In a universe divided by politics and ideals, mysteries that point to a great cataclysm, a war on the brink of escalation, and the ascension of one pony destined to bring an end to time and space by obtaining massive power of which surpasses that of now extinct Alicorns. Jack Gallorance, a security specialist on board the U.S.S. Valcross deep space research vessel, whose character upholds justice and honor will have to face repressed memories from his past, and face them in the present in order to soar like an eagle before the fall.
Chapters (2)
Hello every pony this is me and Recardio's first MLP Fanfic and its a going to be a big one, I promise. This story carries a lot of inspiration relating to the idea of ascension and video games like EVE Online and Dust 514! Keep in mind these are inspirations and not related to the story at all since the ships and ideas are very different (I.e. In EVE there is star-gates, in the story ships are equipped with F.T.L. Drives). I implore the reader's to critique the story, because this story is for the users enjoyment and I will do everything in my power to make this story shine with the best quality I can muster.This story is being spell checked and co-written by Recardio so I cant thank him enough for the amazing work and dedication he decided to put in to this, if it wasn't for his help this story would be very sloppy.
Of course we will not respond to simple troll comments, but if you make constructive criticism (which we will read with great attention and importance) we will make sure the comment will help us format the story with more quality and make it more enjoyable to read. There will be some side stories written by Recardio to fit in with the whole thing so watch out for those. Be sure to leave comments on the story... It gives us motivation to push on with the story, lets us know we are doing are jobs, and it makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside!
Hello, My name is Recardio, and I am proud to be helping on this Fanfic. As we were planning on how to proceed with the story, I was throwing out ideas on how to proceed. Just like with all development processes, not all ideas that are brain-stormed for a project get put into it. My role in this, as my co-author wrote, is spelling and grammar checks, and writing the side stories. As my good friend Marrero said, this is going to be a big one. And, to be perfectly honest, I can not wait for the moment to start the side stories. There will be action, there will be loss, and there will be moments of victory. I can not go into specific details, but I can tell you one thing. The stories will be awesome.
This sounds.... interesting. Marked for reading later.
(NOTE-minor spoilers below)
. A nervous stuttering wreck of a admiral? 
. The reason for bringing up childhood bullying also escapes me.
One thing that really puts of if the use of human instead of pony names. The story already reads like a sci fi book (a good thing), but when I read human names I think of human characters and it breaks the flow for me. And why would they call Jack to the wrong room after not telling him his was transferred to tell him his was transferred
I like the concept but the first chapter doesn't flow very well. I don't critique stories so I can't really help but getting someone who does would help a great deal imo.
Oh and we now know about "automatically opening doors" so let it never be spoken of again.
498425 Thanks for the comment, there is a couple of things I should have outlined more better. So the Admiral is trying to hide a secret agenda he doesn't want higher command to know about so some things relating to transfers were rushed out and he also received some bad news about were their going so he's very anxious. Also I will admit the flow is very terrible for the first chapter only because the story initially was supposed to be about something else but I changed the Idea half way through which was terrible in its own right. There will be ponies with more ponified names I will promise in the next chapter, the bullying will not have any mention except it happened, the purpose of that was to show the tight bond Jack had with his friend's in his early life which will come later. Thank you very much for the comment chapter 2 concepts are currently being drawn up and your comment will help us improve story a great deal. This people is a comment with constructive criticism! We love to read these types of comments to make our story writing better. Oh and consider the next chapter the real beginning to the story!
Ok this one came in a little late but none the less here it is. So the story starts to pick up here and we will be heading in to our first piece of action in the next chapter. So we come down to the beginning of the real adventure, things will fall into place as they come and the flow I made sure stayed straight and true. I also encourage active discussion of where you think the story is going although its too early to tell so I will leave that out there. Please give criticism regarding this chapter as long as its constructive and not rude or flat out trolling in anyway, it helps me and Recardio write the story better. As example to that we explained a couple of things in this chapter that confused the reader in the first chapter as you will find out when you read. So go ahead read and comment away, concepts for chapter 3 are already finished so we will start writing it as soon as possible.
Oh BTW I published this a little early using the google doc link feature and wasn't to happy with the results so I had to take more time to copy pasta and make edits and such.