Soarin's Big Secret
written by SunnehDaze
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I got about a third of the way through this story, and I had to stop to leave this comment. From what I've read so far, the theme is really good, but I've noticed a few grammatical mistakes in terms of punctuation, as well as noting that you like to use verbose words. This isn't necessarily a bad thing when used lightly (a few words per paragraph), but I've noticed that you use it more, which could come off as looking pretentious, which it honestly does to me. The thesaurus is a good tool, but as the saying goes: "With great power, comes great responsibility".
Since this is essentially a clopfic, many readers may be turned off by the excessive use of flowery prose. I'll finish reading, and give a more detailed review when I do.
Pfft! Dat ending!
The equivalent of the overstuffed closet meme, it seems.
4861600
Thanks for the good notes. Love the avatar.
What the heck is a thesaurus? Seriously, I guess having a bookworm's vocabulary cuts both ways. I wouldn't know how to tone it down without kinda losing my whole shtick. Worth considering.
Some errors were probably accidents, but I've got a laissez-faire attitude towards punctuation so many are deliberate. Call me crazy, but I paid my dues in academia. Now I just go nuts.
I thought this was quite well-written; I didn't notice the alleged verbosity at all. In fact, it was rather refreshing to see a clop-fic written with some 'flowery prose' rather than the usual crop of shitty writing that normally gets posted.
SunnehDaze, you are a genious!
4868535
Thanks man, flowery is my wheelhouse.
4877147
Yep, exactly!
woulda been funny if they actually fucked. I can imagine Dashie propelled through the air like a bottle rocket powered by Soarin's jizz.
This definitely needs a vaginal and/or anal themed sequel.
Lol, good job!
This was quite lovely. It was sweet of Dash to reassure Soarin about something he was embarrassed about. The sex itself was very good and their was something satisfying about their mutual desire to pleasure each other. The ending made me chuckle.