Chapter 1
Celestia patted the empty spot on the bed next to her and smiled at me, her eyes drooping sleepily.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding.” I stared at her, unable to come to terms with what I was seeing.
She just raised an eyebrow.
I turned and left the room. My head spun, and I stumbled a little. It almost felt like being slightly drunk. I shuffled my way over to the old couch and sat on it, flicking the TV on by reflex alone.
“The Obama administration still hasn't made any official comment on the disappearance of the sun.” It looked like Wayne had left it on Fox News again. “It's a major failure to respond on the part of the—”
I changed the channel.
“Repent, sinners! The day of judgment is upon us! The second coming of our Lord and—”
I changed it again.
A blonde reporter shoved a microphone into the face of some random person on the street. He shrugged. “It's gotta be aliens. The only explanation for—”
The camera swept over a grocery store in a frenzy. The shelves were already emptying out. A disembodied voice narrated, “Experts are still baffled at today's early sunset, but that isn't stopping local residents from preparing for the—”
The next channel was MSNBC. “... And we would like to welcome to the show global climate change expert, Doctor—”
The sliding door opened, and Wayne came in. He gave me a halfhearted wave. “Hey, guy.” Seeing the TV on, he looked over my shoulder. “Crazy shit, huh? Did they figure out what happened yet?”
I glanced back at the door to my room. “Uh, not really...”
“Well if you want to know my opinion, it was those god-damn—”
My bedroom door opened. Princess Celestia stepped out in all her royal glory. Her mane billowed through the hallway. She yawned.
Wayne stared at her. I could see his mouth making a silent 'the fuck?'
I took a deep breath — a very deep breath. “Wayne, this is Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia, Wayne.”
Celestia glanced at him on her way to the refrigerator, then opened it up and rummaged inside.
Wayne stared at her, occasionally looking at me through the corner of his eye. Every time he glanced my way, his brows became a little heavier. Finally, he ended up staring at me only. “Did you wish really hard?”
“No!” I stepped back. “I don't know why she's here. She's just here.”
“Because I know you like those pony things and—”
The orange juice bottle clattered to the floor. Celestia wiped her lips with a hoof. She stared at Wayne for a moment, glanced at me, then looked back at him. She wiped her mouth again. “Greetings, Wayne.” Without waiting for any response, she turned and headed back into my room.
“Um... Hi.” Wayne stared at her until she disappeared, then whirled on me. “What the hell, man? No pets, remember!”
“Hey, she's not a pet!”
“Then what the fuck is she?” Wayne pointed back toward my room. “Because I sure as hell won't—”
Celestia came out again.
I glared at Wayne. “She's a Princess of Equestria... from, uh, a cartoon.”
Her Royal Highness went back to rummaging in the fridge.
“Are you looking for something?” I asked.
She looked back at me, the fridge still wide open. “Why is there no acceptable food in this house?”
I walked up and looked over her shoulder. There was a pack of sausages and a tupperware filled with burrito meat of dubious vintage... and not much else. “Uh, I'll cook something in a little while.” Even though her visit was unannounced and uninvited, it didn't seem right to deny her.
“So who, exactly, said she could stay here?” Wayne pressed uncomfortably close. “And what the hell is she doing here, anyway?”
I groaned. “I don't know, okay? I just got home and found her here a few minutes ago.”
Wayne rolled his eyes, but they stuck pointed at the fridge. “Hey!”
Wincing, I turned to see what was happening.
Celestia stood in front of the fridge. Both the fridge and the freezer were open. She held a tub of cherry chocolate ice cream and a spoon in her magical aura.
Wayne stomped. “That's mine!”
Celestia froze for a moment and looked at him, the spoon still sticking out of her mouth. When nothing else happened, she resumed eating.
Wayne turned and glared at me.
“I'll get you a new one.” I waved him off. At least she hadn't drank his beer — then he'd be really pissed. Or, I hoped she hadn't drank his beer. I strode over to Celestia, trying to be as imposing as I could. It didn't seem very successful; she was much bigger than me, after all. “Princess, we need to go over some ground rules.”
“I am not bound by your petty mortal rules.” She took another bite of ice cream and smiled.
“First of all, you should only eat your own food. And, um, you probably need to get your own place once we can find you something.”
She took another bite of ice cream, savoring it obscenely.
“I mean it!” I waited in vain for a response. “If you don't follow the rules, I'll have to kick you out.”
She snorted. “As if you could.”
I grit my teeth and rubbed my hand into my face.
“Relax.” She rolled her eyes and grinned at me over her tub of ice cream. “I'm only banished here for a week.”
I raised an eyebrow and shut both doors of the fridge. “Were you banished for stealing others' food?”
“No, for making a move on my niece's husband, Shining Armor.” She took another bite and grinned. “He's totally into me.”
“You should know better.” I held my face in my hand. “Whatever. I'm going to bed.”
This could all wait until tomorrow. I headed into my room, locked the door behind me, and quickly changed into some more comfortable clothes. At least the bed was warm... and it was dark, so I wouldn't have to contend with the usual struggle to fall asleep with sunlight coming in the window. Breathing a sigh of relief, I flopped down into the bed.
I heard the slight sound of pony magic, followed by my lock clicking open.
Uh-oh.
Before I could react, the door popped open and Celestia jumped into bed with me. She grabbed me and snuggled up like I was some kind of teddy bear.
I struggled, but strain as I might, I couldn't get free. She was terribly strong. I could smell the cherry ice cream on her breath over my neck.
The door was still open. I could see Wayne peeking at us from outside.
I groaned. How was I going to explain this to my girlfriend?
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ohaithar
The best.
It's going to be a long week for him, isn't it?
Bahahahaha girlfriend?!
I can't wait for that to happen!
It got a giggle out of me mate.
11/10
~Adjier
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft
I am trying so hard not to die right now.
I can't help but wonder what it would be like if this turned into a bro in equestria sort of thing. you know, two guys and their house end up in equestria. but without the amazingly sad ending.
OC: I'm strangely okay with this.
Celestia: Stop talking! You're ruining it!
This story is so funny! Here, have a Spike Mustache!
Ah you naughty miss!
And maybe next time, get better pick up lines for the inevitable threesome with Shining AND Cadence
5292921
Hi!
5292929
Really? The best story on Fimfic?
No, the best story of all time!?
You flatterer, you.
5292931
The longest! ^.^
5292934
I may have forced myself into writing yet another sequel.
5292945
I'm glad it did! ^.^
5292948
That's a worthy goal!
I wish you luck.
5292961
You know... that actually sounds like a fun concept.
A HiE with two people going to Equestria together. One is a brony, the other is most definitely not.
5292993 ever
5292984
Heh, yeah. Everybody knows Celestia hates consensual cuddling!
5292992
That... could be a fun clopfic.
I should tell my clop alt about it.
(Yes, me and my clop alt communicate exclusively with Fimfic PM's.)
5293000 Its no fun when they like it!
5293000
True that. A fun, consensual, kinky polyamory threesome clopfic would be nice. Just make sure to have Celestia as in character as possible. Shining Armor banging both Cadence AND Celestia? Lucky sonofabitch!
OKAY well at this point I think I would have called the cops or just to humiliate her animal control.
5293009
And here I was, thinking that I was losing my edge.
5293013
After which, the poor innocent animal control officers were banished to the moon.
Where they asphyxiated, because Celestia doesn't know that our moon doesn't have air.
nice
5293012
It wouldn't be my first threesome story.
5293024
Thanks!
5293020 I would still get rid of her.
Amusing, but I'm not sure why it's a separate fic instead of another chapter of the first one.
5293025 The clopfic community needs more fun and consensual polyamory threesome stories and Favors seems to be like one of those clopfics that I can get into.
Shining sucks ass!!!
Oh god wow Celestia is such a ass like worst roommate ever.
why its so short uhhhhhhhhhhhh
5293037
Eh, because the first one was never intended to be more than a quick one-shot until people asked for more.
And also because a sequel will get more attention than a new chapter, especially since all the original readers of the first one saw it marked as 'complete'.
5293042
I should write more clop.
It's been forever since I did a clopfic.
5293044
...and that's why Celestia is interested in him?
She likes kinky stuff like that.
5293045
It's short because, well... I don't think I could carry this premise through a long story.
5293063
you know you can always make him argument betwen them that she is pony aka horse aka animal or she is like human and celestia start fucking with him and making all horse noises and other annoying horse thing. Etc etc :p
5293090
Ooh, now that would be a fun direction to take it! ^.^
Gotta combine that with the girlfriend thing somehow.
Maybe convince Celly that she needs to act like a horse to convince the girlfriend it's no big deal.
And then Celly can slip up and say something at just the wrong moment!
5293129
"See? This is your, uh, early birthday surprise. You always wanted a pony, right? Sure, she's got wings and a horn, but she's still all horse." Slaps her flank in emphasis.
"Ow."
"Wait, did she just say 'ow'?"
"Neigh."
"Okay, she definitely just said 'neigh'!"
5293129
derpibooru and tag horses doing horse things will be for sure helpful ;p
let his girfliend ride celestia lol because horse
Ohohohoh, mister !!! Now we demand a sequel involving such girlfriend !!!! You´re in deep trouble !!!
And I STILL can´t figure why I like this so much ! It´s silly, makes no sense, puts Celestia out of her char and, still, it´s tantalizing !!!!
5293151
I'm never going to be done writing sequels for this, am I?
Okay, now I actually want to write that!
5293152
Where do you think I found the cover image?
And yeah, definitely have to have the girlfriend riding the 'horse'.
5293158
I think it's tantalizing because Celestia is out of character... but because she's out of character in a very fun way.
(And it gets a little slice of believability because we don't know that much about Celestia's character, actually... especially when she's in unfamiliar situations.)
Feature boxed. ^.^
Was there ever any doubt?
Goddamn it, Molestia.
5292993 i'd write it but it would require too many boring day to day activities to write. I don't write that stuff as well as literally anything else.
5293183
Can't blame a girl for trying!
Heh.
Nice one, Ocalhoun!
5293191
Only if you neglect to include a dragon invasion or something to spice things up! ^.^
5293195
Thanks! ^.^
Please write some more of these, they're wonderful.
Why this is so AWESOME! Why?
“Did you wish really hard?”
I see what you did there... And I'm surprised I'm the first one who said this.
I was kind of hoping the protagonist would tell Wayne off in the end. Something within the lines of "Don't. Say. Anything."
What happened? Did it get deleted or something?Edit: Wait... sorry. My mistake.
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i.minus.com/iZcI2ARgPmYCI.gif
Once again well done sir. Mustache for you.
complete?
wai?
Dude, don't make separate stories outta these
I don't care if the first had no colorful language, this is the kind of fic that should be linked together, not told separately.
Looking forward to seeing the next one *smirk smirk*
5293168
Nope! This is one of those rare stories that is just so perfectly set up for wacky hijinks. Like Geodesic's "Of Horses and Whorses" you can't just end it partway through the hilarity!
Lovely sequel! All the comedy of the prequel, I loves it!
Aaaand the prize goes to Random Guy On the Street!