Extraordinary League of Equestrian Gentlemen and Assorted Nettling Travesties

by BlasserundTeurer

One-hundred-and-eighty pounds of odd

Chapter IV

One-hundred-and-eighty pounds of odd

John awoke, groggy.

His vision was blurred and his head was pounding, but, amazingly, he felt better than before.
Sure there was pain coming from all over his body and his head was still abuzz, but he found himself able to actually form coherent thoughts without too much effort.

The first of those thoughts was directed at the odd sense of comfort beneath his body, the second at the strangely pleasant climate he found himself in.
Not particularly cool, but still worlds away from the punishing heat of the desert.

Enlightenment came when his vision cleared. He was staring at wooden planks above him.
Further investigation was required before John would accept the dawning realization that was before him.

So, craning his neck, he studied his current residence.

Woody was an understatement, every single piece of furniture, aside from a few cushions, and the bed he was currently residing in obviously, was wooden in the relatively small, oblong, rectangular room.
The walls were wooden, the ceiling was wooden, and so was the carpetless floor beneath him.

John was pretty sure that, if wood could be sufficiently translucent, the windows would have been wooden as well.

Aside from the undeniably wooden theme of the room, it was sparsely decorated.

A small, simple desk near one of the doors of the room. A few cupboards scattered along the walls filled with dusty books and a few odd trinkets here, and a low table with four cushions on the ground there.

That last one was definitely an asian influence, John thought.

It seemed pretty standard, the only odd things being the bed John was lying on, the drip bag he was hooked up to, and the very odd choice of pets that his benefactor seemed to have.

Standing at the edge of the room, looking out of the only window in the room, was a small horse, looking more like a shetland pony than anything else.

The final two oddities struck John when the pony turned around. It had humongous eyes, positively captivating in their size and form, but could probably be explained away
by genetics or some other reasonable explanation.

The other however, was the short horn that was sticking out of the fur on it's forehead. It seemed that his benefactor either had in his posession, an honest to god unicorn.
Or, in a more likely scenario, fixed a dummy horn to the poor creature's head.

"Who would do that to a pony?", John wondered aloud.

This caused the pony in question to turn its gaze towards John, with what seemed to be a surprised expression on its face. If that was even possible for a pony.

It started to move close towards John, causing him to flinch in the bed, and nudge himself closer to the headrest.

"Whoa there, easy!", John said. eliciting no reaction at all from the eager pony.

John was starting to panic now, the pony getting faster, almost trotting towards him now. So he started calling out for help.

"Hello? I need some help here! Your... your pet is... I dont know what it's doing but it's scaring the crap out of me!", He called out, hoping that his benefactor, and owner of the pony was within earshot.

He was, apparently.

A somewhat familiar flash of light blinded both John and the pony, causing it to stop in its movements and look towards the source of the light.

"Doctor. what's going on? I heard shouting.", A voice, also familiar, asked the pony.

John, befuddled, and his eyes burning exclaimed a few colourful curses and tried blinking the pain away.
Except he kind of wished he was blind when he saw the new addition to the occupants of the room.

Standing next to the pony, and staring dumbly at John, was the creature from John's fever dreams out in the desert.

Oh great, so this is all probably just some hallucination. John thought

"Ooh how exciting! He's awake!", The other creature exclaimed, looking very giddy and clapping its claw and paw together.

John assessed his situation. He was stuck in a room with some crazy, english speaking snake-like creature and a manic pretend-unicorn. Nothing unmanagable then, he thought.

Even if it was all just some hallucination or dream, John was somehow liking the idea of conversing with someone, even if it was with himself.

"Yes, I suppose I am.", John said in lightly accented english. Learning the language was finally proving useful.

"Or maybe I'm not, who knows. What's important is, who are you, why have you dressed your pet horse up as a unicorn, and where am I?", He asked slowly.

Both the mismatched creature and the pony looked at each other, frowning.

The pretend-unicorn spoke, causing John's jaw to fall.

"Well Mr... uh"

"Anders..., John Anders", John offered, slack jawed.

"Well Mr. Anders. I am Doctor Saw Bones, you can just call me Saw, or Bones though. This bundle of fun's name is Discord. He is certainly not my owner, and I am definitely a
real unicorn." He picked up and floated over John's chart with magic to prove his point.

"And you are currently in the lovely town of Dodge Junction, more precisely in my clinic... and quill shop..", Saw finished in a cheery sort of voice. Totally oblivious to John's bewilderment.

John's brain was in the process of rebooting. Talking ponies proved a tad too much to handle at the moment so he went for the obvious.

"Uhm. Quill shop?", he asked.

"Why yes! The clinic alone doesn't bring in enough money to pay for the rent and leave enough for daily living, so with some help of a friend of mine in ponyville, I chose the business model of a dual purpose establishment and set up shop here.", Saw explained enthusiastically.

Now fully operational, John's brain came to the only logical conclusion.

"That's just great. A talking pony who owns a clinic / quill shop. Plus whatever you're supposed to be", He said, pointing vaguely towards Discord.

"I'm going nuts! Whack-o! All the while, I'm probably still lying out there in the desert somewhere, dying!", John cried out, not particularly liking the fact that his brain was apparently taking him straight to crazy town, population: John.

"Oh! So that's what you meant when you said you're going nuts!", The creature named Discord said, slapping himself on the forehead.

John twisted both his eyebrows into a frown.

"What?", He asked flatly.

"Well, when I found you out there in the badlands, you said the same thing, oh silly me! I thought you meant that literally!", Discord said, laughing.

When he finally stopped laughing, he continued.

"Well, I can assure you, you are definitely not going bonkers as you fear. And you can trust me on that. I am an expert on those sort of things. Let me prove it to you."

He moved closer, and before John realized what he was doing, Discord extruded his beard, pushing it all the way into John's nose, through his sinuses and eventually out of his mouth.

There was a brief period of complete nothingness for John. He was sure something had happened but he couldn't recall any of it after it was done.

John's heart was racing, he was terrified. Had that just really happened? Had he really just had this thing's beard slithering around god knows where?

Apparently so, because he could not rationalize what just happened any other way. And for the moment, he found himself in belief of his situation.

Discord was ecstatic. "Oh-ho-ho, I havent done that in such a long time! Do you see what I mean now, John?", he asked him.

"I-I... I do...", John replied, trying to calm himself. "But how? What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just linked yourself to me, giving you a new experience. Calming your rational side, and opening you up for the moment."

John was confused by this, so Discord decided to elaborate a bit.

"You should remember eventually, but for now just rest assured that it will help you accept your new surroundings.", He explained.

"New surroundings?", John asked.

"Well, yes. I saw a brief glimpse of where you are from, and I can safely say that you are not there anymore.", Discord stated and added. "This is so very exciting!"

John wanted to ask again but Discord raised a claw to stop him.

"I will just go from the top, and give you a brief 'history lesson', if you will. Trust me, it will make it easier."

"Fine", Was all John said after a few seconds of consideration. It did make sense to try and get a run down of things first.

Discord explained things to John for hours, only pausing when he would ask a question or the doctor interjected, not entirely satisfied with Discord's storytelling.

"So I'm in the magical land of equestria, which is filled with ponies, and ruled by a diarchy of pony princesses. And you are the spirit of chaos, Discord, in service of said diarchy. Is that about right?", John summed up.

"It sounds a bit boring when you put it that way, but yes. In essence that is the situation, if we forget about the rest of Equus that is.", The spirit of chaos answered.

"Equus?", John asked.

"That's the name of our world.", Discord replied.

And so they carried on, John asking questions about things he didnt quite understand yet, and Discord doing his best to answer them.
This went on until John asked the question that's been bugging him for the past few hours now.
"So... what now?"

"What do you mean?", Discord wanted to know.

"Well, not that im ungrateful or anything but, what am I supposed to do now? Where do I go. What do I do?", John voiced his worry.

Discord mulled this over. "Truthfully, I dont know. I suppose at the very least that princess Luna would want to ask you a few questions, after that though... I dont know. I guess it's up to you."

This didnt help John much, nonetheless he said. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep her waiting, you guys did save me after all."

The doctor however, thought otherwise. "You aren't going anywhere Mister Anders, at least not until tomorrow. I want to check on that infection of your's overnight."

Oh right, he did get stabbed, John remembered.

John didn't want to wait however so he rebuked. "I'm sure they have doctors wherever im going, right Discord?"

"Indeed, and they have better facilities in Canterlot as well.", Discord agreed.

Saw Bones wanted to say something, a reason for them to stay but he eventually resigned and grumbled a "Fine."

Not a second later, the bed was gone, and John was sitting in a patients gown on Discord's scooter.

"Ta Ta", Discord waved in good-bye, and he and John were gone in a flash.

Comments

[JohnIsOffline]

Love the story, Fav - follow.
The story really good from the begin so i will track this story for month.

[BlasserundTeurer]

5218145

*squee*

Thank you.