is this what i think it is?!

edit: also; first! (i finally got one! )

Haven't read it yet but I will, the intro makes a bad first impression though.

when Twilight gets hurt really bad fighting off and Ursa Major, Luna does something drastic and does something she hadn't done since before the Banishment.
a single decision to save the life of a loved one leads to an adventure, and old foe turns friend?
TwiLuna

Needs capital letters at the start, off "an" ursa major, and "an" old foe. Needs a few edits.

THAT PIC IS WHAT DREW ME IN CONSIDERED READ.

545253 that depends on what you think it is 545275 thanks for telling me, I'll fix that up 545288 found it on google images, its the story

Why does twilight always end up becoming a vampony?
Honestly i am genuinely surprised that she hasnt become a vampony yet in Blood is thicker than freindship

why she had not asked Spike to send a letter?

this would be a lot faster

ad thus a new imortal was born into the world of equestia

545317
we talked about you writing a twi vampony fic a short while ago, remember?

545339 well I was inspired by 'The Vampony Chronicles' and she's the only one I really see making the vampire thing work without making sort of a mary sue or the dreaded sparkler story (A.K.A. the twilight saga)
545345 Perhaps my friend, Perhaps
545353 oh yeah in the comments of that one story in that case yes it most certainly is!

545370
yay! im gonna dig into this as soon as i finish the epilogue of the story im reading right now

545378 chapter two will be out momentarily

545383
already?! you a damn industrial printing machine or something?

545317 works for me

545410 Hearts and Nightmares had five chapters on the first day, I type really fast and that coupled with a quick mind = quick chapters. of course it's going to slow down once i start giving my other stories attention again though, but for now speedy mc speed writer mode is on!

545432 *fits the story

545439
well, if you can type that fast and keep the idea's flowing; the pace cant slow down to badly, i mean; i know of some stories which i literally have to re-read every time it updates because the pace is so damn slow

545345
huh. i really dont care seeing as were in equestRIA and not equesTIA.

Since you said your writing more chapters I'll hold back from posting the typos, none of them are to major anyways and I think only one made me reread the sentence. Good story so far. A little fast paced but given the situation it's acceptable. Just be sure that future chapters are properly paced.

545475
quite the smartass arnt ya

Fuck yes! Another twilight vampony fic! *hoofpump*

545495 that's always been a bit of a problem for me...pacing is weird in my mind, and the typos are my laptop autocorrect thingy being stupid and the fact that I wrote half of it on the bus...yeah 545600 lol, it took like an hour to find that cover pic...almost no fanart whatsoever

"Spike go downstairs and wait until I call you, this won't be hard to watch." I ithink you mean that it won't be easy to watch or that it'll be hard to watch.

TwiLuna has been more popular lately, good. This story is epic so far, the 'Vampire Twilight Sparkle' is like some sort of trend, It's a good mix but makes me think of a different Twilight.. which should never... never! be mentioned here.

545370
Aww it's too bad that my story didn't make it into your brain to inspire you to make something like this. Truth is... I was planning on making a story very close to what you have here. It was going to be something of a "what-if" story that branches off my original line (after I was finished with it).

I wonder just how much this story will unfold... I'll be waiting!

The narration seems way to fast at the moment, slow down a bit, let the readers breath. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Another vampire mlp story?

1.bp.blogspot.com/-YX-NUnuDdxY/Tl6gU-MfPwI/AAAAAAAAAWc/RCemx0vPhuY/s1600/oh-boy-here-we-go.jpg

totally like it though

"No tiem to argue"

i sence a misspelling

There are a lot of typos that use the same letters but means different such as "form" instead of "from" and "tiem" instead of "time"

If it's some kind of autocorrect you can always turn it of and do it manually, it's likely easier to read aswell if you do that

please please in the future be a tad bit more descriptve in the story, it helps flush out details and makes it so that the story doesnt seem a bit rushed. aside from that you should try to pace yourself plot wise.

545288

The NEW pic is what drew me in considering reading it.

Here, have a more accurate image source link: http://ponykillerx.deviantart.com/art/The-Soul-Hunter-301412189 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

545340 True
It probably would have been set aside for later, after all a peace treaty is more important than someone else's lesson on friendship.

I just realized something, if it is one of her friends that turn it will be a twilight fic, but if she turned it would still be a twilight vampire fic
and I sound like an idiot.

ou'll be getting help from the Guard and the Princesses now go! No tiem =(time) to argue, ponies could get hurt!

magic form =(from) the shield, causing it to convulse. Twilight used the remaining magic form =(from) the shield

“Spike go downstairs and wait until I call you, this won't =(will) be hard to watch.

all of you
i found the theme song for this story
like it fav it listen before every chapter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JrLRawqcbA&feature=related

Hey dark.... I don't want to sound like an asshole, but this first chapter does not leave a good impression. It's just.... I mean...

Please don't hate me!

Like a few comments before said, this chapter gives a bad first impression. Also, why does Twilight use RD to warn the Princess and not let Spike send a letter? If I had to guess it's cause the Princess sleeps, thus discovers the letter when it's to late. But maybe there has to be one sentence about it in the story. Something like:

“Spike go back inside and send a letter to Princess Celestia. I need to go and help.” Twilight said, while running to the door.
"But Twilight, the Princess it probably already asleep. She will find your letter in the morning when it's to late." Spike answered with a quill already in his claws.
"I know Spike, but we have to try it. I will also send Rainbow Dash to Canterlot. That way we will be certain." Twilight quickly said while closing the door with her magic. She galloped towards the beast, where ponies were running away.

This also ties nicely to the next few sentences where she tries to convince RD. Also, I found a small mistake but it's easy to correct...

“You won't be! You'll be getting help from the Guard and the Princesses now go! No time to argue, ponies could get hurt!” Twilight yelled, pushing the Pegasus towards Canterlot. With a growl, Dash flew off and was out of sight in seconds.

Was very excited to start reading the story.
Open first chapter.
See this:

“Spike go back inside"..."Dash! Quick go to Canterlot and warn the princesses!"

*Facepalm*
Close chapter.

This is a bit fast paced

4073716 it could do with a re write but in all honesty i doubt thats going to happen unless somebody else does the rewriting it shouldnt be all that hard what with the entire story finish to add extra descriptive details

can't help but feel like twilight fus ro dah'ed the ursa lol

Story wise, it looks interesting.

Everything else, though...

Grammar, spelling, a serious lack of 'show, don't tell', and the pacing of this make it annoying to read.

I'm out. Good job for getting to 700 likes (pretty much), but I can't read this unless it gets a serious going-over. Also, someone put this into a Twilunestia group/folder, even though you said it was only Twiluna. That's not your fault, but it is someone's.

7069048
Whole heartedly agreed. This feels like a green text story
>look at time
>four Am
>hear sound
>sounds like ursa major
No offence but this entire thing seems like it was written by someone for whom english is a second language.

“Dash! Quick go to Canterlot and warn the princesses!” Twilight called to the Pegasus flying above her, instantly scolding herself for not telling Spike to do it.

“You won't be! You'll be getting help from the Guard and the Princesses now go! No time to argue, ponies could get hurt!” Twilight yelled, pushing the Pegasus towards Canterlot. With a growl, Dash flew off and was out of sight in seconds.

The others didn't hesitate to do as they were told, they knew Twilight knew what she was doing. The beast roared as it flung another building at them, but Twilight blocked it with her magic alone and set it safely back in it's place.

“Go!” she yelled and they ran instantly to do what they had been assigned. Pinkie already had four party cannons set up behind the creature, detonating them and startling it away from the town. It growled and smashed them, Pinkie somehow appearing on a rooftop instead of under it's claws a moment later.

“...Fine! Be careful!” Pinkie called. Twilight didn't respond as she concentrated on a shield spell. She cast it around herself and then used a motion spell to launch herself into the gut of the Creature. It acted like a tackle, and filled the Ursa with hostile magic from the shield, causing it to convulse. Twilight used the remaining magic from the shield to teleport away as it swung at her, but it nicked her leg. She hissed in pain and took weight off her the hind right leg as the Ursa got to it's feet.

It glared at her, no longer interested in the town. Seeing this, Twilight brought it towards the Everfree and away from any collateral damage it could inflict on top of what it already had done and gathered up her magic again. The Ursa learned from last time and quickly charged at her before she could cast a spell.

“Can you take us to the Library? She needs a bed now!” Fluttershy asked to Luna. Luna instantly teleported herself, Twilight and Fluttershy to the library and set Twilight in her own bed, where Spike was looking out of the window worried.

“If you know how to stitch a wound then start with this one.” Fluttershy ordered, nodding her head towards the wound she had miraculously cleaned so quickly on her flank. Luna pulled a suture kit form the medical pack Fluttershy had grabbed and began her work.

Twilight groaned a bit in her unconscious state as she twitched and her body morphed ever so slightly as all of her wounds closed up. The gash on her underside and flank faded to barely noticeable, though she didn't dare try the one on her face. Too many important things to attempt to remove a scar so big.

Twilight stopped twitching, and settled into a peaceful slumber. She was now a bit taller, had fangs and her mane and coat had darkened a bit. She was also more toned, but not more than AJ or Dash. (Forgot a period) Luna cast a spell to hide the fangs.

“Twilight defeated the Ursa Major. She got hurt while doing it, that's all I know...I only arrived to see the aftermath. I have a battalion of Night Guards here, I will order them to do what the ponies of Ponyville ask of them to help what they can.” Luna said.

Just a few errors I found in this chap.