Broken: that one word fit the two of us perfectly. That shocking event had a massive effect on both me and Chrysalis. It had only been a few days since her outburst, but it felt like weeks. Every following day she would come into the room and lay down in the corner as far from me as she could while letting herself be buried under her thoughts. Our direct contact was limited to when she would take care of my needs. Not once did I resist her as I have been doing prior the event, and yes, it is true that I did fear sending her into another envious rage, but above that; I could not bring myself to put her into a state of emotional torment like that again.
Every time I looked at her almost permanently dejected expression, I would feel my guilt and shame over my actions. Being panicked, distraught, and angry were no excuse to act like a foal; although, realizing that I was technically a changeling foal did make me smile a little. Any humor I could find was welcome, but it never lasted long. I only had to look at Chrysalis again to take part in her depression. Even with what she's done to me - and before that, my brother - I could no longer hate her. Instead I felt a combination of sympathy and pity.
The sound of hoofsteps approaching interrupted the longstanding silence. Suddenly yet unsurprisingly, Chrysalis stood up from the corner and dropped all signs of the emotions that were trying to crush her; instead putting on a appearance of confidence and dominance. Part of me pitied how she tried so hard to appear strong. The other part wondering where those acting skills were back during the wedding.
A Changeling walked into the room and addressed his queen with a salute. "Your Majesty, I have a report on the injured Caretaker from five days ago."
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. "Out with it then, Informant!"
"O-of course. She had not recovered fully, but she is well enough to resume working for the hive."
"What of her horn?" she iterjected.
His eyes widened." I-I-I th-they."
"Enough!" she yelled with a stomp. "I get the picture...Go find a suitable Caretaker for my child while I see to Caretaker-1's condition."
"Yes, Your Highness." He stayed there for a moment watching Chrysalis approach me with a fierce expression on his face, then he ran off to follow her order. I ignored him and tried to feign sleep so Chrysalis would hurry up and check on Caretaker's condition, which I was very invested in. She still went through the full set of checks regardless of my feelings before finally leaving.
Thanks to my elation over Caretaker's potential return, it took me a minute to realize that I was actually left alone in the middle of the day. Alone was a very boring thing to be without a single decent book to keep me company. All I had as a replacement were all the equivalents of chew-toys, so I gnawed on a wooden block until I heard hoofsteps coming in.
I looked up at the door and saw who I recognized as an unknown changeling wearing a saddlebag walking into the room. The individual looked around with a quizzical expression for a second before focusing on me. "Well hi there, deary. Why are you all alone in here?!"
Her voice was shrill and unnecessarily loud. 'What the hay! I can't imagine a foal anywhere that could tolerate that kind of voice.' Of course I wasn't a foal, but that didn't make her voice any more pleasant.
"Ooh, I know what's wrong: You're sick."
I looked at her with one eye wide open and another narrowed; my replication of a raised eyebrow. 'Excuse me, but do I look sick?!"
"I have just the thing for you." She spoke in a way that gave me a really bad feeling. Using her magic, she combed through her saddlebag and pulled out a small tube I recognized as a thermometer.
I mentally sighed. 'Let's get this over with.' I opened my mouth as the thermometer approached me, but the device passed me by. It was after a half-second that this fact registered in my mind. 'Uh oh.'
"Now this won't hurt a bit deary."
I didn't care if it would hurt. I didn't want a thermometer shoved up my rectum. I squirmed and writhed in effort to make myself a difficult target, but she simply held me in place with both fore-hooves. I cried out in discomfort when the thermometer was put to use.
During my cries, she suddenly put a hoof over my mouth to muffle the sound. "Now now, deary. It's not that bad."
She was right about it not being bad and I did stop crying...but the two facts were not linked. No, I stopped crying for a whole different reason. 'I can't breath!' Whether she knew it or not, the mare was covering both of my airways. When I tried to move from her hold, she rolled me over and applied more pressure. If that wasn't bad enough, she was looking at a blank wall as if pretending that I or my plight did not exist. This left me with no other choice but to the very thing I recently regretted doing: I bit her hoof.
"Agh!" she gasped out whilst withdrawing her hoof. She then glared at me and snarled. "Why you cheeky little ant!" As quick as a blink, she flicked me with her hoof hard enough to sting my forehead, or my anatomical equivalent at least. Now I was no stranger to minor pain, but that was as an adult. What this mare did was suffocate then strike an infant. I didn't like her. With crying out the window, I did something that I would have never thought of doing as a pony: I hissed.
She glared at me with a curled lip. "Oh we have a feisty one here...we'll have to fix that," she said while lifting her hoof.
"Halt!" Her limb froze mid-swing as we both looked at the voice's source: Queen Chrysalis. "What..." she paused to snarl viciously. "What do you think you're doing to My Daughter?!"
I looked at the queen's face in fear for the changeling between us. She was fueled by jealous rage in the last incident, but now what she felt was clearly righteous fury. The last thing I wanted was for something to happen again, but there was nothing I could do about it. "Your Majesty!" yelled out a familiar voice from a changeling that stepped in the queen's way: Caretaker. I could not see the face she was giving Chrysalis, but it managed to soften her fury which instantly became a hardened glare upon looking at the changeling nearest me.
I knew the situation was diffused, but there was also no way she was getting off unpunished. Chrysalis slowly walked towards her. "Leave this hive and pray that I never visit the hive you flee to. If that prayer is unanswered, pray that I never encounter you; and if that too is unanswered, pray that I don't recognize you."
Upon finished that tirade, she brought her face within an inch of the frightened changeling's. "I-I-I-I-I didn't kn..."
"Leave, while I am still...merciful." I've only seen Pinkie Pie run that fast. I looked back at Chrysalis and saw her clearly losing her restraint. With a vicious yell, she fired a charged magic beam at a wall, one that I didn't have to look at to know that it now had a mark that was burnt red-hot. The queen breathed laboriously for a long moment as Caretaker slowly approached. Once she placed a hoof on Chrysalis's back, the queen snapped at her, still seething. Caretaker backed away in fear until Chrysalis's breathing suddenly slowed followed by her walking past the smaller changeling with a slightly hung head. "Take care of her."
With the queen gone, I took my first good look at my Caretaker. There were some bandages wrapped around her body, but the most noticeable thing was the bandaged stump where her horn used to be. There was no way I could look at it without feeling a sickeningly, cold chill all over my skin. It was a harsh reminder of what my selfishness and anger had caused.
She reached behind me with her fore-hooves and pulled out the rod which I've forgotten about. "There you go. I'm really sorry you had to be alone with Caretaker-11. I could have sworn that none of the lower ranked members were told about you, but now we suddenly have only 10 Caretaker's for this hive now." She picked me up in her hooves, but the extent of her trembling limbs was too great to keep me from slipping from her grasp. "That's weird. I can't keep my hooves still." She used one limb to put pressure on the other, but that led to her whole body shaking. Once I saw the onset of shallow breathing begin, I knew there was no stopping the incoming panic attack.
I watched helplessly as she pranced around inflicting pain upon herself in a desperate effort to regain control. "I thought she was going to kill her. I thought she was going to kill me. What if I mess up? What if I make a mistake? Is...is this what fear is?" She snapped her unsteady gaze towards my face with her breathing visibly erratic. I found the look in her eyes unnerving, but I maintained eye contact with as neutral of an expression I could maintain.
The impromptu staring contest paid off as she returned to normal behavior gradually. With one final deep breath, she walked up to me, picked me up with her entire limbs, then placed me on the floor. "Sorry you had to see that, princess," she said crouched down to eye level. "I think it's time you get some exercise. We can't keep you in that crib forever now can we?
She collected up my toys and started kicking them around within my field of view: A clear attempt to goad me into chasing the objects. I would have preferred some books over physical activity, but I could see no good reason to ignore what she wanted from me.
As I chased the toys around, I occupied my mind with thinking on Caretaker's panic attack. There was no doubting that the incident destroyed Caretaker's trust in the queen. I couldn't be absolutely sure, but I got a feeling Chrysalis asked her to continue being my Caretaker, which she may have seen as granting the closest thing to an apology that the prideful ruler would allow herself to give. This, however, was being seen as a lose-lose situation by Caretaker where she thinks she is doomed if she does poorly or is doomed if she does too well. If I was going to help both of them get through this, to get over what I put them through, I'd have to do something I never thought I'd need to do for a couple of changelings: make them into friends.
Come next morning, I knew exactly what I to do. As for how I would do it: I had no idea. It wasn't like I was the Princess of Friendship anymore, but I had to try. Caretaker soon arrived and promptly took care of all my needs, even without the aid of her magic. Next came story-time, but I paid more attention to the sound of hoofsteps outside the room. Every time a set got close, I turned to the door hoping, even praying that Chrysalis would come in. This undesirably caused Caretaker to stiffen up in fear of the very thing I was asking for.
Story-time ended later than usual and was followed up by play-time. I still focused on the sounds of hoofsteps outside of the room while chasing the toys around and ignoring how much I felt like a dog. Another set came close, but these were much softer sounding than the typical hoofsteps. This time I knew that it had to be Chrysalis, yet I was still elated when she poked her head in. She clearly tried to remain hidden, but that didn't last long with me crawling towards her. "Your Majesty!" exclaimed Caretaker in surprise and worry.
Chrysalis was shocked for a moment before returning to her false superiority. "Pay me no mind Caretaker. I am merely checking upon my daughter's well being." She looked at the crib then around the room, but not down. "Where is she..." Caretaker gasped and Chrysalis stepped back in surprise when I bumped into her leg. We locked eyes and I did my best to look...cute, or as cute as a pale lump of flesh could be. I was still lacking in the plan department, but I at least needed to keep Chrysalis in the room. She alternated between looking at me or Caretaker a few times before stopping at the other adult in the room. "What is she doing?"
There was a slight pause. "I-I think she wants to play with you."
"Is that why there's a block in her mouth?"
I crossed my eyes inward and sure enough, there it was. 'Huh, forgot that I even had that.'
"Y-yes. I believe she wants you to kick it around for her."
"Why?" Chrysalis asked in confusion.
"Um, so she can chase it around," replied Caretaker as if it were obvious.
"No, not that!" She spoke with some force, panic, and shock adding instability to her voice. "Why now does she want to be with me?! Why now does my daughter suddenly not hate me?! Either she cries and throws a fit if I get near her, or she ignores me if she has no other choice! What changed?!" Her short tirade was a bad sign to me.
"I-I'm not sure." Caretaker’s voice squeaked in a way that made me imagine her balled up like Fluttershy does when she feels intimidated.
I could barely make out the guilt in Chrysalis's eyes before she screwed them shut. "I see. Perhaps I should leave her well-being to you."
I glared when she turned away. 'Oh no you don't! Que the whimpering!' A soft puppy-like whine came out causing Chrysalis to pause mid-step for a second before resuming her departure. I tried to follow, but Caretaker scooped me up, slung me over her shoulder, and held me there with one hoof; which put me in the perfect position to watch Chrysalis walk away. 'I-I failed.' I dropped the block I had; the sound of it hitting the floor echoed in my mind long after becoming silent. 'Of course I failed. I'd have to be crazy to think I could even keep them in the same room together for longer than a minute. Fallout from an outburst like Chrysalis' doesn't fade in just a week. I'd need a miracle to make it work.'
Caretaker must have noticed how I was feeling because she started stroking me after putting me back in my crib "Why...why did you do that? I'd think you'd hate...dislike her more than ever." She sighed loudly. "I wish you could understand me, that we could communicate. How amazing would it be if I could simply ask you what you're thinking?"
She left my side as my eyes slowly widened in deep realization. The idea of communicating with them had crossed my mind before, but I discarded the thought back when I had it. It would've been foal's-play to encourage yes or no questions and to respond with nods or shakes, but it wouldn't have served my purposes back then. Now it was the only choice I had with any chance of working.
The checklist immediately began to form in my head. 'Step 1: get caretaker's attention; Step 2: convince her we can communicate; Step 3: get her to tell Chrysalis; Step 4: apo...apologize for my behavior, and Step 5: become a mediator.' I realized it was simple and had holes, but it really was my best shot at making up for what I did to them.
I prepped myself with a deep breath but stopped when I heard loud footsteps approaching the room. 'That can't be Chrysalis: it's too soon.'
My assumption was proven correct when a slightly familiar changeling poked its head in. "Caretaker-1!" he commanded with the same voice as the Informant from yesterday.
She snapped into an erect position facing him and dropping the toys she was cleaning up. "Yes!"
"Your presence is required in the meeting hall: your rank needs to be reevaluated." His expression was stern.
Caretaker bunched up a bit and looked at him fearfully. "But, what about the princess?"
"The evaluation won't take long and princess or not, I am sure she'll be fine for a few minutes."
"But I--"
"Enough!" he yelled with a stomp of a hoof. "We can not have the princess being cared for by one who not our finest."
"But the Queen…"
"The Queen is not in a calm state of mind. As soon as you leave, I will seek out Caretaker-two, who will surely be you replacement."
Caretaker hesitantly shifted her focus between me and the other changeling. 'Please stay,’ I thought, but she ultimately left me alone with the other changeling.
I glared at the male changeling while he regarded me with a cool expression. "Hello there, princess." His tone came out smooth and harsh at the same time. "We're finally alone together." That and the following chuckle put me on guard.
I backed away from him but was stopped by my crib's walls. Never before had they felt more like a cage. Every time he stepped closer, the sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. I dared not to think what that feeling really was, and I hoped that I wouldn't find out.
Well, this can only end well. Also, Twigrub chasing after toys is dangerously cute
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
First, wrong where/were, second, the skills were there, considering she convinced everyone except Twilight, including her aunt.
Missing quotation marks.
No punctuation at the end.
Or hoofsteps. Though I suppose technically... meh.
Holy crap!
Comma after her.
Yikes. Pony horns at least partially grow back, since the spa twins offer horn filings, but changelings may be different...
Comma instead of semicolon.
Missing quotation mark.
Communicating.
Missing space.
Hey there Caretaker, what's that on your flank? Oh, it's the word GULLIBLE! You'd think Caretakers would know you don't leave infants, especially royal infants, alone with unknown people! The Idiot-Ball is real!
Capitalize we're.
Good chapter, but the characters (Mainly Caretaker) acted stupid in some places, and you could really use an editor since spotting errors every paragraph or two really takes away from the immersion.
5386249 Wow, that's a lot of mistakes. I went and changed most of them, but there is a reason for Caretaker leaving. Part of it is that she does know the changeling that told her to leave.
5386382 Happens in the first chapter and is revealed in the second.
Why do you need an editor? As far as I can tell, there aren't any typos (unless you mean a different type of editor).
5386456 Europa pointed out quite a few mistakes that I fixed immediately. I'd like to have as few of them as possible.
5386462 Ah.
You could try copy-pasting the whole thing into Microsoft Word and hitting the Spelling & Grammar button.
Augh! Noooo not a cliffhanger!
I'm pleasantly surprised by this story. I was expecting another standard changeling fic, but your interplay between the characters and twilights inabilities are awesome.
If you're lookin' for an editor or a proof-reader, I'll take the case if you wish. My profile is my resume. Heh.
Okay, so I'm going to say overall this story has been pretty good. I'd say I've even enjoyed most of it quite a bit so far.
The basic idea, even if borrowed from a manga, is entertaining. Poor Twilight met a tragic end, and then reincarnates with her memories intact as the daughter of the one who orchastrated her demise. There is a sweet irony there.
I can even live with the cause of Twilight's retained memories being her connection to the Elements of Harmony, specifically through her friends. I can live with that quite easily in fact.
The thing that just absolutely KILLS this story for me though is the "Avatar's Archive". It removes pretty much any and all Suspension of Disbelief I can have with the story because it makes the story feel like something else entirely. The basics of the story seem to be "Twilight gets killed by Chrysalis. Twilight reincarnates as Chrysalis's daughter in sweet irony."
With the freaking Avatar's Archive though it makes it feel like Twilight is stuck in a Virtual reality game instead. Seriously, unlocking the ability to wail like an infant!? WTF!!!? Only being able to wail like an infant if she thinks out a command in her head to do so? That is insanely STUPID! Again it makes it read more like a game than it does a reincarnation.
Every time I see any lines "spoken" by the Avatar's Archive, the only thing I can think of is the Announcer from Portal 2 saying "please press the Stalemate Resolution Button."
So because of the "Avatar's Archive" This story is getting a thumbs down from me and it will remain a thumbs down until the previous chapters are rewritten to remove any trace of it and it is not used in the future. I doubt you care, but there's my two cents anyhow.
5386344 Yeah. With her evrything alternates to her nerdyness...
Best passive ever.
I bet the male is disguised ex Caretaker 11.
Twi should try magic and headshot dat madafaka in the horn! Or just eat thruth the crib and find a library. And there she would kill him in Kevin style...
5387012 Gotta agree. It's not a story-killer for me, but it's ridiculous and not at all internally consistent with the rest of the story.
5387012 well, if you've read the manga that the idea comes from, it pretty much reads like a video game as well, and "Infants Wail" is an actual ability in said manga, though it was never used "on-screen".
5387645
I realized that the idea may or may not have come from the manga. However that does not apply here. Doing some quick research, in the manga, the main character died in one world and reincarnated into another. The "rules" in both worlds were clearly different then those found in Equestria. Twilight has reincarnated into the same world we've always known where the rules are unchanged. Not only that, the "Avatar's Archive" makes even less sense when Twilight is the only person who has to deal with it, and never had to deal with anything like it before.
Oh dear. That's worrying (I've been told I have a passing talent for understatement).
This would be an excellent time to learn if changeling youth have emotion-prompted outbreaks of accidental magic. I'd hate for her to have to pull out more sub-powered knowledge from the Avatar Archive. Although not quite as much as I'd hate to see her die. There's a bit of hope that Chrysalis might be coming back. Or that Chrysalis bumps into Caretaker-1 and they realize something foul is going on.
How would trying to directly communicate help things? Aside from the utterly bizarre existence of a fully communicating baby, Chrysalis would know that Twilight's behavior was entirely intentional. And Caretaker-1 would be forced to confront the idea that the infant she'd been taking care of had an actual role to play in her accidental maiming, rather than that of an innocent little larva who had no real control over her actions.
Although if Chrysalis and Caretaker-1 do end up running back to the room together, some good old-fashioned fire-forged-friendship might come into play.
I love the story--I'm not certain how many times I've said this, but it's still true.
Adventures of maggot Twilight. More chapters and i might draw something interesting for you.
Gaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! I'LL GET YOU CLIFF-HANGER!
A rather interesting tale and retake on the common Twiling troupe. I wonder how far you plan to take this story? chronologically speaking.
Either way, i look forward to the next installment.
5387012
5387575
idk, the archive doesn't really bother me. If anything i thought it was funny at times. Personal tastes i guess.
5321975
Interesting theory. That might hold some water since one of the caretakers called Twilight a "little ant".
I wonder why that changeling wants to kill Twilight
Robomac, if you keep this up you will get a new follower great job - your possible new follower shadow
5387921 the idea *did* come from a manga, and this fic uses the mechanics of the manga, just because it's the same world while the main character got reincarnated in a different world doesn't change how the mechanics work.
the main difference is that Twilight can get information out of that "Archive" thing, while the main character of Re:Monster only got announcements, though he has "Consumption Absorption" which Twilight may or may not have (i hope she doesn't), so that would explain the difference in a way that would fit with Re:Monster cannon.
this fic works like a crossover where only the mechanics of Re:Monster crossed over to MLP while using the MLP world and characters.
"Your Majesty1" exclaimed Caretaker in surprise and worry.
Forgot to hold shift when typing that exclamation mark. :P
5389344
Actually yeah, it does change the mechanics between worlds. Rou died as a human and was reborn as a Goblin. He retained all his memories from his previous life, which would include things like language and so forth. However he could not speak or understand the humans of this world until after he'd eaten the remains of the girls that committed suicide.
He stated that Goblins had this weird leveling up thing going on that as a human he apparently did not. Then later on when he encounters the next group of human girls, they explain to him the class/job system that humans of his new world possessed. Indicating that such a system did not exist in his old world either.
So dying in one world and waking up in another DID indeed change the rules/mechanics for Rou.
So the rules should NOT change for Twilight reincarnating into the same world she lived before. Differences in species? Sure. Twilight being reborn a grub changeling, and going through moulting to grow up I have no problems with. It makes sense with the changelings as a species.
The "Avatar's Archive", however makes zero sense.
In Re:Monster, everyone is working off the same ruleset/mechanics. Any of the Goblins can all call up their own levels, evolve/upgrade/whatever to Hobgoblins or any of the other potential evolutionary paths of the Goblin family. The humans can pick their jobs, etc
Yet here we have Twilight as a changeling princess and apparently the only individual for unexplained reasons that seems to have access to, be aware of, and be LIMITED by the Avatar's Archive.
I did some reading of Re:Monster last night and in all the chapters I was able to find, there is ZERO evidence of any of the characters having to give mental or verbal command shouts to use any of their abilities. No having to call/cry/think out things like "Infant's Wail!" They simply USE them, end of story. So where the FLAGNOG did that asinine idea come from?
Edit: I'd like to restate I actually enjoyed this story except for the asinine "Avatar's Archive" nonsense. But it and everything associated with it just kills my Suspension of Disbelief and any sense of immersion I have in the story.
5390553 and how exactly is she limited by the avatar's archive? from my perspective it appears to be more like an advanced/extended tutorial, something that i suspect the author added due to not being able to have someone else explain it, like the old goblin in Re:Monster did regarding the whole "rank-up" system. rou was unable to do anything an infant couldn't do while he was still an infant so how is having her unable to do anything that an infant can't any different? the main difference here is that in Re:Monster the goblins go from birth to being able to hunt in mere 4 days, while changelings apparently have a much longer state of infancy.
Re:Monster works like a video game, with only rou noticing it, there's even a scene where he thinks about the weird voice that announces what items he gains, so he also hears what skills he gets, he was also asked while he was asleep if he wanted to "rank-up" into a hobgoblin with a [yes/no] box, avatar's archive doesn't break the mechanics even though it does push them a bit and it certainly isn't cause to demand that the author changes his earlier chapters.
5390809
I consider the Avatar's Archive it and all abilities associated with it. How is it limiting her? To cry like a baby, she has to make a mental invocation of "Infant's Wail". To cry like a baby... she has to make a mental invocation... She can't just cry like a child, no, it requires activation to perform...
Then all the other abilities have to be unlocked before they can be performed.
Twilight said in the latest chapter she did something she could do without relying on the Avatar's Archive. So she has to rely on the Avatar's Archive to do certain things... like cry like a baby... or vomit. I would call that limiting things, wouldn't you?
How to have certain things crop up without needing to rely on the Avatar's Archive to explain things? Oh I don't know... how about "instincts"? They're a fascinating thing in nature. They're instructions coded into the genetic structure of living beings, didn't know? Another option: A hive mind. Popular idea amongst changlings, and fitting given their hive nature. It need not be like the Borg collective, but perhaps a base for sharing basic information, something to help the young get on their feet faster.
And when did I demand anything? I said I was giving it a thumbs down until the earlier chapters were changed, and that I doubted the author even cared. Has Robomac said anything to give any indication they care one way or another? Nope. (and upon looking at that, that was not an intended Big Mac reference... but fitting given the Author's name.
5390921 so you're saying that you can just will yourself to vomit? that's pretty impressive, most people require some kind of a physical stimulation, like pushing a finger down their throat.
she also learned infants wail when she tried to scream the first time, so learning a skill/ability that allows you to do something the first time you try to do said thing is somehow limiting? also, having "infants wail" as a skill/ability is giving her much more control over her actions, rather than having to act it out she can just think: "infants wail" and it happens which means that she doesn't have to consciously act out the part of a crying infant, which has been shown to be quite handy at times.
you keep saying that it requires a mental invocation like it's some great limitation, thinking "infants wail" takes me about 1/3rd of a second and a tiny fraction of the mental activity that acting like a crying infant would take, something that would by quite handy for an adult trapped in an infants body.
"instincts" would be a very weak explanation in this case and, in my opinion, far more damaging to the suspension of disbelief, learning completely new skills and how they work doesn't happen by instinct nor does it give the kind of explanations we have been seeing from the avatar's archive. and while a hive mind might work to some degree for this part of the story, what about things that changelings don't know about, like that "harmony's avatar" thing?
sounds pretty demanding to me. just because the person you're making demands of doesn't care about your demands, doesn't make them any less demanding.
5390921 I'd like to stop you on the instincts thing. The thing about instincts vs intelligence is that no creature can have a lot of both: one will always override the other. Twilight is in a unique situation where her adult intellect has been superimposed upon a body that should be acting mostly on instinct. Without the Avatar's Archive, she'd have to actually learn how to replicate the way a changeling larva cries. It empowers her by giving control over normally involuntary actions. It also serves more purpose than what you see on the surface.
-It gave her access to information on how she became a newborn changeling long before the highly logical, scientific, and by-the-books Twilight would have been able to reach the truthful conclusion on her own. (I think I'd still be writing her denying the situation without it.)
-It gives Twilight some sense of control; which is something she needs if she's to maintain her sanity. (Crazy Twilight can be entertaining for only so long.)
I have other purposes, but they aren't applicable in the currently released chapters. Take solace in the fact that while the Avatar's Archive is going nowhere, it will eventually fade in use until it only pops up when actually needed.
PS: I do read your comments and care about them, but Olinn has been just about spot-on with all his rebuttals to your complaints. I simply do not feel like I need to add to what he says. (Even as I finish up this comment, he's posted one that lines up a bit with the explanation at the start of this comment.)
5391198
Can I vomit on command? No. Have I seen people vomit on command more than once? Yes. Not that it's a good idea to do so. I would point out we're talking about a different species when it comes to the changelings. Birds often employ regurgitation on command. The changelings could as well.
And it should never be required to be an ability simply to scream like an infant in the first place. That you not only have to unlock it, and then give any sort of command to perform it thereafter is limiting. I'll agree that vomiting on command isn't as easy (for humans), but If you want to scream your head off you should just be able to do so, not have to think of key phrases. Regardless of how "easy" or "quick" it is to think them. What, is Twilight now going to learn a new ability to "breathe" and from now one she'll need to keep thinking that over and over just to stay alive? That makes just about as much sense as "Infant's Wail" does.
Depending on how far it is taken, I think instincts would work just fine. Basic things that changelings should know like how to feed on love/the act of ingesting it or (for the sake of argument) make resin for the hives and cocoons, and (potentially) regurgitating food for others. That stuff should come from instincts easily. More complex things like advanced language would probably need to be taught the normal way.
And the fact that the hivemind would have no idea what "harmony's avatar" is, goes to further show just how far out of place the entire thing is. The entire Avatar's Archive does not fit with the rest of the world.
Consider it demanding if you want. I don't think of it that way. In the end your opinion is just as irrelevant as mine. (And we've all been pointlessly wasting our time! )
So just to recap, Chrysalis doesn't know her daughter is her enemy reincarnated? Baby's first words are gonna be a hell of a shock.
5391225
I would disagree with you on the instincts vs intelligence thing when it comes to Equestria. Pound and Pumpkin Cake both seemed to have instinctual knowledge of how to fly and use their magic respectively, yet also showed understanding when Pinkie Pie became upset and tried to cheer her up. Either they instinctively knew how to use their wings and magic, or they're prodigies.
I question whether or not instincts/instructions/abilities are needed at the top of your lungs, but will concede that perhaps there are certain vocalization patterns that would be otherwise missed.
I could see there being come conflict between Twilight's intellect and her new instincts. It would be interesting material to work with for her character development. "Old Twilight+new instincts" results in what kind of individual?
I would say simply accepting the Avatar's Archive as easily as she appears to be would be against Twilight's "highly logical, scientific, and by-the-books" mind. She certainly couldn't accept Pinkie Sense that easily. So why is she so willing to accept this inexplicable fount of information that has appeared in her head for no apparent reason (beyond author's desire that is)?
If Twilight were still in denial, that would be acceptable, and understandable even. And frankly stressing her sanity is warranted in her situation.
I won't be changing my thumb's down until the Avatar's Archive is removed, but as I said I honestly don't think you care about a single thumb's down.
I really like this story and can hardly wait for more.
5391795 No, I don't care too much. Whether or not she'd accept a voice in her head can easily be up for debate, but ultimately this is fan-fiction. The Avatar's Archive is a touch I added that has become integral to plot progression in some cases. As a story tool, it gives me more freedom to write what actions Twilight can take or in other words, you could say that the Avatar's Archive exists partly to make the story easier to write. I also didn't want her to have access to changeling instincts from the very start. Instead of conflicting instincts/intellect, Twilight will instead have to deal with a pony's mind verses the needs of a changeling's physiology, which will come into play after she reaches her second stage.
5392017
I cannot fathom why you would make something like the Avatar's Archive integral to plot advancement, or even like the idea. Guess it doesn't matter though.
Twilight's mind vs the needs of a changeling physiology.... The need for things like having to feed on love? Her survival depending on preying upon the ponies? Things like that?
5391544 fun fact, horses and ponies are unable to vomit in real life, though the show disregards this and either the author went with show cannon or changelings have a different digestive system then ponies.
you're missing the point that she unlocked it by trying to scream in the first place, she might be able to do it without the command, but why would she if it's easier to just use the ability?
Edit: breathing might be an ability, but it's a passive and thus doesn't require activation
sure, instincts might work for very basic changeling things, but that is a *lot* more limiting for the author than the archive is.
true, but the whole "consumption absorption" thing in Re:Monster doesn't fit into that world either and only exists to make the main character overpowered more quickly.
to me, this fic reads like a different take on the whole "X dies and finds out it's life is a video game" thing, and i happen to enjoy those kinds of fics. at least this one doesn't have something silly like "menu" or "pause" that gives the MC an infinite amount of time to think regardless of situation.
time wasted on having fun isn't wasted at all, and i enjoy a good logical debate ^_^
5413782 First one could be arguably conceived as child (I think ) negligence whilst this one... yeah it is murderous indeed. Chrysalis aisle 1 Chrysalis aisle 1 thank.
You forgot a quotation mark after enough.
Two steps 2.
Pretty good chapter.
5422728 Fixed
Update?
This is a very wonderful story, and I am looking forward to new chapters. Take all the time that you need if this is the level of quality you can make chapters. I would love to edit for you, but I don't think that I would have enough time. At chapter five I think I'm going to go back though the review the chapters. Keep up the good work.
The cover! AAAAA! My EYEYS!!!!!!
5437256 What would you say you don't like about it.
cool cover art, but what with the glasses?
5440110 Story reasons
5440743 okay? so why is twilight have glasses as a drone?
5440769 Like I said, story reasons. Feel free to speculate.
5440826 okay, so were did you get this cover?
5440844 I got it from Avatar of Madness.