“Sub-optimal! Highly, highly sub-optimal!”
This was the muttered train of thought as Dusk Shine trotted back into Ponyville. After getting out of sight of Rainbow Dash, he immediately started to go for hooves over wings. His mind was filled with conflicting thoughts, naughty images, and general confusion after dealing with Rainbow Dash and her...offer.
Hey, you know where I live if you change your mind!
Dusk Shine had to stop and lean against a tree for a second. Thinking very hard, and very deep thoughts.
That was...I mean, I have heard come-ons before, but that is...blatant! I can not even see Rainbow Blitz doing that kind of thing, especially to somepony that is his friend. Could it be the gender difference? The female-to-male ratio is the exact opposite of home, and therefore...therefore what?
Dusk Shine took a long, deep breath, and settled back onto his hooves, trotting towards Ponyville again. The thoughts weren’t going away on their own, even with movement and exercise.
But, the sheer blatancy of the offer! What does it mean, other than that Rainbow Dash is...what? She had to have known how Twilight Sparkle would have responded to that kind of offer. As far as I can tell, it is only our gender that is different, so she had to know the response we had…
“A joke,” Dusk Shine whispered. “Could it be that...oh, my, Rainbow Dash,” he said admiringly. “You were pranking me!”
The little traitor’s voice started to whisper again in his head. Rainbow Blitz is not that good of an actor. You should know, you clean him out early on in every single poker game that you have ever played with him. Could he keep up a role this good for this long? And, if Rainbow Dash is the same, then she was not acting.
“Ah,” Dusk Shine said to the voice in his head. “But, we know just how far Rainbow Blitz will go to pull off a prank.”
You are trying to deny what happened. And, the little traitor’s voice continued, you wanted to do something with her, did you not? Or, why do you feel so oddly about the idea, wings open like they are now?
Dusk Shine looked back and...the full spread wings of a wing boner. He pulled the wings back down angrily, keeping his mind on his situation. “Rainbow Blitz...can be impulsive at times,” he said to the air. “This was just an impulse act on her part, like Rainbow Blitz buying out all the Daring Do books once he discovered he liked the stories.”
The little traitor’s voice had no rebuttal to that statement. Dusk Shine smiled, and started to trot again back to town, when he thought if I was going to be here longer, and I was responsible for being here...I might have taken her up on it.
It wasn’t the voice of the little traitor. It was something...deeper. A voice that stopped him in his tracks.
“Sub-optimal,” Dusk Shine sighed. “This whole day has started out sub-optimal and is getting worse.”
The temptation to just head back to the library, barricade the door, and pull up a red flag had just gone up significantly. That whole concept, that nervousness, that fear was at war with the unfinished checklist. “And,” Dusk Shine said to himself, “it is only one data point out of five friendships. Rainbow Blitz is impulsive and sometimes his mouth works before the brain catches up, out of breath. Assuming the brain can ever find him! Applejack is much more reliable and dependable.”
Dusk Shine smiled, took a deep breath, and started again to trot towards town. After all, he thought, it will be an interesting question to ask, from a sociological standpoint. How would ponies respond to a sudden gender flip in a member of the community? I should be taking notes-or, better yet, I will remember things and write them down first chance I get. Questions to be asked! Studies to be done! Maybe even a paper on the subject!
These thoughts kept Dusk Shine busy as he trotted into town.
Gossip can, in some circumstances, change scenery.
In the case of Dusk Shine, his hour and a half away from Ponyville meant that there was a sudden upswing in ponies getting...fancy. Mares were getting more...polished. Ribbons and flowers in their hair, more serious brushing and grooming done, teeth cleaning to a standard that Colgate would have been shocked to see. Hooves were cleaned, shined, and some of the more ambitious went for shoes. As Dusk Shine trotted through town, he could see the line that was around the block for the local beauty salon. His observations included more detailed cleaning and preparation of various parts of Ponyville, and there was something else he saw-and realized.
Makeup. More ponies were wearing makeup than earlier today-sometimes a big garish, sometimes requiring him to look to see the subtlety of how it was applied. Some of the pegasui were stretching out when they didn’t think he was looking, preparing to dance. Unicorns were getting their horns polished and out of the corner of his eye, he realized that the library had to be doing land-office business today. The line of ponies-almost entirely mares-stretched down the street.
Dush Shine stopped, and took a deep breath. Considered the visual evidence. Wished that he could start making a checklist. But, he could organize one in his mind, and he considered the issues involved. Sudden upsurge in preening and gender-specific mating behavior. I have no evidence of what happened yesterday, but from the time I left the library to now...vector transmission pattern?
He was now very curious as to how the local spa was doing. The question became, why? Why the sudden urge to preen and primp and look proper and attractive by the mares of Ponyville? It wasn’t because of tomorrow, because a lot of the work being done would have been undone by sleep and time. And, the Princes...Princesses?...are not swayed so much by purely physical beauty. They have seen so much of it over the years, in varying degrees. What has caused this sudden upsurge in preening behaviors? It is almost as if they are trying to attract a mate, but the gender ratio of Ponyville has not changed…
Dusk Shine realized what he was thinking about, then face-hoofed himself. (Twenty-two mares saw this, and wondered what he was thinking about, and hoped it might have been them.) The gender ratio has changed very slightly. By one pony-myself. And, I am...dear Helios and Faust. It has changed by a single very high status male that is unattached and single.
Dusk Shine very carefully sighed (ten mares thought it was a romantic sigh and at them), and considered the fastest route to Sweet Apple Acres that used major streets. The widest of the main streets, and...
“Excuse me!” An all-too-familiar voice said, holding up a pile of scrolls in her magic. The harp Cuite Mark proclaimed that this was going to be another headache generator. “Um, Twilight Sparkle? I’ve got some more notes and test results and ideas to work on and I was wondering….”
Dusk Shine took a long, slow deep breath, and smiled his best smile. It looked like he was trying not to wince in pain. “I promise, Harpsie…”
“Lyra,” she corrected.
“Lyra, yes,” Dusk Shine smiled even more painfully. With a careful touch of his magic, Dusk Shine lifted the scrolls out of Lyra's field and put them in his saddle bags. “I promise to take a look at notes when I have finished with all the preparations for the party tomorrow. Thank you.”
And, Dusk Shine felt his horn glow, magic flowing through his body, as he vanished immediately out of sight.
There was a pause as every mare that was in line of sight saw this.
The rumors had been confirmed. The information was correct.
The gossip went up another level…
In three short flashes of magical energy, Dusk Shine had teleported out of town and was on the dirt-and-stone path to Sweet Apple Acres. Dusk Shine was a city stallion, and the idea of liking the country caused him to look at a pony for serious mental issues. Oh, he understood that his food had to come from somewhere, that there were ponies that liked being out in the dirt and the bugs and all the other small annoying things that being outside meant. Dusk Shine didn’t like dirt (it made a mess of books), and bugs meant things that could potentially eat books. Both of which were not wanted around the very important books that were a part of Dusk Shine's life. But, for some reason that Dusk Shine could never adequately explain, Sweet Apple Acres-regular barn replacement raising and all-felt like a second home to him.
Part of it had to be Applejack-for however annoying and occasionally rock-stubborn the stallion could be, Applejack had always stood with him and was willing to listen. Of all the friends that had been changed by this event, Dusk Shine expected that Applejack would remain Applejack-unflappable in the chaos of pony life.
Even if there were plumbing changes.
The post-teleport walk to Sweet Apple Acres was just was Dusk Shine needed. It was quiet, without the threat of an amorous Rainbow Dash or the impending threat of other mares that were going to ask him out, a most unusual state for Dusk Shine. Oh, he had a definite upswing (from zero) after the Ascension-wings and horn in combination seemed to add more sex appeal to single mares. Dusk Shine was still getting used to the idea that he might actually be attractive to mares, and this sudden change in circumstances wasn’t helping with his ego. Which, of course, lead back to questions relating to the dream he had the previous night.
Could that be why this has happened? Dusk Shine considered. My magic is trying to tell me something and it is telling me by throwing me into a situation where my nominal data points are altered, and the alteration is making me consider things and issues in a way that I had not previously and…
“Well, hello there, handsome,” an oddly familiar voice from behind interrupted his thoughts. “What’s a city slicker like you doing this far out?”
Dusk Shine turned, and a mare came out from under the shade of the apple trees. Brown fur, blonde mane and tail, and a stetson were the first thing he noticed. This, the mare version of Applejack, was probably half a head shorter, but very well muscled. Red ribbons tied off her much longer mane and tail into sensible braids, and the hat rested firmly on her head, with an ever so slight cock to it. Her grooming was decent if practical-probably being assisted by Elusive (no, Dusk Shine reminded himself, Rarity) to look good without being assaulted by The Fancy. Same Cutie Mark-three apples-on her flanks. Same "salt of the Earth" appearance that suggested that mountains would fall before she did. Oh, and she was looking at him with a bit of a wicked smile. “So, what brings you around to Sweet Apple Acres?” Applejack asked, and started to trot towards the path.
“Ah, yes,” Dusk Shine shook himself and considered his next words. “My name is Dusk Shine, and I appear to have swapped places with your friend Twilight Sparkle for the day. Since we appear to both have the same schedule of tasks, I am here to help her out, presuming that she is doing the same back in my version of Ponyville.”
Applejack blinked, gave Dusk Shine a considering look, and face-hoofed. “Twilight, you goofed a spell again? Which one was it this time-some weird version of ‘Want It, Need It’? Something else? We gonna have to have Spike send the Princess a letter to get this fixed?”
Dusk Shine sighed in frustration, and let his magic field catch Applejack’s muzzle-just enough to hold her mouth gently shut. “I feel like I should write up a checklist for this,” Dusk Shine sighed. “My name is Dusk Shine. I am not Twilight Sparkle post-magic accident, I am from a version of Ponyville where everypony you know as a mare is a stallion and every stallion you know is a mare. For some unknown reason, I appear to have swapped places with Twilight Sparkle. Whom is probably trying to explain this to my version of Applejack as we speak. Since we appear to have the same checklist for the event tomorrow, I am helping out Twilight Sparkle by working through the checklist of chores she has for tomorrow.” He released the magic hold on Applejack’s muzzle. “Now, what did I just say?”
“T’at you’re...Dusk Shine, from another Ponyville that we’re all swapped around,” Applejack said slowly. “You’re helping out Twilight by doing her checklist. And, I reckon you’re here to help get the barn set up for Winter Wrap Up.”
“Bravo,” Dusk Shine said, smiling. “Yes, I am here to help with the barn setup for Winter Wrap Up next year. Are we ready to get to work?”
“Sure thing,” Applejack said, and she trotted off to where the barn had to be.
Dusk Shine smiled. Finally, he thought, something is going to go right today.
Applejack wasn’t exactly complaining about the barn, but she did have to ask-again-why they had chosen this barn. “Don’t got a problem with giving the barn up,” she said. “But, why this one? Couple of larger barns on the Acres, and might be easier to load all the stuff in there.”
“Because, it is the largest of the barns that is close to town,” Dusk Shine replied, looking over the loading list. “It is not perfect, but by centralizing all the supplies and materials we need, it will make Winter Wrap Up next year much easier to do. You remember all the problems we had last year when we tried to do Winter Wrap Up?”
“I’m assuming we had the same problems,” Applejack sighed. “Stuff scattered all over town, supplies where we didn't need 'em and problems getting 'em back and forth. Still, it’s a risk, ain’t it? Barns have a pretty short half-life around here, if you haven’t noticed. We lose the barn, we lose all the supplies for next year.”
As the trotted closer, they saw that all the large equipment-the plows and carts-had been just recently cleaned, repainted, and lubricated. “Just as if we were going to pull them out tomorrow to use them,” Dusk Shine had told Mayor Mayor, and he was glad to see that they were ready the way they should have been. Barrels of seeds and animal food, racks upon racks of ice skates, organized bundles of bird nest supplies, and a thousand and one other items were waiting as well. Dusk Shine smiled in joy, as it was even labeled in the proper organization and loading order that he (well, technically, Twilight Sparkle) had created for the barn loading.
“I am not worried about that,” Dusk Shine replied, pulling out the loading checklist. “There is a preservation spell that is used on really fragile books and such at the Royal Canterlotian Library. All I had to do was scale it up and add a timer to the spell so it shuts down automatically the day before Winter Wrap Up. Once it has been cast, we could have an invasion of parasprites, loose water tornadoes, and a full buffalo herd stomp through town and nothing in the barn will be disturbed or harmed.”
“Shucks,” Applejack smiled. “Sounds like you were ready for everything this time.”
“And, when am I not?” Dusk Shine said. “Well, more accurately, when is Twilight Sparkle not ready for anything?”
“Y’want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I am almost scared to ask now,” Dusk Shine replied.
Dusk Shine was justifiably impressed-Twilight Sparkle could really create a load plan. To get all the stuff loaded into the barn would have taken a team of all three pony races-pegasus to fly up with lighter items and rig block and tackle arrays, unicorns for fine manipulation, and Earth ponies for strength and lift. Or, you could get away with just one alicorn and one assistant, which is what Dusk Shine and Applejack were doing. And, at the same time, sharing the similarities-and differences-of their respective Ponyvilles.
“Shelf three, row two,” Dusk Shine said. “That is...small bird feed, yes?”
“Yep,” Applejack replied, as Dusk Shine’s magic field grabbed the bags of bird feed and loaded them carefully onto the shelves. “Y’got your own version of the Cutie Mark Crusaders there, or have those foals finally gotten their Cutie Marks?”
“You-or at least my version of you-came up with the theory that they already had their Cutie Marks, and that they were invisible ones. Believe me, I have looked through the archives and if there is such a thing as an invisible Cutie Mark...they would have had the first,” Dusk Shine noted. He looked around, and said, “Shelf four, row two?”
Applejack was deep in some kind of thought...then, suddenly shook her head and looked around a bit. “Oh, yea...that’s more small bird feed. We go to the larger bird feed in shelf five.”
“I have it,” Dusk Shine replied, and lifted up the next set of bags. “What about Red Gala, or...the name of your brother here?”
“Big Macintosh,” Applejack said, sounding distracted. “Wow...that’s got to be weird. I mean, he’s pretty big as a stallion...how is he as a mare?”
“Huge,” Dusk Shine replied. “Taller and probably stronger than most stallions. Wears her work collar everywhere, I do not think anypony but you has ever seen her with it off.”
“Sounds like Big Mac all right,” Applejack sighed. “Seems weird to me that I’ve got an older sister and a younger brother, and not the reverse.”
“Mine would probably say the same thing,” Dusk Shine replied. He flew over slightly to the next set of shelves. “Shelf seven, row two?”
Applejack had another one of those...pauses, then she shook herself and said, “Small animal biscuits, bag’s over here.”
Dusk Shine grabbed the bags in his magic, and lifted them up. “Got it,” and started to sort them onto the shelf. “And, honestly, what is really starting to throw me off is just how...well, I hate to use the term, but stereotypically mare some of the mares in town are acting now that I showed up. I suspect that Elusive...no, that is Rarity, right?”
A pause, then an audible shaking sound, “Ah, ayep, Rarity...now, that has to be weird, what a stallion version of Rarity would look like. Care to share that detail?”
“Fussy,” Dusk Shine said after a moment. “Very fashion oriented, with an accent that it seemed like he manufactured out of whole cloth. Occasionally able to be fascinated by the most petty of things, but he has been a good friend to us all. However, if he tries to get me into a waistcoat one more time…”
Applejack laughed, a deep, rolling sound from below. “Now, that I gotta see. Rarity has been really insisting that Twilight Sparkle put on the Fancy more often now that she’s a Princess and all. Wonder what she’ll do with you when she gets her hooves on you.”
“That is not the only thing that has worried me,” Dusk Shine admitted. “Oh, shelf eight, row three.”
Another one of those pauses, then Applejack saying, “‘Nother set of small animal biscuits. What does got you worried, sugar plum?”
“I am going to hurt the feelings of somepony, badly,” Dusk Shine admitted, then sighed. “Did you know that Rainbow Dash actually propositioned me after flight exercise today?”
“What did ya say?” Odd tone to Applejack’s voice, Dusk Shine nearly missed it if it wasn’t for the fact that he was looking around for the bags.
“Flew off before I could say something stupid,” Dusk Shine confessed. “It would have been wrong to have...used Twilight Sparkle’s friendship like that? Yes, I do admit that I did enjoy…,” and here, Dusk Shine’s voice trailed off.
A long pause, and then, “Enjoy what, sugar plum?”
“The fantasies,” Dusk Shine admitted. “Ever since I got here, I have been thinking more about, well…”
“Cuddling? Kissing? Hugging?” Applejack asked.
“Yes, very much so,” Dusk Shine said after a moment. “And, I know very much that...having friends here that I can think of that way makes it harder to be responsible.”
“What does responsibility have to do with a roll in the hay?” Applejack asked, an eyebrow raised.
“What happens in about ten months after a roll in the hay,” Dusk Shine added a raised eyebrow to the pot.
“Ah.” The raised eyebrow had a sister rise to the occasion.
“Never a foal of mine to be bastard born, I promised myself. I remember how much trouble Prince Bolero had just being an orphan, let alone a foal without a parent.” Dusk Shine sighed, and took a long, deep breath. “The temptation was there, and…”
Dusk Shine took a long, deep look at Applejack now, and realized that there was this interesting expression on her face. One that made little sense… “Y’wouldn’t abandon somepony that you loved,” Applejack said in wonder. “Y’wouldn’t give up on your friends, ever. T’at why you didn’t take up Rainbow Dash’s offer? If you left...you’d be abandoning us?”
Dusk Shine landed on the floor of the barn, and considered that for a minute. “Yes. I would be abandoning the results of my actions. And, I would never give up on my friends. Or my lovers. Or that special somepony. Ever.”
Applejack’s face broke out in a huge smile and she nuzzled Dusk Shine. His wings immediately sprang to full attention. “That’s probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard a stallion say, sugar cube,” Applejack said, looking at him with warm eyes.
Dusk Shine’s brain froze for a moment. Even the little traitor was silent. Then…
From the porch of the house, Granny Smith was working on her knitting. She’d heard the rumors, of course, but it was now a question of if Applejack had picked up the Apple family’s skill at teasing stallions and…
“WHAT?!?” came the very loud voice from the direction of the barn the family had loaned to the town. A very male voice.
Granny Smith smiled and resumed her knitting. Clearly, Applejack was properly blooming.
Tracking this. Will read tomorrow morning.
For a minute I thought that the side by side the stories are doing would make me choose one over the other, but they've each got little quirks that make them interesting.
Dusk needs a "muzzle" for his "traitor"
That would solve his problems
Hohoho, this is fun.
Fav this, i will read in next day.
What the hell does that even mean? "Runs parallel?"
...
Never mind, I'm an idiot. Had a brain fart and forgot that OoTD was from Twilight's PoV not Dusk's. I'm over here all; "How are two stories from the same PoV going to parallel?!"
Hahaha, this is awesome. =D
Poor adorkable Dusk Shine and his little traitor. :) Got well and truly enough difference here for it to be its own seperate fic, and the differences are spreading...
Should be very interesting to see how this continues! And I need to get my act in gear or else you'll overtake me XD
Thank you for taking the time to work in my little corner of fanon!
5129772 Thank you! Dusk Shine has the issue that he might only have enough blood to run one head at a time...
And, I promise to not get to Bubble Berry/Pinkie Pie first. Besides, I don't think we have the same Elusive/Rarity solution. (So far, mine appears to involve second person perspective and Discord for at least a third of it...).
5128999 Hey, maybe Rarity can make him one! Perfectly fashionable, as well...
The lock is decorative, mind you...well, the lock casing is, but the mechanism is fully workable, and Rarity does have a key. The only key...
5129441 I am now tempted to find out how to make that work. Because...well, because!
5129383 Well, we already do know what's going on in many ways with Twilight Sparkle...
When I started reading the story the likes were at 33 and the dislikes were at three, I didn't think I would be able to like and favorite thankfully someone else came along and preformed the deadfull deed for me and I have nothing to fear great story can't wait for more.
*Sigh*
Was really enjoying this story - familiar situation from OotD, but enough differences in events and style to make it worthwhile and entertaining as its own thing.
Then the whole "little traitor" thing started.
To be honest, this is exactly what I was afraid OotD would do (or reveal it had done... I think, tenses are problematic for unseen, to-be-revealed hypotheticals) with Dusk Shine in Mareville - the whole "Males always want sex and have little-to-no control over their libidos" cliche, which is not only a horrendous stereotype, but makes Dusk seem kind of out-of-character. Not completely, but... I just don't believe that any version of Twilight would be this... lascivious, even unwillingly. I can maybe see him/her having vague thoughts in that direction but not knowing what to do or feel about them in his/her usual adorkably oblivious way, but this... just seems a bit too All Men are Perverts for my liking.
Yes, I know the mares aren't exactly innocent either, and believe me, I do appreciate that fact. Heck, that would have made it great, considering how it fits in with the implications in the original (which I'm pretty sure I'm not just imagining) that the constant flirting wasn't because everyone was a stallion, but just because Twilight was too damn attractive for her own good. Honestly, my only complaint is the difference is Dusk's behaviour... but that's a pretty big part of the story, so... yeah.
Still, do continue, as it is very well written, but I hope you don't mind me saying that I won't consider this canon to OotD (Although... can you really talk about canon for a fanfic, an explicitly non-canon addition to something else? Non-canon to the non-canon? I don't know)
NEED MORE GOOD
I'm enjoying this, but you need to give this a good long read, my friend:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/who_vs_whom
Seriously, you're using whom way too much.
I feel horrible for Twilight right now. She has a town full of stallions to deal with.
I have read it now. It is decent, but I hope that you show continue to differentiate between this and what Twilight is going through, ie how the guys are coming onto Twi while Dusk finds them reacting to his personality and words.
5130416 Go read One of Those Days. It is the story that inspired this one, and may change your mind. Or not. I cannot read your mind to find out.
5130574 Yes. No matter where you go, as long as there is a pony needing to watch the Everfree for low-lying fogs...somepony with yellow fur and a pink mane and tail will be watching...
5130539 Yep, she's got her own problems to deal with ...
5130186 Dusk Shine has never had a libido that other ponies have responded to. Not really. It's a feed back loop, sort of like playing an electric guitar into one of those huge stage speakers. And, every man-at some point-has had that conflict between instinct and responsibility. It is just that Dusk Shine has the bad luck that today is when he is going to be so very sorely tested.
5130429 Oh, dear...just that, oh dear.
5130416 Thank you!
Oh, that aint right! After all this build up, you write contraception out of the story and thrown the cast into the 1920s? Also, funny as this is, statistics say that at least one of the 6 shouldn't be completely hetero; perhaps that can be the resolution after everything switches back? The one lone friend who is still... interested?
It's okay...
I think you might improve in the future. And I like the ideas you presented?
5130906 Dusk Shine is REALLY big on logic and-
1)No form of contraception other than abstinence (i.e. not having sex) is 100% effective. Dusk Shine knows the odds and the whole 0.001% doesn't help any...especially right now.
2)Dusk Shine is responsible and will not abandon what he views as his responsibilities.
3)He has no idea how he got here, or if and how he'll get back to his home.
4)Sheer panic at the idea that somepony might actually like him this way.
5)Dusk Shine, like Twilight Sparkle, doesn't do "casual" very well.
5130959 More editorial review by me...and, another chapter coming up soon.
5130994 Well, yes, all of that is true...
But this is Twilight (gender notwithstanding), and if there was ever a character who could fine a loophole......
5131153 Yes. Or, they all three have the same invisible Cutie Mark...one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders shield...
5131150 Considering this fic is the inversion of that fic...
There will be some flank-kissing, I promise...
5131251
5131301 You win the Marvel No Prize for understanding Dusk Shine. Best imagined with a Welsh accent...
I'm looking into editors as we speak...
This is hilarious and a good companion of sorts to the original.
Faved and thumbs up.
5131340
assets.diylol.com/hfs/bf7/135/d7b/resized/futurama-fry-meme-generator-not-sure-if-genuine-or-sarcastic-74c2d4.jpg
But either way, as an addition to my previous post, there were a couple other things I noticed in chapters two and three. The biggest one that I haven't seen pointed out yet by someone else is that there are quite a lot of places, especially in chapter two, where the sentences are oddly worded and clunky.
There were also a couple places, especially in chapter three, where Dusk's personality felt odd. The best way I can describe it is that he felt like an older, more mature version of Twilight. Almost like you were writing for Shining Armor (especially at the very end of the chapter here, where he had some serious White Knight vibes). Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, since at the end of the day, he isn't Twilight Sparkle, but it does put a bit more distance between him and his counterpart than I think was intentional.
5131523 Dusk Shine does what a lot of men do when the situation gets weird-he locks down his emotions and starts running on logic and training. Situations where emotions kick in are throwing him for a loop.
The bad news? ALL of the situation currently is involving emotions.
5131544 Not even my own theory, Estee suggested it in Triptych and it just makes so much sense...
@Dusk not realizing why all the mares want to look pretty and are lining up outside the library where he lives, after being told by RD that he is cute and being propositioned by her:
5131849 The stallion is occasionally slow on some kinds of the uptake...
5131740 Thank you, and...keeping those narrative voices clear.
when is Twilight Sparkle not ready for anything?”
“Y’want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.
I would love to see Twilight's perpective of this situation.
and oh no. Dusk hit on my Celestia or Luna?
5132599 You do realize that this story IS a spin-off from Twilight's version of this story. It's called "One of Those Days."
This is the funniest, and most sensible thing I have read! Damn, I am creeped by rainbow, applejack is....putting the moves on dusk? And in a very clever way.... Oh and the flag thing?
Twilight is very prepared. For everything. I wonder if she gots a artillery canon in her basement for a changeling attack!
maaaayyyybeeeeee.....
GAH! Go back! You shouldn't be here! How are you here anyway?
that thing there...... And I needed to get some *cough* ammo.....
....I have nothing to say about that.... Just go!
*whoosh*
Anyways.....
And the mares hitting on him? Or trying to be noticed?
I'm surprised at the story writing, thought it would be bad, but no! Good job....heh....heh
Hmm....
Good plot.
Needs smoother sentence structure.
Few grammatical errors.
Otherwise.
Good job.
Keep going.
Don't disappoint.
If you do...
Let's see how much blood is in ya.
OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More chapters!!!! Please!!!!!
Love the story so far, very funny.
Can't wait till things get to the pinkie pie chapter
will follow this story to see how it goes.
5132925 Both. Dusk Shine is now something very valuable in Ponyville-a very high-status single stallion...
5132929 Writing them as we speak. Taking short breaks to consider how many horrible things I can do with Dusk Shine and still be funny.
5132934 Pinkie Pie is going to be a very, very interesting chapter. That, and the property damage, will be fun to write.
5132961 My is suggest the following?
A Pinkie Part for two, with a special Present to open up.
A wandering Tape measure then, a quite reveling dress.
The stare to make any pony do what the girl wants, then the poutiest face to make you feel bad for turning her down.
The mares team up on Dusk to play with them....
And of course.... The embodiment of the sun goes into heat
Just some fun ideas. If you don't like these types of post, tell me and I will edit it immediately.
5132961
Heh....heh.....
Yes, he is....
I'm waiting for the sexual harassment....
Rarity?
Either breaks, or flirts...
Then breaks....
Pinkie?
Two words.
Cupcakes.
Smile.
Princesses?
Shock and awe.
Heh.
Interesting....
And the others?
Complete madness.
Anarchy.
Hmmm...
Don't disappoint me.
Or my other side.
No procrastinating.
No errors...
Nothing....
Or Cupcakes the human version will finally have a....
Volunteer.....
The situation when he gets to Rarity's...
"If I open that door and find you've prepared a candlelit dinner or something equally foolish, I will give your little broth- sister a copy of the Anarchist's Spellbook and a magic boost! I swear to Helios!"
5132818 oh okay
5133370 now there is a time with Sweetie I'd pay to see.
I can only imagine the Princesses' reaction to this development.
Dusk: *Looking around Celestia's personal Dungeon* I need an adult.
Meanwhile, in Reboot!Cross-and-Arrow-verse:
"EVERY STALLION IN A LINE! NOW!" ~Twily
Eh, description seems a little bland... also, learn what em-dashes are. They're quite convenient, and not supposed to be replaced by hyphens.
Story is nice, but cliche. Why DS cant be a little more "assertive" atleast in some storys? He is from male version of Equestria and probably had different past.
Dusk Shine is a little too yielding to the idea of possibly sleeping with Rainbow Dash I find. Granted he is a guy and in his position of course that'd be a pretty fucking tempting offer, and although reason does prevail, he is not nearly as adverse to it as Twilight seems to be in the reverse scenario fic when Rainblow Blitz offers her the same.
Also he is a little too clinical in describing things as 'sub-optimal.' The hell? I know he's different from Twilight but since when did being raised with testosterone and a home grown sword turn him into a robot by comparison?
Yes, I am very much entertained now.
As far as genderbending goes, this is pretty good.
Edit: I'm totally tracking this.
5134713 "Sub-optimal" is Dusk Shine's verbal punctuation mark, like the way that some people use "awesome" or "fk" or any number of terms, spiced into their conversations.
That, and he's a slightly more-than-adolesent geek-ish male that has suddenly had a number of females declare that they are attracted to him in that way. Throw in the fact that he's a high-status male (remember, Prince), and hilarity ensues.
5134274 It's a way of complimenting without inflating the ego to ridiculous levels. The M! version of Sunset Shimmer might be one of the students that comes close.
5134392 Big fan of both, yes. And, Twilight is a lecturer out of psychological self-defense. Dusk Shine is very formal for the same reason.
This story is absolutely beautiful!
lol
this is as funny as "the unexpected love life of Dusk Shine" i eagerly await your next chapter. Can you give me a spoiler which of the other element bearers is going to flirt with him next i hope it is Pinkie Pie that ought to be good
You've got Applejack's and Rainbow's characters down pretty solidly, but you've unfortunately fallen back onto that disappointingly popular Vulcan Twilight (as I've just now decided to call it) fanon.
Twilight is a bookworm, not a computer. A little inexperienced in social matters, yes. Very obsessed with knowledge and learning, yes. Perhaps far too orderly, yes. Still a character. She has likes, dislikes, goals, guilty pleasures... She's an organic character, not an emotionless, logic-driven, "does not compute", "this is sub-optimal", machine.
Dusk here is coming off as something of a blank, emotionless husk to me. Please tone that down a smidgen.
5138805 maybe the aim was to make him, less emotional do to the fact that he is a stallion and not a mare?
Besides I think he is still plenty emotional here, he has to ring through a lot of conflict in his sub conscience to,
Physically, he is also blushing plenty and gets wing boners, he growls, he sneers and grumbles as well. There is nothing really Vulcan about that.
What he said to Applejack about his responsibilities, friendship and not abandoning them etc, was pretty emotional as well, it was just spoken composed, because he doesn't want to freak out himself. Just as Twilight tries to be composed about many things, but fails a bit more than him apparently, again different gender is a nice excuse for that.
In the end though, that didn't prevent him from screaming 'what?'
And it is a pretty 'dangerously tempting' situation where he has to consider his options, suggesting 'estrus' does not apply for ponies here, a 'roll in the hay' could really result in spawning offspring pretty easily, so if he had to leave they'd be without a father.
I'm sure Twilight at this moment, already had to deal with the same problem, she'd get pregnant, and the father would be left behind in the other world.
Dusk already suggested, if he had switched places with Twilight permanently, then he'd go for a mare from there, but only if he can be sure that there is no way back.
I'm content with this version of Dusk Shine.
You know, I think I'm just going to say it: I find Dusk Shine's character in this story more interesting than Twilight's in this story's distaff counterpart.
And I can pinpoint exactly why I think this, too. It's how "human" they come across, in a sense. Mostly regarding how they approach an feel about these propositions. When Twilight gets hit on and even gets propositioned, her responses were "Huff! Stallions are such jerks!" Boring. Predictable. Falling back of stereotypes that all females must, by default, be prude.
When it happens to Dusk? Sure, there's that slight hint of temptation, but he never truly considers it. Not because he's a prude, but because of a deep-seated fear of abandoning loved ones, of fathering a bastard child he will in no way be able to raise. He has an internal conflict over this matter, although it takes two chapters to fully come into sight, which felt more interesting. He needed another voice to help him comes to terms with the true why of his actions. It suggests a sort of self-loathing he'd have if that were the case, perhaps something with how he was raised. Maybe his father (Twi's mother) was a bastard in this universe due to how distaff changes do stuff, and so he taught Dusk something like my father did when Dusk was a colt. Just like my father did with me. See, my father once said to me when I was a boy (which I am convinced he stole from something): He handed me a condom and said, "Kid, the world doesn't need another bastard." He was referring to himself and his own illegitimate parentage, of course, but it was a "lesson" stuck with me. So I guess seeing something like that showing up here struck a chord with me.
So, yeah. I find Dusk's internal conflict infinitely more interesting and human than Twilight's "all men are pigs" issues. Do you follow me?
So far an interesting tale. Grammatically-strong (a couple of minor mistakes that caught my eye but nothing jarring) and Dusk seems Twilight-esque without being just Twilight with different plumbing. I'll give it a watch to see where it goes.