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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I think pony kind should be able to use the Winds of Magic. Unlike humans, all ponies possess magic with each tribe having its own specialist areas. In theory any pony could learn any type of magic but particularly if it is of a kind that comes naturally to that pony's tribe (and/or even more specifically based upon the nature of the pony's cutie mark/special talent). Human wizards and Gnome conjurers can only use a single color of magic without being corrupted, thus each of The Empire's Colleges of Magic are centered around the use of only one wind of magic. Ponies on the other hand could potentially use a few at a time without endangering themselves. Possible areas of magical specialisation based upon tribe and in likely order of ease of mastery are:
Unicorns: Aqshy, Azyr, Hysh,Ulgu (other four rank about equal in difficulty for a unicorn excluding special talent factor)
Pegasus: Ghyran, Ulgu, Hysh, Azyr (other four rank about equal in difficulty for a Pegasus excluding special talent factor)
Earth Pony: Ghyran, Chamon, Hysh, Ghur (other four rank about equal in difficulty for an Earth Pony excluding special talent factor)
The Princesses would be even more prolific given their millenia of experience, alicorn natures, and large magical reserves. Other than the Elves and the Slaan they are probably two of but a few beings that would be capable of using Qhaysh. Also their special talents mean that some types of magic would come to them easily. Luna for example would excell at Azyr and Ulgu and Celestia could potentially become the most powerful Hysh user in the world. Maybe they could even create a few new spells of their own. I'll list a few possibilities in later comments.
Celestia: Light of Lesser Harmony ( Celestia made this one to crudely emulate the effect of the Elements of Harmony, using Hysh magic), Light of Greater Harmony (same effect as lesser only more advanced, requires great magical power and uses Qhaysh magic), 10,000 spears of Heavenly Light (exactly as it says on the tin rained down from on high using Hysh magic, works best during daylight hours, accuracey and number of spears may differ with skill of wizard), Lesser Purge of Chaos (akin to Lesser Harmony but less subtle and more destructive, requires Hysh and Aqshy so useless to human wizards unless one specialising in each were to combine the two Winds in order to generate this spell using a magical focus - which would be difficult), Greater Purge of Chaos (like Lesser but requires the additional Wind of Azyr, highly complex and requires great magical power to work, basically immolates all things Chaos tainted in living magical flames up to and including Greater Daemons)
Holy mother of Batman that's a lot of proofreading.
*Debesh cracks his neck.*
Let's get to it.
I hate to start this with simple grammar, but that should be ‘powerfully.’
This sentence isn’t quite right. You need to either tack ‘They were’ on the beginning or between ‘rituals’ and ‘obscured.’
Pretty sure you meant the horse, but I was confused for a moment. With two different ‘its’ floating around, you should be a bit more specific.
That should be ‘appointments; helping.’
More of a nitpick than anything else, but it seems a bit odd for Twilight to randomly pry into the lives of a pair of ponies when she’s worrying about her own troubles.
She was just worried about letting her friends down; I would think that she would be more worried about failing her friends than whatever odd thing is going on downtown.
Yaaay! Tense errors! This should be ‘She quickly had a bite of hay’ or something similar.
Damnit, Twilight, Perception isn’t a dump stat.
Call me crazy, but isn’t that also a greater priority than Trixie making an ass of herself again? Random horn pains without magical exertion to go along with them sounds like a cause for alarm to me.
There are two main definitions for unto; it’s either ‘doing something until something else happens,’ like ‘fasting unto dusk,’ or as an archaic version for ‘to.’ You should just say ‘staring at it’ or something more modern ;p
Among themselves.
The rickety, worn look
Its cargo.
Shouting and fatigue don’t really mix well; they kind of contradict themselves, if you understand me. The description is also very vague; does the shouting itself sound fatigued or is Pinkie visibly tired? You might want to replace ‘somewhat fatigued’ with a more detailed description of how ragged Pinkie looks.
I don’t know if this is a grammar rule or not, but I would put ‘Twilight replied’ after her speech. Also, I’d think she would show some more remorse for her actions than ‘yeah, sorry, by the way what’s going on?’
Wait, what? You might want to give a more thorough description of the cart back when Twilight first sees it. This is the first we’re hearing about magical floating torches. (Way to respect private property, Twilight.)
So each torch has four different-colored flames inside of it?
No wood, no coal.
You don’t need ‘the noise’ in there.
His.
Replace that first comma with ‘were.’
Bit redundant there. I’d cut out those last two words.
I’d combine those two sentences; ‘His horn glowed blue, and surrounded by a similarly-toned aura the torch shot into the air.’
Similarly to Pinkie above, don’t just tell us that his tone was relieved but tense. Try tossing body language into the mix to liven up your descriptions. For example: ‘The madpony laughed, obviously relieved he had salvaged his fire, but his body was rigid and his eyes regarded his cart warily.’
Corruption points are always a lovely way to start off a campaign, don’t you think?
Two words, two problems. First, never use acronyms unless it’s a character speaking or some other in-story text; acronyms are too casual for professional writing. Secondly, I don’t think ‘replied’ is a strong enough word; something like ‘retaliated’ or ‘shot back’ would help capture the mood a bit better.
Same problem. Ponies are scared and panicking, so use words that make it sound like they’re scared and panicking.
bloodygoodhorror.com/bgh/files/reviews/caps/vampires-kiss.jpg
But she did wake up, if only for a bit.
All in all it looks interesting, but I don’t have the time to proofread 91,000 words right now ;p
I promise I’ll be picking away at it, though; you’ll be getting constant feedback from me, fear not.
I'm holding you too your word Kharn
Not for nothing but what ever happened to regular kinky sex?
The Doctor is doing a rather poor job of keeping his promise to help them.
I'm curious if there's been artwork of the Mutated Six and friends.