First of all I would like to say that you definitely got very creative ideas here. Spelling and grammar look good, not that I would really know. However I one criticism major and that is the pacing. Like seriously slow down, I mean take your time to describe the environment and action better. I know you can do it as you were very descriptive when it came to Hot Wire's and the Captain's interaction, now do that for the rest of the story. You could also extended the action scene a bit by describing the what is going more to get the reader more excited and pulled into the story. Everything just happned too fast there, not allowing the reader to be immersed in the situation. Overwise I see some good potential here. I don't want to pretend that I am literary expert because i am not but you got me interested in more.
First chapter and already there's blood. Good work
First of all I would like to say that you definitely got very creative ideas here. Spelling and grammar look good, not that I would really know. However I one criticism major and that is the pacing. Like seriously slow down, I mean take your time to describe the environment and action better. I know you can do it as you were very descriptive when it came to Hot Wire's and the Captain's interaction, now do that for the rest of the story. You could also extended the action scene a bit by describing the what is going more to get the reader more excited and pulled into the story. Everything just happned too fast there, not allowing the reader to be immersed in the situation. Overwise I see some good potential here. I don't want to pretend that I am literary expert because i am not but you got me interested in more.