---Canterlot---
You didn't sleep at all last night.
The kiss with Fleur was still in your Brain.
'What happened?' You thought to yourself.
You looked at your clock to see it was 8:45 A.M.
You sighed "I guess I didn't get a wink of sleep last night" You said to youself.
The doorbell rang, grabbing your attention.
You got up off your bed and walked out of your room to the front door and opened it.
Fleur was standing there looking at the ground blushing.
"I-i'm sorry about last night, Streak" She said kicking the ground.
"It's okay, Fleur" You said grabbing her shoulder causing her to look at you.
"R-really?" She said.
You nodded. "Yes, I mean it" You said.
She smiled before she kissed you.
You were not surprised this time and you kissed back.
The sensation was magical (No pun intended)
You both stopped kissing and looked at eachother smiling.
"Hey, Streak?" Fleur said blushing.
"Yeah?" You said.
"Can we be Marefriend and Coltfriend?" She said blushing some more.
You smiled and nodded.
Fleur grinned and hugged you.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She said smiling.
You hugged her back.
Fancypants was watching this from a window in his Mansion.
He smiled. 'You lucky colt' He thought to himself.
He walked away from the window smiling.
'Today is a new day' You thought to yourself.
You and her stopped hugging.
"See you later, Streak" She said kissing your cheek and walking away.
You waved goodbye to her before closing your door.
You sighed happily. "I love my life" You said to yourself.
You smiled the rest of the day.
When Twilight came by for a visit, she noticed that you were smiling a lot.
"What's got you in such a good mood?" She said.
"Let's just say that Streak has a Marefriend" You said proudly.
Twilight gasped at hearing this and a tear came from her eye.
You noticed this and said "You okay, Twilight?".
She straightened up quickly.
"N-nothing's wrong! I'm just happy that you found love" She said sniffing.
"I'm sorry but I have to go!" She said speeding out of your house.
"Ooooooookay?" You said slowly.
"Why, why!?" Twilight yelled crying in her new bed at her castle.
"I liked him before anypony else!" She said crying some more.
She sat up and sniffed. "I wish he was my Coltfriend" She said herself.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
short history... =(
4861311 T_T ...
4861400 Fixed it.
You smiled the rest of the way
I assume you mean "You smiled the rest of the day". It seems that you were smiling for the rest of the time it took you to close the door, which usually isn't very long.
4861434 Fixed! :D
Ponies seem to develop crushes very quickly in your stories. Keep it up.
Are you LightingStrike? I bet you're LightingStrike.
4861311
Your "review" is rushed.
The tags say 'alternate universe'
so your statement is invalid.
4861509 I've never heard of him.
4861560 Whatever, hater. Cause' I don't give a crap.
4861565
Wait why am I the hater here?
4861576 Sorry, I got confused there. Sorry.
4861616 Preach, dude, preach.
4861560
Not sure how long you've been a member on this site, but the AU tag is generally used when a writer wants to bend, and in some cases, even break canon. A good writer can make it work without any issues, but most new writers use it as an excuse to justify their bad/lacking writing. I'm not a seasoned writer, but I've read enough books to have a pretty good idea of what works, and what doesn't.
Point is, people need to stop and think from the reader's perspective from time to time. It's great to write what one wants, but they need to remember that they're opening themselves to criticism by others when they publish stories here. Which means a writer needs to read anything and everything they can to get a sense of what works, and how a story is "assembled".
I'm not attacking or defending anyone, merely just stating what I know from my time and experience on the site.
Now that my rant is complete, I'm going to go enjoy a beer. Cheers.
4861688
Cheers mate.
I'll be a gentelman about this and say you could be right.
But the tag stands for an alternated (not sure if this is right im german) universe wich means anything from, lets say a war between luna's empire and celestias empire to diffrent behaviour or jobs characters have.
4861912
Now the settings and situations I'll completely agree with, for the most part (using it to make Cadence cheat on Shining pisses me off). It's people using it to take a known character and pull a complete 180 and write that character however they want, ignoring the characterization.
Granted, people are going to do whatever they want, but they need to take into account that they may receive hell from the more "serious" members in the fandom for doing these types of things. Take Dislestia for instance: many people are in an uproar because they outright hate the ship, not wanting to see Celestia (an unhealthy obsession for some) paired with Discord. Me? I could frankly care less; I despise Sparity, but I wouldn't start a riot if they made it canon. I'd be disheartened, sure, but it would motivate me to write about Spike being rejected by her.
Whew. Rant #2 finished. I need another beer...
4861957
Yeah I have nothing to say about that.
But your 'rants' sound more like opinions :)
With that ill go to bed because its freaking 3am here