I'll be skipping the clop later, just fyi. I don't like clop, but I was interested in the premise. Just as a friendly heads-up, you need to work on your grammar, mostly on the punctuation. Might want to brush up on that a bit, or find a pre-reader who will help you with that.

5476707 Thanks for the feedback! Just so I know is it mostly before speech or throughout?

5476724 Throughout in general. I mean, it's readable, but it could be quite a bit better. If you don't mind a 'lecture', I'll send you a PM, so it isn't cluttering the comments here.

5476747 Please do. :) I tend to get lazy when proofreading my fanfics.

If not,please tell me how to improve. ^^ There are likely a few errors,so please don't hesitate to point them out!

That. That right there, not putting the space after the comma. You do that nine times out of ten, just smash the words together. It is a literal eye sore... my eyes are sore now.

'Nails' joked: "If you get in good with the prince,let him know about me,eh?"

That colon, colons should not be used to link a dialogue tag to the dialogue in question. Oh, and there are two more comma smashes.