Empty Pages

by Blind Gardener

Chapter: 4 No Wonder We're Losing Time (non canon)

Author's Note:

Just a reminder. This isn't 'canon'. Those who don't want some random sillyness should skip to the next chapter.

A small pink filly with a mottled egg resting on her back and a pith helmet on her head bounced excitedly into the room. "And here we have Princess Celestia fighting with two other ponies!" She told the egg with all of the aura of a tour guide. "This is fun! I've never been in Canterlot before!"

The egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.

" What? What do you mean it's boring, Gummy?" She asked sounding shocked, two hooves in front of her muzzle.

The egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.

"Well, I've never been an announcer before. Are you sure it's O.K?" She cocked her whole body to the side.

As usual, the egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.

"Alright! Let's let her rrrrrrip!" The pink pony pulled out a folding card table from somewhere behind her back, two folding chairs, and a shower head that she pressed up her lips like a microphone. She placed a second shower head in front of the egg. The pith helmet disappeared to wherever the table came from.

"I'm Pinkie Pie, everypony's favorite party pony who throws pony parties for ponies who like to party, and this handsome baby alligator is Gummy! We're here to announce today's match of the EPWF, the Equestrian Princess Wrestling Foundation. In the left corner we have the queen of queens, ruler of day, night, and all she surveys, riser of the sun and moon, whisperer of the wind and tides prrrrrrrrrrrrrrincess Celestia! In the right hoof corner we have, in a tag team, the light that pierces the darkness, the cleanser of gardens and terror of parasprites, siiirrrrrrr Niiiiight Liiiiight! and the defender of truth love and happiness, baker of mulberry pies... what's that Gummy?" Pinkie froze mid ramble, then turned to face the egg.

The egg continued to fail to respond in any meaningful way.

"I should bring a pie back with me?" Pinkie quirked her head to the side, blinking once or twice. "That's silly, why would I do that?"

The egg failed to respond in a way that was even remotely meaningful.

"Wouldn't that be cannibalism?" Pinkie gasped, hoof to mouth in shock

The egg utterly failed to respond in a meaningful way.

"Ohhhh, that's a good point! Anyway baker of mulberry pies, mrrrrrrs Twilight Velllllvet!" Pinkie shouted loudly into the shower head, causing a reverb effect.

The adult ponies didn't even spare a glance at Pinkie's magnificent announcement, making the poor filly feel a ignored and a little bad. Nevertheless she soldiered on.

"To start out with we have a glorious right hook by Twilight Velvet... ohhh, ladies and gentleponies that had to hurt! Countering that Celestia, with a manic grin on her face, has grabbed Velvet's mane in her teeth and is tugging her closer, is this the end for Velvet?" Pinkie's ears trembled with worry as she leaned in shock.

*Klang!* "Get your teeth off of my wife!"

"And Celestia's down, Night Light has struck her with the copper teapot! He's standing over her panting, and I think I see little stars floating around her head! Night Light is checking to see if the princess is O.K..." Pinkie leaned forwards over the table to better see the action.

*Whap!* *thud*

"Ladies and gentlecolts, Celestia was just faking it! She just slammed Night Light with her wing, knocking him across the room! I have never seen anything like it in all my seconds at the EPWF! She looks pretty pleased with herself! I think Night Light is down for the count!" Pinkie pounded the table enthusiastically.

"You... You opossum!" *whiny* *Girlish shriek*

"Aaand Twilight Velvet has just sunk her teeth into the princess' ear! I think I see blood! Oh my gosh blood! Blood! Is everypony O.K?" Pinkie started hopping in a tiny, panicked, circle.

The combatants continued to ignore Pinkie. Night Light stood up woozily, just in time to see Celestia donkey-hoofing his wife in the throat. Celestia screamed as Velvet choked, biting nearly through her ear. Night Light charged, planting two solid hoofs directly into Celestia's barrel, and knocking the larger pony over.

"Gummy! We havta do something! This isn't fun anymore!" Pinkie continued hopping in a tiny panicked circle.

The egg failed to respond in a meaningless way.

"That's a great idea Gummy! Let's go get some help! Just... Just hold on, we'll be right back with a doctor to kiss your boo-boos away!" Pinkie darted out, then back in to grab the alligator egg, before darting out again.

While Night Light was checking his wife's panicked breathing, Celestia got to her wobbly feet, turned around twice, and bodyslammed him hard into Velvet. This sent Sparkle's parents tumbling across the floor with a loud crash.

Celestia found herself feeling inappropriately gleeful when she noticed that the tumbling pair broke the overly small table that had been barking her legs before this fight had broken out.

Comments

[Blind Gardener]

Eh. Pluck it. This chapter isn't actually ready. I published it by mistake. But I don't really want to disappoint people with a 'fake' update. Expect it to change some. (Though it's not getting any further scenes)

Also I was originally planning to wait until chapter 5 was finished to publish chapter 4.

[punzil504]

Looks like Celestia won the tables match with an Attitude Adjustment.

[Philosophysics]

5661173 ...

That was confusingly awesome, impressionably funny, and hotcaked-ly cool!

[Smirkythread]

Fun stuff.

[SoLameAndPowerful]

5664344 Awesome XD

[keyanu]

"The egg failed to respond in a meaningless way." does this mean it actually responded meaningfully? Also great fic, prequel has been added to favorites so I'll know when it's updated and this one will probably be added as well when I'm at the end of what you currently have written.