Night blanketed the upstairs bedroom of the local librarian, a lilac Unicorn. And in her bed she tossed and turned, attempting to find some peace so that sleep could take her in its gentle embrace. However, reality was cruel, and neither peace, nor sleep was to be found here. Deciding that a cup of tea might soothe her restless mind and anxiety, she got out of her bed. With a soft glow of her horn, she cast a small light across the room, and headed to the door.
In her descent to the lower floor, where the kitchen lay, she noticed a warm emerald glow coming from an adjacent room. The room had once been a spare wing of the library where uncirculated books were stored and a small reading area and fireplace could be found, but now, it housed her assistant and younger brother who had grown too old to share a room with her. She admitted to herself in that moment, that she missed the soft purrs of his snoring lulling her to sleep. Still, the fact remained that she wasn’t the only one who the dark void had refused to take tonight. Forsaking her tea, she headed towards the small room and gently opened the door.
Inside on the floor, facing a fire made of his own flames, laid a purple dragon with green spikes. Without turning around, he addressed his intruder, “Hello, Twilight. Couldn’t sleep either, huh?”
“No,” she admitted, walking towards the fireplace. “It’s funny, I’m utterly exhausted, and yet, I just can’t fall asleep. Mind if I lay with you?”
“You know you don’t have to ask,” he said, allowing her to place herself on the floor beside him.
They stayed together quietly watching the flames dance as if alive.
“So, Spike-”
“I’m afraid, Twilight,” he interrupted, keeping his eyes on the fire.
“… So am I. How could I not be? My brother and his fiancé, my best friend, have to go on this dangerous journey to some far off land, and for what? To prove to some group of dragons, who have never met them, that their love is genuine. And the worst part is, that there is nothing I can do to help them,” Twilight’s frustration shone through in her words as she tried not to scream them out. The day’s disappointment rang true within her. She had used her time with the Princess, as they prepared for the farewells tomorrow would bring, to question them up and down on these trials. However, the information she gleamed was little and most of it useless to helping those closest to her. The Princesses either didn’t know or were sworn to secrecy on every matter she asked it seemed. She had steeled herself to the resignation that she couldn’t go with them, but she intended to help through her secret weapon, research. And all it had achieved was to drive the stake of uselessness further into her, and as it buried itself in her, she felt more and more worthless. It just wasn’t fair.
“What if I fail her? Is it even right to risk her life, our lives, on something like marriage? We could spend our days together as if we were married, even if we weren’t. I love her, and isn’t that enough? But if I really love her, is it so wrong to want it to be official?”
“I don’t know,” she said, depressed and lowering her head into her front legs.
“It’s fine.”
“No, Spike. I mean, I don’t know what it’s like to… love someone. Not like you and Rarity do.”
Spike was gentle with his voice, “Twilight-”
“Spike, do you remember when we first moved to Ponyville?”
“Of course.”
“You took one look Rarity and you were in love just like that. I can’t even imagine knowing from a mere glance that you love someone. I don’t even know what love is, at least not romantically.”
Spike broke out laughing.
Twilight had expected sympathy, encouragement, even pity, but this was… cruel. Here she had laid her heart out in the open, and Spike had just laughed at her.
Spike’s laughter died down as he used a claw to wipe away a tear from his eye. “I didn’t love Rarity as first sight. I obsessed over her, crushed on her. She was so beautiful and perfect like some kind of goddess. I was instantly taken from my senses, but that isn’t love. It wasn’t until you and her became friends that I started spending time with her. I saw her generosity, her creativity, her passion, and her resolve. I saw her obsessing, her dramatizing, her vanity, and her flaws. Rarity is no goddess, she’s just Rarity. And while I might not always agree with her, I love her for everything she is, for who she it. That’s what love is Twilight. It’s not some perfect dream; it’s better, because it’s real. A great catch like you will find that flawed somebody, who you love anyways, one day. And if they don’t treat you right, I’ll barbeque them.”
Twilight smiled coyly before starting, “It seems to me you had your answers all along.”
“Yea, I guess, I did.”
“Thanks for believing in me, Spike.”
“Thanks for listening… But I’m still scared.”
“I know. You should talk about it with Rarity. I’m sure she has her own fears and concerns as well. You two need to lean on each other to get through this.”
“Still as smart as ever. I’m going to miss you."
“Me too.”
Spike looked down, a look of uncertainty gracing his face. “Do you think we could stay like this tonight?”
Twilight snuggled against her brother before responding, “Love to.”
Spike draped his wing over his sister and blew the fire out. Much like when they were kids, the two found comfort in having the other close. In moments their insomnia lifted, and they feel into a deep comfortable sleep on the floor in front of the fireplace.
Across town, in a certain boutique, a similar scene played out. Two white mares, one with purple mane, the other with pink and lavender, laid in an oversized bed. The purple maned one held her younger sister against her, as the younger’s back nuzzled into her.
“Goodnight, Sweetie Belle. I love you,” the eldest sister whispered.
“Love you too, Rarity,” Sweetie Belle murmured as sleep took her, thankful that she asked to spend the night.
The world turned around them as they all slept in what would inevitably be Spike and Rarity’s last night in Ponyville for a while. And it was with some resentment, that Celestia and Luna continued their eternal cycle. Day enveloped night, as light chased darkness from the land, in the never ending flow of time.
Inside the library Spike, Rarity, Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Celestia, Luna, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo stood huddled around one another.
Sweetie Belle wrapped her forelegs around her sister and spoke gently into her ear, “Be safe, okay?”
“I promise,” Rarity replied, hugging her back.
Sweetie Belle reluctantly let go and stepped away. She looked at Spike. “Take care of her.”
“I intend to.”
“And take care of yourself. She loves you, and as far as I’m concerned, that already makes you family.”
Spike grabbed the young mare and gave her a hug. “That means a lot, Sweetie. It really does.”
Managing to escape the admittedly impressive arms of her hopefully soon to be brother-in-law, she headed back to her friends consoling in them.
“Reckon it’s my turn,” Applejack announced, stepping forward into the circle. She gave new meaning to the term bear hug as she grabbed two of her closest friends and squeezed the life out of them. “I’m gonna miss you two round here. And as a temporary parting gift, take my favorite lasso. It’s been enchanted by Twilight herself so it won’t ever break. Now remember, it’s only a temporary gift, and I want it back soon as you two come back ready to be hitched.” She released her friends allowing them to breathe for the first time since she started, and she pulled out the lasso, holding it in her mouth.
“We’ll return it as soon as we get back. I promise, darling.”
Spike gratefully accepted the gift and stored it in his courier’s sack, a backpack like sling that looped around his body from his right shoulder to his left hip. Similar to the saddle bags the ponies used but more balanced when taking to two legs. As an added bonus the sack could be shifted to his stomach allowing him to use his back to carry things, mainly Rarity. It had been a hoofmade gift from Rarity a few years back, and had proven its worth in many of their missions.
“I’ll be back to help on the farm before you know it A.J.”
A.J. took her place back within the circle allowing the next friend to take their turn. And Dash gladly stepped forward to fill the void.
“Can’t believe you two get to go on an epic adventure, and I’m stuck here,” Rainbow Dash pouted.
The sound of A.J. facehoofing could be heard throughout the library.
“But since I can’t come with you, I got you something to help out instead.” She pulled three vials filled with liquid rainbow from under her wings. “It’s hard to come by liquid rainbow with all its powerful magical qualities and what not, but being a Wonderbolt I managed to snag a few bottles from the factory,” Dash bragged, happily admitting to exploiting her freshly gained position. However, circumstances as they were no one reprimanded her not even the Princesses. “This stuff is really potent so be careful.” She handed the vials to Spike, who had them quickly levitated away by Rarity. Who then gave him a, not on your life look.
Spike, more than a little embarrassed about not being trusted to hold the supposedly volatile concoction in front of his closest friends and family, asked, “So, what does it do?”
“Depends how you use it. You’ll find a note attached to one of the vials with the seven possible uses. The most common and well known is spreading it in the air to create a rainbow. Another use is lighting it on fire, it explodes in a giant flash of rainbow light. It’s not very powerful explosive wise, but it will daze or stun anyone who has the displeasure of seeing it,” Rainbow Dash announced with an evil maniacal smile. Obviously, one of her pranks had tested this particular use.
“So be careful, got it,” Spike replied.
Pinkie chimed in, “Don’t drink it though! It tastes horrible.” She gave a quick disgusted look, complete with a gag reflex interpretation.
“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight,” Dash commented.
Rainbow Dash gave Rarity a quick hug and offered Spike a hoofbump before flying back to her spot.
Pinkie Pie hoped up this round, her normal giant smile adorning her face. “So many gifts, it’s like a birthday party! Except it’s not a birthday party it’s a going away for a little while but we’ll be back as soon as the dragon council says we can get married party! And then we can have a, Spike and Rarity got permission and came back home party! And then a bachelorette party, a bachelor party, a wedding party, all these parties! I can’t wait! I have to start planning right away!”
Spike was having a hard time not laughing; Rarity on the other hand, seemed a little bemused with Pinkie’s antics.
Pinkie appeared between them, and even with a circle full of people watching her, no one had any idea how. She brought her hoof in front of her and motioned across the horizon. “Parties everywhere,” she said sagely. “And of course when you guys get the okay to get married you can use these new handheld party cannons I created to party with them!” Pinkie produced, from not even Celestia knew where, two devices that could only be described as a hand cannon mixed with a party popper.
“Darling, I don’t think these dragons will-”
Spike interrupted, “Thanks Pinkie. I bet the dragons will be thrilled to get a chance to party,” he sounded very truthful, to everyone’s surprise.
“You know me, always bringing the smiles!” She hoped back into her spot and waved her goodbye.
Spike knew he’d find the party cannons in his bag. How they got there, well, he’d probably never really know.
Fluttershy floated softly into the center, awkward silence followed.
Rarity feeling as uncomfortable as everyone else, except Fluttershy, broke the silence, “Thank you for taking care of Opal while we’re away.”
“And Peewee,” Spike added, the phoenix popping out of the back of Fluttershy’s mane at the mention of his name. He had made something of a nest in her long hair and was enjoying the comforts.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just happy I could help. Speaking of helping.” As if on Fluttershy’s cue, Peewee brought forth a medium sized medical kit from her mane. “Along with your normal bandages, sterilizer, and gauss wraps, there are a number of healing herbs along with a pestle and mortar for grinding them if you need to. I placed instruction on identifying the herbs, what to use them for, and how to administer them in the case.”
Spike immediately understood how irreplaceable such a medical kit was on a journey such as this. He knew from his injuries years before that the right tools and medicine made all the difference. Without a moment’s hesitation he placed it in Rarity’s saddle bag. If the need arose or they were separated, it would be better for her to have it.
Fluttershy gave them both a small hug and floated back to her spot in the group.
Twilight, Celestia, and Luna entered together into the middle.
Twilight started, “I’m going to miss you two so much.”
She was quickly sandwiched in a hug between Spike and Rarity.
“We’re going to miss you too, darling.”
“I’ll make sure to write every day,” Spike added.
After few seconds, the three separated. Celestia put a reassuring hoof on Twilight's shoulder to help ease her number one student's sorrow.
“I made these for you both.” She levitated two small glowing diamond necklaces. “These necklaces are enchanted to protect you from harm, but be careful. They don’t work against minor injury, and once the magic is used up they’re useless. Also, they only work for a week before the magic flows out of them.”
“I know this spell!” Rarity exclaimed. “It takes almost a month of pouring your magic into to work. That’s why it’s so uncommon, a month of magic for a week of protections is usually a bad trade. How did you manage to make two? You only found out two days ago.”
“I made them yesterday with Celestia and Luna helping me. Being the Element of Magic has it’s perks, and having two all-powerful Princesses around doesn’t hurt either.”
Rarity looked over the three. For the first time realizing that they all looked very exhausted. She opened her mouth to thank them.
“Don’t even think about thanking us. Just come home safe.” Twilight gave them both one final hug before returning to her spot, leaving the Sun and Moon behind.
“Guess it’s our turn now, sister,” Luna started.
“It appears so.”
“I’ll be going first then. Rarity, I would like to present to you, from the royal vault of magical artifacts secretly hidden under the castle, The Cloak of the Night!” Luna announced proudly, as Celestia face hoofed at her sister’s faux pas on the vault. Luna’s eyes glowed as a bright light summoned a long pure black cloak with silver trim.
“It’s beautiful!” Rarity exclaimed.
“This cloak gives you laser vision!” Luna declared.
“Really!” Rainbow Dash chimed in.
“Pfft, no,” Luna grinned at her small prank. “It does however shroud the wearer in the darkness of the night allowing them to move unnoticed at night, in the shadows, or the dark in general. I made it many centuries ago to pull pranks on the royal flank here. Remember that time I put your hoof in the water while you were asleep.” Luna’s eyes lit up in happy memory. Everyone else was starting to see why Celestia might have been so quick to banish her to the moon.
Celestia’s face was almost entirely red instead of its usual white. “You’re such a kidder Luna, telling them made up stories,” Celestia said, chuckling nervously and in such a way that it was abruptly apparent to all gathered the story was not made up.
“Your turn, Tia,” Luna announced, gently placing the cloak over Rarity and resetting her saddle bag.
“Spike, it is my honor to present to you a symbol of dragon tradition.”
Celestia summoned a long thin box in front of them. She lifted the lid revealing a gold and black scabbard. She proceeded to lift out of the box with her magic and drew the sword. Two emerald green Dao Swords were held flat in front of Spike. Adorning each of the two hilts were four gems, each in the shape and color of cutie marks. One hilt held the gems for Celestia, Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie. The other had Luna’s, Rarity’s, Fluttershy’s, and Rainbow Dash’s on it. Spike took the sword from Celestia’s magic in awe at the beauty and craftsmanship of the fine weaponry; he also took note of the weight.
“The swords are rarely used for fighting, most dragons preferring their claws and fangs, and are instead more often held as the beginning of one’s true hoard. Often given as proof of overcoming their Greed growth, they are decorated with the symbol of their clan. I waited to give you yours as I felt that you would be more likely to use them as intended then as symbol of your pride, and as such I wanted to see what type of sword would fit you best. These Dao Swords are not two separate swords, but are in fact two halves of the same sword. They are an excellent representation of harmony, and while you carry them you represent the pride and honor of Equestria and the Elements of Harmony. I know you will do us proud.”
The weight the sword carried now seemed much heavier to Spike. Spike knew Celestia’s decision in the dual blade was most likely made in heed of Spike’s ambidextrous skills, something Twilight had trained him in to prevent claw cramps ironically. Still, Spike felt the responsibility such a gift held.
“I cannot thank you enough Celestia,” Spike claimed, awe struck still by the blades and what they represented.
“The dragons use their unique magic to enchant the blades. You will have to have them finished there. Worry not though, I have already informed them of the need, and they will do it as soon as you arrive.”
Celestia gently nuzzled Spike and gave Rarity a hug. Luna, being the incorrigible prankster she was, nuzzled Rarity and hugged Spike. She gently laughed at Rarity’s embarrassed face as she and her sister took their places next to Twilight.
“You will need to be going soon if you are to make it to Draconia in only two days.” Celestia levitated a map over with their route traced out before continuing, “I look forward to your return.”
Rarity placed the map in her saddle bag.
Spike bent down and allowing her to climb on and lay down against his scales. He prepared to take off.
“Spike, remember what we talked about last night,” Twilight reminded him in a, don’t you dare forget voice.
“What’s she talking about, darling?” Rarity asked, clearly confused by the serious tone Twilight had taken.
“I’ll tell you tonight, Rarity. And Twilight, I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Good to hear! Hurry back so we can have a wedding.”
Spike took off toward the Everfree Forest, but not before turning back so Rarity and he could wave farewell to their friends and family, who all waved back.
Another dialogue heavy chapter, yay. Sarcasm. I prefer scenes and action to writing dialogue, but it drives the story. Plus, the only types of romance that don't necessarily involve talking are dancing and sex.
I really like Twilight as a support character. It fits her personalty as a intelligent, well learned, and always willing to help pony. I bet most of you feel bad for her at the moment. Maybe I'll do something nice for her latter, maybe.
Look at all the fun toys. I tried pretty hard to peg everyone's personalities in their farewells and gifts, and I feel it came out really well. By the way, how sweet are those swords? Dao Swords, Great Swords, and Daggers are my personal favorite and proficient weapons. The Dao Swords represent harmony perfectly. To watch a true practitioner of the blades use one is truly a beautiful and breath taking experience.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. I really hate Romeo and Juliet, well up until everyone dies at least. The story is stupid and full of plot holes. Macbeth, and Hamlet were vastly superior works.
Anywho, enjoy.
Doth my eyes deceive me? An update to Eternal?
Joking aside, fantastic chapter. I really like Luna in this. She is downright hilarious.
976952 I considered having her place her wing over Celestia's ass and going, "I was right! You do need to lay off the cake." But I just couldn't find a good place for it.
976981
If you ever get the chance to use that line in any future chapters, that would be awesome
977000 Guns are actually horribly flawed because of the predictability of their attacks. Guns are acclaimed because any idiot can use one, the level of killing potential by a lucky shot, and the fear the society has placed in them. In a close to mid range fight I would take a blade over a gun any day.
Notably there are some very, very skilled gun practitioners. Most of them have special ops or black ops training.
977029 Oh, I have plans for a similar line in the near future.
977089 Bat's are effective because they have high breaking potential, but short of a home run to the head low killing potential. One of the reasons the Mafia or gangs use them is because they can hurt their victims horribly but leave them alive. Dead men don't pay. Shovel's are badly weighted. On the upside they have both high breaking and killing potential.
well it about fucking time!!!!............. wait im no better....... back in a sec!
oh and a suberb chapter btw
and luna...... im on to your game, just keep biding your time, and the dragon will be all yours
977075 Yes! More of Luna acting like this would be fantastic!
977221 You and your conspiracies.
Sounds like Spike and Rarity are getting ready for comingsoon.it/imgdb/PrimoPiano/impaginate/mission_impossible_fiammiferio.jpg
Anyone else think about this song while reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAYhNHhxN0A
if you do make them go all ninja you have to use this song
yes. yes
''derpy, what are you doing?''
''oh, nothing rainbow''''
''okay see ya later''''
''loser''
A great chapter indeed. I hope these two get a happy ending.
Any particular reason I didn't edit this? I'm on my phone or I would have. Good chapter, though. Keep it up, man.
Awesome spike... just awesome... lol luna's a prankster, and rarity doesn't trust spike with magical chemicals XD.
978000 Cause I don't have anyone edit Eternal. One of many reasons it comes out so fast.
978259 Would you?
978669
much more than I would rainbow dash or rarity XD
978827 Okay, R.D. I totally get, but Rarity is all about the finesse.
978868
True and I agree, but I would expect due to spikes upbringing and who his sister/boss/slaver is, he would understand the the level of danger and severity of magical items than any other anyone else other than twilight and the princesses. Any high magical items I would actually expect him to handle over everyone else in ponyville.
978902 True, but I've seen Spike drop things before.
979087
true.
977000
Shotgun isn't close range. It's mid-range. Video games and movies do not equal reality.
979947 Very true. Fun fact, if you put a gun against someones head and pull the trigger it will do abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
979987
I am talking about effective ranges, here. Sure, it can kill at short range, no problem, but it is much smarter to use a pistol when they are that close.
Great chapter as well as some kick ass gifts that Spike and Rarity got for the long journey (PS. lolling cause Spike also got a badass sword in my story). I can not wait to see what you have planned next , so keep up the great work.
980018 Well I was refering to things that you see in movies that are total BS involving guns.
980133Wait I'm supposed to plan things out? Damn.
When they reach the dragon lands, you should have them encounter Spike's parents/family.
1006888 It's on my list of consideration. We'll see, everything has to flow, and I do believe Spike's family would have to come considering the whole Dragon Council thing.
1137083 Thank you so much for the fixes. The two bits was a good point particularly. The saddle is interesting, but it feels a tad... impersonal, ya know?
1137080 I now feel predictable. Italicized the proposal and made it a new paragraph for emphasis. I don't remember, but I do remember that I found the horn rings boring. This is why I burned a field to the ground and you didn't, preemptive thinking. I know right, gems everywhere! Fear the Pinkie Pie persuasion techniques! I specified Sweetie Bell as her impact would be the largest as Rarity's sister. As for the parent's... I kinda neglected them it appears. I had intended for them to make appearances later, but somehow they missed the party. Well in order to be nice, they won a cruise and that's why they're not there. I gave Scootaloo a description because i was her first introduction. Even though the fan-base knows what she looks like, a rule of writing is to always describe a characters when they first appear. Good catch on the fixes. I feel Luna is constantly cheated. Worry not, Kirin will be brought up. Princesses man dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
I'm glad you seem to be enjoying this. I also find the extra bit of detail to really put the icing on a story, so to speak.
1137555 Dog and Pony Show and Dragon Quest have taught me one thing, don't piss off Rarity. She's not use to having her subjects go off on her. We expect such things from Discord. Well I for one find that calling them, "her little ponies," while kind and loving in practice, is putting her on a pedestal. Yes, as for Celestia's over-reaction, a combination of her own personal feelings and disorientation brought on by teleporting are to blame. Chrome doesn't think teleport, teleporting, or teleportation are words either, weirdest shit. The council would be like any other ruling representative body in that they have to gather from across the nation, as such, they have a window of time they want things done in. I like Luna's toast, it's sophisticated! Both, hence, the whole thing. I clarified that, "and it is moments like these, surrounded by your family and friends," better?
SPOILER ALERT!!!
Night blanketed the upstairs bedroom of the local librarian, a lilac Unicorn.
-Ugh... more "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome".
she cast a small light across the room,
-So a cone like a flashlight, rather than something omnidirectional? "Cast" seems to imply this, and she might not want to wake Spike if he still sleeps in the same room.
warm emerald glow coming from an adjacent room.
-Spike can use his breath for continuous illumination, either directly, or by capturing it in a magical bottle? I guess the last part would only seem sensible to people who have read "It is a Dangerous Business".
but now, it housed her assistant and younger brother who had grown too old to share a room with her.
-Consider removing the comma, and I see my thought about why her light might seem to be directional makes sense. He should get some rest for his journey and the coming trials. If not tonight then definitely tommorrow night she should offer him a sleeping spell if that is what it takes... or get a potion from Zecora some time in the next 12 hours just to be on the safe side. Wait... if they partied until dawn then this HAS to be the night before they leave I should think.
soft purrs of his snoring lolling her to sleep.
-lulling
facing a fire made of his own flames,
-In the fire-place? And I think that only his MAGIC flames are green. When he is cooking he uses red I think.
And the worst part is, that there is nothing I can do to help them,
-I take it she isn't allowed to come along, even if she doesn't actually see the trials themselves?
The Princesses either didn’t know or were sworn to secrecy on every matter she asked it seemed.
-Does Twilight know which is which in each case?
She had steeled herself to the resignation that she couldn’t go with them,
-Guess confirmed... I wonder if one or both Diarchs will be coming? I could see them having been named honorary dragons at some point in their very long histories, and Celestia might also have rights as Spike's legal mother. Speaking of which, I wonder if we will discover anything about how the school ended up with Egg!Spike?
And all it had achieved was to drive the stake of uselessness further into her, and as it buried itself in her, she felt more and more useless.
-Repetitive. Delete everything after "into her", replace "useless" with "hopeless", or replace "uselessness" with "hopelessness"... or some other words.
But if I really love her, is it so wrong to want it to be official?
-The fact that Celestia didn't suggest this implies that I was right about what the prize is, and that it is immortality (perhaps via transformation, since that wouldn't be as hard to keep out of historical records since you would only need to hush up a few decades worth of life, rather than having the non-dragon spouses still around). It still seems very illogical of a way of approaching the problem for the dragons, unless they are actually more socially (or even legally?) strict about courtship behavior than Equestrians are.
I can’t even imagine knowing from a mere glance that you love someone. I don’t know what love is, at least not romantically.
-The second sentence doesn't really follow from the first. Try inserting the word "even" before "know", that might help.
Twilight had expected sympathy, encouragement, even pity, but this was… cruel.
-I am expecting him to reply either "Neither do I! I have only been in love one time, and it hasn't gotten any less mysterious over the years!" or "Sure you do! You love me, you love Celestia, you love your friends! Romantic love is not as far separated from those as most ponies make it out to be!"
“I didn’t love Rarity as first sight. I obsessed over her, crushed on her. She was so beautiful and perfect like some kind of goddess. I was instantly taken from my senses, but that isn’t love.
-I REALLY like this (because it is true IRL I think). It adds depth to Spike's character.
I saw her obsessing, her dramatizing, her vanity, and her flaws. Rarity is no goddess, she’s just Rarity.
-This also makes me happy.
And if they don’t treat you right, I’ll barbeque them.”
... and speaking of Rainbow Dash, I think that said guy might be Rainbombed before Spike could get around to them. It also now occurs to me that the sort of roasting that Rarity could do would be ever so much more painful in the long-run.
“It seems to me you had your answers all along.”
“Yea, I guess, I did.”
-Not that any of that technically addresses the question of if they should do this or not... Speaking of which, I wonder if Celestia and Luna are both widows of dragons? Seems a poor idea for a plot direction, but it wouldn't be completely horrible.
-... well, I am going to go ahead and post this much, then take a break.
1137994 It is indeed. I'm ashamed I mixed up lolling and lulling So many questions Onward!
please update!!!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
-Jumping back a little:
It wasn’t until you and her became friends that I started spending time with her.
-That took all of a few days at most? I mean Twilight was friends with each of the other five by the end of the second episode or the Elemental Harmony Blast (AKA Rainbow of Light v2.0) wouldn't have worked. And "spending time together" would have just been a matter of what order Twilight scheduled her "initial readings" for her study of the magic of friendship (lower case due to being the real-world version, not the accompanying supernatural effects that Equestria adds).
I saw her obsessing, her dramatizing, her vanity, and her flaws
-I know I mentioned this before, but I feel I have to add more detail. So many romance stories ignore this point as well as the fact that love requires time to prove (and probably to grow in the first place). This creates unrealistic expectations, which leads to much real-life heartbreak.
“Thanks for listening… But I’m still scared.”
-"Bravery is not the absence of fear..."
You should talk about it with Rarity. I’m sure she has her own fears and concerns as well. You two need to lean on each other to get through this.
-Indeed... just hope they don't psych themselves out by talking about it. Of course, if they give up, it will result in Twilight (or maybe Dash? Maybe even Fluttershy?) talking them back into it.
“Still as smart as ever. I’m going to miss you.
-Missing an ending quote-mark.
Two white mares, one with purple mane, the other with pink and lavender, laid in an oversized bed.
-Took me a second to realize who the other one was.
“Goodnight, Sweetie Bell.
-It is "Sweetie Belle", with an "e" on the end of "Bell". Both the character selector for publishing stories on this site, and TVTropes (Caution! Use TVTropes responsibly!) support this.
Sweetie Bell murmured as sleep took her,
-Ditto. (I should probably stop mentioning this, since you can just do a search and replace but NOT "replace all", just in case you mention an actual bell somewhere in the story... watch out for the possessive form "Sweetie Bell's" too).
And it was with some resentment, that Celestia and Luna continued their eternal cycle.
-Resentful of the dragons for making the passing of the night and day bring such risk to their friends? More specifically Luna's chief savior, Celestia's adopted son* and Most Faithful Student.
*I still wonder if you are going to mention how PCSfGU ended up with Egg!Spike.
“I promise,” Rarity replied, hugging her back.
-She shouldn't make promises she might not be able to keep.
Managing to escape the admittedly impressive arms of her hopefully soon to be brother,
-CONSIDER "brother-in-law".
she headed back to her friends consoling in them.
-Last you mentioned I think they were ALL huddled together, so "headed back" seems to be a continuity flaw.
She gave new meaning to the term bear hug as she grabbed two of her closest friends and squeezed the life out of um.
-Colloquial dialect for narration should usually only be when there is a specific narrator who speaks that way, and thus should be consistent unless one has a different narrator for different sections (the only place I can think of this being done is Animorphs for the Megamorphs books and one of the standard books). In other words the narrative dialect does not follow the character usually... I mean it would be an interesting idea for a gimmick for a story, but you would have to really play it up and do it for EVERY character. In any case it should probably be "em" even if you were doing dialogue from Applejack.
And as a temporary parting gift, take my favorite lasso. It’s been enchanted by Twilight herself so it won’t ever break. Now remember, it’s only a temporary gift, and I want it back soon as you two come back ready to be hitched.”
-Well, neither of them can probably throw it very well, but then again Rarity is probably good with knots for tying off threads and such, and has telekinesis. Spike can probably get some use out of it too. If such things are allowed, I am surprised they aren't blowing out a good fraction of their savings* on adventuring equipment. Of course, nopony really made any special purchases in "Dragonshy" I don't think (not that there gear didn't mostly vanish after the "lock and load montage").
*Rarity probably keeps a good amount around in case somepony ELSE has a rainy day, and isn't too proud to take charity (like the Apples almost certainly are).
We’ll return it as soon as we get back.
-Phrasing could be improved since this is repetitively redundant.
Similar to the saddle bags the ponies used but more balanced when taking to two legs.
-As a someone with a mechanical engineering degree I can appreciate your attention to detail.
As an added bonus the sack could be shifted to his stomach allowing him to use his back to carry things, mainly Rarity.
-I still say she should have custom-tailored a saddle for more secure riding. Then again maybe up until now she valued scale-to-fur contact more and never had gone far enough for her legs to get tired from gripping.
and had proven its worth in many of their missions.
-I forgot he came on missions... I guess nopony rode him on those or he would have a saddle to make sure he could take evasive action without throwing them off... or
maybeprobably the idea just never occurred to you, and you will either decide it is worth your time to re-write on that point(either before or after you get to the end of the story) or you won't.The sound of A.J. facehoofing could be heard throughout the library.
-Doesn't seem PARTICULARLY facehoof worthy, other than that the couple probably wish they DIDN'T have to go through such danger and hardship.
It’s hard to come by liquid rainbow with all its powerful magical qualities and what now,
-There are VATS of it in Cloudsdale, and nobody seemed angry at Pinkie for taking a sip... then again, maybe they figured the taste was punishment enough.
Who then gave him a, not on your life look.
-I suggest the following (the capitalization and ellipsis I am less sure about than removing the comma and adding the quote-marks, although they could be single-quotes maybe):
Who then gave him a "Not on your life..." look.
-We also don't know much about the properties of liquid rainbows, but I guess that is OK, since I GUESS Rarity could have studied up on the subject over the years.
“So, what does it do?”
-Ah, or it could be simple enough he could just ask (or it could be complicated and Twilight could hand him a book that covers the subject).
You’ll find a note attached to one of the vials with the seven possible uses.
-Or a little bit of both... makes sense for Twilight.
Rainbow Dash announced with an evil maniacal smile. Obviously, one of her pranks had tested this particular use.
-Rainbow Dash? Shows forethought that she wrote it down then. Also, I suspect that the Diarchs aren't objecting to the "misuse of authority" because they would have loaded them both down in huge amounts of magic if they could get away with it diplomatically... standing aside while a free citizen bends the rules is something they can plausibly claim they couldn't be expected to do anything about... Celestia IS "batman" after all... I also find myself wondering if Twilight is going to load Rarity up on long-duration spells without visible effects. The only one we know about in canon is the cloud-walking but I am sure there are others. Of course, the dragons may have ways of noticing such things before-claw and raising the difficulty or insisting they be dispelled before the start of the tests... but then again that would PROBABLY apply to magical items, but not necessarily. I can't see everything being disallowed, since they are Chekov's guns. If the rope and/or liquid rainbow are disallowed then I suspect that somedragon will attack them afterward. If so, it might be somedragon who was widowed when her non-dragon love died in the tests. Somedragon who doesn't believe the races should be mixed AT ALL for "arms control" reasons is equally possible.
“So be careful, got it,” Spike replied.
-I see you are probably going to leave yourself free to make-up the other five uses? I don't think "tastes horrible" is a use, unless they use it to cheat in an eating contest. Actually, if it isn't too much of a skin irritant, Rarity could sacrifice a great deal of her good looks in the short term, (and her well-cared-for skin condition in the medium-term?) and smear it over herself to discourage swarming carnivores from devouring her, or get something that would otherwise swallow her whole to spit her out. I suspect the flash-bang effect is going to be the way it ends up getting used... or at least one bottle of it.
Rainbow Dash gave Rarity a quick hug and offered Spike a hoofbump before flying back to her spot.
-Right... so reserving the other four or five uses as surprises. Or you were too lazy to make them up/ didn't want any false trails. If that last one, I don't think that was the right choice, but it is your story.
And then we can have a, Spike and Rarity got permission and came back home party!
-The comma seems extraneous.
And then a bachelorette party, a bachelor party, a wedding party,
-I was going to say something about a female planning a bachelor party, but I think Pinkie is up to it (and hopefully will omit anything like whatever equivalent of a stripper is in a society where clothing is optional).
She brought her hoof in front of her and motioned across the horizon. “Parties everywhere,”
-Sounds like Pinkie's life in general really...
new handheld party cannons I created to party with them!”
-So she invented the party-popper in the same way as the pistol was the child of the cannon?
two devices that could only be described as a hand cannon mixed with a party popper.
-Ok, so a pistol-grip... I guess those could be useful for Spike if he isn't willing to use flame on a particular enemy (burns are nasty in the long term, which is why both flamethrowers and napalm ended up being added to the list of things that are against the Laws of War IRL), or if said enemy is fireproof. Of course, anything small enough to take much notice of something that is non-lethal in canon size against changelings (seriously... I can't see Pinkie Pie using lethal force even in that case) isn't going to be much of a threat to Spike... maybe Rarity will wield them with her TK. All this assumes that they will be taking them with them, but, again, "Chekov's Gun", and more literally than most in this case!
“Thanks Pinkie. I bet the dragons will be thrilled to get a chance to party,” he sounded very truthful, to everyone’s surprise.
-Interesting... I wonder if the Diarchs filled Spike in on some stuff? Actually, you are probably just ignoring the lack of knowledge of dragons by ponies that was shown in "Dragon Quest".
Spike knew he’d find the party cannons in his bag. How they got there, well, he’d probably never really know.
-Nice point... hope he doesn't accidentally set one off by grabbing it wrong when he reaches in for something else. This is also where it occurs to me to wonder if his cargo-sash is fire-proof and, if so, how well it protects its contents from dragon-fire and/or sustained heat.
Fluttershy floated softly into the center, awkward silence followed.
-OH! So they are in a ring around the two! Took me this long to realize that. You might want to make it plainer at the outset... or maybe I am just having a bad day?
“Along with your normal bandages, sterilizer, and gauss wraps, there are a number of healing herbs along with a pestle and mortar for grinding them if you need to. I placed instruction on identifying the herbs, what to use them for, and how to administer them in the case.”
-I guess the herbs work best when fresh and/or she realized that including all of them would take up too much space? Although Spike can probably carry quite a lot... although maybe not over such a long distance without tiring himself out for the tests (unless the Diarchs are going to teleport the couple).
If the need arised or they were separated, it would be better for her to have it.
-"arose" is the proper tense I think, and I guess that makes sense... although Fluttershy might have done better to prepare two... such a worry-wart probably has at least that many around. I wonder if Zecora helped her with the note?
help ease her number one student sorrow.
-"student's" and CONSIDER "Most Faithful Student's" with or without the capitalizations.
“These necklaces are enchanted to protect you from harm, but be careful. They don’t work against minor injury, and once the magic is used up they’re useless. Also, they only work for a week before the magic flows out of them.”
-Ah, so a minimal amount of preparation. I guess items are OK, but spells are against the rules, or she would have cast the cloudwalking spell too? My ideas about the liquid rainbow and the party pistols being mostly useful against small stuff seems important now, since "The Death of a Thousand Cuts" seems a likely category of danger. I also just realized that the pistols are probably semi-auto with (near) bottomless hammerspace magazines.
That’s why it’s so uncommon a month of magic for a week of protections is usually a bad trade.
-Consider a comma after "uncommon". Also, it makes sense that Twilight could do in a few hours what would normally take a unicorn a month.
You only found out two days ago.
-Ok, so it may have been more than a few hours. I wonder if she got somepony else to use the time travel spell? I don't think that it can go back a month though. She COULD have been planning on using it for something else, but that would seem unlikely.
“I made them yesterday with Celestia and Luna helping me. Being the Element of Magic has it’s perks, and having two all-powerful Princesses around doesn’t hurt either.”
-Ok, so the Princesses AREN'T forbidden to help out, at least to a certain extent. I can't see "plausible deniablity" being in operation if Twilight admits it so easily.
“I’ll be going first then.
-Seems like they wouldn't need words to communicate at that level... then again, they WERE separated for a thousand years and may not get that much time with eachother.
Rarity, I would like to present to you, from the royal vault of magical artifacts secretly hidden under the castle, The Cloak of the Night!”
-Again, if they can help this much, I wonder why they aren't spelling them up... oh, wait, "Items only, no long-duration spells" could, again, explain it (even if this wasn't something you thought of, it would warm my heart if you included it at some point).
as Celestia face hoofed at her sister’s faux pas on the vault.
-I was going to say... then again, everypony in the room has a super-high security clearance probably, even if they don't KNOW that they do.
“Pfft, no,” Luna grinned at her small prank.
-Yeah, didn't seem very likely given the name.
“It does however shroud the wearer in the darkness of the night allowing them to move unnoticed at night, in the shadows, or the dark in general.
-Nice... probably doesn't cover sound or scent... I guess Rarity might know how to move with lady-like quiet... or at least might have brought some thick slippers she could use to muffle her hoof-steps. I suspect it wouldn't fit Spike, but actually, now that I think of it, Spike might be closer to Luna's size than Rarity is, and it was probably made to fit Luna. Also, Rarity has the wrong number of limbs, so it might not hang right on her. Fashion concerns aside, she might trip over it. I guess she might dare to sew the wing-holes shut...
the royal flank here.
-The terminology doesn't sound like Luna.
Everyone else was starting to see why Celestia might have been so quick to banish her to the moon.
-Celestia was RELUCTANT about it. I really think you write the Diarchs with much less skill than the Mane Six and Spike.
gently placing the cloak over Rarity
-Well, that answers that... then again if it was that long ago, Luna might have been much smaller.
and resetting her saddle bag.
-Hmm.... I would think that would reduce the camoflague value a lot... then again if the night is gathered around the wearer, it wouldn't matter SO much... and Rarity can probably magically re-color her bags in a pinch if she has to, to make them less visible in the gathered night.
“Spike, it is my honor to present to you a symbol of dragon tradition.”
-Ok, so much for plausible deniablity then... might be some sort of "but not TOO many items" limit, or maybe they just didn't want to load them down with too much weight or have them accidentally grabbing the wrong item in the heat of a test.
She proceeded to lift out of the box with her magic and drew the sword.
-Dragons wielding swords? I guess if they were magical enough the reach would make it worth it when fighting other dragons who might be at least RESISTANT to magical flames ("Owls Well that Ends Well" would indicate that Spike is not immune to the flames of other dragons, not to mention him getting scorched by teleportation in "The Ticket Master", both of which would be "magical"). I guess it could be ceremonial, but I suspect that at least this one is functional.
Two emerald green Dao Swords were held flat in front of Spike.
-I had to look up what these were. Perhaps you could find an image you would be allowed to use?
Adorning each of the two hilts were four gems, each in the shape and color of cutie mark.
-Custom made, or gifts or war-trophies from a past age that she modified?
The swords are rarely used for fighting, most dragons preferring their claws and fangs,
-Thought so...
and are instead more often held as the beginning of one’s true hoard.
-That is interesting... I wonder why that would be?
Often given as proof of overcoming their Greed growth,
-A weapon to symbolize victory, a purely manufactured one (rather than claw extensions for instance) that requires a fighting style that is not part of inborn instinct to symbolize the higher mind overcoming the more primal side?
they are decorated with the symbol of their clan.
-I was going to say that he should have the Equestrian "Cosmic Canter" of Celestia and Luna on it, but then I realized that dragons don't respect ponies, so making it at the level of "friends" rather than "patriotism" might mean more. That and/or the fact that, as long-lived, and probably slow-breeding creatures Dragon clans might be smaller than even the population of Ponyville especially if only those who have overcome greed-growth are counted as members.
These Dao Swords are not two separate swords, but are in fact two halves of the same sword.
-Tradition of Dao swords, or are they designed as if they were a single practical weapon cut down the thickness of the blade in design, with each grip having a half-circle cross-section and the blades being asymmetrical when considered alone? Probably just tradition.
Spike’s ambidextrous skills, something Twilight had trained him in to prevent claw cramps ironically.
-Is this from the animators not being consistent about such things or just the idea that after the claw-cramp in "Lesson Zero" Twilight might have taken preventative steps?
You will have to have them finished there.
-Interesting... among other things, it proves that the Dragons can do magic of their own, and that Celestia can't duplicate it despite all her power, or perhaps merely WON'T out of respect for the dragons.
Worry not though, I have already informed them of the need, and they will do it as soon as you arrive.
-In time for him to use them in the trials? Probably a bad move since he won't have time to train with them much and an instructor would be hard to find if most dragons don't use them as weapons... then again, that doesn't mean that they don't train with them for the sake of pride.
encourageable prankster
-incorrigible
she is,
-was ((Tense disagrees otherwise.))
“You will need to be going soon if you are to make it to Draconia in only two days.”
-No teleportation then... or maybe only as far as the boarder of Equestria?
Celestia levitated a map over with their route traced out before continuing,
-I imagine the Twilight would have already provided that... or Spike would have gotten one... I wonder if Equestria has technology/magic enough to copy maps out of an atlas? I guess Celestia might know the best routes, or the location of where the draconic capital is might be considered a secret by the dragons.
Twilight reminded him in a, don’t you dare forget voice.
-Twilight reminded him in a "don’t you dare forget" voice.
“I’ll tell you tonight, Rarity.
-Good way of avoiding boring the reader with repetition.
1169708 But the ability to overcome it. Good quote.
I feel stupid for fucking up Sweetie Belle. I really, really do. I agree on the promise thing, but Rarity is just trying to reassure Sweetie. When I say huddled think like a medium sized semicircle with Rarity and Spike as the flat end. That was supposed to be them seems I slipped In the missions carrying someone else would be considered hazardous to maneuverability and both parties so he doesn't carry anyone sans emergency escape kind of situation, in which case no time to toss a saddle on. Also on the lasso matter, the important distinct quality is that it's unbreakable. Rope is fundamental for adventuring! The facehoof is in response to R.D. pouting because she doesn't get to go on a life threatening adventure. I applaud your insight on the fact I left the other fives uses unmentioned. I wouldn't want Pinkie in that vault, just saying. I made a Luna a bit mischievous, but shes just playful and adorable! I have this thing against authors notes, page breaks, pictures, music, or other add ins. Basically, yo would never find them in the middle of a real story, which is why I love the comments where I can put those things without taking away from the story. A picture shall be added in the comments at the end of the next chapter! An idea from lesson zero, although it would be funny if the inconsistency makes it true. The map is always the last ting you back, since it's the first thing you need. Fun times to come.
Thanks for all the fixes! Glad you're enjoying this.
I made a Luna a bit mischievous, but shes just playful and adorable!
-That wasn't what I was objecting to. It was her choice of vocabulary used to be that way and perhaps some things I have forgotten by now.
Basically, you would never find them in the middle of a real story,
-I would say that some of those MIGHT only be a matter of "real" stories not being written in a medium that allows hyper-linking.
1170264 She likes the new modern words, their fun! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
That may be true.
976880Another! Another!
That was a nice send-off, and I love the personality/ponyality you give Luna.