Chapter 3
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Celestia sighed as she stood outside the infirmary door. Three days had passed since the Canterlot Wedding Fiasco, as the papers were calling it, and to say things had been a nightmare would probably be the biggest understatement you could make.
Once Chrysalis had been taken away to the dungeons, Twilight and Shining Armour had been rushed to the infirmary, with the best doctors available.
Luckily, it seemed both of them would be alright. They’d suffered a massive energy loss, but other than that, they’d be fine. A few weeks of rest and they should be as good as new.
But, that good news was followed by very bad news. Several areas of Canterlot had been attacked by the Changelings after they abandoned their queen. The random damage suggested no plan had been involved; it had just been retaliation for making the original plan fail.
But, even after half the Royal Guard had been sent to keep the peace and ensure there were no more Changelings left in Canterlot, Celestia had to deal with ponies (mostly nobles, like Blueblood) demanding that harsher action be taken on Chrysalis for what she tried to do, Blueblood himself even going so far as to tell his aunt to bring back the death penalty, even though it had not been used for five hundred and sixty-two years.
She was now as much protecting the Changeling former-Queen as she was holding her prisoner. No Changelings had yet been discovered hiding in Canterlot, but that did not mean they weren’t there and, if Chrysalis was indeed no longer the Queen, It meant that she was viewed as an enemy of the hive, meaning she was now in as much danger from the Changelings as everypony else was.
Something that had interested her, however, was something Chrysalis had asked of her the last time Celestia visited and asked questions of her. Chrysalis had asked how Shining Armour was doing. When asked why, she said she didn’t know why, but she was worried about him and wanted to know that what she’d done to him hadn’t left him in any way at risk.
Celestia had informed her that, while still unconscious like his sister, Shining Armour was recovering fine. His magic levels were gradually returning to normal and his vitals seemed on the mend.
This had eased the Changeling more than the alicorn had expected. She physically eased with relief, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, though her confused expression said she didn’t understand why she felt that way anymore than Celestia did.
This, however, only brought unease to Celestia’s mind. After Twilight had been stabilized and was being cared for in the infirmary, she’d asked Cadance to explain exactly what had happened, down in the caverns.
When Cadance told her how she’d been impaled, the long lived mare had felt her heart clench, knowing that one of her few close family members left had come so close to death.
However, that feeling was only eclipsed with worry when Cadance explained the feeling of the spell Twilight had used to save her.
“At first, along with the pain, I felt a happy, yet sad peace as I felt my life's flame going out. Then, when Twilight started using her magic, I felt myself come back from the edge of death, more rejuvenated than I’ve felt in years.
The strange thing is that it felt like Twilight’s very self was pouring into me along with her magic. I could sense her; feel her all around me, within my very soul, I still do, even now. It’s like she’s a part of me.”
Those had been her niece’s exact words, and the worry they brought to Celestia had no end. Did Twilight use that spell? The very spell she’d told her never to use? She didn’t want to think that her most faithful student had used a spell so dangerous or that the side effect for its very banning had come into effect. One that had cost her a dear friend, not too long before losing her own sister.
Celestia took a deep breath, and walked into the infirmary, where she was met by Doctor X-Ray. The mulberry unicorn stallion with his short brown mane and tail and X-Ray machine Cutie Mark looked at Celestia.
“Is Cadance still here?” she asked. She wasn't sure her niece would like to be present as her aunt drilled and scolded the filly she'd loved to foalsit the most. If Twilight was even awake in the first place , that is.
X-Ray nodded. “Yes, Your Highness. She hasn’t left her side since she last spoke with you.”
Celestia smiled. “Good. I am glad she still loves Shining Armour so much that... did you say her side?”
The stallion nodded. “Twilight Sparkle’s. She’s barely left the bed. We’ve had to bring her meals so that she doesn’t starve herself.”
Celestia heart skipped a beat. Cadance hasn’t left Twilight’s side, even though her brother is only a bed down and is the stallion she intends to marry? This did not bode well. Her fears were just a bit more confirmed.
But, with skill learned over centuries of practice, she calmed herself. No. No, she was just worried for Twilight because she watched over her as a filly so much. Yes. Yes, that’s it. And she’s been through a lot. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.
Even in her mind the words sounded hollow. She didn’t believe her own thoughts. She couldn’t shake the fear that Twilight had done something that could have endangered all of Equestria.
Shaking away the thoughts as best she could from her mind, Celestia walked through the infirmary to a bed several rows down. In it slept her faithful student, an IV drip attatched to her right foreleg, a heart rate monitor steadily beeping on her left. Sleeping next to her, her head leaning against her forehooves on the bed, was Cadance, who looked almost as bad as when she’d burst into the throne room.
She clearly wasn’t getting much sleep and if her coat colour was any indication, she’d barely eaten either.
Celestia nuzzled her niece, who slowly stirred, then turned to look at her with sleepy, bleary eyes. “Oh, hi, auntie,” she said, giving a wide yawn.
“Is she doing any better?” Celestia asked, looking to the smaller pony.
Cadance sighed, shaking her head. “She still hasn’t woken up yet. Though she has mumbled a few times, so I think she’s getting better.”
Celestia nodded, then, bracing herself, asked an obvious question, knowing the answer would more or less confirm her theory/worries.
“Cadance, I expected you to be more worried for Shining Armour than Twilight. He is the stallion you want to marry. So why are you falling asleep while waiting for his sister to awaken, whilst he is but a bed away?”
Cadance looked shocked and offended by Celestia’s question for a second, before a puzzled expression came on her face and she looked down at Twilight. “I... I don’t know, auntie. I... I’ve barely given a thought to Shining since Twilight was admitted. I mean, I was thinking about him... but, I was thinking about how worried Twilight would be when she woke up if he isn’t.”
She looked to Celestia, confusion and worry clear on her face.
“If I mean to marry him... why am I not worried about him like a marefriend-soon-to-be-wife should be? I...” She looked to Twilight, her face softening a little as she watched the unicorn breathing. “I’ve felt I should be with Twilight. It feels like she’s where I should be.”
Cadance did not see it, but Celestia’s eyes flickered with fear. That was the response she had been dreading, hoping against all hope that she would not have to hear it.
At that moment, the unicorn resting at the bed stirred. Both princesses turned to see Twilight slowly open her eyes. Tired puzzlmenat appeared on her face as she looked between the two of them.
Then her eyes widened. She tried to sit up, but fell back immediately, looking close to passing out again.
“Take it easy, Twilight,” Cadance said, laughing with relief. “You’re still very tired from what happened in the caverns. Don’t strain yourself too much.”
“But, the wedding,” Twilight said, her voice sounding very tired and hoarse, yet filled with urgency and panic. “What about... Shining? The fake Cadance? What happened to—?”
Celestia held up a hoof. “Do not worry, Twilight. Chrysalis has been apprehended and the invasion she had planned has failed. Everything’s alright.” In a manner of speaking, anyway, she did not say.
Twilight eased, then turned, smiling at Cadance. “It worked,” she croaked out, a few tears in her eyes. “You’re okay.”
Cadance smiled. “All thanks to you, Twilight. You saved my life. I can never repay you enough for that.”
Twilight shock her head slightly, her smile still on her face. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”
Celestia sighed and turned to her niece. “Cadance, could you please let me and Twilight speak alone? There’s something very important I must speak with her about.”
Cadance looked like she didn’t want to leave, but nodded and headed out. Celestia noticed she didn’t even glance at Shining Armour as she passed his bed.
Celestia turned to Twilight, her smile fading. “Twilight, please tell me you did not use that spell I told you not to use when you were a filly.”
Twilight blinked; worry trying to make its way onto her tired face. “I’m... I’m sorry, Princess,” she managed to croak. “Cadance was dying. I know you told me never to use that spell again, but I panicked.”
Celestia sighed, giving a small smile. “I know, Twilight, and I’m thankful for you saving my niece’s life.” Her smile faded. “However, the consequences for it may be far worse.”
Twilight’s eyes flickered. “Consequences?”
Celestia nodded. She sat down and looked at her student. “I never told you why that spell was banned.” Twilight shook her head a little. Celestia shook her head. “We’d thought we’d gotten rid of all the books containing that spell. She was very thorough in her placing of them, it seems.”
Twilight’s eyebrows moved a little, indicating an attempted frown. “Her, Princess?”
Celestia nodded. “It was several weeks before our battles with Discord began. The spell had been created by Starlight the Advantageous. She had been a unicorn mage that had been determined to prove herself better than Starswirl the Bearded, claiming him as a fraud and that she was far superior to him in every way.
She did have great potential. Starswirl even offered to make her his apprentice so that she could further her studies."
Celestia sighed.
"However, she had refused and went on her own. She created and used that spell to heal one of my own guards, assuring Luna and myself and even Starswirl that no harm would come from it. However, she could not have been more wrong.”
Twilight gulped and Celestia continued.
“The spell was revealed to have a horrible side effect, one the Luna, myself and Starswirl learned only too late from the guard himself as to the price. After he had been healed, he had returned to his wife and children for some time off that I had insisted upon. The news had not been pleasant. Mere hours after returning home, the guard had noticed neither he nor his wife cared about each other like before. They could not even bring themselves to say “I love you” to each other.
Starswirl insisted on looking into the healing spell, to see if it had had something to do with this. However, while his research yielded the answer, the damage had already been done and, what was worse, Canterlot was in absolute chaos. Through his research, Starswirl learned that while the spell did heal the guard perfectly, better than any other healing magic ever could have, it had come at a horrible price.”
Twilight gave the weakest of shivers. “P-price?”
Celestia nodded. “The way the spell was woven, Starlight had poured her own life energy into the guard when healing him. This in turn, meant pouring her own soul into his body. When it went in, it met resistance. The resistance being the Soulbond between the guard and his wife."
Twilight blinked. “Soulbond?”
Celestia nodded. “Almost all beings, whether they be pony or some other race, are born with a Soulbond, a link to the one they are meant to spend all their lives with. But when the energies clashed, the Souldbond between the guard and his wife were torn apart and his bond had become one with Starlight’s.”
Twilight looked horrified, then frowned, looked down, then back to the princess. “But, what about his wife? What happened to her bond?”
Celestia sighed. “When her bond was broken, she had been at her workplace. As soon as the bond to her husband was severed, it latched itself onto the nearest living creature it could find in order to ensure her continued existence.” Celestia’s face became stern. “Those born with the bond are bound forever. To not have their bond linked would mean death.”
Twilight gulped. “Wh-what did it attach to?”
Celestia shook her head. “It attached itself to a Pegasus mare, a wife with four foals. Both soon found they wanted to be together and so it became what happened.”
Celestia closed her eyes. “As for the Pegasus’ husband, with his Soulbond broken, it latched onto the nearest living creature it could; the wife of a highly paid lawyer, who was married to an Earth mare. Do you see where I am going with this, Twilight?”
The unicorn nodded, her eyes wide with horror.
“Soulbonds were being broken all over Canterlot and even in some distant towns due to some tourists or business deals leading ponies to travel to Canterlot,” Celestia went on. “It grew to a point where barely any pony could be with a Soulmate.
In the end, Starswirl took it upon himself to end it all. He used the spell on himself, thus making himself a focal point for the chaotic magic. It intensified, disfiguring his body, warping him, changing him. Eventually, he absorbed all the chaos, and was able to restore peace to Equestria.”
She lowered her head, her eyes downcast.
“However, it came at a terrible price. He himself became a being of pure chaos, and no matter what happened, he could not change himself back, even though his new powers could warp all reality.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Discord?” A nod was her answer. “Starswirl the Bearded... became Discord?”
A few tears slid from Celestia’s eyes. “That day, I lost one of my most promising students... and a very close friend.”
Twilight looked away. “I’m... I’m sorry, princess.”
Celestia shook her head. “It could not be helped. It was his choice and it was the only way to stop our whole world from being torn apart.” She raised her head, her expression now stern. “And you, Twilight Sparkle, used that same spell on Cadance.”
Twilight’s face lost some colour as her head snapped back to Celestia and her pupils became pinpricks. “You mean I’ve...”
Celestia sighed. “Luckily, so far, it seems only a small group were harmed by your using the spell.”
Twilight gulped. “Wh-who?”
Celestia closed her eyes. “One of the in-training guards, Chrysalis, Shining Armour, Cadance... and yourself.”
Twilight face regained all the colour it lost, lost it again, regained it, than turned red. “You mean... I-I-I...”
Celestia nodded. “You broke the Soulbond Cadance had with Shining Armour and, in turn, created one between her and yourself.”
Twilight’s eyes widened, then she started shaking. “A-and Shining?”
Celestia shook her head. “From what I have observed over the last few days... it would seem your brother now shares a Soulbond... with Chrysalis.”
Twilight stared blankly, then let her head fall to one side. “Good thing I’m not standing. I don’t think I could keep my balance.”
Celestia sighed. “Twilight, I realize this is a lot to take in, but you must realize what you have done. In disobeying me and using that spell you tore apart the bond between four ponies, creating new ones that would never have existed in the first place.”
Twilight frowned. “Four ponies?”
Celestia nodded. “You shattered you own bond. It was one of the new Royal Guard cadets. Fortunately, it seems he is now with another mare, who mustn't have had a Soulbond to anypony else, for nothing further seems to have happened.”
Twilight let her head lean against her pillow again. “I’ve a Soulbond... with Cadance?”
Celestia nodded. “I must ask you not to tell her this. I may be wrong. It might just been all our emotions merely settling and the experience you both went through. Until we can know for sure, I must ask you not to tell her what I have told you, understand?”
Twilight gave a faint nod, her mind still elsewhere as she tried to process what Celestia had just told her.
Celestia smiled. “There are some who have been worried about you and would very much like to see you now.”
Twilight was pulled from her stupor, blinked, then smiled, before nodding. “Let them in.”
Celestia looked down the rows, where Twilight’s couldn’t see thanks to the screen separating hers and her brother’s spaces, and nodded.
The sound of clopping hooves and bouncing was followed soon after by five mares and a baby dragon.
Twilight smiled at them. “Hey.”
They all looked away, uncomfortable expressions on their faces.
Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
Celestia sighed, looking away herself. “I... I would also like to apologize, Twilight.”
Twilight looked to Celestia in confusion. “Apologize? For what?”
“Same here,” Applejack said, the others murmuring their agreement.
Shame was clear on theirs and the sun goddess’ face as she answered. “For not believing you.”
For a second, Twilight stared at Celestia, not understanding. Then, her mind flashed to the throne room; her brother telling her not to bother coming to the wedding, her friends leaving her to go and comfort the fake Cadance and Celestia, shunning Twilight for what she’d said.
Tears welled in Twilight’s eyes, before they hardened at her mentor and friends. She turned her head so she wasn’t looking at any of them.
“Twilight—” Rarity began uncertainly.
“No.” A single word; that was all she said. But it was said with such coldness, so little emotion, that all seven, Celestia for the first time in a thousand years, flinched.
“But, Twilight—” Celestia tried, standing.
“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” her voice was still cold, but Celestia could hear the pain hidden within. “First my brother doesn’t believe me, taking the side of an imposter,” she glared at the five mares and baby dragon, who all flinched, “then my friends go off to comfort her, all giving me the cold shoulder, as if I was worse than Nightmare Moon.”
They all flinched again, their eyes widening, but Twilight wasn’t done yet.
“My heart had already been trampled, twice,” her anger seemed to be giving her some energy, for she started sitting up as she glared daggers at them all. “First by the first and only real friend I had for years before I went to Ponyville, then by the five mares who told me they’d always listen and trust me, even the baby dragon I’ve raised like my own since he hatched—” Spike winced at that, “and then,” Twilight turned her gaze to the princess, who looked very uncomfortable, “then my mentor, the princess of Equestria, the pony who taught me everything I know, who was like a second mother to me, shuns me away.” Her eyes narrowed. “You stomped on my heart and you expect me to forgive you for that as if it was nothing?”
“But, Twi—” Rainbow began, but was silence by a glare from Twilight.
“Let me explain this clearly, so you all realise just how much you’ve hurt me.” She looked to Applejack. “Applejack, you’re the Element of Honesty, yet you were convinced that everything I said wasn’t the truth, nor did you pick up on all the lies the fake Cadance said, straight to your face.”
The farm mare looked away, shame etched on her face.
She turned to Fluttershy, who whimpered under the unicorn’s gaze. “Fluttershy, you’re the Element of Kindness, yet you didn’t bother to listen to what I was saying, really listen and then turned away from me. You didn't even notice the faux kindness the fake Cadance was showing to everypony. You should have able to notice that from a mile away."
Fluttershy hid behind her mane, her head down.
Next was Pinkie Pie, who’s smile faltered. “Pinkie Pie, you’re the Element of Laughter, yet you never even noticed the fake Cadance didn’t like any of the fun things you were preparing for the wedding. You didn’t notice her unhappiness at what you were doing.”
Her cotton candy mane deflated and she couldn’t meet Twilight’s eyes.
Rarity winced as Twilight gaze turned to her. “Rarity, as the Element of Generosity, you should have at least been generous enough to take what I was saying into account. With your keen eye, you could have helped me prove the fake Cadance as a fake.”
Rarity closed her eyes, a few tears of shame sliding down her muzzle.
“And Rainbow Dash.” Rainbow shivered as Twilight’s gaze went to her. “Element of Loyalty, huh? Would never leave any of your friends hanging, huh? I didn't think loyalty meant abandoning one of your friends and leaving her wallowing in a guilt she needn't have felt in the first place."
The shame on Dash’s face was almost as bad as Celestia’s. She couldn’t bring herself to look at any of her friends.
Twilight then turned her gaze to Spike. However, as she looked at him, tears slid down her face. “And you, Spike,” she said, a sob entering her voice. “I’ve raised you since you were a hatchling. I treated you like my own son... and you just left me because.... because Rarity did.”
Spike looked at his feet, unable to bear the sad gaze of the unicorn.
Twilight’s spurt of energy suddenly exhausted itself and she slumped back in her bed and looked away from them all. “Please, all of you, just go.”
Her voice was quiet, but filled with the feeling of hurt and betrayal.
None could find a reason to justify why they had the right to stay and, slowly, they each walked away, heads held low.
Celestia gave one last, apologetic look to her faithful student and left, passing Cadance as she returned.
Just as the doors closed, Celestia heard Twilight break down and cry, sobbing, into the coat of the only one she felt she could trust right now. The only one who hadn't dismissed her. “Wh-why didn’t they trust me, Cadance? Why didn’t they believe me?”
Celestia hung her head in shame, feeling just as awful if not more so as when Luna had transformed into Nightmare Moon.
Twilight had said she saw her like a second mother. Celestia knew this, and to make matters worse, she knew she saw Twilight like her own daughter... and she’d gone and betrayed the trust of said daughter. Even Luna would say it was a far worse thing she’d done compared to ignoring Luna’s plight a thousand years ago.
Tears fell from the alicorn’s eyes.
“Will... Will she ever forgive us?” Spike asked, wiping the tears from his own eyes on his arm.
Celestia glanced back to the door and sighed. “In time... maybe. But the pain we wrought on her was quite severe. She will need time before she will be willing to accept our apologies.”
They all nodded sadly, knowing she was right. Even Pinkie knew a party wouldn’t simply fix this.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdf96loRXW1qc1tbr.gif
4838447 while not the pic I would use it fits
FINALLY my god u have no idea how happy it makes me to see her go off at them like that..i get it..kids show for little girls so has to be all sunshine and rainbows but sweet lord this makes me happy and this is the ending i would have prefered in the show the rest of the chapter was great as well and i eagerlly look forward to the next
4838475 it was the same reaction i had when i read this chapter, so i felt that it was ok to use it.
4838480 Don't get me wrong I was thinking the same thing...
So you mean to tell me that twilight was destined to Flash fucken Sentry before this.... Thank Faust she's not now
Did I miss something? I would think "the Empire" would still be on ice.
Do not worry, you did right in make Twilight don't forgive them... It was a good lesson for them.
Uhh the empire hasn't been found
Also, I'd like a wee explanation on how the soulbond shattering didn't mess with the Empire. If everyone has one, shouldn't the mare Sentry was bound to have a soulbond that was broken, and so on? The only thing I can think of is another changeling was nearby.
4838536
I would have guessed so too. But as flash isn't a crystal pony, it could easily be retconned thath he was in the equestrian military prior to the crystal empire.
Hmm... So Twilight shattered the bonds of four ponies, but what about Chrysalis, was she soulbound with another before or was it just to the hive itself?
4838536 YOU'RE RIGHT!!
ANOTHER inconsistency.
If this keeps up, I am going to have to abandon this story (which would be a shame).
As for this story, Celestia can blame herself for this whole quagmire. She didn't tell Twilight the consequences of using that spell earlier. She, her brother, Spike, and her five friends leaving Twilight put Twilight in the situation that caused her to have to use that spell.
I KNEW IT!!
I knew my logical explanation of how things worked fit and this is the chapter that proves it! HA!
Oh, Twilight. For some pony whom claims to so smart you can be so dense.
You guys do realized that Twilight never knew that Chrysalis was Cadence at any time before being sent to the mines. Hell, for the entire time before that she legitimately thought that Cadence was the one acting like a monster. Just because the audience was able to able to figure quickly doesn't mean that the character on the show knew.
Then the whole leaving to comfort the bride, of course they would! After all, to their perception Twilight just insulted a bride before her wedding day with flimsy evidence at best, all the while acting very possessives of her brother since day one. She never had a solid piece evidence and just assumed that she was right and expected the others to believe her just cause, sorry but that not how the world works.
Then she has the gall to get angry at the others because they left her. Yeah, that is going to happen if you hurt somebody else feelings, she become the monster and the others are going to cheer up the one who was hurt by her rash actions.
what
ehhh i've seen worse story ideas
i'll give it a try
Great explanation of the spell, and what happened. Wonder what's gonna happen when Shining wakes up and starts asking about 'Chryssy'. Also, great Twilight-not-auto-forgiving. Don't like it when people go 'oh no harm done'.
Try to avoid something like that; it's almost impossible, if not completely impossible, to quantify emotions like that. Besides, Luna was her own sister so it doesn't make sense for her to feel worse. If you're going to do that, try something like 'Celestia hung her head in shame, feeling just as awful if not moreso when Luna had transformed into Nightmare Moon'.
I'll admit I find this rather disturbing. This soul bond business... you mean to say the only reason ponies in you're Equestria fall in love is because of some magical connection creating these feelings? There's no genuine personal reasons behind their feelings? So you're going to fall in love with someone because you're magically bound to them even if you might feel otherwise without this bond forcing feelings on you? That seems rather vile to me.
I don't think I want to visit you're Equestria...
This chapter was amazing!
On another note, I'm glad to see your take on the wedding situation; So many stories I've read have had Twilight instantly forgive her friends with everything being back to normal the next day.
I find her reaction to her friend's reactions to be most satisfying. Not over-reacting at all.
4838866 I think the bonds are more like thier connections by fate, and like in all stories involving changing fate, disaster almost always follows. Breaking the bond is changing fate.
Make sense?
4838883 I guess but that still doesn't change how disturbing the effects of this system are when you think about it. I haven't written the story off but I am a little discouraged by this and Twilight seeming to over react at her friends mistake.
But the Crytal Empire doesn't exist yet?
Besides some would clam the human version more then the stallion.
But then what about the Mare? Wasn't her's bond replaced?
The seen with Twilight blowing up at her friends reminds me of another flick I read but I like yours much better because she was able to justify her anger and it didn't seem just blanket "You didn't believe me" But the reasons were good.
Thanks
"Former".
not too... what? Not too much before?
What X-Ray cutie mark? Is that like a pony Skeleton in an X-Ray? or a big X? X-Rays are INVISIBLE... thus there is NO X-RAY cutie mark.
Left not let... at least i think that's right.
Something in the "Just a little bit more" feels redundant as a word. "Just a bit more" is enough.
That... makes no sense. I mean it's better to use "something stirred in the bed next to them" or "the unicorn resting at the bed stirred."
A word is missing... when you "were" a filly. Also by now i feel like a Grammar Nazi dick that won't stop. I am doing this for your own good.
"Tried"
"Consequences".
Two "it". Is one of them meant to be "in"? Why don't you replace it with "when the spell was cast" or whatever?
Anyways... these are minor things in general. But you should really get someone to be able to correct those mistakes. For god's sake you got featured you at least have the obligation to give your readers a good thing! God i sound like a dick but it's for your own good... trust me.
Yeah so... You see every comments above mine ? They are all valid.
I'm going to resume , because every one of my complain were already said.
-Shouldn't the Crystal Empire still be frozen ? Alternatively , why was it unfrozen in this timeline ?
-How can Flash (may he burn in hell) be in the Crystal Empire while not being a crystal pony himself ? (related to the above)
-So , Flash bond with Twilight was severed , fine then. Except it means that the bond of the mare his bond latched onto was severed too , meaning in turn that the same disaster should happen. That , or the soulmate of the poor mare was alone and he died a tragic death. If at least Flash was the one dying...
-You need a proofreader because I noticed some errors ... and your writting "flow" need some work.
Maybe add a coma after the "it"
Add a "as" before "good"
Remplace "unsure" with "ensure"
Unsure about that one , but I would have worded it "It meant that she was viewed as an enemy of the hive"
"Fine" , not "find"
First , it should be "looked at". Second , was that much of a description necessary ? This kind of feel forced to me.
Would have worded it like this " She wasn't sure her niece would like to be present as her aunt drilled and scolded the filly she'd loved to foalsit the most. If Twilight was even awake in the first place , that is. "
Unsure about this one , but would have worded it like this "Hoping against all hope that she would not have to hear it"
I...think you meant "Puzzlement". I don't really know.
Add a "were" after "you".
What "again" ? She already used it before ?!
"You" not "Your"
The flow here feel strange to me , but I don't know how to rewrite this one , sorry
Maybe add a coma before the "and"
I must have missed some I guess but that's already better that nothing right ?
@Nionosbbbb
Actually, 'tired' is the right word, not 'tried' - Now, onwards to errors (That you didn't get).
Um, I'm not sure about this sentence - It changes based on what your trying to convey, but it could be "One that had cost her a dear friend, while also losing her own sister" or "One that had cost her a dear friend and unfortunately, her sister."
This could be changed to "This did not bode well, her fears were confirmed" - "This did not bode well" isn't a sentence, it has no subject - Furthermore, "Her fears were just a little bit more confirmed" is awkward, saying "A little bit more" is redundant.
Edit - I would just take Flash Sentry out of the equation - He's creating inconsistencies (Soul Bond Latching). Also, the Crystal Empire hasn't been discovered yet.
This chapter is *full* of problems. There are lots of spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes, but that's the least of it. For one thing, the Crystal Empire would not have been unsealed yet.
And the soul bond idea seems completely unworkable. What if a bonded pair never meet? Perhaps they live so far away from each other that it never happens. Or maybe one of them dies before they ever find each other. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the logical problems of this idea.
I strongly recommend finding an editor or a prereader. Clicking here would be a good place to start.
Love the story, even with all of the mistakes
Wow, this went way too damn far. Her friends were clearly showing genuine remorse; what kind of a person kicks their friends when they're down? Friendship is a two-way street, you know. I mean, seriously, she didn't even remember what they'd done that deserved an apology for at first, and then you expect me to believe that she just instantly spins up this huge "you've hurt me" speech? I don't like reading a story just to find that it's using beloved characters as vehicles for author-rants.
4839120
You can't really take him out given the setting as written. Twilight's bond had to go somewhere, and now it's broken.
We also can't discount the mare because now her old soul mate is going to have problems.
4839220
I agree, soul mate or death just doesn't work as written. Any change to a relationship would kill someone. Not dating the right pony? You may die. The wrong pony asks you out? They may die. If your soul mate suffers a lethal accident? Too bad for you.
What may make it workable is that the bond solidifies over time for ponies who find themselves particularly compatible. If broken for any reason it doesn't kill a pony but it seriously messes them up because they can suddenly feel a distinct and pervasive lack of love. And a desperate pony could potentially still instigate a cascade by messing with other ponies' bonds in an attempt to alleviate their own.
So Cadance and Shining would still have that strong bond at first. Chrysalis has a growing one for the first time because Shining is unconsciously reaching out to fix his. And Flash isn't so much of a problem because his bond to Twilight wasn't fully formed yet.
4839532 Friendship may be a two-way street, but so is trust. When they chose not to believe her and went to console Chrysalis, it shattered her trust for them (I mean how can you trust somebody who turns their back on you the moment they see somebody you know isn't who they say they are upset). When trust is broken in friendship, a lot of times just being remorseful isn't enough. Also, it's not unbelievable that she would forget what happened during the rehearsal. She had just went through 3 straight traumatic experiences in the span of a day, coupled with her passing out from using all her magic, it's entirely possible that she wouldn't remember everything that happened right away. Even if they weren't there to remind her the moment she woke up, she still would've remembered what happened and reacted the same way.
4839947 No, I agree with 4839532. It's really out of character for Twilight to react that way. Even when she's badly stressed out, she's still able to accept her friends along with their mistakes and flaws. After all, it's not like this was the first time there was a serious problem between the six of them.
That said, maybe this is set-up for Cadence to scold Twilight for this, and given how the story has been set up, Twilight would have to listen to her. That would still be straining Twilight's character, but I could buy it.
To be fair I prefer how you did the aftermath. I know the show is all about friendship and such, but she basically gave them a free pass on calling her a liar and somepony just trying to cause disharmony before the wedding. That never really sat well, even if, once again, I recognize the show is meant to be bright and cheerful. Keep up the good work
4840152 I agree in real life if we betray a friend it takes a long time to reconcile with them. I agree this is more true to real life
Keep up the good work I look forward to your next chapter
4839947
I'm not opposed to the idea that Twilight might still be upset about how her friends and family disregarded her concerns; it certainly makes sense that she'd have some issues to sit down and work out with them after all is said and done. But the manner in which it's handled here is just incredibly difficult for me to believe. Her reaction is far too extreme, it's simply not in character.
I also feel I need to remind that Twilight wasn't entirely correct in her accusation at the rehearsal. She was operating under the assumption that her old foalsitter, Princess Cadance, had turned evil. She was right to be suspicious of something, but her conclusion was wrong. Had they trusted her explicitly, and Chrysalis continued playing the role of Princess Cadance (which, why would she break character and let them pin the blame on her true identity?), then the real Cadance wouldn't have been found (a grim conclusion), and would have suffered further defaming. I'm not saying that her friends were right to dismiss her, but Twilight isn't perfect either.
This was Great! But there were several spots you goofed up (mainly the Crystal Empire).
4839947 "I mean how can you trust somebody who turns their back on you the moment they see somebody, you know isn't who they say they, become upset'
You do realize that Twilight never knew that fake Cadence was Chrysalis until she found the real one in the mines. Hell, she even attack the real Cadence. '
Trust might important, but this you need more then trust if you expect to be taken seriously when you claim something as bad as calling someone is evil, you need evidence to prove that what you claim is true. When you don't have evidence to to do so, you should not be surprised when you are dismissed out of hand.
What Twilight was doing was akin to slander, and the others were right to be skeptical of her actions.
4840148
That maybe true, but you also have to remember this is the first serious problem they had that almost led to Twilight's slow and painful had Chrysalis not taunted her to fire off magic bolts at the crystals.
4840692
Yeah, we know that she was really only half right in her accusation, but from the perspective of at least twilight, she was completely right and I think her anger is more that the ponies she trusted didn't even bother to at least investigate her claim rather than she right and nobody believed her.
Now, in all honesty, the first response was just to point out that the scenario was not completely unbelievable, but I don't think that's why she snapped the way she did. All the stress from finding out her brother's getting married and not finding out about until pretty much the last second, planning the wedding, finding out "Cadance" was evil and nobody believe her, her friends, family, and mentor abandoning her, being locked up in the caverns, almost witnessing her foalsitter and one of her earliest friends dying because she pushed her out of the way of a falling stalactite, trying to figure out a way to save her life, and finding out that the method she used to save her has also ruined her relationship with Shining had been building up with pretty much no chances to release that stress. So, when her friends reminded her of what happened at the rehearsal, she snapped and unleashed all her stress in the form of anger on them since they were one of the primary causes of her stress. If I'm right, then once she has calmed down, she'll likely start to regret snapping at them the way she did and forgive them.
I've always felt Twi had a right to be pissed. I see this betrayed feeling of Twi let's her fill the void with her love for Cadence. I also love the Flash Sentry reference. A great fic had it that she did go out with him but he dumped her because he couldn't handle all the danger she attracted. Now please get on with the Twidance.
Well writen, I was actually rather pissed myself when I found out that with an "I'm sorry" everything was all better in the show. Twilight had a right to be pissed, hurt, and make them work to get her trust back. Elements of harmany my ass!
4840963 This was absolutely *NOT* the first time Twilight was put in serious danger by her friends' faults. Just off the top of my head, Fluttershy's fear nearly drove her to leave Twilight and the other four to die at the fangs of an angry dragon in the first season episode Dragonshy. I could find other examples for you, if I cared to dig them out.
Twilight has a solid history of being very accepting of her friends in spite of their flaws, even when those flaws get her into big trouble. For her to react this way is completely unlike her, even when under serious strain.
4841680
For you to say that, you must not have ever been under a ton of stress before. Speaking from personal experience, I've suffered a lot of stress while at work and kept it bottled up for days and ended up one day snapping at somebody I wouldn't normally snap at or say something that I wouldn't say normally. Hell, the reason Twilight's friends initially brushed off her concerns about Cadance's behavior is because they felt she was under a lot of stress from the wedding.
4842109
No, for me to say that means *I've been paying attention to how Twilight acts in the show*. This isn't theoretical. We know what that kind of stress does to her, because she has been under major stress, including serious life-threatening trouble, many times. She never acts like this. Even when she snaps and loses her mind, even when she's so furious she can barely think, she never shuts out her friends and refuses to listen to them or forgive them. She simply doesn't do that. This has been true all the way back to the beginning of Season 1, and the only way you can deny it is by ignoring everything that's ever happened in the show.
Fuckin' Flash Sentry.
4842476
Never refuses to listen to her friends? Funny, cause I can't help but feel that this...
static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111016141436/mlp/images/2/28/Twilight_Sparkle_Crazy_S2E3.png
...could've been easily avoided if she listened to her friends to not worry so much about being late with her reports.
I hate the fact you made Starswirl Discord. Since it really messes with timeline.
But Love Twilight in the end. It would not be easy to forget what they did.
I'm waiting till Luna here's this one.
Ohh just remembered. This is no Crystal Empire yet. that happens after this by some time.
4842832 I think this is bigger than that. they thought she was over reating but they didn't trample her heart then like they did now. And Twilight Knew that weakness and has worked hard to correct it. but it wasn't a betrayal of trust
Ugh. Another fic trying to "fix" a part of the show.
Interesting depiction of soul bonds, can't wait to see all the ponies involved get used to their new feelings. I actually like Starswirl becoming Discord... But I can just see him being released from his statue prison to find Twight levitating a library's worth of books and having a ton of questions for him.