Spyro The Dragon in Equestria Story One There's A New Dragon in Town by dbzponyninja Written on Monday, July 21, 2014
After defeating the evil sorceress Spyro, his dragon fly friend Sparx, Hunter the cheetah and his new friend Bianca the rabbit all decided that they needed to take a break and relax for once however as luck would have it the four friends spotted a home world portal that had the words Equestria as well as Ponyville written in parenthesis on it so they decided to jump through it.
Anyway upon arriving in Ponyville they were instantly hugged by Pinkie Pie who told them in the high pitch high energy voice that she talks in "Hi i'm Pinkie Pie, you must be new here because I know everypony and I mean everypony in Ponyville except the four of you aren't ponies you appear to be a dragon, a dragonfly, a cheetah and a rabbit, by the way speaking of dragons I have a dragon friend named Spike i'll introduce you to him as well as all of my friends but before that i'll throw you a big party."
Spyro told her "Sounds like fun however the four of us don't come from this world can you point us to a library so that we can read up on and learn about this world?"
Pinkie Pie told him "Oh i'm sorry to tell you that the library was destroyed in a epic battle against a villain named Tirek but don't worry my friend Princess Twilight is currently having books sent to her castle from Canterlot if you're lucky she might have a history book somewhere in her castle and also if you're lucky Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Spike might all be there which by the way reminds me I need to be there too so i'll have to throw the four of you, you're welcome to Ponyville party later bye see you at the castle."
Hunter was about to ask her "What where is the castle", however before he could ask her this question she was already gone.
Bianca then said "Well that Pinkie Pie was sure how do I put this exciteable?"
Spyro then told her 'You can say that again."
Anyway Spyro and friends found the castle sooner than they thought they would however as soon as they got in the castle they met Spike who asked Spyro "Wow you must be Spyro it's so awesome to for once not meet another dragon who is a jerk."
Spyro asked Spike "There are other dragons around here?"
Spike told Spyro "Yes although they don't live in Ponyville, I met them during The Great Dragon Migration but I wouldn't really suggest go looking for them because like I told you that were jerks."
Spyro asked Spike "Oh that's too bad but anyway I was told by Pinkie Pie that Princess Twilight might have some history books about Equestria in the castle can you take me to her please?"
Bianca and Hunter told Spike "We would very much appreciate it."
Spike then said "Wow you two can talk and walk that's amazing you really must be from another world animals around here can't do that but anyway sure i'll take you to Princess Twilight." The End.
On the next story of Spyro The Dragon in Equestria Spyro, Sparx, Hunter and Bianca are introduced to Princess Twilight as well as Applejack and Fluttershy who give Spyro a history book so he can learn about Equestria however on the way out he meets Rainbow Dash who challenges Hunter to a race all of this and more will happen on the next story of Spyro The Dragon in Equestria.
Spyro The Dragon in Equestria Story Two Meeting Royalty and A Race
Holy shi-
Nope. Sorry. Nada...
I'm gonna nope the fuck out of here.
I couldn't get past the first 2 paragraphs. Like, really? 'Goes through mysterious portal with no regard of what's behind it; what dangers may lie ahead, etc...
Instantly hugged by Pinkie? Seriously? Don't you think they would be a little freaked the fuck out by a portal that random appeared in the middle of town?
Right conveniently to a library to 'read' up on the world? (Extremely poor way to introduce characters, can already tell the signs of Gary-stu.)
Very poor transitioning, and incredibly short chapters. Rushed, extremely bad grammar, and too much 'told him, told her', 'he said, she said'. Characters were introduced way to quickly, and the entire group (Spyro and co.) aren't even surprised on the fact that there are fucking ponies everywhere. Nor are there any reactions of any other ponies. Wouldn't you think the xenophobic ponies would have some sort of reaction of all these different species and stuff randomly appearing through a sketchy portal in the middle of the town?
They would.
Anyhow, this is where I can try and give you a hand:
Here is an example.
Revised slightly:
After defeating the evil sorceress, Spyro, his dragonfly pal Sparx, Hunter the Cheeta, and his new friend Bianca the rabbit all decided that they needed to take a vacation for once. However, as luck would have it, the group of friends spotted a portal that had the words 'Equestria' as well as 'Ponyville' written in parenthesis on it. They considered jumping through the odd portal, and they agreed that if they didn't like it, they could jump back through. After all, it was only a vacation. What better way to spend it exploring a new land?
As is, that's slightly revised from your version. Personally, I would completely re-write the two chapters you have. I hope you don't take this as me attacking you, because, it's not. I'm trying to give you a hand and assist you in writing your story.
The Spyro trilogy was an amazing series of games. But, there isn't a lot of Spyro crossovers. Your story has potential, but you need to know how to write it first.