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Drakmire

Joined November 2011
163 followers

Stories (3)

Blog Posts (5)

135
7,206


Unseen horrors lurk just beyond the horizon, but the future is not immutable.  

A strange new pony arrives in Canterlot bearing knowledge that could help avoid the dark times ahead.  What begins as a straightforward mission soon develops into an adventure that will carry all involved to the borders of Equestria and beyond.  

5-star Featured on Equestria Daily... for some reason. I've been meaning to add this disclaimer for a while, and so here it is: this was a first fic of a first-time author, and it really shows. Know that whatever well-founded critique you have to level at it, I will almost certainly agree with. It has problems, of that there is no doubt, and significant enough ones that I'll always be bothered that the story is up. Taking it down feels like bad form, however, and bringing the writing in line with my current standards would require a full rewrite, which would be dishonest to the readers who have been through it already. I leave it up as a badge for having completed something, but just be aware that if you start in on it, you will almost certainly finish bewildered and dissatisfied.

First Published
22nd Nov 2011
Last Modified
23rd Feb 2012

Comments ( 135 )

#1 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 3d ago · · ·

...Oh.

...OH.

I totally understand what's happening now and what is being referenced. You are one clever pony. Do continue, you have my full attention.

#2 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

I always start new fics on fimfiction with a degree of trepidation, without pre-readers screening the content the quality of the content within is....highly variable, to put it delicately. Further raising my wariness was the synopsis suggesting it starred an OC. I almost closed the tab, but am certainly glad I didn't as this was quite enjoyable.

#3 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 1d ago · · ·

:heart: Wow.  Spectacular. You are incredibly talented.

#4 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 1d ago · · ·

Now I may be being naive, but what exactly was Rarity and Fluttershy's weekly get together?

I don't quite catch what you were implying

#6 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 1d ago · · ·

>>38173

Ahhh..

Your wording of that section was rather.. ambiguous.

Anyone with a less.. mature mind might have taken it the wrong way :P

#7 · Chapter 4 · 147w, 22h ago · · ·

Hot damn, this is one of the more interesting fics I've read in a while. Can't wait to see more! :rainbowkiss:

#8 · Chapter 5 · 146w, 6d ago · · ·

Yay, an adventure! :pinkiehappy:

Y'know, this site needs a luna-smiley now!

#9 · Chapter 5 · 146w, 4d ago · · ·

Hey what's up with the no Luna emoticon

#10 · Chapter 6 · 146w, 7h ago · · ·

Oh... new Lacuna. So far it's been pretty interesting, though a tad slow. Still, off to read the next chapter!

#11 · Chapter 6 · 146w, 7h ago · · ·

>> 14Spades

That's been a concern of mine, for sure.  This is the first time I've really written much outside of essays or papers and such, so pacing is something I really need to work on.

I think it might make for an interesting project next chapter, see what I can do.  I'm a bit tired of writing them walking back and forth, talking philosophy anyway.  

I'll get back to that for the forty chapters after the next : P

#12 · Chapter 6 · 146w, 6h ago · · ·

Personally I love the pacing, it'd be a bit irksome if you only updated every few weeks but thus far that isn't an issue. The slow pace has added to the depth of character(especially Sand) and setting.

#13 · Chapter 6 · 145w, 6d ago · · ·

>>46491

One of the difficulties with any type of web fiction is that readers expect instant gratification. They want action from the start, and if they don't get it, finding another story is as easy as hitting the 'back' button on their browser.

Actually novelists have it easier. By the time you sit down to read a book, you've probably invested $10-20 in it, which gives you a big incentive to sit through the first few slow chapters. After all, you paid for the book, you need to read it.

I've had the same problem with my longer stories, and it's one of the reasons I tend to stick to writing one-shots. They're more easily digestible. Sad, from a certain perspective, but that's the world we live in.

Please take it from me that your story is eminently enjoyable, regardless of its pace. I look forward to reading future chapters.

#14 · Chapter 6 · 145w, 6d ago · · ·

>>47585

: )  I'm glad folks seem to be enjoying the story.  I know I've enjoyed writing it, though at times I look back and think "Have I really written tens of thousands of words about ponies?"  Thankfully, it's fun enough to keep going in spite of those thoughts.  

I do worry that I'm pulling what I think of as a Wheel of Time here...don't get me wrong, I love the books and I'm dying to see the completion of the series, but I swear that sometimes Jordan would spend an entire book describing the most mundane crap, and it'd drive me up the wall.  Buuuuuuut that's probably not accurate and I'm just running off on a tangent here.

#15 · Chapter 1 · 145w, 6d ago · · ·

And so Fo:E was born

great story consept

tracking,,,

#16 · Chapter 2 · 145w, 5d ago · · ·

complete and total mind fuck.

sir, i have no words. and i am eager to begin reading the next chapter.

#17 · Chapter 3 · 145w, 5d ago · · ·

i must say this and get it of of my chest.

the way that you write the narrator of this fic is very annoying for me, not because it is poorly written (i actually think it is written very well) but because it is in third person reserved view, meaning that the narrator only has a very limited amount of information that is not given out on a regular basis. as opposed to most stories like this where the narrator is almost like a character that knows everything, or at least explains things in the story as they progress, but you manage to keep the reader in the dark for as long as possible, and even I at this point am still scratching my head, wondering about different aspects of this story...

#18 · Chapter 6 · 145w, 5d ago · · ·

>>49034

You and me both : P  A lot of the important points have been hit with the narrative (and too many too soon, I feel, as the volumes of revelations in the early chapters feel like me just dumping my headcanon all over the pages), but I've had to discard a lot of things that I had originally scraped together to build the story, as trying to work them in at this point would just be square peg -> round hole.  

Regardless, as long as I'm not boring folks to tears, I think I'm coming out ahead.

#19 · Chapter 4 · 145w, 4d ago · · ·

..... more

#20 · Chapter 5 · 145w, 4d ago · · ·

:( well i guess i have to wait

JK! NEXT CHAPTER HERE I COME

#21 · Chapter 6 · 145w, 4d ago · · ·

*SHOCKEDFACE* *GASP* Last chapter??????? NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

#22 · Chapter 7 · 145w, 2d ago · · ·

this is very, very good.

although not sure how i feel about you getting rid of sand, kinda the reason i was reading atthis point

dont worry i will still continue to read, but i just wonder what she would do whenever she is not there

#23 · Chapter 7 · 145w, 1d ago · · ·

Each chapter I read makes me want to read another, and another.

About the pace so far, it is just right to keep the narrative going smoothly and keep me both equally clueless and enthralled so far.

If this were a physical book, I'd be glued to it.

It's a real page-turn-- uhm.. page-scroller?

#24 · Chapter 7 · 145w, 1d ago · · ·

Equivalent exchange... Is that a Fullmetal Alchemist reference?

#25 · Chapter 7 · 145w, 15h ago · · ·

>>55160

The idea of equivalent exchange is one that's part of many interpretations of "alchemy", not just Full Metal Alchemist.

It also is relevant in thermodynamics, I guess, but that's more to do with not being able to create energy from nothing rather than transmuting lead into gold, hehe

#26 · Chapter 8 · 144w, 3d ago · · ·

Trying something new with this chapter.  We'll see how it looks after a few days outside my head.  

On a side note, the Import from gdocs feature is super, super nice, though it still struggles with some of the same formatting problems I've had to strip out in the past.  Not sure how obsessive I'll be about setting tabs instead of octuple spaces, but if it looks too distracting on rereads, I'll take care of it.

#27 · Chapter 8 · 144w, 3d ago · · ·

Ooooh. Bit of a... plot :twistnerd: ?

#28 · Chapter 8 · 144w, 3d ago · · ·

>>62392 From this we can gather: Celestia and Luna both have VERY nice plots.

Now i got to tell you, this was an amazing chapter..

kinda felt like "super-mega oc funtime" to me. but they were well written so i over look it.

In keeping with the traditional reverse psycology,

I clop to this.

#29 · Chapter 8 · 144w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm digging this so far. But is it just me or does it feel like those scales are shifting with each chapter? I mean I keep looking back because it just LOOKS like it but I can never prove that to be the case.

All in my head I guess.

#30 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 6d ago · · ·

This is my longest chapter yet, and I do believe the entirety of it was written with this song on constant loop in the background.  

Obviously, I would highly recommend watching it.  

#31 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

damnit i have school.....

OMG i have study hall first block

homework = no

fanfic = yes

#32 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

This, is exactly what I wanted.

Sir,

You never fail to produce quality reading material.

#33 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Definitely like the new chapters. Two minor criticisms:

1. Twilight's jumping from Luna-Celestia-Luna feels a bit awkward. Necessary, perhaps, due to Celestia's apparent ill considered past dealing but it doesn't seem to flow nicely with the rest of the story

2. Very minor but the Sand/Dawn reunion with Twilight and Luna came quicker than I expected.

#34 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

>>71759

Mm.  Both valid points and I can definitely see their merit.  I think I was worrying too much about...I don't know what they call it in literature, but in software/game design, it's called "feature creep."  You see it in a lot of longer fics where the chapters just get longer and longer, to the point that the final chapters are each as long as the first half of the story.  

But yeah, I was probably stressing too much about keeping it within my "ideal" range of 7k-8k words per chapter, which meant cutting out large sections of transition, making the scenes segue poorly.  I'll have to think on what I can do to remedy that in the future, though I think I'll just have to leave the current chapters as-is, barring the need to fix technical issues or else I'm just going to get mired in fixing everything that's happened so far, heh. Thanks for bringing it up though, it's something I'll be paying more attention to as I write.

#35 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 4d ago · · ·

More Pls! This is such a good story, and I can't wait to see what else is going to happen! I am alittle sad about Sand totally cheating on Twilight, even tho they aren't really 'together' It still sad >.>:pinkiesad2: I wonder what will happen when Twilight finds out, if she does :rainbowlaugh:

#36 · Chapter 8 · 143w, 3d ago · · ·

(Ultima Ratio Caeli. Although caelorum "of the skies" would work, too -- poetic pluralization of caelum is attested in at least Medieval Latin, and it would better parallel the original phrase.)

#37 · Chapter 9 · 143w, 3d ago · · ·

>>74243

Hah, thanks : )  I was trying to shape that phrase from whatever Google Translate would give me, but with how few other online translators there seem to be (for Latin at least), I wondered at its accuracy.  

#38 · Chapter 10 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

Oh Twilight, I can empathize. When I was in my teen years I went on a Tiger Cruise with my Uncle coming back from a deployment in the Middle East. Most the first day was terrible. My magic cure was- Ice cream. Really settled my stomach and I was fine for the rest of the trip!

#39 · Chapter 10 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

Ok, it's official, I can no longer handle the level of awesome in this story.

#40 · Chapter 11 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Lovely as always. I cannot wait to see how this goes on :twilightsheepish:

#41 · Chapter 11 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

:(

#42 · Chapter 11 · 140w, 6d ago · · ·

Another wonderful chapter. You have a gift for description and the tiny threads that weave the plot together.

#43 · Chapter 12 · 139w, 6d ago · · ·

Hey, another swell chapte-

OH FOR FUC- COME ON! That cliffie is not going to set well with me. Not at all.

#44 · Chapter 12 · 139w, 5d ago · · ·

>>127241 wow, that was a terrible place to end. INREQUIRE MOAR!!!!

#45 · Chapter 13 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

Good news, Fallout averted!

Bad news, now we have evil ponies from another dimension. Kinda.

#46 · Chapter 13 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

It's the way of all worlds. One door closes for another to open.

#47 · Chapter 13 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

Cool new cover art. :twilightsmile:

I wonder if and when Twilight and/or Luna will have a chance to meet Selene for a chat?

#48 · Chapter 13 · 138w, 9h ago · · ·

I know you've already heard it, but I love the artwork. I had no idea the final version would be so involved, based on the sketch of Sand that I had seen.

#49 · Chapter 13 · 138w, 9h ago · · ·

>>154803

>>160416

Thanks : )  Huussii was an awesome artist to work with for this, and he really wanted to put a lot of detail into it.  Unfortunately, FIMFiction doesn't expand the image for the story, but if you'd like to see the full thing (the downloadable version is a whopping 1920x1080), you can go here: http://huussii.deviantart.com/art/MLP-Lacuna-281150587

#50 · Chapter 13 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

i love this story and the oc is actually a very well rounded character. i do have to ask you a favor though, after realizing what this story is, i beg you, don't let this end in balefire.:fluttershysad:

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