A Piece of the Puzzle

by DraconaFlare

Chapter 1: A Remembrance

For as long as she could remember, Inferno felt the Everfree was a part of her. The untamed trees, rising up from the earthy soil, the wilderness, and everything in between, really. It was, of course, very dangerous, but anything could be if you didn't pay attention.
All she knew was that as threatening as it was, the Forest was also delicate. Nopony seemed to understand this, but even if one species of plant, even bug, was wiped out, everything would be thrown out of balance. The plants and trees would eventually die out, and it would take hundreds of years for it to recover again. Even the ponies who lived outside would suffer the imbalance, as predators seemed another food source.
Basically, it would be chaos.
If there was anything she didn't understand, it was the moon and the sun. The forest had capricious weather, often for the worst, but apparently the sun and the moon were controlled by two beings, more precisely alicorns. The names were forgotten to her now, but that was enough information to throw her off balance. Why would something that (probably) could be done by itself done by ponies? Her first reaction to this was, naturally, pity. Who could keep that big a burden without losing their mind, or something alike? We're they ponies, or something else, like aliens, or Changelings (which she was also having a hard time processing), or something even more bizzare?
After that stage of thought, her second reaction was, surprisedly, anger. Why control something that could jeopardize the entire population of ponies and all living beings? One wrong move, one mistake, and the sun could explode, or something equally horrible! Was it really worth having weather you could control, as good as it sounded?
Instead of having a train of thought, she fumed about it ever since. Precisely, that was 5 years ago, when she taught herself to finally read instead of looking at the pictures of her ancient book.
Her book, in fact was the only possession she had, unless you could call yourself possession. It was a thick book surprisingly light for it's size, with elaborate ebony decorations on the cover. The spine was covered with stripes made of pyrite which she once thought was gold. The entire book was a dark crimson color, bearing no title. She knew, as soon as she opened the book, that it was magic. The book sometimes flipped to random pages, with beautifully drawn pictures and descriptions of places and people. It showed the canals of Vealice, spotted with ponies on gondolas; The Crystal Palace and it's inhabitants; The history of various towns, and plants, animals and their uses. The book updated itself, too. The first time she noticed this was when the Red Sphinx Flower was changed from "highly poisonous to any species" to "only poisonous if not prepared with mango sauce", which was apparently discovered by a gourmet chef in Manehattan. Ever since it was deemed a delicacy to ponies of the upper class.
Basically, everything was going well in the Everfree, and nothing was in the wrong hoof of anypony. No natural disasters, attacks, or deaths that she had observed. To her, nothing was wrong in the world, except for the branches constantly tangled in her mane.

Inferno's dream had been a pleasant one. It was of her running in a field of warm, mashed oats with the warm sun warming her face. Best of all, no matter how much she ate, she never got tired of it.
These were dreams that she got rather embarrassed about, but were good nonetheless.
As her consciousness drifted back, the unicorn smiled at the sun filtering through the thick canopy of trees. No matter how much she loathed the two alicorns, there was always a comfort in knowing the sun would always be there, long after she was gone.
This morning, however, was unusually warm. The sunlight was harsh, and it was hard to look at. Was that smoked vegetables she smelled?Inferno yawned, and groggily looked at her back where the satchel containing her book.
She uttered a startled gasp as the smoked vegetables turned out to be the burning smell of tail. Screaming, the disgruntled mare stomped on her tail, wincing from the pain of her burned flank. As her vision became clear, the Everfree Forest seemed to be a fireplace, every tree blazing like a bonfire.
At this moment, any pony with common sense would flail their arms
and scream as they galloped away. Inferno, being the headstrong
and idiotic mare she is patiently packed up her satchel, checking if her book was secure. Satisfied it was, she lit her horn until a glowing orange path appeared, showing the closest escape route. This was a trick she had learned from her dad to escape whenever there was trouble. It served her well even after he disappeared with no explanation.
The mare ran on the orange trail, avoiding fallen and falling timber and bursting flames from above and below her. Despite the situation, she felt almost excited, like she was in an adventure her book described sometimes, bravely facing an evil dragon, rescuing a damsel in distress, ridding the world from evil-
A groan muffled by the crackle of fire echoed in Inferno's ears. Her eyes shrunk into pinpricks as the trunk of a humongous elm came barreling down, obscuring the world from Inferno's eyes for a few agonizing moments. Fortunately, the flames had just brushed past her, barely creating a blister on her left front leg.
Unfortunately, it blocked the orange path.
Directing as much focus as she could, the orange glow on her horn grew into a bright saffron flash, enveloping Inferno as she directed the beam of light to the fallen tree. The flames grew brighter, until the tree burst into a rain of splinters, disintegrating from the heat.
Inferno was starting to perspire even more, rivers of sweat evaporating on her skin. Desperately galloping, she followed the orange trail, ignoring the heat and strain in her muscles.
As the flames started to die down, the trees became less and less dense. Time seemed to slow down as blinding moonlight, more than she had experienced came crashing down...

Three foals sat on a clearing, watching the Everfree Forest. One of them, a fidgety earth pony with a green coat spoke up nervously.
"Guys?" Twinkletoes whimpered. "Why are we here?"
The red pegasus foal, Cardinal, said in a daring voice, "We're waiting."
"For whooo? We have been here for an hour!" whined another earth pony named Horseshoe. "It's getting dark. I wanna go home."
"Come on," Cardinal pleaded, "I want to catch the Boogeymare!"
"The Boogeymare?! B-but isn't that a fillytale?" Twinkletoes whispered.
"Nope," said a convinced Cardinal. "Whenever there is something scary happening in the Everfree Forest, the Boogeymare is behind it!" The pegasus paused dramatically. "And there's smoke coming from it, with no sign of fire! The Boogeymare must be cooking it's next victim."
Twinkletoes and Horseshoe trembled, looking like leaves ready to blow away.
Cardinal laughed. "C'mon, guys, I was just kid-"
A thing popped up from a bush, moaning and slowly trotting over to the foals.
It seemed to have a figure of a unicorn, with yellow eyes that shone in the twilight. It's dark red mane and tail were hopelessly tangled and knotted, decorated with sticks and the occasional insect. It's dark brown coat was stained black from ashes.
But worst of all, where there should have been a cutie mark, there was a blank flank.
The threesome screamed like little fillies.
"THE BOOGEYMARE!" Horseshoe screamed.
"RUN!" Cardinal yelled.
"MOMMY!" Twinkletoes cried, tears streaming down his face. They ran off, leaving nothing but a trail of dust that led to their homes, in th
e crowded city of Manehattan.

Author's Note:

Special thanks to Scribblestick, who made me realize my first version of the story was way overdone.

Comments

[Scribblestick]

That description is not very promising.

>"Dracona Flare" - weird pony name, could be a Mary Sue
>Seems to appear in Everfree forest for no reason - overdone
>Randomly ends up in Ponyville - also overdone
>"Forgotten element" - a seventh Element of Harmony? Way overdone, and poorly.

But hey, let's be fair and take a look at the chapter.

First, this story is really disjointed, and not in a good way. You cut off scenes mid-chase and begin again with Dracona waking up, and it's a bit confusing. Add that to the fact that you start with what I think is a dream sequence, and I start to lose track of what's real and what's not - which can be done well, but isn't here. It's more annoying here than anything else.

Second, and probably a symptom of the first, I'm not getting much out of your character. Who is she? What does she want? Mystery is fine, but unless I know some basic things about your character, I'm going to get bored.

[DraconaFlare]

4891722 Probably right, I am still working on details. I need to think this through more. Thanks, though.