The Kingdom of Darkness

by abcd_z

Chapter 1

Have you heard the joke about the human male who was transported to Equestria against his will?

Oh, you're gonna love this one.

See, one day this guy gets sucked into Equestria. Let's say a vortex opens up and sucks him in, spitting him out just outside of Ponyville. Now the guy is completely on his own. No money to his name, no friends, and nobody to turn to for support.

Are you laughing yet? Just wait, it gets better.

So there are some misunderstandings, but eventually he wins the ponies over and becomes a trusted friend to them.

And then one night Twilight Sparkle looks into an enchanted mirror and sees the worst humanity has to offer. Wars and crimes, violence and rape, and a thousand petty little offences that make the world an overall worse place to live.

So Twilight talks to Celestia, and the two princesses together devise a plan so cunning, Baldrick could have invented it.

First, they lure him to the royal castle in Canterlot.

Then, Twilight draws his attention as Celestia casts a spell to incinerate him!

Doesn't that make you just want to laugh?

...

No?

Me either. But as an ex-girlfriend once said, "If I couldn't laugh, I'd cry."

When Celestia tried to incinerate me I didn't realize what was happening. I thought maybe it was a spell misfire, or a mistake of some sort. All I knew was that I'd been hit by a blinding white light and the air around me was scorching hot for several seconds. Somehow, though, I didn't take any damage. When the spell ended Celestia was panting heavily, the floor around me had scorch marks, and I was blinking spots out of my eyes.

"Whoa, careful there!" I said. "You almost hurt somebody with that thing!"

And yes, I'm aware now of the irony of what I said.

Celestia's eye widened in surprise, and next to me Twilight yelled, "It's not working! Do it again!"

I turned to face Twilight, who stood several paces away from me. Up until that point she had been nervously rambling on about the finer points of Starswirl the Bearded's Fourth Theorem and its general applications... or something. I dunno, I kind of tuned her out.

I asked her, "What do you mean it's not-AUGH!"

My world was again blinding light and scorching heat. I instinctively covered myself with my arms and yelled, "This is really starting to piss me off!"

The spell ended, and Celestia looked shocked.

"Okay, somebody level with me. Just what the hell is going on here?" I asked angrily.

There was that awkward "I just tried to kill somebody and now they're being petulant about it" pause that often occurs in situations like this. Finally, Celestia answered. Her gaze sharpened as she stared at me resolutely.

If there's one thing I knew, it was that Celestia was a fair and just ruler. If anybody could clear this mess up, it would be her.

"We do not have to answer your question." she said.

My brain locked up as I tried to process what I heard.

Then, once I realized that yes, I did hear what I thought I did, I got angry.

"Okay, fine," I said through gritted teeth. "Then answer me this: DID YOU JUST TRY TO KILL ME?!"

Celestia stared at me stoically and refused to say anything.

Next to me, Twilight didn't have nearly the same composure.

"Oh god," she said frantically, "he's going to kill us. Oh god, oh god, oh god."

I stared at Twilight. Had everybody here gone crazy or something? Where on earth had Twilight gotten the impression that I was a homicidal maniac? I mean sure, I was upset, but that didn't mean I was going to attack her, and it certainly didn't mean I was going to kill her!

I was stuck with two conflicting urges. The first was to reassure Twilight. I didn't know what was going on, but she was my friend and I owed it to her, and to myself, to fix this misunderstanding. The second urge was to throw my hands up and just head home. Let the craziness sort itself out and get back to my nice, warm, comforting, bed.

After a quick internal argument I decided to stay and try to reassure Twilight.

I crouched down and gently spoke to Twilight. "Twilight, look at me," I said as reassuringly as possible. "I don't know why you would think that, but you're wrong. You're my friend, and I would never let anything bad happen to you."

By this point Twilight had retreated into a curled, shaking, fetal position on the floor. At my words she stopped shaking and slowly looked up at me.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really really," I said, recalling a running gag between us.

Twilight started to uncurl from her position on the floor and then-

To this day I don't know what went through her head. One second it looked like she was going to trust me, then the next second her eyes got wide and she yelled, "He's lying! Celestia, hit him again!"

Celestia, to her credit, did nothing. There was an aura around her horn, but it didn't appear to be doing anything. I straightened up.

"Perhaps you could tell me what's going on?" I asked Celestia.

"We owe you no explanation, intruder from another world!"

I was shocked. The ponies had always known that I was from a different dimension, and it had never been a problem before. This meant the venom I heard in Celestia's words took me completely by surprise.

"In fact," she continued, "I see no reason to allow you your freedom from here on out. Guards!"

Oh, hell. This day had just gone from bad to worse.

I sprinted for the exit. Two guards entered through the double-doors just as I reached them. Without missing a beat I vaulted over one of them and kept running as if my life depended on it.

With the way things were going, it probably did.

Behind me, I heard Celestia bellow, "Don't let him get away!"

Lovely.

Author's Note:

Yes, I'm aware that Celestia and Twilight are acting very out of character here. Trust me, there's a reason for this, even if it won't be explained for a while.

Comments

[giz]

interesting.
twilight, again review the mirror and realize that you only he saw the worst and ignore the good of mankind and then tries to apologize

[Coranth]

Oh, for the love of...

[Derek the Gamer]

This is gonna get interesting. May darkness spread.

[Sprocket Jockey]

MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[IkioStar]

What. No, no just no. There's no way in any conceivable manner under the great purview of time itself that would every happen. I admit to being amused by this, but it's a farce so far gone in manner that every conceivable force should act against this kind of rationale. I admit that it introduces Celestia and Twilight as antagonists, but this should be a comedy it's so bad. It barely introduces the characters themselves before it jumps into whatever it's trying to do. This is as far from canon characters as possible. Why would you use them if you're only going to abuse them?

[Heat Signature]

(warning ⚠. Spoilers)
Read Ending and Get Him!,
Ending:Brony goes to Equestria, they almost all fear him, he ties to kill himself after living in the Everfree for four years and being attacked most of the time, being cold every night, and starving most days.
GET HIM!: A guy is sent to Equestria by the lonely princess of the night, he meets the main 6, CMC, and the alicorn princesses who all seem to want him for reason demeaning or scary; fame (the egg head), fortune(who is always talking about earning more money), to mother (you got one guess on who wants to mother wild animals), to make into a pony for a super special, amazing, crazy, jumpy, new pony in Ponyville party (easy guess), a pet (not that easy to guess but you'd definetly see how its possible), TO DESTROY ( who usually holds grudge longer), cutie marks (shouldn't even need to think about who), a friend for the lonely nights ( only night lover in the show), a portal to take over the human world (who has the magic to do that and the army willing to.
Also read It Never Really Ends, the sequel to ending.
My point, just because their in equestria doesn't mean they can't be dangerous and evil IkioStar, they were the same in those stories and many more, also a one chapter story called Savage the towns people have spent years spreading tales of a guy who lives with a pack of wolves in the Everfree, by the end of the first chapter Applebloom feels he is being misunderstood (literally, it's one of those stories wet each one can't speak the same language)

[Heat Signature]

I prefer these stories were the ponies are the antagonists.

[Kobitsu]

The level of OOC-ness is OVER 9000!!!!!!

[Mr_Moon]

5217009 same it's more fun

[0Z0mbie]

5217009
you know in an irl situation something like this might happen not the ponies trying to kill him part but like going to the lengths to try and use the Elements of harmony or something like that if they saw what humanity does to its self sometimes well actually scratch that most of the time would fit better.