Fine Diplomats
The following few days happened in something of a blur. As it turned out, alcohol in excess rendered me temporarily blind. By which I mean that sometimes I could not see a thing and sometimes I could. Luckily, it was the latter more often than not.
Or maybe I was just blinking.
Maybe. One could never be too paranoid during their everyday life, as my current predicament proved. There was still much for me to learn.
Pouting, I whined as I pulled on my suit's sleeves. “Bluest B, this thing is too tight!”
The sounds of hoofsteps stopped in the great hallway as the one and only prince of the unicorns gave me a flat, unsympathetic look. “Well, there was no time to find a new tailor, Havoc. We are already late as it is.”
My adorable pout turned into an ugly scowl, and I pointed an accusing claw straight at his face. “Hey! I’m not the one that caused the problems this time!”
Blueblood stepped back, his face scrunched up in indignation. “How was I supposed to know that my trusted tailor, the one with the best tastes in ties, was actually a changeling in disguise trying to assassinate Celestia and Luna?” He then blinked and facehoofed. “I never used to say those things before you came into my life…”
“Nonsense! I have only a positive influence on you!” I declared, crossing my front legs, a squeak coming from the stretched fabric over them. “Besides, don’t change the subject here. Your tailor was obviously a bad guy from the start and you were blind. He proposed pink polka dots suits. Surely you must see the evil in that?”
Of course, princeling attempted to deflect with a weak excuse. “That was merely him attempting to buck the trends and be imaginative.”
My eyes narrowed. “And how do you explain the creepy cocoons of evil mucus in his evil backstore?”
“I didn’t! That’s why we arrested him!” Blueblood shouted, wildly pointing at the smoking tower through the window. I could see the blood vessels pulsing on his neck. The poor bastard probably had high blood pressure. He seemed to notice, as his face returned from red to pure white and he deadpanned. “Incidentally, it’s also the reason why your only suit so far is a little tight around the forelegs. You won’t say it’s a bad thing we arrested him, right?”
Curse him and his explanations! How was I supposed to complain and whine more when he used the goodness of my heart against me? All I could do was gnaw at the insufferable frou-frou coming out of my sleeves. And those were tasteless bouts of hoofstitched tissue.
“Do you want access to the buffet or not, Havoc?” Blueblood asked, making my blood run cold. “No suit, no meat buffet. It’s for people in the attendance only.”
I saw it then, the moment where Blue plunged his evil hoof inside my pure and virgin chest to pull out my heart. It beat bloodlessly within his grasp and I felt the world crumble into ultimate darkness.
“No buffet?” I squeaked, tears gathering in my eyes.
“If you don't wear your suit.”
I fell to the ground, my soul crushed, my hopes and dreams stomped upon. Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
“…But you have your suit on, so you get the buffet,” Blueblood said with a small, embarrassed smile. “Not all of it, but you get to eat some of it like everyone else. Now, can you please stop sobbing? I just saw a couple of very important dignitaries gallop away…”
Glancing in the same way Blue did, I saw the backside of two very very dressed ponies. Truly, it was hard to distinguish their rumps and their tails from all that colorful frou-frou. I was beginning to suspect a conspiracy. With a look worthy of an agent of her majesty the princess – Praise the Sun! –, I stood up, the trail of bloody tears gone from my face.
“Very well, oh my prince,” I said in a formal, amazingly suave demonic voice that made Blueblood’s eyes widen nervously.
However, as he tried to express his groundless concerns, he was interrupted by the much more ground-shaking rumble of the ballroom’s great doors. A sliver of light filtered from between the slim parting of the immense, towering pieces of metal, and soon a thunderous voice boomed after a burst of trumpets and harmony. “Announcing his Majesty Prince Leon Polaris Blueblood and his charge, Honest Havoc!”
The doors finished opening over the ballroom, who looked to be filled to the brim with colors and colors and a few ponies in-between. Those were covered in jewelries and fine pieces of fabric so elaborate they looked like sculptures, and my, they trotted around with their muzzle slightly raised. Was that a secret trotting technique they taught unicorns?
The burst of jealousy in my chest dampened at the sight of the handful of non-ponies in attendance who all seemed to be ignorant of it as well. Phew, I wouldn’t be inappropriate tonight. What luck!
Blueblood did not return my grin, and he took the lead with a strange wooden step. His deep blue eyes gazed upon the many nobles speaking around as he sought some pony or another. I merely followed, waving whenever a noble looked up at us and frowned in jealousy.
I was quite the handsome stallion, I had to admit.
But alas, Blueblood was not as magnanimous as I and I caught him glaring at those ponies and their poorly concealed envy of me. His tone reached sub-zero temperatures when he stopped near a young noble that had tried imitating me. “May I help you, Marshall Market?”
“N-no,” the poor stallion shook his head, his green fur paling.
Blueblood’s glare turned into a fake smile. “Then, perhaps you might find a use for yourself somewhere else, dear marshall.”
The pony scampered away, his tail tucked between his legs and the nearest guests all making a wide berth to completely avoid contact. Once he had disappeared from sight, those around returned to their conversations, though I found their cheers and pep completely inappropriate after the loss of their dear friend.
However, then struck the most delectable distraction.
I caught a wisp of heavens in the air, something of spices and glorious blood floating from the other side of the ballroom. In front of me, ponies parted, their noses scrunched up in distaste. And so the shining, glistening buffet was revealed to me in all its beauty. Red and white, and crispy, golden skin and crust and oh the sight of the cooks behind the table as they worked their magic.
My mouth watered enough to fill an Olympic pool, so it was only logical that it dripped to the floor like someone had tilted a fountain. But who cared?
Guess.
A dry stitched tissue pressed against my mouth and I blinked and looked down at the blue-ish aura surrounding it.
“This is not quite the time to satisfy your stomach,” Blueblood said, flinging his personal tissue in a servant’s empty plateau. “There is a new foal we have to greet first, Havoc. Do you remember what I taught you?”
I tilted my head to the side. “About...?”
“About greeting the new unicorn princess, Shining Delight. Do you remember?” he asked pointedly.
I bit my lips and drew blood. “…Compliment the parents?”
For a second, he opened his mouth as if to say ‘no’, but then he brought a thoughtful hoof to his chin. With a very small smirk, he nodded. “Yes, and welcome the foal into the world. Mostly that second part.”
I could not help chuckle at that. “I don't think they want my welcoming.”
He blinked. Seconds later, I felt his hoof gentle on my shoulder. Something strangely kind lit up in his gaze. “...Why don't I just do it and you can watch?”
My wings fluttered as something like warmth began to fill my chest for some unknown reason. “Yeah. Lead the way to the baby, Bloosh. I'm following you.”
Thing was, despite our goodwill (mostly mine), there were quite a few ponies in here. Blueblood could be craning his neck and keeping a sharp open eye around, the foreigners still all had very colorful outfits. Some of them even hid their faces behind masks. Talk about not wanting to be recognized at the event of the month!
On the other hoof, I was dreadfully envious of the peacock mask I saw on a passing stallion’s face. Every gem, every piece of fabric melted together in a prism mold detailing the pony’s traits. And that was merely the littlest detail on him. Blueblood, with his simple white suit and blue tie, almost looked dreadfully underdressed.
Such a shame that his tailor was secretly a changeling. I shook my head, holding back a sigh. At least that guy had taste when he wasn’t purposefully being evil.
Speaking of evil, a small cry of shock rang to my ears as somepony bumped into me and fell to the ground.
“Oopsie.”
The pony, a mare richly dressed in a costume not unlike a giant puff cream, groaned with a high-pitched voice from the ground. Her nose scrunched up, she blinked around in disdain.
“Qui a bien pu oser...?”
“My most sincere apologies...” Blueblood said, “my charge is not known for his grace.”
She stood up and frowned. “Your charge?”
For the first time, she seemed to notice me, my fangs and my general monstrosity. Her stomach jumped in her throat, and she turned an interesting shade of green. The word ‘monster’ floated on her lips, silently uttered, as little by little, she tried to back away.
“Yes, my charge.” Blueblood strangely insisted on me being his possession. The bastard shot a pointed look at the mare, and she nervously smiled. “Duchess, let me introduce you to Honest Havoc.”
Her teeth grinded together, she fought not to run away. Very slowly, hesitant, she offered a shaking hoof to me. “Honored to meet you.”
For a second, I stared. Then, a twitch running alongside the side of my head, I grinned with as much charm as I could muster. I bowed low and took the polished pink hoof and brushed my lips against her fur. “Oh, hey ma'am. Real nice to see you.”
She flinched back and lowered her hoof to the floor. “Yes, yes, of course…”
Still offended, of course.
Clearing my throat, I lowered my voice to an outright suave and manly tone, and offered a good-natured wink. “Sorry about the bump.”
The duchess seemed to hesitate for a second, her pupils shrinking a hint while her cheeks took on an interesting shade of red. But then, her lack of countenance caught up with her, and she seemed horrified at herself. Her gaze first flickered to Blueblood, before going back to me with a smile like a Barbie doll. “Mais c'est tout pardonner, hideuse créature.”
Blueblood, for some reason, flinched just outside of the mare’s sight. He likely hadn’t understood what she meant at all, for he fixed her with a glare.
It had happened so fast I thought I probably imagined it. In a second, his face was again the image of a snob, like always. Back to normal, thus, he nodded to her and grabbed my shoulder. “If you'll excuse us, Duchess...”
Pulled like that, it was rather difficult to follow well. I bumped into one or two nobles and one servant. The latter of whom profusely apologized to my great confusion. A few beads of sweat rolled off his brow and strands of his mane, as his words started to blur in a babble of platitudes. His shrunken irises focused entirely on the prince, likely because he was way too scared.
Poor stallion, I thought as my stomach dropped. Who wouldn’t be terrified of a monster like me, even wearing a suit? I pushed back the absurd bubble of laughter in my chest as the idea of a cheesecake in a suit flashed in my mind. No, nope, focus, focusityfocusfocus! Well, huh, maybe if I gave him something in return for his time… I looked down on my almost nude person, seeing only the chic suit Blueblood’s tailor had made for me. But a glint of red caught my attention. Not… not bloodlust, but a real, tangible ray of reddened light. Ah, there! Pretty stuff! I grabbed the arc-like brooch sown into my suit with my claws and ripped it out with a shredding sound.
“There you go!” I dropped it in the servant’s pocket with a grin. “Sorry for scaring you.”
His jaw, along with those of everypony nearby, dropped to the floor. Proper Manners started saying something, the word unworthiness being used somewhere in that speech, but Blueblood placed a hoof to his chest and brought his mouth to the young adult’s ears. Whatever he did, talk, sing, lick his eardrums, it got Proper Manner to bow low and leave.
Only when we were alone – with only a few hundred guests around us – did he look to me with uneasiness. “…Why did you do that?”
“I saw him in the hallways before. It’s like his first two weeks, he’s really nervous about getting the job. He needs the money badly.” I shrugged, happy to put the episode behind me. “Better be loved than fear, Macaroni be damned, and don’t get me started on hated. Hey, look!”
Blueblood turned, following the direction of my outstretched claw and gazing upon a large group of ponies near the middle of the ballroom. They were standing in a circle, as if hiding something from us. Whatever it was, it had to be valuable.
At the centered stood a couple of unicorn, the stallion of two shades of grey beaming and proudly boasting in his own language to the small crowd. Every so often, his hooves pointed at the bundle of clothes in the mare’s care, and his grins turned blinding whenever he did.
For some reason, I felt a twitch of pain in my chest at the sight of this young father. A few thoughts came to mind, and something like pale green walls and a nurse flashed before my eyes. But it all faded away too quick for me to grasp. Groaning, I shook my head, then gave it a couple of hits as one would wisely do their television if static appeared.
“Havoc?” came a faint whisper, and to my left, Blueblood looked at me with worry.
One eye half-closed, I ran my paw through my mane, flinching when it bumped against my horn. No need, I wanted to say. Or something, the thought already fled in shambles and things were growing a bit blurry, and there was laughter, mine and a stallion’s and a filly’s and a grandfather’s and many, many.
My claws grasped against something fleshy, dug into it.
There was laughter, indeed, but not mine. The tones were wrong, too haughty, not nearly psychotic enough. In a blink, my sight returned to focus, and I saw the group of nobles nearby all chuckling at the young father’s joke. But if I were in the ballroom, then…
I’d been holding Blueblood’s leg, hard enough to bruise. The marks on his skin, between the strands of white fur, were an ugly shade of bluish purple. My tail flicked as the realization left me with a burning feeling all over my face, and my ears drooped down.
“You did not hurt me, Havoc.” He smirked, almost scoffed. “I’ve dealt with far worse than a stone-like grip.”
My smile did not quite reach my eyes this time. A first for me.
Blueblood kept up his reassurances. “Just let me deal with it. It’s fine. I’m rather used to these meetings.”
And for some reason, that felt wrong. I did not mind the strange alien reactions that the guests were having to our presence, but I could still feel the tension rolling off Blueblood in waves. Just below the surface, there was a swirling ocean of frustration building in him, and he seemed unlikely to break that dam tonight. He’d just continue on with the fake smiles and the empty politeness and all those little things he does because everypony wants him to do it. Because he’s the prince. And princes are handsome things that exist just in case something goes wrong.
It took all I had not to snarl.
…Wait, if I were to have his thoughts, then I would also be ‘him’. So it would be him that dealt with it! Perfect! That was a flawless idea. With the intensity of a cockatrice in a need of a good meal, I stared at the back of his head, trying to project my consciousness inside his skull. I would know what he did know, and would talk with his voice and be the perfect gentlestallion if Rarity showed up!
…Nah, that wouldn’t be in-character. Foiled by my professionalism! I really would not be spared any humiliation.
Still, with a deafening pop, the world exploded, and I was suddenly Blueblood. Almost. Like, different suits, different species, one of us being a heartbreaker and the other a heartmender.
And it was amazing how much it looked like I was looking with my own two eyes at the scene unfolding. The ponies were tapping the ground in polite applause, sharing a few good words laced with grade A sycophancy. Their wall of snobbiness only parted to make place for he would was most stuck-up on the surface. Blue-Havoc made our way to the front of our group firmly, ignoring the muttered French insults floating around.
The stallion of the couple caught sight of us, and his eyes glinted as much as his crown.
He greeted him-us with open arms – front legs –, all smiles and cheers. “Ah, Votre Altesse, Prince Blueblood.” He gave a nod, still keeping his playful grin. “It's an honor to meet you.”
“As it is you, Prince Shining Steel. Your visits are always waited with much anticipation in Equestria.”
“Oh, do not be modest.” He rose his cup of wine and delicately hit it against Bluesbrothers’ own. The crystalline chime-like noise rang across the small assembly, and many of them tilted their heads and glasses in unison. “We have heard of your reputation, even as far as Unicornia.”
He winked to the assembly, and they chuckled.
“You are quite the personality,” he said as he took a sip of his cup. “Un ivrogne, as we say back home.”
Blueblood’s magic tightened its own on the cup. The glass made a low, faint whine as it cracked. Nopony else noticed, luckily.
“Un peu dépravé et idiot aussi, à ce qu'on dit,” Prince Acier Lumineux’s gorgeous wife added with an approving smile.
Blueblood’s smile stayed frozen. “I am surprised you know so much about me, considering the sparse contacts between our countries.”
“We get some of the local newspaper.” Shining Steel waved a dismissive hoof as way of explanation. “We find them quite interesting.”
“Well, you cannot believe everything you hear.” Blueblood firmly gripped the hoof he offered, and shook it. The Unicornian Prince winced, his leg shaking just a little, and the corner of his lips moving down a inch. “There are always unscrupulous ponies to spread a bad word for a quick profit.”
Shining Steel flexed his front leg discreetly while trying to keep up a good unshakable front. “Oh yes, hearsay and rumors are such nasty things.” And there, his grin reminded me of something from a timberwolf’s mouth. “Why, just the other day, I heard that you were still refusing marriage proposals to respectable families. Absurd, I know."
The look on Blueblood’s face could not have been more strained. “Completely. When a stallion offers his daughter as if she were but a fine piece of vegetable, I would hardly call them respectable. As the highest ranking mortal in Equestria, I would hardly turn down a respectable proposal.”
Shining Steel's arrogance faltered a bit. “Yes, absolutely. We're not living in the Dark Ages.”
“Good families nowadays know what their duties are,” his wife cut in with a self-sufficient smile.
The stallion was quick to bring his mare to his side.
“You’re absolutely right, my sweet wife.” With a grand gesture and a small bow, the young father made his family step forward. “May I present you my wife, Haute Classe, and our daughter, Délices Lumineux.”
For the very first time, we both got a good look at the little one the mare had been holding. The precious clothes were unfolded, leaving a window for the face of the most adorable baby ever!
And here Blueblood’s eyes softened, going from an icy blue to something like a peaceful sky. Delicately, a brush of magic pushed aside a strand of silver hair from the baby’s face. “A fitting name, I believe,” he said kindly.
His smile grew wider even when the filly yawned up, and blinked up with wide grey eyes.
“She will be the most beautiful lady in all the lands,” High Class boasted.
Honestly, considering her current cuteness, I sort of agreed there.
Shining Steel chuckled, a hoof readjusting the crown on his head. “As my heir, she will have that and so much more, ma chérie, everything she could ever hope for.”
The two nuzzled, and for an instant looked to be truly in love with one another. My unfeeling evil heart melted in my chest at the sight.
A few more teasing words were exchanged between the two alone, until Shining turned back to us. “And you, Prince Blueblood, do you not wish to secure your line?”
The goodwill that he had accumulated with the sight of the adorable bundle of gumdrops and ice cream that was Shining Delights evaporated on the spot. “Of course,” Blueblood said with a sharp tone, “foals are a joy, a joy meant to surpass their parents in everything, but for that to happen the right mare is needed.”
“Of course, the right mare.” The stallion’s eyes glinted with a mischievous glee. “It's all a matter of attraction and... de puissance, j'imagine.”
At this point, Blueblood was likely praying that Celestia gave him the strength not to slip something into their drinks. Whether that something was more alcohol or a deadly poison, I could not tell yet. The dark side’s allure probably would get stronger within moments. And then, then he would realize they have cookies and fall into the abyss.
It would fall to me to jump in that big hole in the ocean to find him again.
High Class and a few other lightly chuckled, oblivious to Blueblood’s test of moral strength. One noble rather loudly coughed into his cup of wine. In fact, it sounded as if at least ten ponies were chuckling at the same time.
Ten? I blinked, and somehow my intense efforts of imagination crashed as the stray thought broke my concentration. I was, after all, still here, right? A few whispered sounds, all echoing and distorted, confirmed my theory.
“Hey, Blueblood, how much longer?”
The ponies froze on the spot, as if suddenly remembering that I existed, had a brain and a tongue. Their attention all shifted to me, and I felt a little nervous.
Play it cool, Havoc. You are a glacier, a special snowflake!
“Hi, you have a lovely hat.”
Shining Steel blinked slowly.
Encouraged, I pointed at his face. “It goes well with your teeth. Congratulations.”
More ponies were blinking.
At long last, Blueblood got out of his shock, and he stepped forward. “Ah, I am sorry, I have not introduced my charge.”
They eyed him suspiciously. “Your charge?”
“Shining Steel, High Class, this is Honest Havoc.” His magic grabbed me forward. “Perhaps you've heard about our small, incident?”
High Class nodded widely. "Ouiiiiii, l'incident où une bête étrange folle à lier a libéré la discorde et les princesses d'Equestria n'ont pas eu la force de finir l'ouvrage."
Shining Steel looked at Havoc and offered his hoof. However, as he glanced down, he suddenly changed side and grasped my pony hoof. "Vous êtes donc celui dont la mère est une mule qui a baisé avec une chimère?"
Feeling the friendliness in his tone, I grinned and shook his hoof like a good gentlestallion. Just as I finished it however, I felt a wave of murderous intent run over my spine. Blueblood? What was wrong with him?
“We will be on our way, Havoc, unless you have something to say.”
And the universally spread sneers told me they really did not like that I was taking so long to do it. Oh ponies of little faith. My manners were impeccable. Everypony else was just confused.
“Well, yeah, the good manners, what kind of bastard doesn't even observe that much?” I turned toward High Class. “I love the smell of your shampoo. It’s like a hint of a tropical jungle in a French restaurant.”
The mare opened her mouth to give a falsely sincere ‘thank you’, but stopped as if unsure. Meh, my sophistication could be a little much. A curse. Well, there was a much more important pony to talk to now.
I leaned closer, staring with wide curious eyes at the cutesy little thing there. Her little hoof reached forward, and she booped my muzzle, sending my heart into overdrive! That is so adorable!
Squee.
"Elle est à croquer!" I shouted.
A dead silence fell over the noble ponies.
Strangely, they look very, very pale. High Class’s face had lost all colors as she held her baby much closer to her chest.
Sweat pearled on Shining Steel’s coat as he stuttered, “Y-y-you speak Prench?”
“I understand your confusion,” cut in an insufferably smug Blueblood. “Havoc is a very unpredictable creature and very little is known of him. He did however do a great deal in service to our nation.”
There he paused, for no other reason than to let them gulp nervously.
Then, sadistic like he was, Blueblood innocently remarked, “I hear he bit Discords' head right off.”
The thought made me giggle.
“Bluuuuuuuue, can we go now?” I grabbed his sleeves and pulled. “I wanna eat meat! It’s your fault you made me think of food. I’m starved!”
High Class seemed to be on the verge of fainting, her body leaning heavily on her husband’s shoulder.
“Of course, dear Havoc.” He nodded at the other nobles. “Good evening Shining, High Class, little princess.”
We had barely took ten steps that we heard a muffled ‘thud’, followed by a high pitch shriek.
“Acier!” cried out High Class.
Oh, he fainted. Poor stallion.
Silently, so much that I could barely even hear it, Blueblood snickered as other ponies rush past us. How insensible of him. I almost told him when he grabbed my shoulder to give me an amused look. “Havoc, I do believe that was the most fun I've ever had at one of these dreadful things.”
Huh… “Really? This place is kinda boring...”
“Very, excruciatingly boring.” He nodded in agreement, but quickly his serious expression melted away as he cackled quite evilly. “But the looks on their faces… I shall remember till I am old and senile.”
“What look?” I asked as I approaches the buffet's parts intended for griffons.
Blueblood, taking a step forward in the line, waved it off. “Oh, nothing. Diplomats are very good at hiding their emotions after all. I'm not surprised you didn't catch it.”
He’s probably right, I shrugged and followed behind a big brown griffon. Still, something’s bothering me.
“Say, Blueblood, do you understand French?”
“Prench,” he corrected, “and yes, I do.”
Aww crap, had I really mentally projected myself into his head to get on his level but missed because he somehow knew a popular language used by medieval nobility? Darn it all to Tartarus and its fiery and freezing confines!
“So they were actually telling you you are a depraved drunkard and an idiot and an impotent with no charm?”
“Indeed they were.” Blueblood nodded and agreed with a clipped, falsely cheerful tone. “They also added some unflattering comments about your mother and a chimera amongst other insults on your existence.”
“Oh,” I said, “that’s what I thought.” A lesson for another day, I guess.
Ahead of us, the burly griffon moved and I was given my first up-close glance at the buffet.
“It’s Christmas!” I squeaked.
And I had been nice!
Licking my lips, letting my snake tongue taste the aromas in the air, I leaned against the table. Every dish had such gleam to it that soon rose an harmonious symphony of angels and saints. They sang the glory of the lord chef that had prepared the death in three days and risen them from the ovens. I could let myself get lost in contemplation of such a beautiful sight, alas… it was not to be. Grunts and cries of distress cut through the music, and the charm was broken. With a blink, I turned to see the source of such blasphemous actions.
Five ponies had fallen to the ground, groaning and whimpering in pain. In front of a few others, one lone unicorn glared at my behind with a thin blade of metal engulfed in a cloud of blue magic.
“Blueblood?” I curled my tail over my rump. “Why are you holding a sword?”
He ran a hoof on his forehead, wiping a thin sheet of sweat, and sighed in relief. His brows still furrowed in a frown, he reluctantly sheathed his weapon. “…I was dueling your tail. It started wagging, a lot.”
“…You’re weird, Blue.”
If looks could kill, the floor would have exploded. Blueblood growled, harsh and gritty, “When this is over, I am going to mail exploding cakes to Luna. I don’t care if it means prison, she will know at least a fragment of my suffering.”
Leaving him to his angst, I started piling up the juiciest picks in my plate. “Yeah, yeah. Do that, Blue.”
Unfortunately, in my quest for perfection, I overshot, and bumped into the next guest. The tall, towering figure sniffed and glanced at me. Behind his sharp, pointed beak, his stormy eyes glared at me. The griffon’s claws twitched.
Blueblood stilled, a look of horror on his face. “Havoc…”
A moment, I remained fascinated by the griffon’s sharp claws, looking so much like my own. It put a grin on my face, and I found it easy to hold my hoof and paw together for a bow. “Honor on you and your ancestors, Ambassador. May the Northern Winds carry you to your home after many battles."
Under his breath, Blueblood seemed to be muttering things like “must not question it.” and “sanity at sake”.
The griffon looked between the two of us and snorted. “And honor to you as well, strange pony.” His eyes fell on my plate, full of lamb chops and barbecued chicken legs. An instant, I felt the need to pull back my precious food away from his grasp, but he had no more interest in it. “I see you have a taste for the finer ingredients. Though I imagine that might explain the fangs I see. What pony breed are you, strange one?”
My mind blanked. Sheepish, a wing shrugging, I turned to my jailor. “...Err, Blud? Which am I again?”
Blueblood, after quickly copying my salute, raised his voice, “ Ambassador you are looking at a one of a kind creature known as a Draconicorn.”
“A unique one?” the griffon repeated. “How interesting.”
“Eh, not really.” I pushed a rib inside my mouth, twisting it besides my fangs to shred the precious meal over my tongue. “Except me getting most of the meat supplies in the castle. Score for the carnivores!”
At that, the griffon chuckled and nodded in obvious approval. “I am glad to have met a ponyfolk with some sense.” He glanced back at the princely unicorn silently thanking the gods and the demons for his luck. “And to whom do I have the honor of meeting?”
A quick rasp clearance of throat indicated his nervousness. “I am Prince Blueblood of Equestria, ambassador, and my charge is Honest Havoc. It is both a pleasure and an honor to meet you, may your talons be ever sharp and your beak at the throat of your enemy.”
The griffon’s beak twitched upward, and he nodded. “I see.”
For some reason, the ambassador seemed to be placing a good deal of attention to the content of our plates. While Blueblood’s was still empty, his had a few slices of roasted ham. And what was I doing in the meantime? Why, falling on my back and eating as much as I could.
I was vaguely aware of a white hoof overhead reaching for some of the meat and bringing it to an equally white pony’s mouth. Sort of, after this, I dove into the poultry section, wings fully extended and my grasp firmly on a dead volatile.
They said something about politics by the time I had emptied the chicken of its content. Honestly, it wasn’t that interesting. I could eat all evening long without ever paying a lick of attention to their basely concerns of good trades, good relations and international cooperation.
But THEN, then something else interrupted us, and it was something I could never in good conscience ignore.
A baby cried.
There was a blur of colors. Without thinking, I had jumped out of my den and galloped at full speed until I was face to face with the most adorable little grey eyes.
“Awww, don’t cry, Smoopy padoody! You’re a big filly, right? And everypony loves you lots and lots.” I made a funny face, and licked the tip of her nose. “Well, you know what, my little filly? Uncle Havoc’s got a nice big surprise for you.”
My paw went to my back, where I had intelligently put a plate of emergency food.
“Wait, Havoc, don’t –!”
“Here, take this,” I said, pulling out the treat I had saved for her.
The baby girl looked at the magnificent T-bone steak dripping blood in my grasp, and she sniffed curiously. I hoped with all my heart she would understood the realm of delights that could be open to her. It was a bit of an acquired taste, I knew, and even if her mother had gone white, Délices still leaned closer to the meat and tried to smell it.
She hiccupped.
A strong blue magical field yanked me backward, and the steak with it, just as the filly’s mouth opened wide and a thick oozing white liquid sprawled out onto her mother, her unconscious father and the two nearest ladies.
Their eyes all rolled back, and they collapsed dramatically into a heap of pricey clothes and fur. Délices Lumineux sat upon her preys, gently held straight by some fellow’s green magic. And thus the strong defeated the weak, as per the law of the jungle. Three kills before her first word. That was impressive.
A young earth pony mare apparently thought so as well, as she rushed to the baby’s side and held her against her chest. Her gaze fell on the parents, worry and incomprehension mixing together in her tone.
“What happened?” the mare asked, looking at Blueblood and me.
I shrugged, eyes still fixed on the babbling baby and the fallen adults. “It’s the circle of life.”
Blueblood made many strange coughing sound then, repeatedly. With a grin on his face. And he tried to hide the fact with a hoof in front of his mouth. And Twilight’s Quesadila! Some other twenty or so poor fellows were also the victims of such coughing fits.
Perhaps it was the smell of Shining Delights’ amazingly potent liquid projectile. Oh yeah, I thought with a wince, that definitely could kill a timberwolf from a distance. Blueblood’s speech about a pony’s dangerousness did come back to mind, with quite a good deal more credibility now. An elderly dragon fainted somewhere nearby, the ground shaking with his fall. All hail the princess!
At my sides, Blueblood smirked despite the rancid vapors, and humbly bowed to Délices’ nanny. “This filly truly is the most delightful thing I have ever had the chance to see. I am incredibly jealous. Tell her parents as much when they awake from their peaceful slumber.”
With that, Blueblood proudly strutted to the staring griffon, his face the very image of politeness and virtue.
“Now then, ambassador, about those treaties…”
--
Later, Blueblood offered me all the booze I wanted. I still have no idea why.
--
Observatory Journal, by Prince Leon Polaris Blueblood.
Entry # 4
If Princess Luna were to order me to let go of my duties in regards to Havoc, I might feel sincere regrets. Surprisingly, he has proven very useful in more than one occasion.
…And Sweet Celestia! I will never forget their faces. I will cherish tonight’s memories until the end of my life. I have already contracted a memory specialist to crystallize it in a viewing gemstone via a projection spell.
But I must never allow Havoc to be near meat and foals at the same time. It will be one or the other.
P.S. Buy a gas mask.
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They're like the classic cop scenario!
Bad cop! Good cop!
Straight man! Comedy man!
Havoc is best princess.
Ah, je savais que Havoc allai devenir un outil indispensable pour les entretiens diplomatiques avec Blueblood et ceux de la grande nobles. Du moins, peut-être qu'il lui permettra de dévier les flèche qui lui serai en temps normale décochées; et cela ne semble pas lui déranger plus qu'il faut, si non il doit en tirer un plaisirs pervers à leur rendre la monnaie de la pièce. En fait, je suis surprit que Blueblood reçoit autant d'indults de la part ses confrères. Je croyais qu'en tant que prince d'Équestia, il inspirerait plus de respect que cela, surtout s'il aussi riche et influent tout comme son titre le suggèrerait. comment Est-qu'il parvenu à ruiner à ce point sa réputation?
Also I would love to Draw Havoc, but I have trouble understanding his hole color scheme. I know that it is closes to that of Discord but I don't what is what color. could you fill me on that? thanks.
6176124 Well, obviously, it's much funnier to contrast two distinct characters like that. Though, honestly, I have to ask: Who's the good cop here?
6176249 Breaking news everyone! Honest Havoc, alleged son of Discord has ascended to dracoalicornhood, thus gaining another horn and two more wings. He then relinquished his power when he learned it meant he was on even footing with Prince Blueblood and misunderstood that badly.
6176295 Havoc possède l'avantage de ne pas avoir de filtre ou de réelle connexion avec le monde extérieur. C'est facile pour lui de dire tout ce qu'il pense sans grande peur; il est déjà prisonnier à vie, c'est pas plus longtemps qui va lui faire peur.
Blueblood's can use him indeed, and is delighted by the great results it brought so far. He is indeed rather rich and powerful, but he has an immense reputation as an idiot, a playboy, a spoiled brat, etc. etc. The nobles wouldn't have been half as insulting if they had thought he understood basic French. His reputation is that bad, because, frankly, he had stopped caring about it a long time ago. He's convinced that he'll be blamed for a princess' mistake in his lifetime and sees no use in trying to look like a good guy anymore. So, he was wasting his money, his time, his social life, he whored himself out, he drank more than a kitchen sink. He's basically made himself the exact pony that could be blamed for things going south.
...All the while secretly saving lives on the side.
Yeah, a bit depressing, isn't it? But hey, he's got Havoc around now. That'll... err... cheer him up? Maybe?
And wow, you'd draw him? I would be eternally grateful! Though, he's kind of a mess, you know? I intentionally designed him to be wrong. But okay, if you're sure... Havoc's fur is in a pattern roughly like a cow. Most of his body is burgundy, close to a greying red. Except, there are a hanful of spots on his body that are a light grey, including one in the middle of his face, one on a flank, another covering most of his dragon/bat wing. Lion tail is the same red, err, eyes are yellow and slitted like a snake's. His fangs and his tongue are normal colored. His left front leg is that of a griffon, so I imagine it looking like Gilda's, nothing special. Oh, and he's got one twisted horn of brimstone on the side of his head.
...Yeah, I can get why that description is confusing. Can you work with that?
Any reason we can't have a translated version of the chapter because not all of us speak French. I also love the line and Blueblood's reaction to Havoc's introduction to the Griffon where Blueblood's trying to figure out how he knows how to give a proper greeting to a griffon.
6176626 Eh, because Havoc thought Blueblood didn't understand the lines, he subconsciously made himself unable to, without really doing it. Thus, the readers get the lines as they are said. It's an attempt to give an authentic experience, with only the other characters' reaction for you to get context. However, I did choose as many similar words as possible and there was this small exchange:
That's basically it. What Havoc said... "She looks cute enough to eat!"
Yeah. Try placing that with the parents and Havoc grinning wide with his mouth full of sharp fangs.
And yes, Blueblood's going to get many many headaches. Kind of like Twilight trying to figure out Pinkie. It just can't be done!
6176737
Has a cry Havoc pun been made yet? Because I really think one needs to be made :P
Yes Havoc, share with the ponies the wonders of meat!
Delicious meat! Mmmmmmmmmm.
6176478 ...
Welp! We're screwed if you don't know!
6176478 yeah, but what is the color of his mane(does he has a mane?) and his bushy tale tip, as well as on what side of of the head is horn?
6176889 I'm not quite that evil yet.
6176984 It is the mighty savior after all. It purges you of the impure food you ate before.
6178722
6179781 Oh yes, he does have an unkempt, spiky, bushy mane, that goes down his neck a bit like real horses'. It's pale grey, maybe just a hint lighter than the few spots on his coat. The tip of his tail? Well, it's lion-like, so it's pretty uniform with the rest of him... it could be red or gray at that point. I could leave it to you. As for the side of his head... I believe his ragged horn is on the right side.
6179816
Oooo, I got it. Have a diamond dog problem: Cry dogs and let slip the Havoc of war.
Bravo! Bravo!
The formula worked splendidly as it did in the chapter previous!
I just loved Havoc's channeling of his sultrier side!
Tell us, is that one of his ten voices, or a newly crafted persona being voice acted?
Did the child eat the meat? It was unclear, especially unclear if it was actual meat.
What a way to shame a noble family and their associates; their firstborn ate of meat fed to it by Blueblood's beast of chaos!
6181177 Havoc's voice? Oh, he just lowered one of his adult voice. For added bonus, let's go think it was Ripperjack's.
Baby didn't eat meat, she smelled it. The scent of a dripping t-bone steak was enough to upset her delicate baby stomach. Now, the end result is a bit the same, they did get humiliated by Blueblood's pet monstrosity.
It's nice to see a character that is so often pigeon-holed into the role of an unlikable buffoon be allowed to spread their wings, so to speak. I eagerly await the next installment of The Ultimate Team of Destiny -
Did anyone ever tell you that the name really makes him sound like a used car salesman?
Wait a minute is blueblood gay?
(This is a joke please don’t get offended) :) bye
Wow. It ticks me off when people speak in a different language because they don't want you to hear the bad things they're saying about you. I've caught a few people out in Quebec for doing that. I don't know French very well (just what I learned in High School), but I know enough to get the general gist.