Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants
Chapter 5: Rarity
-ooo-
‘PIZZAAAAAP!’
“… her…” Applejack said, trailing off with an irritated look as she, Twilight, and Magic Pants (whose luscious, glowing, neon-rainbow hair billowed about her in the breezeless room) suddenly appeared in amongst the racks of colorful clothing in Carousel Boutique.
“Behold!” Magic Pants said in a grandiose tone that also highlighted her great humility as she motioned out to the boutique in a stately, yet humble manner. “The dwelling of the Element of Generosity.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Yes, we’ve all been to Rarity’s boutique, thanks.”
“Hrmmm…” Twilight hummed thoughtfully as she glanced around. “No sign of Rarity, maybe she’s out at the moment?”
“We sure lucked out then,” Applejack said. “I doubt she’d react any better than any other pony so far.”
“Hello?” Rarity called out from a nearby room. “Is somepony out there?”
Applejack sighed heavily. “We just can’t catch a break today, can we?”
“It’s Applejack and me!” Twilight called. “We have an, erm… situation that requires your attention… apparently.”
“Oh, well I’ll be right there, darling!”
“No wait!” Applejack cried. “Rarity, don’t just—”
Rarity suddenly appeared in the doorway, her red sewing glasses perched on her muzzle.
“Hello Rarity, the Element of Generosity bearer,” Magic Pants greeted with all the skill of a butler for a deific being. “It is an honor to meet you.”
Applejack sighed. “—walk in here…”
Rarity said nothing as her eyes drifted onto Magic Pants. Her expression remained neutral as she looked over the superbly glowing and sparkling being.
Twilight tilted her head and stared at Rarity, as if waiting for some sort of reaction. She motioned to Magic Pants. “Uh… Rarity… this is Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants… We’ve been calling her ‘Magic Pants’. She needs to see you for… erm… some reason that really isn’t clear to us yet.”
“I see…” Rarity said with a bod. She suddenly smiled. “Excuse me everypony, I’ve been working several hours non-stop and must take a short break to freshen up. Give me a brief minute or two and I’ll happily assist with whatever you may need.”
Magic Pants beamed with teeth as white as a great being that was voiced or even played by Morgan Freeman. “Marvelous, you truly are the Element of Generosity.”
“Huh…” Applejack uttered as she watched Rarity trot off into a nearby room and close the door after her. “She took that way better than expec—”
“GLORPHRGHGHARARAAARRRGH!”
Applejack scrunched her lips up. “Never mind…”
Twilight sighed heavily. “Is everypony going to do that when they see Magic Pants?! It’s getting old.”
Applejack shook her head. “Twilight, I think yer just gonna have to accept that Magic Pants is just so bizarre lookin’ to most ponies that they can’t help but lose their lunch when they see her.”
Magic Pants nodded splendidly, then raised a forehoof to her forehead with all the grace of thirty swans who knew ballet and ice skating performing a choreographed number. “My looks are both a gift and a curse! Oh, woe is me! If only if I were not gift-cursed with such shimmering beauty too stunning for mortal ponies to properly take in at first glance!”
Applejack sighed heavily. “If only.”
Twilight gave Applejack an indignant look. “I’ve managed to hold my food down this entire time! I really don’t get what the big deal is!”
“Twi, yer always working on that crazy magic stuff. I don’t even wanna know half the things you’ve seen.”
>-ooooooo-<
Spike slowly pushed open the door to his and Twilight’s quarters in Canterlot Castle. These quarters happened to be a spacious, multi-floored ‘room’ that functioned as both his and Twilight’s bedroom, as well as Twilight’s study, laboratory and personal library. A massive, multi-story tall window flooded the area with daylight along with many other smaller windows. Despite how easy one might think it was to see inside their quarters, the whole thing was set atop a massive spire of the castle so that its height and distance from the other spires kept what happened inside rather private.
Despite how great all of these seemed at first glance, there were many aspects of the quarters that Spike had grown to dislike. The fact that the quarters served as Twilight’s personal laboratory, the fact that almost no one could see what was going on inside, and the fact that the light made it so easy to see what was going on when one was inside were a few good examples.
“Hey, Twilight. What’s shakiahAhaHAHAAAAAAAAA!”
Today would be no exception. To Spike’s disgust and horror, his purple unicorn roommate held aloft some… thing with her magic next to her work area of potions and books. Spike could only describe the thing as a small mixture of lumpy flesh, long-black hairs that seemed to poke out in all directions, and blood that covered the creature in a messy and seemingly sticky layer.
“Spike! You’re just in time!” Twilight said cheerfully.
Spike gulped. “Please say you need me to set that thing on fire! I’m sure the smell will be horrific, but it can’t be worse than looking at it!”
“Oh Spike, don’t be silly!” Twilight said as she shook her head. “This is a mythical creature from the land of Nippony known as a ‘Sankai’—”
Spike crossed a pair of claws and began chanting quality to himself. “Don’t say you’re studying it… Don’t say you’re studying it… Don’t say you’re studying it…”
“—I had it sent here so I could study it!”
“CELESTIA DAMN IT!”
Twilight furrowed her brow at Spike. “Language, young dragon!”
Suddenly the Sankai opened it’s ‘mouth’, or at least some sort of orifice that seemed to contain a set of teeth randomly placed within a circular opening. It made a strange gurgling sound as blood oozed from the opening and dripped to the floor.
“Hehe, Oh dear,” Twilight said as she looked at the puddle of fresh blood on the floor. “Spike, would you get the mop?”
Spike cringed. “Fine… but then I’m taking the hottest, longest bath in all of Equestrian history.”
“Spike, there’s no time for that now!” Twilight insisted. “I need you to shave the Sankai while I hold it down!”
<-ooooooo->
Twilight narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “Well maybe other ponies should open a few more books and explore the wonders of Equestria’s magical creatures!”
“Oh no, you mustn’t fight!” Magic Pants said with all the concern of a mother to all things big, small, and also possibly smelly under creation. “I’m sure my—”
“PLEASE don’t say anything about yer forgiveness spray!” Applejack cried.
Magic Pants smiled with all the tenderness of a matriarch to all beings, be they large, miniscule, or unpleasant to olfactory senses. “No, my little pony! I was going to suggest my calming torrent of unity excretion.”
The ponies went silent as the sound of a toilet flushing could be heard from the room Rarity occupied.
Applejack’s face twisted in disgust as she shuddered. “That’s mighty kind of you, but Ah really have trouble imagining being calmed down by a torrent of anything’s excretion…”
The muffled sound of running water was heard, soon followed by the light squeak of a faucet. Rarity’s bathroom door opened and the white mare herself trotted back into the room, quickly closing the door behind her. She almost looked no worse for wear, save for the dark smudges of mascara under her eyes.
“So sorry for dashing off like that,” Rarity said.
Applejack shook her head. “Believe me, yer much better off havin’ done that.”
Twilight gave Rarity an apologetic look. “Look Rarity… We’re sorry to just… pop in here like this.”
“And with this,” Applejack added as she motioned to Magic Pants.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s just that… Well, maybe you can help. You see, ponies keep screaming and losing the contents of their stomachs every time they see Magic Pants… I thought maybe you had an outfit or could quickly make something that would distract from her… uh…”
“My beautiful, shimmering, dark radiance?” Magic Pants suggested in a helpful, melodic tone reminiscent of some sort of divinely touched librarian.
Twilight sighed. “Yeah, sure…”
“Hmmm… Yes… I could see… cough… see the problem…” Rarity said as she peered at Magic Pants through her sewing glasses. “Perhaps I could stick a number of burlap sacks together. Enough to cover her… completely.”
Magic Pants smiled with the warmth of the shimmering sun. “You are indeed the most generous of ponies, Rarity. But my radiance must shine like a beacon for all of Equestria to see…”
Rarity sighed. “I predict all of Equestria will lose much weight then.”
“Rarity!” Twilight snapped.
Applejack snickered to herself.
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” Rarity said, “but you’re asking me to…” Rarity frowned. “… to…”
Applejack spoke up. “Tryin’ to put lipstick on a pig that’s also mutated and glowing from severe magical energy overdose?”
“Applejack!” Twilight cried.
“Hmmm…” Rarity hummed. “That was actually a lot nicer than what I was going to suggest.”
Twilight shook her head. “Actually, I was just surprised Applejack knew about MEO.”
“Ah work a farm that’s right next door to tha Everfree forest.” Applejack’s eyes unfocused as she stared off into no direction in particular. “Ah have seen some things almost as bad as what I’ve had to deal with today.”
Magic Pants suddenly tensed, but in a regal way that showed she actually wasn’t afraid or surprised. “My rainbow sense tells me we’re needed elsewhere!”
Applejack cocked her eyebrow, which was not yet cocked out from excess cocking. “Ah thought you had a ‘princess sense’?”
Magic Pants paused, but elegantly like a videogame which, when paused, displayed the word ‘Pause’ in elegant calligraphy. “My princess sense tells me we’re needed elsewhere!” Magic Pants said in a commanding, by kind tone of voice as if she hadn’t said something similar just prior because she didn’t, and if you think she did or scroll up and see otherwise, you’re wrong and also hallucinating and maybe should go see a doctor. “We must make haste to Canterlot! To my friendship flank!” She said in her commanding, yet gentle tone.
Twilight and Applejack sighed in a tone not dissimilar to that of being asked to do menial farm labor and boring paperwork respectively as they sidestepped closer to Magic Pants and grabbed a hold of her.
Rarity gulped. “Will you be needing me for this… erm, little jaunt?” She said in a worried tone.
Applejack looked at Rarity in surprise. “Yer passing up an opportunity to go to Canterlot?”
Rarity paused as she stared at Applejack and Twilight. Both ponies’ legs were wrapped around Magic Pants’ hind legs. “Yes. I absolutely am doing that.”
“Come on, Rarity,” Twilight said. “I’m sure we can use your he—”
“THERE’S NO TIME!” Magic Pants cried in an authoritative but benevolent tone. “WE MUST LEAVE NOW!”
“But she’s right here!” Twilight said. “She could just trot over and—”
‘PIZZAAAAAP!’
In a brilliant flash of rainbow, neon, sparkles and awesome, Magic Pants disappeared, taking Twilight and Applejack with her.
Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought they’d never leave…” she said as she trotted towards the entrance of Carousel Boutique. “I sure hope the store is well-stocked on ice cream,” she said to no one in particular, “because I daresay I’m going to break my own speed and quantity record…”
Huh, I daresay, I do believe I am currently anticipating the sweet-blistering-eruption of a reaction from Princess Celestia. Wait, does Celestia vomit forth regular stomach acids, or the proto-plasma of the sun?
This just keeps getting funnier.
I feel like Princess Celestia wouldn't even bat an eye.
A certain spirit of Chaos is missing in this little imbroglio. Hmmm....
This story is as elegant as the most elegant weasel who every graduated top of his class at Elegant Academy. Not Elegant City College. Those guys are posers.
Oh. Looks like the group is gonna meet the princesses. I wonder how the princesses will react? Hopefully things will turn out...a LITTLE better than Magic Pants' interaction with the mane six....
...Whoa. Though I find Rarity took it the best
I hope I'm not the only one who scrolled back up at that line....
I'm half-expecting Celestia to take one look at It, let loose a sigh so aged and weary that all of Canterlot is blanketed in a fine layer of dust, and say, "Oh, great. It's you again."
The display will then be repeated by Luna, Discord, and every other being old enough to have been alive when Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants last roamed the world.
5505771 maybe he is intentionally avoiding her?
That kinda does sum this up perfectly. Which is to say I find myself giggling helplessly and wanting to spread this around like some sort of STD. One that causes you to have excessive amounts of glitter.
Oh man, Luna will definitely try to kill it. I love the explanation for why Twilight can handle looking at it. I would also love to hear more about Applejack's experiences with MEO. I do hope we get to see Magic Pants actually excrete some form of friendship on somepony!
That explains why Applejack is even sticking around. P-CRaMP is awful, but her previous experience has given her enough of a bonus to her saving throw that she is still capable of forcing herself to stay within ~1 mile of it.
Twilight, having successfully conned the DM into letting her play a gestalt character with flaws, obviously has Luck of Heroes and a homebrewed Great Fortitude/Iron Will combination feat that the DM agreed to after being promised mountains of pizza.
I do wonder what sort of horrifying things the MOE can make, though. I'd guess timber wolves, of course, but there's got to be more than that. Hm... flesh-spiders? Tigers composed of the tears of dying orphans? Teletubbies? Murderous god-fetuses that attach to creatures like parasites and control them with their umbilical-cord-tentacles? Politicians?
5505918 By "better" do you mean "less vomiting" or "more successful at killing it"?
5526874
Less vomiting, I suppose. (pinkieshrug)
Now that I think about it, P-CRaMPs isn't that much worse than . . .
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140512170236/mlp/images/thumb/b/b8/The_Mane_6_in_their_Rainbow_Power_forms_S4E26.png/640px-The_Mane_6_in_their_Rainbow_Power_forms_S4E26.png
Sweet mother of god, it comes in human!
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2015/038/7/9/200k_pageview_special__human_princess_magic_pants_by_theshadowstone-d8gzgd7.png
KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT
img1.derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/1/313541/thumb.jpeg
Heh. Can't wait until she meets Luna and Celestia.
"Sister! Your nightmare escaped!" Luna called to her sister as she pulled out war ax. "This time I slay thee," she murmured as she approached the abomination.
5621365
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU KILLED IT!?"
"I DID! How in Mother's name are you still alive?"
Magic Pants laughed in a gentle way that was as light as something that was very light, but deep, like a chasm at the bottom of an ocean that was at the bottom of a valley on the bottom of a deeper chasm. "Oh dearest of parents--"
"Pinkie Pie told me I was needed! EAT ACIDIC CHOCOLATE GRENADE RAIN, ABOMINATION!"
5506240 Don't worry. i did so as well.
Fuck it. Going in favorites
This is awesome! Have not laughed that much since Bored of the Rings!
5506325 sadly I can see this happening.
The next round of meet-and-greets promises to be fun. Here's to predicting Luna sends herself back to the moon.
I look forward to this story eventually completing when the epic, grand Quest they're on is revealed to be something utterly banal and pointless. Such as a tiny bout of indigestion that inadvertently set of Magic Pants' Princess Sense. Even a being as grand and majestic as her can't stomach White Castle without some kind of unpleasant consequences. Why she even ate there in the first place can be a mystery left for the ages.
“I see…” Rarity said with a bod.
Bod?