.
Well done!
I'll have to read the rest!