Cotton Candy was outside that day. It was pretty sunny. A warm breeze was making her mane wave a bit. She was in a park, with fillies and colts playing together not far away from where she was: in a tree. She was napping, snoring a bit. A dark blue face approached hers, opened its mouth and...
"BAH!"
Poor Cotton Candy jumped and almost fell on her face against the ground, but the dark blue pegasus held her. He was maybe a prankster, he didn't want any accidents to happen.
"Prism!", gasped Cotton. "I thought we were gonna prank together!"
"Don't you look cute like that", he said at her pouting face. "You may be my prank partner, but partners can prank each other!"
"They can, huh?", she smiled. "Fine."
Cotton Candy jumped off her tree and waved at her prank partner on his cloud.
"Well, see ya later, alligator!"
"In a while, crocodile."
"I can't believe we still didn't get over that", she gigglesnorted.
"Yeah. Me neither."
Cotton and Prism knew each other for a while now. When they were still little, they discovered this strange way to say goodbye. It was Pinkie who told them when she said goodbye to Gummy that way (she was just going shopping). And since then, they started saying goodbye that way all the time, just for the laughs. But seems that that little joke lasted for a few years now.
Cotton had the perfect prank in mind! Something he would totally believe in. He's just so nuts sometimes, she was sure he was going to fall for it! She wasn't sure of the consequences, but nothing bad could happen. Prism Bolt said he always wanted an armor... For the prank, a gift had to go with it. She took out a colored dough bag.
"I can't afford an armor... Plus, it would be weird."
She modeled her PPBFFM, her Prank Partner Best Friend Forever (Maybe?). His mane was just so annoying to do! But with her super modeling skills, she finally finished. Now, for the armor. Starburst gave her pictures of her dad in an armor. All the mares thought he was sexy in it. Especially without his weird helmet. She modeled a golden armor over Prism Bolt. Since it was dough, and she was bad at baking, she asked her mother to put it in the oven for her.
"Sure!", she answered, without doubting anything.
Cotton laughed sadistically alone in her room. Someone seeing her like that would probably walk away and give her weird looks, but she had there a great prank. She rehearsed her acting skills in the mirror. The "cute-without-knowing-it" look, the "flirtyflirtyblushieblushie" look, other faces, even scary ones. Gummy, on her bed was looking at her, his two eyes derping away.
"Don't I look totally scary on this one?!", she shoved a picture of her making a funny face in the alligator's face.
Gummy didn't react. So, "Boop", Cotton Candy poked gently his chest and the pet fell on his back miserably. She chuckled at the poor pathetic pet.
"I knew I was terrifying.", she smiled and laid down next to him, when a high-pitched voice called her:
"IT'S BAKED!"
Cotton Candy dashed to the huge kitchen, the biggest room of the entire house. There it was, her awesome gift for Prism Bolt. She just wanted to eat it, as it was made if dough and sugar, but she controlled herself: it would totally ruin the prank! She picked it up carefully and quickly put it on a plate. It was still super hot. She huffed on her hooves. She may like the sunrays on her skin and mane, but she didn't like having burnt hooves.
When she came back to her room, she chased Gummy away. Everything would be messed up if he took but one bite at her magnificent gift! She put it next to the open window and spent the rest of the afternoon supervising it. Hours passed. Her tummy was grumbling, but she resisted taking a bite. She remembered she had brownies hidden under her pillow. She took out one and nommed it, still watching the gift. She was chasing away hungry birds and ponies all afternoon, it's surely cooled down. And frosting her mother added was probably hard. The dough wouldn't be edible now, after all that time it was 'cooling down'.
She gently slid the gift in her yellow one-side saddlebag. She smiled, excited. Why was she even excited...? It was just a prank that wouldn't mean anything. Or maybe... nah. He would fall for it, be shocked, walk back, then she'd tell him the truth then they'd both laugh. That was the plan, and it should work. Cotton felt nervous all of a sudden. Why was she even nervous??? She face-walled a few times to calm down. She sighed and checked her gift. Prism and Cotton always met at that time of the evening in the park. Finally, the dark blue Pegasus landed nearby. She almost didn't see him if he didn't have those bright green eyes.
"Yo, Candy."
Here came the funny part. She bit the inside of her cheeks to not giggle.
"Listen, Bolt, it's been like... a few years we've known each other... And I know it would be silly you didn't tell me if you felt the same way, but... but........"
Something blocked her. It wasn't laughter, no. But she decided to convince herself it was. Just. Laughter.
"I kinda... loveyouand...", she whispered and took out her gift. "I made this for you, since I can't afford a real armor. Welp, all this was to ask you... Will you be my boyfriend? ... Please?"
Prism Bolt looked at her with wide open eyes, speechless. She asked herself if it was the good moment to tell him the truth. But something told her, in her heart, that she really wanted to see his reaction before saying anything. Then he smiled widely and gave Cotton Candy a warm hug an a kiss on the cheek.
"OF COURSE I will, Candy!"
"... Wait, what?"
AHHH I LOVE THIS XD
Its a great piece of writing with an awesome storyline, and I'm now hooked on the shipping.
I would recommend continuing! You have a genuinely amazing style.
My only complaint is that the details are a little vague. Linger on the words, brushing and styling them until they glitter like diamonds.
For example:
You could replace it with-
Otherwise, I loved the story! Following and faving!
That was awesome. Needs another chapter, where either Candy tells Prism it was a prank and he laughs it off, or he convinces her to be his marefriend. Good luck with future stories.
And thus they get married because after Candy learns how he feels she doesn't want to hurt his feelings and goes along with everything xD
5168631 I know I'm suck hard at writing details. :c I just had 4 years of english studying, and it was only once a week. And now that I'm back to France, I can't study english ^^; Plus, I I didn't want Gummy to make any noise. Just fall miserably. That was on purpose ;) But thankies for the lovely comments!
5168652 It was supposed to be a One-Shot. And I don't have any ideas for a continuation... I might draw one last panel. But yeah, Cotton has a crush on him x3 Why would she feel nervous and everything?
5168756 Ooorrrrrrr I thought of like:
Cotton Candy: ... Wait, what?
Prism Bolt: Oh I probably look dumb right now but Candy! I love you so much!
Cotton Candy: I love you too. Wait, what?!!
Like, she doesn't realise what her mouth says and then discovers she also has feelings for him and well... yeh, they date, get married and have foals!
I really loved the story! it was well written and the storyline was awesome to follow!
Oh and what a cute ship you have there, don't make it a Titanic.
Anyway, keep on writing!
5169050 Aw! You're so nice ;v; I'm really glad you liked it.
5168789
Lol cute idea o3o I ship PrizDubz (PrismxWhirlwind) but I could still see CandyBolt -3-
5168652
5168780
Ooooor where Prism realized this was a setup, and turned it around on her.
So he waits for a few minutes until rescuing her from the awkwardness by admitting he got her good.
Of course, by this time, she's studied her inner feelings and realized she actually does like him...
She was in a parc
park
"You're maybe my prank partner, but partners can prank each other!" Should probably be...
"You may be my prank partner, but partners can prank each other!"
"I can't afford an armor... Plus, it would be weird."
An armor? I am not entirely sure what you are talking about. Do you mean a suit of armor like chain mail or plate? If so you should say...
"I can't afford armor" or "I can't afford a suit of armor"
Regardless I like the pairing so keep going.
5170238 Did I say parc... Oh my fucking god I told myself "Remember it's park with a K!" and there, I forgot! xD
And yeah it's an armor suit thing. What else could it be?
5171608
Honestly I could not think of anything (except perhaps amour but that would be very different) but I wanted to be sure because I wanted to be sure I was correcting the right problem.
5171629 I think armour is just the british and australian and maybe other accents
I use the American one. ... Most of the time x'3
5171646
Lol not armour/armor I mean the word "amour" which is a word that can mean "a love affair".
5171661 xD Lol! Nah, modelling an amour with dough over someone isn't possible xD
5171669
However this story could lead to an amour if given time...
Finally a CandyBolt story. YES!!!
5172111 Candybolt is best Prism Bolt ship and best Cotton Candy ship.
Bah...this needs a chapter or two more, at least. It's a cute short story, to be sure. Just think it could benefit from more.
Of course, I'm biased towards longer stories. I always want to see the 'and then what happened...?' stuff.
5173740 I understand that feel... xD
Might add an extra-chapter
5173758 Thanks for the comment! Yayyy my story has been sealed It was supposed to stop here but since you guys insist an all... Might as well write a chapter.
5171608
Still, the word 'an' doesn't fit.
It should be either 'a suit or armor' or just 'armor'. An needs to be taken out because its grammatically incorrect.
Here, along with the aforementioned change options, you also have the option of changing it to 'any armor' so it reads 'I can't afford any armor'.
5173802 So...... "He wants armor" is supposed to be correct?
5175759 Yes it is. I can point out the basics of English grammar (and punctuation) if you ever need it.
5175924 I want armor. It sounds pretty strange to me...
5176125 Well, things are going to sound strange when learning a foreign language. For instance, I'm studying Spanish. Sentences like "es una ciudad grande" are complete sentences despite the fact that it literally translates to "is a big city." In English, that's incomplete because there's no subject. It's not unusual for the subject to be implied in Spanish.
Another one: "la cultura no es indígena nunca mas" literally translates to "the culture is not indigenous no more." In English, double negatives are wrong, but they're proper in Spanish.
So, yes. Things are going to sound strange in another language, regardless of which language you're learning.
I got to say, this was quite decent.
However, the only criticisms I have is the following:
- You were making it very obvious that the cake isn't a prank but a gift. I recommend that you try to cleverly hide the fact that it is a gift; because in the end, it ends up feeling predictable.
On the bright side, I liked how you expressed how Cotton felt about what she was going to do. It made up for the criticism above, despite being hindered by that criticism above. Also, the humor was kind of funny; not LOL hilarious,but chuckle worthy.
So, overall, I liked it. It's not the best, but it's a good one nonetheless.
5179433 Thank you! ^^
YO HAVE TA CONTINUE DIS AWESOMENESS!
5179814
You're welcome, my friend.
5180459 I might :3
5181069 That would make my day.
I thought the pony term was "coltfriend"
5183294 I stick to canon terms. And the canon terms are girlfriend and boyfriend.
5184028 k
Do you mind if I put Dear Princess Celestia in the Equestria Girls group?
5188736 Nope! I don't
That´s Awkward
5205903 Yeeep.
you stupid idiot you never I repeat NEVER do that EVER!!!!!!!!!! Stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!
Wow Prism.... I gotta give you a thumbs up fir ruining Cotton's Prank