Celestia looked back down at the scrap of paper she had in her hands. This was the right address, and she really did not know what she had expected. She knew it was going to be bad being so close to the industrial district, but she didn’t consider that it would be an abandoned factory. Just looking at it, Celestia could see it was condemned. All the windows that were not boarded up were in fact broken. Some enterprising young person had spray painted a skull on the large sidewall with the word ‘Fangs’ replacing the teeth. If this was where Sunset was living then Celestia could see where some of the girl’s coldness had come from.
She took a deep breath. No one had seen Sunset Shimmer since the incident at the Fall Formal. She knew it was going to be bad, but she knew that she had to check on her. No one else was going to. Celestia suspected that no one knew where she lived. Considering the location, she would be very surprised if Sunset had not hidden it.
Celestia decided she had stalled at the door long enough. She knocked and waited; no sound came from the building. She knocked again and was only greeted by the same chilling silence. Looking around her to be sure that no one else was in the vicinity, she forced the door open. It had no lock, but it was obviously jammed in a way to make it difficult to open.
Celestia found herself in a darkened hallway. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The walls were grey and lifeless and there was dust everywhere. Luckily, the dust that made it obvious where people had been, as the floor showed paths that lead in two directions. Choosing the one that lead into a room nearby first, Celestia found herself in a small break room. It had cupboards and a sink, but the fridge and stove were missing. The sink seemed to pull double duty, having both dirty dishes and a toothbrush next to it. A little cracked mirror hung over it. Taking stock Celestia could tell that Sunset has not been eating well.
There was a bathroom in the break room, after a short peak she learned that it indeed had a shower. Likely, an emergency shower for washing off chemicals they used in the factory. Just looking at it, she doubted it had hot water. The sink had a broken basin, making it clear why it was not being used.
Leaving the break room, she headed back to the other path. It lead upstairs to a door marked simply ‘office’. She knocked on the door but received no answer. After a moment, she walked in. The room inside was dark. The one window it had had been covered by a board. The room was in shambles everything was broken. There was a desk, which was broken in the middle and splintered badly. A chair lay nearby was clearly used to hit something with. There was a full body mirror that was shattered. The whole room smelled of blood.
The most depressing part was the bed where Sunset Shimmer laid surrounded by twisted and broken crowns. All of them were snapped in half and crushed, the gems broken off them. Celestia only had recognized them because there was one that seems to still be mostly whole. Twisted down the center and horrifically covered in blood.
“Go away!” Sunset screamed at Celestia. Sunset Shimmer’s eyes were red and puffy and she looked exhausted.
“Sunset, no one has seen you in a week. I came here because I was worried.” Celestia hesitated and then approached the bed.
“Stop acting like her! I don’t want you near me! I don’t need you or anyone!” Sunset cringed back further into her bed.
“Sunset… I just want to talk. Please, I am worried about you.” Celestia stood still not wanting to pressure her anymore than she had. She kept a quiet, even tone to not alarm Sunset further.
“I don’t want to talk. I just want to be left alone.” Then she muttered much quieter, “Alone where I can’t hurt anyone else.” Sunset rolled over and buried her face into her bed.
Celestia walked over in silence and sat on the bed next to Sunset Shimmer.Being so close made her painfully aware that Sunset was clutching her hand to her chest tightly.
“Sunset… May I see your hand?” Celestia asked softly. Sunset shook her head into her bed.
“Please, Sunset?” Celestia asked again. Sunset sat up slowly this time. Saying nothing, she thrust her injured hand to Celestia.
“Oh, Sunset.” Celestia took in the damage. There was a gash that ran diagonally down her hand, still fresh and bleeding. Gently grabbing the hand, she looked Sunset right into the eyes. “Please, come downstairs with me so I can clean this up.” Sunset nodded in reply but said nothing.
Celestia lead Sunset Shimmer downstairs to the break room. Looking into the cupboards, she found a simple first aid kit. Celestia took out a roll of gauze bandages and some saline. Walking Sunset over to the sink, she carefully ran the tap water and washed the blood from Sunset’s hand and forearm. Celestia then silently applied the saline to disinfect the cut. Sunset had cringed at the contact but had not cried out. Celestia finished up with wrapping the wound with the gauze bandages.
Celestia looked at Sunset, but Sunset stubbornly looked away from her. Celestia spoke up anyway. “Sunset, I would like it if you were to come with me back to my home to have a warm meal and maybe a hot bath. Would that be okay with you?”
Sunset Shimmer locked eyes with Celestia. She was crying again. “Yes,” she had said submissively.
☼ ☀ ☼
The pair stayed silent through the entire ride to Celestia's apartment The silence persisted throughout the whole of the pasta dinner Celestia made for them. There was small bouts where Celestia asked Sunset particulars for what to make, although they never lasted long before lapsing back into a respectful quiet. It was only when Sunset had finished her meal that Celestia moved to broach the topic they had been avoiding.
"Sunset, would you like to talk with me about what is wrong?"
Sunset stared at the counter in front of her. Celestia had a small space, there was no kitchen table. Only a dividing counter with some stools that separated the living room from the kitchen. It was the sparse and functional space that Princess Celestia would give anything to have. Although it was small, it was extremely comforting to Sunset. It was unfamiliar and yet she felt like she knew the space.
After releasing a long sigh Sunset Shimmer spoke directly to Celestia. "No, to be perfectly honest, I would rather crawl in a hole and disappear. But, I already know I’m going to talk about it anyway. You'd only find a way to wear me down."
Resting her head on her hands, but still looking at Celestia. "I am a failure as a student. I haven’t learned the one thing my mentor set out to teach me above all else. Worse yet, I was brought down by someone who did listen to her. I got a real glimpse of my heart. I am just a horrible demon, a danger to everyone, and I should probably just go away."
"Oh, Suns-"
"Don't you 'Oh, Sunset' me!" Sunset Shimmer burst out with an angry interruption. "You aren't her so please do me the favor and don’t pretend that you care!"
Celestia looked hurt and was taken aback. "But, Sunset, I do care. Although, you have me curious... who do you mean?"
Sunset Scoffed. "Who else: Princess Celestia." Celestia looked surprised at the title and the name with it, but Sunset continued before she could respond. "The loving princess of the sun, my mentor. I suppose Sparkle did not mention that part about Equestria."
Sunset had paused so Celestia took the opportunity to voice her thoughts. "I thought Twilight Sparkle was the princess."
"Heh hardly. Beyond Princess Sparkle, there is the alternate you, Princess Cadenza, and I suppose Nightmare Moon has returned too. I think she goes by Luna now. Which would make sense since she is your sister here as well." Celestia wasn't sure that Sunset was being serious.
"If you don't mind me asking, but could you tell me more about your mentor?" Celestia was genuine in her speech.
"I kind of do, but whatever." Sunset rested her arms on the table and her head on top of them before continuing. "Princess Celestia," Sunset used the name just to see the cringe from Principal Celestia, "is an insufferable old sow, and was always telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Always nagging me about how I acted. Her lessons were cryptic and challenging, but when you figured them out, you felt really good about it. She had this annoying way of always getting me to open up and talk to her. She always taught ponies to be more kind, more sincere, and more loving. She took me in when I was very little. Cared for me when everypony else left me in the orphanage. She didn't even take me in for my magical talent... We found that much later. No, I think... she was just lonely. I relied on her for support. Then I ran out on her because I felt she was just holding me back from being great. A-and I just... miss her s-so much." Sunset's eyes were now buried in her sleeves, she sounded like she was trying to keep from sobbing.
Celestia was struck; she had to do something to help this girl. "Sunset, I am not going to pretend to know you very well, but I really can't stand the thought of you going back to live in that warehouse. I would like it if you would live here with me instead." Looking around at the place she owned. "In this somewhat small one bedroom apartment." She frowned.
"Y-you don't h-have to put up w-with me. I-I am just a worthless monster. I d-deserve to live in a hole." Sunset said through sobs.
“Sunset,” said Celestia seriously. “There is only one thing that you deserve.” Celestia tried her best to lock eyes with the tearful ones of Sunset Shimmer.
Gasping a lungful of air Sunset asked. “What… a s-swift kick?” she asked with a humorless tone.
“No, the one thing you deserve more than anything is…” Celestia paused to gently grab Sunset’s hand. “A second chance.”
Also, >more than half the summary is disclaimers
nope.avi
Great start, color me intrigued. I hope this leads to a happier outcome. I especially like how you explained in the authors notes how to help with depression. Excited to see more
4764548 Its referencing the end of the first Equestria girls movie. Im not sure how you managed to miss that?
4764707
I was quoting it because the phrase is that fateful night, not that faithful night.
This was good. Well It was quite sad actually so far but It felt real. Poor sunset shimmer Well done I look forward to more.
Eep, Check Fimfic see a bunch more messages than I am used to.
4764676 I'm glad someone liked my ramblings on the subject.
4764732 Ah, Well goes to show... I am merely mortal. I'll fix that.
4764757
We all make mistakes.
If most of what you have to say about your work is warnings, you must not have much confidence in it.
4765034 Heh, the warning is because there are actually a lot of people who would appreciate it when it comes to this sort of material. Especially since I am going for as real as possible for the situation.
BUT, to be fair, no I do not have any confidence in my writing or my stories. The warnings however, are not a symptom of that. They more born out of respect for the sorts of people who have lived in a similar situation and do not want reminders.
This is gonna be interesting. Keep it up.
4765061
See, you can convey that in a good summary of your story. That's what it's there for. Your current brief summary sounds poetic and all, but it doesn't really tell me anything except that you wanted it to sound poetic. Use this space to actually talk about your story rather than being as vague as possible, and you won't have to put up these huge, glaring warnings that don't serve your story any purpose other than some CYA.
4765123 You know, I think I am gonna work on it more. Probably move the warning to the bottom.
Not bad at all, though, I think you could do without such a long Author's note. It takes out some of the punch you could give your story if you tell us the thought process and motivation behind each character's action instead of working it into the story itself.
4765955 Thank you for the input, but I really believe it should be done. However, I am form now on going to be putting it into a blog post rather than at the end of each chapter.
4765123 Hey, brutal honest person. Does this new description do a better job or do I give it another pass?
4765123
4765125
I agree with Aryame
I gotta say, I like this. Sunset's usually shown as having learned nothing from her experience, or just 'toned down' to a sharp tongued tomgirl. Her world was seriously rocked by Twilight, and like all filler villains, she just fades away from the series by the next season.
I see a lot of potential for her as a character, much in the same way people see Trixie.
Hope to see another chapter soon, you earned your upvote.
I like the backstory here. When I saw Equestrian girls, it seemed obvious to me Sunset Shimmer was engaging in some teenage rebellion against her mother figure Princess Celestia, and I wondered how that would affect a relationship with Principal Celestia.
The whole Sunset living in a wearhouse thing, did you get that from Long Road to Friendship? I love that story and im always happy to see more Sunset Shimmer.
4770081 Yep, that is lifted from Long Road to Friendship. (Amazing story) I did ask if it was okay first though. Just for reference Alby is pretty nice.
But a bit into why, the living in a warehouse thing has always just the made the most sense for Sunset. I mean honestly... where else?
4770113
She could have killed the Sunset of that world and took her place at her house.
4770118 Yes, but the last thing this Sunset needs is more reason to think she is a monster. But I think I would read one where she does heh...
hmmm....Do go on...
Dear author,
please feel appreciated and keep going,
please?
Looking forward to the next chapter.
The only issue that I have with this so far is that the dialogue is wooden, if you spruce it up it'll be really, really good instead of just good
4773478 so i need to change from oak to spruce then?
Also, yea i know exactly what you mean. After I finish chapter 2 I may just revisit this chapter's dialogue.
4773490 Oak to Spruce.... That's actually pretty original
By the way, what'd the M rating for?
4773494 Dark themes especially later :x it felt more than a teen story to me.
4773503 I see...well then, good luck
This was just... Wow. Count me in as interested and eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
This is really good. I'm excited to see this story unfold.
It makes me sad to see a new story with a great concept only to have it ruined by terrible grammar and clunky dialogue. Thank you for not doing that. This is great!
4777903 You had me very worried!
Glad you liked it though.
Teh feels man.
To be honest I was worried about this... mostly the dark tag scares me, and possibly the though of Celestia bashing as well. I think you have done good so far, Sunset still has her issues but is in her bath to redemption.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/015/8/c/__singing_in_the_bath___by_the_butch_x-d72c9th.gif
Great story! I await the next chapter!
Hm. Serves her right.
Good start. A suggestion I might offer is to watch when you refer to principal and princess. Since this is a human equivalent you might want to consider a first name for principal celestia to help with that. Other than that good read.
I like it... Really...
I like this story and I would like to see more.
Ooh, this one has a ton of potential! I'm looking forward to future updates!
Sunset is so hugable.
Yep; she's Celestia alright!
Mmmm. Okay, one comment on the dialogue. Waaaaaaay too many uses of the word "Sunset". It's just the two of them talking so there's no possible confusion about who she's talking to, yet Celestia is calling her by name in nearly every other line of dialogue. It's a bit over the top and you could easily go back and get rid of at least half of those.
Interesting start. Not sure if I buy Sunset living at that warehouse the entire time she was in the human world, though.
4783617 Yeah she was a B**ch but she was misguided as well. She believed she was in the right and that Celestia was only holding her back. Sunset wasn't truly evil just wanted to be a princess. The only things she's actually guilty of are stealing and being a bully. She never actually hurt or killed anyone so yeah. I mean I could see this kind of depression coming after seeing what she had done in her quest for power.
BUT LET'S MAKE ONE THING VERY CLEAR. DEPRESSION IS NOT SOMETHING ANYONE DESERVES. I suffered from depression for a while and it was a daily hell. I hated myself and thought I was useless as a person. It's not something I wish on anyone and despite Sunset's depression making for a great story. I'm still not happy to see her like this; regardless if she's a fictional character or not.
5123160 Totally agree with ya.
Time to see where this rabbit hole go's.