"Twilight! Wake up!" A familiar boyish voice was calling to the unicorn.
"Wh... Wha-" the latter stammered, slowly coming to her senses.
"The chariot is here. You need to go!"
Still sleepy, Twilight opened her eyes halfway, looking at the source of the yelling voice -- the baby dragon. Spike was standing in the bathroom, with his claws on the edge, right next to the bathtub.
Yes, the tub! Twilight had been lying in there all the time, in the water that went cold long ago. Even the bubbles had completely disappeared. But she didn't notice the chill coursing through her body as she realized...
"Hm?... What chariot? What are you talk-"
It hit her like a book smashed directly on her muzzle. She shot up, instantly awake - shock written all over her face.
The chariot to Canterlot! The Princesses! "SPIKE! The Letter! The Princesses! Please no... Oh why didn't you wake me earlier? You knew I wanted to study before I left! Well, at least I wanted to try, even if there was just a small probability of success, but now I don't know anything!"
"Twilight, I-", Spike stuttered, but stopped, aware that there was no sense in arguing right now.
Twilight hesitantly looked around in her bathroom, searching for a solution that couldn't be found. But she shook her head to focus, and slowly managed to stumble out of the bathtub, just glancing to her inattentive assistant while doing so -- he who was more than guilty to her right now.
The dragon himself however, was completely taken aback from the sudden outburst of the mare. Ashamed, he shyly played with his claws in front of his chest, looking down at nothing in particular. Even if he didn't see it, and aside from the heavy breathing of Twilight, he could hear little drops of fluid hitting on the wooden ground.
Twilight's blue tail and purple coat were soaked up with the icy water, and her whole body was dripping on the floor. And now outside of the bathtub, the surrounding air was cooling her even more. She was freezing. The lavender mare began to shiver.
Spike hesitantly dared to look at the unicorn. But he instantly acted as he saw the lavender mare shudder, throwing a purple fabric over her. Maybe he could do something to bring her down again. He slowly began to rub Twilight's coat dry, hoping she wouldn't mind and yell at him.
He muttered slightly desperate at Twilight's back, not able to look the unicorn in the eyes. Maybe now was a better time to start anew.
"I'm sorry! But it's not my fault, Twilight, I-"
"Spike!", the purple unicorn interrupted him, "I- I don't have enough time right now, how- however, we will sort this out when I come home again," she stuttered through her chill, looking back over her shoulders to the glum baby dragon.
But no matter how guilty the dragon was to cause her this rather advanced form of agitation, by rubbing her coat dry it was enough to ease the wild storm in her mind.
The lavender cloth, hanging over at the other side of the mare, stroked Twilight's back leisurely, the movements of the assistant causing it to soak up the whole cool exterior of the purple mare's soft, ruffled coat.
Yet the coldness Twilight just experienced, and its ensuing vanishing from her body reminded her of something, of something she couldn't quite put her hoof on right now. Under the gentle pressure of Spike's drying, Twilight leisurely closed her eyes. She didn't know why she was so calm right now, in this moment exactly after the coldness lessened. She didn't know, until she remembered.
Pictures of the nightblue princess appeared before her inner eye. The regal alicorn, lying there with her, absorbing the everlasting icyness around. She remembered -- until she was almost about to kiss her -- Princess Luna leaning forward, nearly offering her gentle lips just a few inches away, and her mouth opened a gap...
She frightened, causing her to instantaneously open her big purple eyes and snapping out of her bittersweet memories. It took a while until she caught herself again, fading out the lunar princess in her head.
She looked back over her right shoulder to the little dragon.
He caught her glancing, and Spike turned his gaze away. The little dragon, still with a glum look on his face, opened his mouth to further explain the situation to Twilight, but the unicorn interrupted him once again.
"Thanks, Spike," Twilight paused for a short moment, "I need to go, at least I have to be in time. Just let me write the letters to my friends, and then I will get going. Don't forget to take care of the library while I'm in Canterlot for an uncertain amount of time, okay?"
"Will do!" Spike hesitantly said saluting, the claw holding the towel snapping to his head.
The lilac unicorn didn't notice the salute though, as she swiftly trotted out of the bathroom, leaving the surprised baby dragon still holding the purple towel against his head behind. She stepped down the circular staircase, through the main hall of the library right to the lectern. She passed the large book shelves molded from the inner shell of the tree, and coming to the desk, she gripped five sheets of paper, a quill and a full ink pot. Twilight quickly began to write the letters with her magic.
In the meantime, Spike had followed Twilight down into the lobby. As the mare was finished with the letters, she turned around, she knew her dragon too well that he wouldn't stay behind for long.
"Please send these letters for me, Spike," she said to her assistant. The baby dragon just nodded. "I'll be going then. Take care!"
Twilight trotted to the entrance and affected the dark wooden door with her magic, opening it right in time that she didn't need to slow down. With a loud thud, it hammered against the outer wall of the library.
Twilight now stood there, couple of meters in front of her home.
Alright, Twilight, you need to find the chariot! The trip to Canterlot will take a while, so you'll have plenty of time to think of a way how to spend time with Luna, and if that probably goes wrong, a further good excuse why you couldn't accomplish anything, that they won't banish you! Okay, where's the carriage?
She had to hold her head high to see her surroundings, as her wet mane hang still flat down, thus covering half of her view. That was no problem when she was still in the library, whereas she knew every corner like her saddlebag, but now on the streets of Ponyville, where she had to find a chariot, it was a bit more difficult.
Fortunately she didn't have to search for it. The chariot stood right in front of the tree, only a couple of hoofsteps away. The carriage consisted of two pegasi, that were in front of the cart, both of them looked rather identical - white coat, blue eyes, large built. They wore their typical golden armor, with an elongated blue brush on top of their helmets, fitting quite nicely to their tail color. And neither of them had an expression upon their faces. Plainly, guards of Princess Celestia.
-
The cart itself was white, reinforced with an ornate gold that wound around it. The look of the oxcart reminded very strong to that one, in which Twilight was first taken to Ponyville.
The pegasus nearer to the library glanced around in search for the wanted unicorn. He quickly turned when he heard the loud thud caused by the entrance door. His training proved efficient. The entire royal guard was trained for this very sudden situations coming out of the nowhere. Their always alerted state formed the base of their fast reactions.
Yet the guards' training wouldn't be proved that day. He had sighted the lavender mare coming out of the hollowed tree. The describing of the wanted pony matched with the one trotting there just a few meters away, though he hadn't imagined the unicorn to be so... wet... when it was going to visit the Princesses.
But the mare came to a halt, glancing around beyond her mane hanging in her field of view. Still no changing in the expression upon the guards face, he sternly said to the searching lavender mare, "Miss Sparkle? We were ordererd by the Princess to take you to Canterlot Castle. If you don't mind, we will bring you there."
"Heh. Of course. Thank you," Twilight replied a little nervously.
Okay Twilight. Here we go...
She quickly jumped onto the cart, so that the pegasi in front could make their way to Canterlot. With a strong pull, almost throwing Twilight back out again, the pegasi lashed forward into a gallop, their armored hooves clapping on the ground.
They spread their strong white wings, flapping them violently up and down, until they had enough momentum to take themselves and the carriage off the ground, up to the sky on the road to Canterlot Castle.
The chariot speedily made its way to its destination. They would need a few hours to reach it, so Twilight had some time to think. She sat in the golden cart, with her hooves hanging over at the left side, her head resting on the railing. And as they flew, the wind blew gently against her face -- through her still-wet mane. Even under the bright shining of the sun, Twilight felt cold yet again as her moist mane in the cold summerwind made her shiver.
Heh, strange. It seems that I cannot escape it. Though the sun is shining, I feel so chilly at this rather warm day... but not just at day or night, even in my dreams...
She remembered the dream, when she fell asleep lying in the warm bathtub in the morning.
Staring into the distance from her view high above the ground, the lavender mare's mind wandered again. Brief flashes of the blackness, followed by the princess in the dust cloud, Luna's crying, their embrace and the deep blue alicorn dissolving into the moon, ran through her head. Even if she tried, she couldn't blend them out.
I wonder why I dreamt such a weird dream... Maybe there's a book about dream significance in the Canterlot library.
Twilight sighed.
But now I need to think of what to do once I am with the Princesses...
- Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle -
Three loud knocks hammered against two heavy, with a crescent moon marked, wooden doors, ranging out through the chambers behind.
"You may enter," the lunar princess answered across the room in her typical regal tone.
One of the leaf doors opened, revealing a dark gray, male unicorn with a black-blue armor and toxic yellow eyes, a guard completely in contrast to the ones of Princess Celestia. The guard bowed, and stepped humbly into the room.
The nightblue alicorn lied on her huge bed that faced the entrance to her chambers, reading an ancient book that was opened before her crossed hooves. She almost wasn't to make out on her bedsheets, that carried the same color as the night. Just her turquoise eyes flashed out of the dark.
She leisurely looked up, gazing annoyed at the approaching guard. A few moments, and the guard stopped, keeping a safe distance between him and the Princess.
"What is it you seek?" she asked in a rather aggravated tone.
The guard immediately replied.
"Your majesty, we should inform you that your sister, Princess Celestia, is awaiting you in the royal gardens in two hours."
"To what purpose?" Princess Luna retorted.
"We were not told, your majesty," the guard hesitantly replied, but still standing his ground.
"Alright then. You may leave," Luna said dismissively, waving a hoof at the guard. She was already looking down in her book again.
"Your majesty." The guard bowed once more, and backwards left the night-like chambers, not daring to cancel his bowing or turning away from the Princess. As the guard had left the room, the deep gray unicorn closed the heavy wooden door, making his way back to return to his sentry.
Luna saw the door closing. She let out a heavy sigh after closing the book still lying between her legs.
I wonder what my sister is wanting from me. Then again, why couldn't she tell the guard? Oh my...
Princess Luna leisurely stood up from her bed. She didn't mind the book staying where it was, and trotted out of her chambers, through the dark corridor, heading down to the royal garden. Luna was aware that she had an hour time left, but also she didn't have anything else to do, even the book she was reading before wasn't offering her any new discoveries after all. She had already read every book she was interested in more than once a long time ago. And so the dark alicorn tardily trotted down, her hoofsteps echoing on the marble floor, to the blooming garden that lied behind the big white castle of the royal sisters. And with time, she arrived.
-&-
Thud. The princess had landed on black tiles.
"Hello? Is somepony here?", she called through the foggy black air. Luna was hoping for a purple mare to be there. But there was no answer. Several moments passed in silence.
"Of course not," she sighed.
Suddenly, her ears began to twitch. A slight humming, coming from every direction, grew more intense despite remaining very low, with every second she listened.
"What may that sound be?"
She listened closer. It was no humming that was echoing through the void in the first place, no. Something... something was calling her.
"Lhuuu.. hnaaaaah...", a very, what it sounded like, familiar voice was whispering her name. "Lu... na...", the voice echoed again.
"Twilight Sparkle, is that you?", the princess eagerly asked in the chilly air. But it wasn't the lavender unicorn.
Before anything could answer, she was abruptly lifted from the tiles. The princess hadn't even flapped her wings, and yet she was moving up, faster every moment, an invisible force pulling her up to the ceiling.
-&-
"Aaaaaaaaah!"
The lunar princess ripped her eyes wide open. Sweat was covering her entire coat, ruffling her night-blue fur, sparkling in the shadow of the leaves. Princess Luna found herself in the royal gardens of the castle again, lying flat beneath the beautiful rose petals of an ageless tree, that has always been Luna's and Celestia's secret meeting place.
"Luna," an alabaster alicorn sitting in front of the princess spoke to her with concern, a hoof resting gently on one of hers, "it's okay. You are safe. It seems you just had a nightm- a bad dream."
And again I said it... Celestia had tried to avoid the use of the word 'nightmare' since the incidence. Too many bad memories were connected to it. Yet sometimes she just blurts it out without thinking.
Slightly panting, Luna answered her sister. "Yes... apparently. What am I doing here anyway?" She looked at her sister.
"Have you been waiting for me here, Luna?" The sun princess asked , still concerned, not giving her the answer Luna wanted.
"Why, yes, of course."
"How long?"
"Let me think. Now that you are here means that the two hours have passed, as a guard informed me you wanted to meet me here..." The nightly princess paused.
She inhaled, a scent of rose and other beautiful smells of flowers ran through her nostrils, reaching deep into her lung, everything poured out with a long exhale. It was almost a shame that she didn't smell it while she was sleeping.
"Well, that answers my question what I would be doing here. But to answer yours, it takes some time to get here from my chambers, therefore... it would be approximately one hour and forty-seven minutes."
"You didn't have to wait for me, Luna."
"I don't mind waiting here for you, Tia," her expression changed, depressively she was looking at the ground, "I had nothing else to do anyway."
Princess Celestia sighed. Then I suppose she fell asleep after she had arrived here and waited for me.
"You know there were these dragon chancellors I had to come to terms with, and... no, that should not be of your concern. I'm sorry that I did let you wait."
"It is fine," Luna lowly replied.
Princess Luna waited for her sister to proceed, but strangely, she didn't say anything. She just gazed.
Some time went by, as the two alicorns just lied in front of one another, Princess Luna with her head resting on her crossed hooves, and Princess Celestia just gazing at the view of the garden. A feeble breeze carrying the scent of the tree above was blowing in the air around the rulers of Equestria, rustling the leaves in the trees, and sending small waves and dunes over the soft grass fields that were filled with white and pink flowers.
"So now that we are here, what was it you wanted to talk about, dear sister?" Princess Luna asked after the moments of silence.
Celestia sighed, closing her eyes.
"I do not like it," she stated, thus opening her shortly shut eyes, but now carrying a stern expression on her face.
"You do not like, what?" Both the princesses locked their gazes with each others eyes.
"I don't like seeing you like this all the time."
" 'Like this'? What do you mean by that?", the lunar princess asked.
"Exactly this right now! Your introversion... your sorrow... your loneliness."
"That is not true!", Luna answered, breaking their eye contact.
"You do know it is, sister!"
The lunar princess winced by the harsh tone of the sun goddess.
Celestia was deeply churning inside, in front of her little sister she had lost for such a long time. "There is nothing in Equestria I cannot endure, apart from one exception -- and that is your suffering, Luna!"
Sniff.
Tears were welling up in Celestia's eyes. Nopony else had ever seen her crying.
The solar princess quietly continued, turning her expression into a softly gaze at her sister, who still looked away.
"And that is why I asked a very special pony to me to visit you." Celestia gently nudged the nightblue princess with her muzzle against Luna's neck.
"Why?", Luna whispered into her hooves.
"You know the reason, why!", Celestia's voice grew more intense again. She sounded... upset. "I have sworn to myself that I will never let it happen again. No matter the consequences."
...
The goddesses still lay there, towards each other in silence, but not once meeting gazes. With time, the wind loosened few single rose petals of the tree above, sending them gently falling, swinging them left to right, before hitting the ground between the ancient sisters. Luna had raised her head, her gaze following the falling of the leaves. She met halfway with the desperate looking alabaster alicorn that had been doing the same. Luna sighed.
"Then if I may ask... who is it?"
Celestia paused for a moment, surprised by the question, thinking if she should already tell her. But finding no arguments against it, she quietly replied, "My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Luna's ears perked up at the mentioning of the lavender mare's name.
Could it really be?
"She already must be on her way here, unless she refused my plea," Celestia continued.
"She had a choice?" Luna curiously asked, not remembering her sister ever being so kind to a subject when it was about royal matters.
"Hm... I didn't directly state that she had a choice in the letter I sent her this morning. However, I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Twilight could've always declined."
"Well, I don't know what to say, Tia." Luna, a soft gaze on her face, softly smiled.
"Everything for you, Luna," Celestia had regained her gentle gaze as well.
And thus Celestia spread her white graceful wings, causing a slight breeze in between the two mares, sending the petals on the ground flying again. Quickly they were surrounded in a swirl of rose flowers. Celestia leaned forward, resting her head against Luna's. Her wings spread forward, and she embraced her sister softly, almost encasing them completely in shadows under the silken feathers of the sun goddess.
_______________________________________
I know, I know... still no (or not much?) romance. I'm sorry. And I am aware that this chapter is probably not what you had expected. Please don't hate me?
What I want to know is... how do you think I am describing the situations? Should I add more, or maybe even less detail? What do you think about that in the whole? I'd appreciate it if you could help me on this matter in the comments.
Good, very good. Maybe a bit more... not detail, but information? Also, even if the chapters are shorter, if the chapters are released closer together, the reader will remember what happened previously instead of rereading the whole story.
Tuna Fic you say? I love Tuna! Track initiated!
This is very good, thought lacking in romance this chapters seems more like a set up chapter where you are giving more detail and info on the situation and the plot update soon.
I love this story, Twiluna is general is awesome but this just shows how good it can be. Liked and favourited, I'm also glad it got a featured spot instead of another comedy fic. (Not that they are bad or anything, they just always get the featured spots)
808424 Okay, I'll try my best. Thank you.
808705 I didn't want to start my story with a charakter who is already in love, I wanted to build it up. And these set-up chapters are quite a good practice for me, so that the romance chapters thereafter will be better then.
Don't worry, there won't be so much of the information-giving anymore. Soon, the romance shall begin
i think it's a good thing your not rushing the romance, I've read some fan-flicks which rushed the romance and most the time it's a bad story, the way your doing it we get to see how you make the characters and how and why they shored be together making it a better story. (note: i found yours is the best Luna x Twilight and I read a lot of them )
Listen dude, everything is perfect. Story wise, it's right where it should be. Nobody likes reading a fiction where the characters get together right in the beginning. I prefer to wait, let the anticipation build, ya know? So on that front it's totally fine.
On the other hoof, I could point out multiple instances where you messed up grammar or forgot a word or something. At some point, you said that English isn't your native language. That's impressive, considering that you did a better job than most people who grew up speaking and writing English. I know, I've seen and hundreds of fictions by now.
If you want me to post the mistakes, I will and try to explain the rules of such things to help you out. I think you, and this story, deserve it.
809896 Thanks! And I'd gladly accept! I will never turn down offered help.
But maybe you could do that in your last comment (you know, edit it and such), as 4 comments of the same person in a row are rather uncommon and sometimes not welcome^^. Thanks again.
yea no problem in waiting for something good
808637 Isn't it called Twiluna?
Anyways, nice story so far, albeit a few errors. But i will see where this leads.
810948
Yeah some call it that and some call it Tuna. But most call it Twilluna
Wow. Lots and lots of LUS. Also you have quite a lot of awkward phrasing such as
" "Now that you are here, and the guard which informed me you wanted to meet me here in two hours... oh, right. You wanted to meet me here. Well, that answers my question." The nightly princess paused. She inhaled, a scent of rose and other beautiful smells ran through her nostrils, deep into her lung, everything poured out with a long exhale. "But to answer yours, it would be approximately one hour and fourtyseven minutes." "
Until now I actually didn't even know what you were trying to say. Another problem I noticed is in dialog you would sometimes switch to incorrect tenses.
811905 I have no idea what 'LUS' are supposed to be, sry.
Yeah, you might be right. I'll try to make that sentence a bit clearer and more understandable.
As for the switching of tenses... well, my native language is not English. These mistakes just happen, and they will probably happen again. Sorry for that. I'm terrible at finding my own errors. So maybe you could point them out? Thanks in advance.
814205
LUS is Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Its where you refer to a named character by some descriptor, such as 'the lavender unicorn' when referring to Twilight Sparkle. There's few reasons why you don't want to do that. Just scroll up a page and a half to the heading 'One name per character' on this link http://derpy.me/LQC9h .
814335 Okay I tried to fix the sentence of Luna you were talking about. It was clear to me when I wrote it, but now that you mention it, it was really a bit confusing. I hopefully avoid these errors of speech in the future.
The LUS-thing... well I didn't want to always write 'Twilight'. If Twilight is always referred to as just 'Twilight', it gets boring in my opinion.
Thanks for your comments btw
814644
That's what pronouns are for
814205
I think it might be best if you found a native English speaker to proofread and edit for you, unless you have one already. There is a group on Fimfiction devoted to that, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find one.
If you do, I propose your chapters would become cooler by a one fifth margin. The most glaringly obvious errors are errors in grammar, such as: "Hm... now that I think about it, I haven't given her directly a choice in the letter I have sent to her this morning. However, I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Twilight could've always declined."
The idea gets across right, it's just awkward. it might read easier as "I didn't directly state that she had a" choice in the letter "I sent her this morning."
Just a bit of perfectionism, though, the story keeps together rather well. I'll track it and we'll see where it goes.
815665 Well, I have one who is helping me, but I don't have an actual editor right now. Thanks for the advice.
I'll change it right away. Thanks for pointing that out, too.
To be honest, I don't think that I am capable of writing it like you did in the first attempt. My vocabulary and grammatic isn't that great.
But I'm glad you (partly) liked the story until now.
815779
The story's fine, and the grammar comes over time. I edited a link into my previous comment to that proofreader group for easy access.
Just keep trying and learning from your mistakes, and you'll get there. I look forward to seeing how your writing improves over time.
815843 Thank you for the encouragement! That really keeps me up.
And thanks for the link of course.
814335
wow, the book you linked there may just be what I need to gather the courage (and learn a bit of know how) to write down the fiction idea I've been cuddling in my head for the last couple of weeks... It's about time I stop being an indecisive lazy asshole and do something.
815923
a bit more in-topic, great story, I like the setting, and I hope you'll take your time to build up the relationship
Can't wait for more
This is a very interesting story. I say interesting because of the build up. Most stories i read that are similar to this have generally little to no build up or too much build up. It can go both ways unfortunately. But with this i feel that its climbing steadily. However, i sense a bit of flow issues. Its not too much to really point out at this stage but Im interested in how it will turn out.
834363 903006 There will be more!! But I had an awful lot of study to do, the last exams were on so I wasn't really able to work on the 5th chapter.
879807 Back then I didn't have an actual proof-reader. That explains the MANY, MANY mistakes and errors and whatever, but the fact that I have no proof-reader has changed!
I will update and correct the errors in the first 4 chapters once I've released the 5th one. To be honest, I don't know how the typos and those mistakes came into the story in the first place. Probably I've screwed up while editing it . Sorry about that.
Back to the topic with the exams: The major ones are finally over!! Only 2 minor tests remain, but these aren't anything I can't handle. That means, I've time to work on my story again! Yay
906456 Thank you very much for the offer, but as stated above, I have no need for a proof-reader right now. Though I really appreciate it
Short update: I have revised chapter 1-4, even if I've said that I wouldn't do that until I'm done with the whole story, but there were so many mistakes and errors, I just had to correct them. I have corrected some sentences too, so uh, the flow should be a bit better now. I apologize for publishing the story in the condition it was in .
Your description is a bit...spoiler-y. I wouldn't have guessed that Luna was turning into Nightmare Moon again until the end of chapter 4, but since the description plainly gives it to me, I already have an idea of how the story is going to play out.
Other than that, though (which really isn't a big deal), great story! Can't wait for Chapter 5!
i like the amount of detail and descriptions you put in, and i like your writing style i find it flows very nicely and is very easy for me to read (im dyslexic)
but there's one thing, Twilight came to Ponyville for the first time in a hot air balloon, not a chariot
911563 You should've seen all the corrections in the document...
924927 I may consider removing the spoiler-y part. Maybe. I'll decide that when I'm finished with the story.
978909 That's nice to hear! Afterall, my English IS pretty simple, I don't know any big words (guess the most uncommon one was "ley lines"), and neither can I build long sentences with a good grammatical structure. I have still so much to learn about the English language.
Apart from that, are you certain that Twilight's first visit to Ponyville was in a hot air balloon? I know she lands with one in Ponyville in the intro, but in the first episode she first comes to Ponyville in a chariot, doesn't she?
Anyway, I'm glad you three enjoyed my story so far!
PS: Short update: I'll finish the 5th chapter about... tomorrow or Sunday, then it only needs to get edited. After that, I'll instantly put it up here for you!
Hopefully you'll find it allright
983059
just re-watched start of the first episode, and your right i just got confused by her and Spike leaving the hot air balloon in Ponyville during the theme song
celestia seems a little over the top but then again it still gives her more personality than the show ever did lol.