Agent Con Mane in Doctor Ironhoof (Under Revision)

by Fairytail

Chapter 15: The Hour of My Victory is at Hoof

“You!” Ironhoof’s voice rattled the crystal chamber, “You are late! What are you doing just standing around? Get back to work!”

Ironhoof sat back down on his throne in annoyance. Joe bowed apologetically towards his ‘master’ and hurried up the scaffolding. The machines that were wired to the giant, dark crystal displayed various levels of safety parameters, output measurements and manufacturing rates. The machines were collecting the Shadow Magic generated by the crystal and siphoning them to a focal point that must have been located somewhere on the island. The focal point would work as a giant Unicorn Horn, casting an invisible blast of Shadow Magic all the way across the sea to the NLR.

Joe approached the railing of the scaffold. The massive crystal magically levitated over a deep black empty pit. No. Upon further inspection, it wasn't empty. The pit was filled with some sort of formless matter, blacker than night, that swirled and bubbled below. Joe kicked a nearby rock that must have crumbled off of the cavern wall. As soon as the rock hit the evil ooze, it disintegrated into nothing.The chills that crawled up Joe’s legs pushed him back.

Joe continued across the scaffold until he reached a catwalk that went right up to the crystal. Joe was inches away from touching it, but he knew better. The crystal lattice that made up the core of the object’s structure looked worn. Tiny cracks and faint blotches of discoloration littered the purple surface. Joe figured that the crystal must have been thousands of years old. An object of this size composed of pure evil energy trapped in the earth, biding its time. Joe shivered at the thought.

But then Joe noticed something else attached to the crystal. A black metal band had been welded against the circumference of the crystal like a ring. The ring was carved with various runes and charms. From what Joe could make out, the ring must have been a spell. The crystal must have been older and more brittle than he had realized. A spell was needed to stabilize the crystal and keep it from collapsing under the weight of its own power.

“Master,” A Diamond Dog yelled out across the room, “the crystal is at maximum. We are ready for you to recite the incantation!”

Joe looked at Ironhoof on his throne. His teeth were sharp and pointed. His eyes relished in the flavor of victory. Slowly he rose from his throne. His curved, red horn was absorbing the tenebrous energies of the crystal. Its dark aura grew larger and fiercer.

“Finally!” He proclaimed with the force of a mountain, “The hour of my victory is at hoof!” All the Diamond Dogs and other ponies in the room watched Ironhoof in reverence-- or was it fear? Joe couldn't tell under the masks. Ironhoof triumphantly waltzed towards the stone altar that sat near his throne. His purple robes billowed behind him like a specter. He approached the ancient book that sat upon the altar and opened it to a bookmarked page. Ironhoof was too high for Joe to see what secrets the book could possibly hold. Ironhoof started to chant. The tongue was ancient and although Joe could recognize it, he could not make out what the words meant.

All of a sudden Joe felt strange. His horn came to life with a strange tingling, both hot and cold at the same time. The words began to form a melody in Joe’s mind. It was sweet like a lullaby. Then he felt something began to stir. It was the crystal. The crystal was coming to life. Joe’s horn could sense each throb of magical heartbeat that pulsated from the crystal. The evil energies of the crystal wriggled within, looking for a way out like a newborn forcing its way out of an egg. And it felt good. For whatever reason, a small part of Joe’s mind welcomed it. It made him feel somehow free.

No! Joe stopped looking at Ironhoof. He knew in a few moments the evil sorcerer would launch a spell that would destroy the NLR’s shield. He looked around desperately for anything he could use. Ironhoof was too high up for Joe to reach in time and he knew trying to use magic against Ironhoof while he was surrounded by such savage energies would be suicide. The crystal. Joe had to somehow destroy the crystal. He looked at the protective ring around the ancient gem. If Joe could destroy the ring, the crystal would go berserk. He had no idea what the result of that would be, but he was left with no other option. Joe focused his magic on the ring but nothing happened. He looked around in confusion. Why wasn't his magic working?

Ironhoof’s chanting grew louder. The black energy that swirled around him turned a sickening green. Joe tried to examine the ring closer for some sort of clue but the crystal grew darker and darker. If only the visor on the blasted mask wasn't so dark! The mask! Joe realized that his magic couldn't penetrate the mask. He had to take it off. But doing so would expose him. It would expose him not only to Ironhoof, but to the Shadow Magic that filled the room. He knew he could potentially become corrupted just like Ironhoof.

Joe took a deep breath. With disturbing calmness he removed the mask from the rest of his protection suit. It felt good to breath open air once again. With the mask off the evil felt even more real. He could hear Ironhoof’s chanting even more clearly. He could see the darkness that danced on the black crystal walls.

Knowing he would be recognized in mere moments, Joe tried his magic once again. He surrounded the metal ring with his emerald aura. He could feel the magic in the ring. He studied the properties in his mind. He had to find the right counter spell to undo the ring. He concentrated with his eyes closed knowing that any second now, a Diamond Dog would yell out or stab him from behind.

Found it! Joe could see the ring’s spell in his mind. Every asset of its written word was his to rewrite. Joe concentrated and with a loud crack, the ring popped off. The metal band split into pieces and fell into the pit of blackness where they disintegrated.

“What are you doing!?” Ironhoof yelled out. Joe could see the bulging anger in the mad Unicorn’s eyes. “Stop him!” he commanded.

Two Diamond Dogs converged on Joe. They tried to scratch at Joe but their claws couldn't penetrate their suits. Without their natural weapons, the Dogs were weak. Joe effortless pinned one to the ground and bucked the other one over the railing. The screaming Dog plummeted to the blackness where his wails were cut off by disintegration. Joe looked up and saw that Ironhoof had not moved from his spot. He remained perfectly still, focusing on his incantation.

The pinned Dog rolled free and removed his helmet as well. He gnashed his sickly yellow fangs at Joe, ready to sink them deep into his flesh. But then the Dog cried out in pain. He scratched at his own face. Joe saw the Dog’s eyes turn green and smoked the purple darkness. The creature’s entire fur turned pitch black and with a sickening pop, the Diamond Dog was reduced to wisps of smoke leaving only an empty protection suit behind. Joe realized that the Diamond Dogs were extra sensitive to the darkness in the air.
“Kill him! Kill him!” Ironhoof barked, unable to abandon his post. But the Diamond Dogs all looked around at each other, frozen in terror. They didn't dare take on Joe or remove their suits.

Joe turned back to the giant crystal. No longer purple, it was now blacker than night. Joe could see his reflection on the surface. His eyes were green and his irises red. billows of purple haze crept from their sides. Tiny black crystals were growing from the sides of his horn. Joe realized he was becoming corrupted. It was that small portion of his body that welcomed the darkness to win. And he could feel it growing.

Joe hoped and hoped that the crystal, now without its protective ring, would collapse. But the crystal remained stable. Ironhoof laughed maniacally in triumph on the altar above. The spell was complete. The crystal was successfully charged before it hit its limit. If only Ironhoof had given it a little more.

And then it hit him. Joe stared into his own reflection; into his own evil eyes. And he remembered the words of the Diamond Dog in the decontamination room. ‘contamination level at ten percent.’ ‘contamination safely stored in horn.’ They never removed all the corruption from the swamp.

Joe closed his smoking eyes and concentrated on the darkness within him. He opened the door in his heart that was keeping the corruption locked away and allowed the Shadows to fill his horn. Joe’s horn glowed with the shadowy flames and bubbling blackness. Joe forced the power out his horn and concentrated directly into the crystal.

As Joe used the forbidden magic, he could feel it take hold of his mind. His blood ran cold as his heart froze over. Joe forced even more darkness into the crystal. More power. More power. More power than Joe had ever conjured before. With this power he could destroy the crystal. He could destroy Ironhoof. He could destroy any pony foolish enough to stand in his way and he could ultimately rule this pathetic land. No. He couldn't let the darkness win. He had to stay in control. As he poured the energy into the crystal he focused his mind on Sky Blazer, whose home was in trouble. He thought of MARE and Miss Raven and Strange Ways. He thought about Anavua’s sacrifice and Red Velvet’s pleading eyes and Sea Swirl’s alluring innocence.

As the magic ran out Joe nearly collapse onto the catwalk. He felt weak and tired. His reflection had changed. His horn was smooth and free of growths and his eyes were once again their normal shade of emerald. Joe smiled at himself in congratulations and then his reflection splintered. A large crack split across the crystal and then another on. Large cracks formed all around the pitch black obelisk.

“What’s going on!?” yelled out Ironhoof in a panic, “The crystal has absorbed too much energy! You fool! What have you done!?”

“Sorry, doctor.” Joe called out, “Did I break your toy?”

The crystal shattered into pieces as Ironhoof roared into the sky. The whole chamber started to rumble. The smaller black crystals that made up the walls shattered and fell. The remaining Diamond Dogs and ponies screamed in panic, trying to make for the exit. The terrified minions trampled over each other and some were pushed into the black pit

“No! My crystal!” Ironhoof cried in bewilderment. “Do you have any idea what you have done!? This entire island is going to explode!”

“Thanks for the warning, Ironhoof! I’ll leave you to that.”

Joe was about to turn for the exit but was stopped in his tracked by Ironhoof’s roars. “Con Mane! You’ll pay for this!” Ironhoof jumped off his perched and soared over Joe’s head. He landed flat on the scaffolding which caved beneath the weight of Ironhoof’s megaton forelegs. The walkways buckled and swayed and Joe held on to the railing for dear life. A large section of the scaffolding gave way and fell into the black pit taking much of the wall with it. The black pit was now wider than it was before. the catwalk Joe and Ironhoof stood on barely remained attached to the crystal wall. shards of black crystal rained from the ceiling as the chamber continued to shake.

Ironhoof’s eyes glistened with blood lust. Joe readied his body for what was about to come. Ironhoof leapt at Joe. Joe ducked underneath the attack and Ironhoof landed a punch on the floor which dented heavily. Joe then jumped on Ironhoof’s back and tried to wrangle him but was quickly bucked off. Ironhoof retaliated by firing a bolt of Shadow Magic which missed its mark. Joe charged at Ironhoof but he blocked the shot with one of his forelegs. Ironhoof smacked the prosthetic across Joe’s face sending him flying to the edge of the catwalk. Joe could feel the side of his face swell up as his feet dangled over the darkness.He managed to climb back up onto the surface but Ironhoof was edging towards him. The weight of the catwalk shifted and teetered with the combined weight. Ironhoof had Joe cornered against the edge. He leaned in close to Joe with a sadistic smile.

“It’s hopeless, Mr. Mane.” He sneered, “I am far more powerful a sorcerer than you could ever hope to be!”

“Maybe so.” Joe said, “But I’m a better baker than you. And every baker knows there’s more than one way to make bread.” Joe pointed his watch at Ironhoof’s robes and fired a laser beam. The robes caught fire and Ironhoof jumped in surprise. Joe took the opportunity provided by the distraction and clocked Ironhoof in the muzzle. Ironhoof lost his balance and Joe forced himself on the other side of the catwalk and bucked Ironhoof in his back knees. Ironhoof lost his hoofing and fell off the edge. However, he grabbed hold of the edge with his metal hooves. Iroonhoof struggled to lift himself high enough to climb up but his hooves were too heavy. The catwalk slowly started to bend under the weight. Ironhoof looked up at Joe with eyes pleading for mercy.

“Sorry, Ironhoof,” Joe said, “but the weight of your sins is just too great.” Wasting no time, Joe bolted towards the other end of the catwalk. The teetering slop made the other end high enough for Joe to jump to the altar. The force of Joe’s jump caused the scaffolding support to give way. The entire structure disconnected from the cavern wall an plummeted towards the black pit, Ironhoof at all. Ironhoof screamed out in agonizing torment as his body hit the liquid darkness. His body distorted and twisted around as it disintegrated into nothingness.The last thing that floated in the darkness before sinking was a single metal leg.

The chamber started to collapse. Great shards of crystal crashed into the pit. Joe galloped as fast as he could towards the door. Joe made it into the corridor. The entire facility was rumbling and collapsing. Joe rushed in a panic through the hallways, hoping to find Sea Swirl in the chaos. Diamond Dogs and ponies were running wild in a rampant panic. Diamond Dogs in particularly were trying to stuff as many rogue jewels into their pockets as they could.

Joe barged his way into the room were Sea Swirl and he were first held but she was nowhere to be seen. He hurried to the lobby. Sister Lilly was trying to gather a plethora of paper work. Joe ran up to her, knocked the papers out of her hooves and threatened her with a glowing horn.

“Please don’t hurt me! I've done nothing wrong!” She pleaded.

“Where is the Unicorn I came in with!?” Joe yelled violently, “Where is she!?”

With panic in her eyes, Lilly motioned for Joe to follow her. She took her to another fake wooden door and opened it before wasting no more time in heading for the exit. The door led into a small stone room with a pathway that slanted down and eventually into the sea water. Chained up on the slope was Sea Swirl. Her body was halfway submerged in water and her horn glowed brightly. Her eyes were closed, her face was calm and she was completely surrounded by menacing looking sea crabs with snapping pincers.

Joe ran to her, fearing the worst. Luckily she opened her eyes. The look on her face when she saw Joe was the most beautiful and sincere look Joe had ever seen. He magically undid her chain and she swiftly leaped up like a salmon and embraced Joe in a tight bear hug.

“Are you alright!?” Joe asked.

“Yes I’m fine.” She answered, “These crabs are harmless but I don't think they knew that. Plus I knew you would come to rescue me.”

Joe grabbed Sea Swirl’s hoof and they rushed to the exit.

They managed to make their outside the crumbling mine. they found themselves on a pier overlooking the water. The sky was clear and the sun shined brightly. The two of them both covered their ears to a loud explosion that erupted from the core of the mine. All around them, Diamond Dogs and ponies were jumping into the deep freezing waters in hopes of saving themselves.
“What do we do now?” Sea Swirl asked.

“Sea Swirl you need to go!” He commanded.
“What do you mean?”
“You can swim forever. You can go. Leave me! I’ll find my own way”
“No!” she screamed in protest. “You are not leaving me again!”
Joe searched around for any hope until Sea Swirl grabbed in attention and pointed to the other end of the pier.In the distance Joe could see what looked like the last life boat still at the docks. It was overcrowded with Diamond Dogs all trying to wrestle each other out of the boat. Joe galloped over and one by one he magically tossed all the Dogs into the water.
Joe and Sea Swirl climbed into the lifeboat. There was neither an engine nor a paddle and explosions continued to rock the island. Sea Swirl jumped into the water behind Joe. Her horn glowed with her magic and she pushed the boat from behind. Even with the extra burden, her feet kicked perfectly and she pushed the boat with the speed of a sail in a strong wind.

Sea Swirl pushed the boat a good mile away from the island in what would otherwise be an impossible time. Joe felt that she had done in enough and pulled her into the boat with him. A blinding flash and a thunderous roar rocked the sea. The lifeboat was lifted high into the air by a great wave. They both used their magic to keep the lifeboat from tipping. Both Joe and Sea Swirl stared out into the distance at the pillar of smoke that was once Cockatrice Key.

“I suppose that’s the end of that.” Sea Swirl said although it sounded like she wasn't even sure what she was talking about. Joe pitied the filly for the trauma she must have went through. He put a comforting hoof around her shoulder.

“Yeah,” he said to her, “don’t worry. It’s over now.”

Sea Swirl nestled herself into his body. “Thank goodness. But now what?” she asked, “What do we do drifting alone out in the middle of the ocean?

“Well I can think of a few things.” Joe looked into Sea Swirl’s rosy eyes. She smiled coyly and gave in to the pleasure. She rested on her back and Joe leaned in, locking his lips with her’s. She purred as she wrapped her hooves around his body.

The blaring honk of a loud foghorn made both ponies jump out of their dream like embrace. Sea Swirl blushed and rolled up like a scared hedgehog while Joe scanned the horizon. From the direction of Janeighca, Joe spotted a large metal ship packed to the brim with cannons cruising towards the lifeboat. On the side of the ship’s hull was the royal emblem of the New Lunar Republic and the name ‘LSS Generosity’.

“Ahoy, Mr. Mane! Ahoy, Mr. Mane!” yelled out a familiar voice over megaphone. On the tip of the ship’s bow, Joe could make out the figure of a dark grey Pegasus with a fiery red Mane.

When the ship drew into earshot, Joe yelled out, “Why, hello there! Say, do you need help?” Joe smiled cheekily and Sky Blazer shook his head in amusement.

“Well I can clearly see that you don’t.” He said, eyeing the demure mare with the beet red faced that was curled up in his boat. “Levitate me your line.”

Joe used his magic and tossed one end of the mooring rope to Sky. Sky tied the rope tightly to the stern of the battle cruiser and motioned the Lunar Soldiers to turn around. the battle cruiser took off and the rope uncurled until there was no more slack.
With Con Mane safely in tow, Sky returned to the ocean to address him, “Now then, Con, once we get back to Janeighca I expect a…”
The mooring rope slid through Joe’s hooves and into the ocean completely unsecured on the other end. Sky watched as his ship sailed off into the distance leaving Con Mane behind. He could make out the silhouettes of two ponies embrace and disappear into the boat.
“Con Mane you old devil…” Sky laughed at himself before returning to his quarters to write up his report.

Underneath the apple tree me pony and me
Under Luna’s moon
Underneath the apple tree, me pony and me
Will be married soon

Underneath the moonlit sky, me pony and I
Come sit hoof in hoof
Underneath the moonlit sky, me pony and I
Dream of building a roof.

Apples and rainbows and butterflies
Gemstones and parties and starry skies
When we get married we make and grow
Nine little fillies in a row

Underneath the apple tree...

Agent Con Mane will return in…
Mission to the Griffon Kingdom

A dark grey hoof picked up the ringing phone and placed it to his ear. “Yes, It’s me… Yes the shield is perfectly safe… That’s correct the island along with Doctor Ironhoof were completely destroyed… No, it wasn't us… Yes we have your sister to thank for that. It was her idea… No, ma’am, as far as he’s concerned he’s back to retirement… Yes, I understand, ma’am… Ironhoof was just a minnow hiding in a school of sharks. The rest of DISCORD will have to be dealt with… Yes, ma’am I’ll keep close tabs on him. His role isn't over yet… Yes… Yes ma’am… Thank you, ma’am… Goodbye, Your Highness.”

Comments

[Wade]

You deserve an upvote sir.

[Fairytail]

5139763 Hmmmm perhaps I SHOULD give Ironhoof the power to shoot lightning from his hooves... jk. But I do have some ideas for the Con Mane version of Col. Moon

[Brandon Sky]

*Cue credits*
Starring:
Sean Coltery as Donut Joe
Berneighred Lee as MARE
Ursula Manedress as Sea Swirl
Gah, I'm terrible at pony name puns.

Con Mane will return...
in From The Griffin Kingdom With Donuts

[Fairytail]

5143114 The puns they are glorious. Luckily I at least have SOME tact that prevented me from calling the next installment that.

[Brandon Sky]

5143222
Good, your title is leagues better than mine. I just needed the FRWL joke.
Mind if I ask if you're including the added prologue from the video game remake? That game was so good, I even like it more than Everything or Nothing.

[Fairytail]

5143685 No, the focus is more on the movie canon although each installment is designed to throw a few more twists and turns than the last.