From Equestrian Wars and Tactics. The Charge of the Lightning Brigade during the Battle of Haycart was one of the most costly of the war. This is Private Silver Sheath's account of the charge. The Equestria-Zebra War was one of the first true wars Equestria ever fought one of the last major armed conflicts until the world settled down into what it is today. Commander Headwinds of the Cloudsdale Guard along sat down and gathered all information on Equestrian Wars and gathered them into this book. This particularly portion is on the Battle of Haycart and the tale of the dangerous charge by Equestrian Calvary on the Zebra lines marking one of the deadliest military actions in Equestrian history.
Chapters (1)
Half a league, half a league, half a league onward...
The title say lighting. Not lightning.
5003485
Into the mouth of hell.
No seriously, this fanfic was hell to read
5003674
"Forward, Pony readers! Charge for the end!" He said.
Into the Story of Death, clicked the
six hundredpoor readers.5003892
Haters left of them
Haters right of them
Haters behind them
Whew, that's a mouthful in itself. I think cutting down the unit designation to 24th Lightning Brigade, 8th Guards Division might make it a lot easier on the readers. And as for dates, I think the easiest thing you can do to designate era is by the "Before Banishment (B.B.), "After Banishment (A.B.)" and "Luna's Return (L.R.)" method. From the quick reading I did, it's kinda clunky to read what you go there. I think if you focus on Sheath's emotions and actions as he reacts to things around him, the story would be far better.
Paragraphs are a thing, bro. All the text jammed together was hard to discern events, and what was going on. I liked it, but it appeared to have pointless lines interwoven in the story with little world description.
This felt less like a literary work and more like a transcript of a PTSD pony drinking in a bar explaining his heartache to another consumer. Seriously, add description of a tavern and break up the entire story into quotes, and there you go.