Stupid Moonbutt. Sometimes you think she does it on purpose, just to fuck with you. Seriously, all you did was tell her that her moon was bigger than the one back home. It’s not like you called her fat or anything.
“Hi, Anon~” they all say at once, giving you large, fang-filled smiles. They suddenly swarm you, pushing you back into your room. The door closes behind them, and the lock slides into place GOOD GOD THATS WORSE THEN ZOMBIES
Nice chapter. I wish more people wrote Gleaming Shield stories. If you know of any other good ones let me know but for now, here are some errors that I found mines the ones that DreamKitsune pointed out.
she didn't want to give any stallions the change [chance] to say she had help
I think you meant to put the word "chance" there instead.
You try to look away, you really do, but you can’t tear your eyes from [the] sight before you.
You forgot to put the word "the" in between "from" and "sight".
“Suck,["] Gleaming orders,
You left out the closing quotation.
she had arrived five minutes late for inspection, smell [smelled] of sweat and arousal, and had
The word should be "smelled" not "smell".
You quickly realize that all of the [them] were mares.
My...god... wait, no, my SIDES! This is just... oh gosh, too much for me to handle! And I didn't even read the rest of the story yet! Nice touch with the Edgar Allen Poe's the Raven there in the end of it, hahah.
Well, let us read the rest... and edit in my thoughts then.
Edit: Holy Mother of Mercy! O_O That ending.... gosh, I need MORE! .....oh well. This story, the idea, the execution, the details, holy crap, ten outta ten! MadMax, you deserve a medal!!! And now back to my boring life... eh...
She usually never asks for help. She was furiously independent.
My kind of lady.
I need you to get some of the milk out of these,
Is she pregnant? I can't see them growing noticeably bigger unless she's in puberty(already past) or prego. And if she's not, there is no milk to squeeze out. And even if you did, she's going to make more today so she will have the same problem again tomorrow.
“They keep getting in the way, and the metal pinches them. I need your help making them smaller.”
...same problem again tomorrow.
“Suck. My. Teats,” she says firmly, glaring at you from over her shoulder.
I thought she just meant pinch them. I like where this is going.
she’s straddling you, her breasts dangling inches above your face. “I don’t have time for this,” she mutters from above you.
God damn it woman! Do that again!
avoided Celestia’s attempts to get into your pants for your “banana”
Celestia is a bitch who likes bananas.
milk begins to flow into your mouth. It was shockingly sweet, as well as thick. ...you wouldn’t mind putting this on breakfast instead.
God No! It's going to be body temperature, chunky, and probably sour.
“Watch the teeth, Anon.”
If she had a problem with a omnivores teeth, she would not want him to suck her.
Gleaming Shield never came back, and you later learned from a passing guard that she had arrived five minutes late for inspection, smelling of sweat and arousal, and had been forced to do two hundred laps around the castle.
That's what she gets. Two hundred though? Well she'll pay attention in the future.
A dozen or so batponies were milling about your door, staring up at you with large eyes that seemed to glow in the gloom. They were all dressed in Lunar Guard armor, which, you noticed, none of them had fastened. You quickly realize that all of them were mares.
This is going to be awesome!
“Hi, Anon~” they all say at once, giving you large, fang-filled smiles.
A dozen or so batponies were milling about your door, staring up at you with large eyes that seemed to glow in the gloom. They were all dressed in Lunar Guard armor, which, you noticed, none of them had fastened. You quickly realize that all of them were mares. You also notice another—well, another two things—hanging swollen between their hind legs.
“Hi, Anon~” they all say at once, giving you large, fang-filled smiles. They suddenly swarm you, pushing you back into your room. The door closes behind them, and the lock slides into place.
I ... uh ... I ...
Ok cool. Good job.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10741_medium.jpg
The question I can't help but ask is this: why is there milk in the mares teats?
Hands
Mouth
“Hi, Anon~” they all say at once, giving you large, fang-filled smiles. They suddenly swarm you, pushing you back into your room. The door closes behind them, and the lock slides into place
GOOD GOD THATS WORSE THEN ZOMBIES
5219115 A better question is: Why was that stallion walking around with an erection?
Nice chapter. I wish more people wrote Gleaming Shield stories. If you know of any other good ones let me know but for now, here are some errors that I found mines the ones that DreamKitsune pointed out.
I think you meant to put the word "chance" there instead.
You forgot to put the word "the" in between "from" and "sight".
You left out the closing quotation.
The word should be "smelled" not "smell".
The word should be "them" not "the".
5219115
Were you expecting beer?
1.bp.blogspot.com/_NRgMild4Xyo/TUicSPrWUgI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/GzCsX0_difU/s1600/statler-waldorf-boo.jpg
Um......Oh...My........
5219115 she's a mother...have you heard of the rumor of new baby princess skyla?
Apparently, there are no hungry foals in Equestria.
So much for Scootaloo being an orphan.
5222340 I would happily be an alcoholic.
Oh me oh my, a Poe reference, perhaps? Good show, good show.
5224414 you noticed too? but they weren't ravens (or a svelte black pegasus).. but bat ponies work too
5219352 I for one welcome my new swollen teated overlords...
PRAISE CELESTIA FOR ALL THESE BAT PONY TEATS!
Your fucked
Dammit wish I didn't miss the greentext version.
DA FUG
OhgodwhatamIreading?
Daaayyymmm. ;}
um um um um ohhhhh myyy goddd that was juciy hehe
There are no words to describe this other than 'Whaaaaa?' and 'Bravo'....
Thumbs.... Hooves up my friend.
The return of the why boner....
5239097 WITH A VENGEANCE!
Fuck clearing the browser history, I'm gonna need a nuke for this shit, this entire computer is tainted.
But in all seriousness, great story.
XD rape/titty sucking/rule 63
5242656
at this point, i believe we would all need to put our comps on a deserted island, and nuke em all at once.
5242656 xD nope, just use about 10 pounds of plastic explosive.Much more controlled detonation.
5219352 But in a good way :3
What am I doing with my life.................
I loved this chapter so much so far it had me cracking up I can't wait to see what happens next.
I'm only now beginning to wonder what I'm doing with my life...
My...god... wait, no, my SIDES!
This is just... oh gosh, too much for me to handle! And I didn't even read the rest of the story yet!
Nice touch with the Edgar Allen Poe's the Raven there in the end of it, hahah.
Well, let us read the rest... and edit in my thoughts then.
Edit:
Holy Mother of Mercy! O_O That ending.... gosh, I need MORE!
.....oh well. This story, the idea, the execution, the details, holy crap, ten outta ten!
MadMax, you deserve a medal!!!
And now back to my boring life... eh...
-Zeph
That was a lot funnier than I expected
I would say, "Poor Anon," but truthfully I'm a little jealous
My kind of lady.
Is she pregnant? I can't see them growing noticeably bigger unless she's in puberty(already past) or prego. And if she's not, there is no milk to squeeze out. And even if you did, she's going to make more today so she will have the same problem again tomorrow.
...same problem again tomorrow.
I thought she just meant pinch them. I like where this is going.
God damn it woman! Do that again!
Celestia is a bitch who likes bananas.
God No! It's going to be body temperature, chunky, and probably sour.
If she had a problem with a omnivores teeth, she would not want him to suck her.
That's what she gets. Two hundred though? Well she'll pay attention in the future.
This is going to be awesome!
Luna to pop in and laugh at you like she does every time you have a weird-ass dream.
damn Luna why ya got to do me like that -__-
5406299 Nope but I don't know what I'm doing with my life most of the time.
... I could be, sleeping, writing a book... going outside and living in the fine day...
I'm inside however, reading things like this...
...
I've yet to encounter a problem with it.
The fuck did I just read...?
Ok, ladies. WHAT THE FUCK?
If I was him I would be terrified and excited at the same time. Lol.
I liked that “never more” reference.
5801838
Nope she’s a watermelon.
Ooooohhh an orgy!!!!! I’m now hella excited.
7931516
You just read the best story ever written in the history of writing stories.
https://youtu.be/91t5waPUNbs