Twilight's years at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns

by LotusRaven

Prologue

"Well Miss Sparkle?"
The stallion next to her coughed, as if telling Twilight to hurry up.
Another one of her examiners yawned, and another looked at her watch and said", "we don't have all day."

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"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!" After a few moments of that, Twilight realised she was prancing around Princess Celestia herself and stopped, wearing a sheepish smile on her face.

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"Then the Princess came in and made me her personal protege! Did you guys see that?!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Yes Twiley, we were there, and we are soo proud of you!" Giving Twilight a big bear hug.

"So Twiley, did you pass? If you did, we can go to school together!"

"Shiny! I passed! Aaaand Princess Celestia made me her personal student at the school... AND look at my flank!" Twilight turned around and there was a six-pointed star with little stars around it.

That was second bear hug Twilight received that day.

Author's Note:

First fimfiction. Sorry if my English is bad. Please support me though, I'll try to upload as regularly as possible but I do have school and live in a place with NO summer holidays... :( Bye for now.

Comments

[MehWasAlreadyTaken]

Okay,
1. remove the parenthesis. We know what happened in the show, and it's immersion breaking. (not like there was any immersion so early on though)
2. "Yes Twiley, we were there, and we are soo proud of you!" Giving Twilight a big bear hug.
You never specified who was speaking here, and the sentence is a bit clunky. Try this:
"Yes Twily, we were there, and we are so proud of you!" said [iunno, Shiny?] while giving Twilight a big bear hug.