Luna's Arrival *Revised*
Twilight paced in the warm dirt in front of her library. The sun was slowly sinking towards the mountains on the horizon, signaling the beginning of the evening and the end to a hectic day. The huge crystal spires of Twilight’s castle shone in the sunlight, their normal purple hues transformed to a shimmering pink by the fiery sunset. The structure resembled a huge tree, with ever branching crystal streams that wove a web into the sky. A large six pointed star sat in the center of the branches. It was another tangible sign, along with Twilight’s wings, of her princess status, and Twilight was still working to associate this giant crystal tree with the word home.
Spike was sitting on the front porch, propping his head up with his claws. Watching Twilight anxiously pace back and forth had never been that exciting, and now he was just bored. This was actually a more regular occurrence than one would expect; every time royalty was bound for a visit she worked herself into a total frenzy, notwithstanding that she was royalty herself. Twilight had improved over the last few, her freak-outs weren’t as bad and they didn’t last as long, but this new situation didn’t help at all. It felt just like old times. Well, except the fact that there is a giant sentient wolf living right outside the town. But an otherwise normal day in the life. Weird stuff happened all the time in Ponyville. Spike took a moment to wonder if living elsewhere in Equestria was just as odd.
Twilight was going through the letter she had sent and the reply she had received in her mind as she waited. The letter she had sent to her mentor had gone as follows:
“Dear Princess Celestia,
It has come to my attention of some magical anomalies and weird goings on in the Everfree Forest just outside of Ponyville. Just yesterday, a sentient wolf named Link appeared on the outskirts of town gravely wounded by a beast of unknown origin. Fluttershy has taken him in and treated his wounds. However, it is strange. He has been imprisoned at some point; there is what appears to be a manacle and chain around his left foreleg. I am not sure if he will be a threat to the inhabitants of Ponyville. I am taking the other Element Bearers to meet and asses him this evening and your presence and expertise would be greatly appreciated.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle.”
The reply had come via Spike’s magical fire not ten minutes afterword.
“Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Mine sister is currently indisposed at this time with national business, and is away in the Griffon Kingdom. With the magical and possibly dangerous origin of this situation, I will be honored to take my sister’s place this evening.
Sincerely, your good friend,
Princess Luna.”
Twilight wasn’t sure how happy she was about Luna coming. She was extremely glad to have a chance to see the lunar princess again; she didn’t have nearly enough chances aside from the yearly Nightmare Night. Luna was more fun and a bit easier going than her elder sister. But Twilight would have also preferred to have Princess Celestia there, if just slightly. She had known her since she had been taken on as Celestia’s student as a foal, and she almost felt more at ease with Celestia than Luna. Her conflicting opinions would have to be set aside for the time being, though. After Luna arrived, hopefully with some guards (She expected that all of them would be more at ease with Link if there were some armed ponies nearby), they would travel around town picking up the other four Element Bearers, and make their way over to Fluttershy’s cottage at the edge of town.
The sun had just touched the very peaks of the mountains in the west when Twilight spotted a small black spot in the sky, coming from the direction of Canterlot. Spike, following her eyes after noticing her sudden shift in behavior, perked up a bit when he saw the black speck. He stood off of the porch and waved some dust from his legs, and jogged over to Twilight’s side. The spot in the sky grew closer at a steady rate, slowly solidifying into the recognizable from of a pegasus pulled chariot. The ponies on the street that were going about their daily business stopped for a moment, glancing up at the descending chariot with curiosity. Then there was the almost tangible shrug from the crowd, and the ponies went back to talking, or trotting to their respective destinations.
As the chariot grew closer, Twilight made the shape of the black and dark blue chariot that Luna traveled in, as well as the winged forms of the four black pegasi pulling the vehicle from the front harnesses. As she watched, one of the forms darted off from the harness, hovering next to the cabin before linking back up with the other three guards. The chariot’s front end lifted upward as it neared the ground, and Twilight could see the pegasi straining to slow the chariot’s speed with large beats of their wings. The chariot’s black wheels kicked up swirling clouds of dust from the dirt road as they hit the ground, and Twilight could see the guards take long loping strides and pulling the chariot to a halt about ten feet away from her and Spike. It shuddered to a halt with a few metallic clangs. After the dust cleared, Twilight and Spike took in the sight before them.
The chariot stood about twice Twilight’s height, and the wheels kept the main cab a foot off the ground. The chariot was a collage of black, blues, and white. The main cab was mostly black, with purple swirls reaching around the sides and back, wrapping around the glass window set into the center of the side. Lighter tones of purple bled into darker purple as they neared the edges. Small glittering spots of white were spread throughout the entire body of the chariot, even flowing onto the harnesses that were strapped onto the armored pegasi, giving the whole vehicle the appearance of the night sky. The guards in front of the chariot were all stallions, and large ones at that. Each stood a head over Twilight, and even under their armor, she could see the impressive muscles under their coats. They all held themselves like military ponies, neck straight, eyes forward, and face held high.
They were also Night Pegasi. Night Pegasi were usually found in black or tones of dark blue or purple. All of the guards that Luna had brought were black, with their manes hidden by their icy blue helmets. Plates of similarly colored armor stretched across their broad barrels and shoulders, ran around their flanks and back and obscuring their cutie marks from view. Shining obsidian shoes were on their hooves; thick ones that looked like they could do some serious damage. The center of each chest plate bore a white crescent moon, the symbol of the Night Guard. Night Pegasi, also commonly known as “bat ponies”, had large flexible bat wings filled with flexible membrane folded onto their sides. The guards also had cat like eyes that all Night Pegasi shared. Even with the sun still partially out, Twilight could see the yellow or golden iris’ of each individual glowing softly, with the black slit of the pupil partially hidden in the center.
With their strange pupils and sharp teeth much like a predator, it gave them a fearsome and mysterious look. Most ponies were unnerved and scared by their presence. Twilight had never bought into the fear, as she had had some interaction with them before. She only felt slight discomfort around them, and that was only when they surprised her while she was doing something.
As Twilight and Spike watched, one entire side of the chariot was encased in a dusky blue magical aura, which simmered and danced around the wooden frame. With a magical push from the chariot’s occupant, the entire wall swung open like a door, and Princess Luna stepped out. She was an alicorn, much like Twilight, but a good bit taller and with a horn that was much sharper and longer that rose out of her head like a blade. A small obsidian crown used the base of her horn as a perch. Luna's mane and tail billowed out like curtains from her body, swaying in an invisible breeze. It seemed like the night sky itself was reflected in her mane and tail, both dazzling and subdeoed in its beauty. Her coat was a deep blue, almost black. Luna was tall and slender, but she exuded an aura of power and control. Luna had warm teal eyes, which were filled with mirth and mischief, and a smile broke across her muzzle as she saw Twilight and Spike waiting nearby. She strode ahead to meet them, her guard falling into a respectful distance behind her. “Twilight Sparkle!” She greeted. “It is so nice to see you again.” Her voice was not much older than Twilights, but she had a slight archaic accent, one that betrayed her real age.
Twilight was pleasantly surprised at Luna's tone. Luna had been working with a voice coach back in Canterlot to try and fix her old accent, it was working. She almost sounded normal. Twilight nuzzled her good friend. “You too, Luna.” She couldn’t help keep a large smile from her face, and Twilight felt her worries about the princess disappear.
Luna leaned down and greeted Spike next. “Hello, Spike.” She got a smile and a warm “Hey Luna,” in response. Luna’s face then settled into seriousness, and she addressed Twilight. “What is the plan, Twilight Sparkle?” She asked, staring steadily into Twilight’s eyes. Twilight tried not to look too unsure as she replied.
“We will go pick up Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie. After informing them of the situation, we will make our way to Fluttershy’s cottage.” At Twilight’s nervous pause, Luna nodded her head and indicated for her to continue. “After introductions with Link, um, I am planning on using a memory spell on him to see where he came from. I mean, if that sounds okay with you,” She added hastily.
Luna’s expression had darkened considerably when she mentioned the last part of her plan. “Using a spell to get into somepony’s head is extremely dangerous, and requires an extreme amount of care. If this Link is sentient, as you say he is, this could prove disastrous at one small error.” Twilight flinched back and her ears drooped as Luna replied. Seeing this, Luna’s face softened, and she lifted Twilight’s head with a gentle hoof. "I do not doubt your magical ability, Twilight,” She said softly. “But your experience. There is a reason mental magic is forbidden under my sister’s laws. But if you think you are capable, I will stand behind your plan with full support.”
“I . . . I can do this,” Twilight said. She stepped back from Luna. “I can,” she nodded again, as much for her own reassurance then Luna’s.
Luna nodded once. “Who shall we find first?” She asked. Twilight thought for a moment.
“How about Pinkie? She is the closest,” Twilight smiled a little. “She will also be the most excited to see you.”
Luna chuckled. “Indeed. Shall we?” She motioned down one street with a hoof, allowing Twilight and Spike to take the lead.
-----
Sugar Cube Corner was the arguably most interesting building in all of Ponyville. It outclassed even the Carousel Boutique in originality, a title not easily won. While the shape and size of the building were not all that unique, it was the materials that were used that made this place what it was. Candy. Sugar Cube Corner took its name very seriously, and it did not disappoint. With the tan walls seemingly made out of gingerbread, to the icing and candy swirls along the rooftop, it screamed “sugar paradise!” to all ponies who might catch a glimpse. Twilight and Spike stood a few feet away from the building, with Luna gazing up at it with curiosity. While Twilight and her dragon assistant may be used to the strange sight, Luna was not. She had never seen such a remarkable building!
Spike loved Sugar Cube Corner. Practically everything inside the bakery was delicious, and the menu had all of the sugary combinations he could have wished for. Pinkie had even added an option to “gemafy” a pastry, by adding on slivers of the gems that all dragons took as delicacies, just for him. Spike wiped a bit of drool from the side of his mouth with a claw, and glanced around. Fortunately, no one had seen, and he breathed a sigh of relief. To the Night Guard’s credit, they did not react at the sight of the building. They instead continued to stare stoically forward, seemingly unfazed. Twilight trotted over to the pink doors at the front of the bakery. Encasing them in her magenta aura, she swung the doors open, enticing a small bell to jingle above the doorway an announcement. Spike followed her inside, with Luna shortly after, and the Night Pegasi made their way inside at a clipped and precise pace at the rear.
The inside of the bakery was just as cheerfully decorated as the outside, with many white and pink tables spread across the room. The scant number of ponies in the bakery at this hour jumped up at the sight of not only one princess, but two, entering the room. They all jumped out of their seats and bowed low to the ground (except two foals in one corner that were too focused on their milkshake drinking contest to notice). At Luna’s nod of consent, the ponies all went back to their meals, peeking over the rims of their pastries at the newcomers, especially the armed guards. They continued to do so as Twilight, Luna, and Spike made their way over to the counter at the back of the room.
A yellow stallion, with an orange tail and mane, smiled warmly at them. “Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner, your highness, Twilight, Spike!” He said cheerfully, beaming at the small group. Since Twilight had asked no one to call her by her title, Mr. Cake was only addressing Luna as “your highness”. Mr. Cake, along with his wife Mrs. Cake, ran the bakery. They lived in rooms above the main store, along with their one and only employee. Mrs. Cake was usually gone from the counter most days, up with her two twins in the upper floor. With Pound and Pumpkin Cake just starting to fly or have magic spurts, it was an all time job, and Mr. Cake and Pinkie managed admirably in her relative absence.
“Hey Mr. Cake!” Spike greeted enthusiastically. He then went back to drooling over the pastries behind the glass on the bottom of the counter, his face and palms pressed against the clear surface.
Twilight smiled at the small dragon’s antics. “Hello,” She said, looking back up.
“Greetings,” Luna nodded.
“What can I get for ya’ today?” Mr. Cake asked.
“One Pinkie Pie, actually,” Twilight replied. Mr. Cake nodded and turned to go upstairs, but Twilight caught the puppy eyes Spike was throwing her way out of the corner of her eye. “And one chocolate cupcake,” She said, winking at Spike.
"Gemafied please!” He exclaimed enthusiastically. Mr. Cake smiled and shook his head, but leaned down to get the ordered pastry. Spike let out a small whoop of joy as he took the cupcake, and took a huge bite, munching happily on the small emerald shards woven into the icing. Mr. Cake then trotted over to the stairs at the back of the kitchen, vanishing upward into the other floor. Twilight could hear a series of thumps before a loud whooshing sound. A neon pink blur shot out of the stairway, directly at Twilight.
The blur froze and condensed into a pony about two inches away from Twilight, on their side of the counter. Pinkie Pie was a completely pink earth pony mare. Her coat was neon pink, along with her hair, which curled and bounced like cotton candy. Her blue eyes were wide with excitement, and the tree balloons on her flank were vibrating up and down like the rest of her body.
“Hi Twilight!’ She exclaimed, giving a huge smile. Twilight leaned back as Pinkie's air buffeted her face. “Hi Spike!” She then caught sight of Luna standing a foot away. Pinkie stood up on her hind legs, and put a hoof to her chest. She gave out a loud and theatrical gasp, pointing another hoof at Luna. “Could it be?!” She asked, her eyes wide. “It is!” She exclaimed, answering her own question. She flashed over to Luna, and the princess found a pair of pink legs wrapping around her. Pinkie cheered as she hugged the princess. “Hi Luna! It’s been forever since we saw each other and now you are here and I should throw a party and it would be so awesome yay!” She exclaimed, squeezing tighter.
Luna giggled and returned the pink mare’s embrace. “Hello, Pinkie Pie.” After hugging had stopped, Pinkie stood in front of her for a second, staring at her face. She hummed and her eyes narrowed.
“Twitchy tail, itchy ear, watering eye! There are new ponies in town!” Pinkie yelled, somehow not noticing the four Night Pegasi feet in front of her, who were all still staring forward. Pinkie started pacing in a small circle in front of Luna muttering something under her breath, her eyes squinting in concentration. Twilight and Spike watched the curios display with little reaction, and Luna shot them a questioning glance. Spike shrugged and mouthed, “Just wait. She’ll get it eventually.” Luna nodded uncertainly, and took a small step backward.
Pinkie stopped, staring at the ground, before exclaiming (still looking at the ground), “Four!” She cheered and launched into the air, as if on a trampoline, looking at Luna. “There are four of them! Yay! Now I can have quadruple the party!” She cheered, throwing her front hooves upwards. As she landed silently on the ground, she gave a start and stared at the four guards that she had apparently just noticed. She paced over to them, her head tilted to one side. She did a few circles around the small group, her gaze flashing over each guard individually. After she made a few full circuits around them, she stopped in front of the two pegasi in the front. Then her face broke out into a huge smile, and confetti exploded outward from her body.
“Hi!” She said brightly. “My name is Pinkie Pie, and I know everypony in Ponyville ‘cause it’s my job and I love to throw parties and you can have one! Welcome to Ponyville!” She seized one of the guard’s hoof and shook it up and down madly. The guard just watched her warily, letting his leg be wrenched up and down over and over again. The guard she had chosen was one of the smaller Night Pegasi, with the short crop of his tail that fell down to his knees. His tail was mostly dark blue, with a single orange stripe down the center, the same color as his eyes. His mane was hidden under his helmet, but Twilight suspected it was the same style. Pinkie let go of the guard’s hoof. She got right up into her face, beaming even wider. “What’s your name?” She asked. Twilight noticed that the other three guards took a step away from the guard under Pinkie’s attention, apparently leaving him on his own. Twilight almost felt sorry for the poor stallion.
“Dusk, ma’am.” The guard clipped simply, staring straight forward, as if through Pinkie. Twilight was surprised. His voice didn’t sound any older than she was. She wondered if they were the same age. It was entirely possible. Then she saw the look Luna was giving the guard. It was stern and commanding, along with a small touch of threatening, and the stallion apparently saw it too, because he swallowed visibly. In the blink of an eye, he relaxed. His neck lost its ramrod straightness, and his face relaxed from its stoic unconcern, into a sheepish smile that showed his two sharp incisors. "I mean, uh, Dusk,” he amended, and Twilight gave a start.
Even his tone had lost its stiff military clip, relaxing into a more normal voice. Pinkie smiled from ear to ear, and Twilight turned her head away from the conversation (Pinkie was talking at the speed of lightning while hopping in place, and Dusk seemed fine to just stand there and take it with a bewildered look on his face) to give Luna a questioning glance. Luna leaned over and whispered, “I am trying to get my guards to be more relaxed in public, and when talking to other ponies. I don’t always want them to be soldiers that could be made out of stone.” Luna glanced upwards at Pinkie before continuing. “I feel it’s good for them, and for their public image. Many Night Pegasi do not have any friends, as most are in the military. They never relax.” Twilight nodded in understanding. She watched as the other three guards took another step away from Pinkie and Dusk. She wasn’t surprised, but a little impressed. Most ponies had a worse reaction when they first met the energetic pink mare.
-----
The next stop was the closest building to Sugar Cube Corner, the Carousel Boutique. Probably the second most interesting building in Ponyville, and just like Sugar Cube Corner, it took its name very literally. The top of the building was a cone shape, with decorative robbing in many colors falling down to hook onto the main part of the building. Pony shaped mannequins sat in positions along the bottom of the roof, as if going in a circle, all displaying dresses or other clothing items. From gorgeous dresses to simple vests to hats and shoes, everything in this year’s latest fashion seemed to be on display. The setting suns was halfway beneath the mountains, and it’s yellow and orange sunset back lighted the Carousel Boutique, light dancing and swirling off of the elegant curves.
Luna was admiring the building with an approving look on her face. Near her, Dusk and Pinkie were still talking. After the initial meeting in which Pinkie had talked almost non-stop, she had calmed down, and Dusk was able to get a word or two in occasionally. Twilight had held back near them and listened to the conversation. Dusk seemed like a somewhat shy but likable pony, when he was out of his military mode. Pinkie had already declared them the “bestest friends of ever and ever,” about two minutes ago. Dusk had been ready to protest at first, but the armored stallion had closed his mouth and thought better of it.
Spike eagerly ran up to the front door of the boutique as they got near, and Twilight could almost see the hearts in his eyes. She shook her head and giggled under her breath. Spike had had a hopeless crush on Rarity, the owner of the boutique, for as long as they had been in Ponyville, and it was a bit silly sometimes. It probably didn’t help anything that Rarity called him “darling”. As nice as she was, Twilight didn't think Rarity could find it in her heart to tell the poor dragon what she thought, so she kept quiet. Because of this, Spike thought he was an expert at hiding his affections, when it was glaringly obvious to everyone else. Spike knocked on the front door loudly, rocking back and forth on his feet. A large smile to rival Pinkie’s was plastered on his face.
A high feminine voice sang out from inside. “Coming!” Twilight heard the faint clopping of hooves before the door was pulled open by a light blue magical aura. A white unicorn stood there, blinking at the entourage, before looking down at Spike, who was impatiently tapping his feet. “Oh hello, Spike darling!” she said with a sophisticated accent. Rarity had three blue diamonds for a cutie mark, and the beauty of the gems was appropriate. Rarity's purple mane and tail was styled into elegant curves that fell down one side of her face. Her blue eyes were accented by a touch of makeup on her eyelashes and eyelids, and her white coat shone with the kind of care that Twilight knew only came from very frequent spa trips.
“Hi Rarity!” Spike answered happily, grinning.
“What brings you here?” Rarity paused as she looked upward, and Twilight saw her swallow lightly as she looked at Luna. “Your highness?” She dropped into a low bow, before standing in one smooth motion. “Do come in, all of you!” She said, beckoning inside her house with a hoof.
“Thank you, Miss Rarity,” Luna said as she followed Twilight and Spike inside. Dusk and Pinkie were not far after, with the other three guards in the back of the group again. The inside of Rarity’s home/business was as decorated as the outside. A small hallway to the right led into a kitchen area, and a set of stairs that led onto the second floor were on the right. The center of the building was dominated by a raised stage, with elegant curtains hanging closed. The rest of the boutique was covered in Rarity’s designs, both on mannequins and hanging racks alike. Just like the mannequins on the outside of the building, all of the numerous pony shaped objects were covered in clothing items, draped in formal were or fitted snugly into more practical clothing. All were beautifully made, proof of Rarity’s expertise at her trade. Opal, Rarity’s cat, eyed them with complete disinterest from the entrance into the kitchen. The white cat raised her nose into the air haughtily and ambled out of sight, her tail swishing back and forth on the ground.
Rarity had trotted over to one side of the boutique, near the stage. There was a large red couch, and Rarity settled down onto it with all the grace and poise of a high class mare. She eyed the Night Pegasi at first, but looked away to ask Luna a question. “What brings you here, your highness? And with . . . ahem . . . armed company?” She asked, her voice level as a table. Spike had settled near one of the leg rests of the couch, watching Rarity out of the corners of his eyes, with a goofy grin still on his face.
Luna gestured to Twilight with a hoof, indicating that she should explain. Twilight nodded in understanding. “Well, we actually came here for you,” Twilight said, looking back to Rarity.
“Oh, for me?” Rarity asked, surprised. “Whatever for?”
-----
The house of one Rainbow Dash was another unique house in Ponyville, largely because it didn’t even touch the ground.
It was completely made out of clouds; one that Rainbow Dash had made back in Cloudsdale and assembled once she moved to ponyville. The fluffy white clouds had been pushed into a nearly mansion size, with soaring columns and arched ceilings. Rainbows seemed to spawn out of the top and sides of the cloud structure, spiraling towards the ground before dissolving into prismacolored mist several dozen feet up.
In order to get to the doorstep, Rarity and Pinkie Pie had had to stay behind on the ground, their lack of wings making it impossible to make it up to the house. Spike had volunteered to stay behind and keep them company while the rest of the group flew upward, except for Dusk. Pinkie had begged him to not go, and after her very persuasive grab-onto-his-leg-and-never-let-go method, he had relented. Twilight had been an alicorn for a while now, but the fluffy sensation of cloud beneath her hooves was still relatively new. It was almost like walking on a bunch of warm marshmallows; you would sink into it if you stayed in one spot for too long. Luna stood behind Twilight, with the rest of her guard behind her. Twilight raised a hoof and knocked steadily on the front door, somehow still producing the wooden and hollow sound that most doors possessed.
After a few seconds of silence, Twilight frowned and knocked again, harder this time. The sound of numerous falling objects came from inside, followed by a muffled curse. THe door was flung open with a growl. Rainbow Dash had small bags under her scarlet eyes, and was nursing a small bump on the side of her head with a hoof. Rainbow’s sky blue pelt and her rainbow multicolored hair was in a slight state of disarray. Twilight had apparently woken her up from a nap. Rainbow’s cutie mark, a white fluffy cloud with a red, yellow, and blue lightning bolt was barely visible on her flank. Form her position from outside the door, Twilight could see the smashed form of a cloud lamp just behind Rainbow. How was that even possible?
“Twilight!” Rainbow whined with a tomboyish voice. “I was in the middle of a nap! Today is my day off, you know.” She glared tiredly at the purple alicorn, who gave a sheepish smile.
Luna cleared her throat from behind Twilight. Rainbow looked up in surprise, and she perked up a bit.
“Oh hey princess. Why are you -” She paused to yawn loudly. “You here?” She finished, looking past Twilight’s head at Luna.
-----
Twilight reflected on how all of her friends lived in unique houses as she stared at Sweet Apple Acres. None of them lived in the normal thatched roof and wooden walled houses of most of Ponyville. They all lived in very strange or special buildings, herself included. It was strange. Luna trotted next to her through the high gate into the farm, and Twilight shook the distracting thoughts from her head. Healthy brown and green trees flanked them on every side, numerous red apples hanging from their branches.
Behind her, Dusk was walking next to Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing like a spring down the worn dirt path. Rarity was walking next to the armored Night Pegasi, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. She already had a few ideas for new clothing from the Night Guards unique armor, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t miss any small detail. Rainbow was flying lazily overhead, doing a few loops and spins in the air whenever she got too bored.
Sweet Apple Acres was one of the reasons Ponyville was ever founded. For generations, the Apple clan had lived in this very spot, and the selling of their delicious wares is what had turned a small trading post into the Ponyville it was today. All of the current Apple clan members could trace their ancestry back to Sweet Apple Acres somewhere, even to the years just after Equestria’s founding. The Apple clan took their apples and land very seriously. The main house of Sweet Apple Acres was a renovated barn. With the loved and cheerfully painted wood, the main house was one of the most homely-looking places around. There was a small chicken pen near the house, along with a shed peeking out from behind the house.
Just as Twilight and Luna were walking near the front porch, the sound of something behind dragged came from around the house, and Big Macintosh appeared. Big Mac was as taller and as fit as any of the Night Guards. With large muscles shoulders and a broad barrel, he stood as tall as Princess Luna. He had a orange mane and tail, which were cropped short to his body. He had a red coat, and his cutie mark was that of a green apple cut in half, which dominated his entire flank. There was a wooden yoke around his neck, just above the harness that was strapped around his back and stomach. He was pulling a large empty cart, having emptied the last batch of apples for the day, and on his way to unhook from the cart. Big Mac looked the group over with one single glance, a honed intelligence flashing in his eyes as he gave them a mental assessment. He gave a small bow in his harness at Luna. "Princess," He said, moving a piece of hay from one side of his mouth to the next as he rolled the word around in his mouth.
“Is Applejack here?” Twilight asked.
Big Mac nodded once. “Eeyup,” He said in his deep base voice. He gave a jerk in the direction behind the house with his head.
Twilight nodded her thanks, and with another nod in return, Big Mac was off, pulling the huge cart like it weighed nothing. Luna followed Twilight to the side of the house, and into the backyard. They didn't have to get too close to the house in order to hear the giggling and shouting of fillies and Applejack's drawling voice. As they rounded the house, Twilight stopped and giggled at the sight.
Applejack was in the middle of corralling three fillies that were running around in circles in the backyard. Her orange coat and yellow mane and tail were unkempt more than usual, and she was panting. The hat she always wore, a brown Stetson, was slightly askew on her head. At the sight of Princess Luna, the three fillies gave out excited squeaks and stampeded over. Sweetie Belle, Rarity’s younger sister hopped up and down in place at Luna’s hooves, talking as fast as Pinkie Pie on a sugar rush. She was white like her sister, with curly pink and purple hair. Apple Bloom, Applejack’s little sister , was yellow with pink hair. A large red bow was perched on her mane, and she stared up at Luna with something akin to awe. Scootaloo, an orange filly with purple hair, ran up and threw her legs around Luna in a bear hug. “Hi Luna!” She exclaimed.
Luna, despite being bombarded by all three energetic fillies at once, giggled and leaned down to nuzzle Scootaloo. “Hello, little one,” She laughed. At the sight, Twilight detected the small curve of a smile on Applejack's muzzle.
“Well howdy, Twilight,” She greeted in her southern accent, tipping her stetston back into place with a hoof. “I'm sorry y'all caught me in this state. These three rascals are enough to wear anyone out. So what brings all of y’all here at this time of night?”
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Nice update, hope to read more very soon
4895315 I agree. That's a really nice Story.
I had no idea that darkness could affect your hearing... For real, is this a mistake or is there something I don't know here?!
He's actually a little shorter than Luna... Not that we ever see them side by side
Also:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120205151939/mlp/images/thumb/e/ea/CastleCreator_Big_McIntosh.png/425px-CastleCreator_Big_McIntosh.png
Pretty sure his mane is orange, not straw yellow
4895315 Is there a romance tag or am I overreacting.
4898823 Dunno, but, it might be cute to see Link Pairing up with Flutters, its so cute how shes using wolfy link as a pillow
I wish there was some fan art of it. 
On a separate note Love your SAO Icon, I have been watching SAO since Season 1, and now am watching season 2
4896699
I thought there were a bunch of errors. I even told you guys that there would be a ton. I'll fix those right away.
4898823
I fell like there is some minor shipping, no actual romance or anything like that.
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With the fan art portion, if anyone WANTS to do fan art I would be so thankful. That would be amazing.
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I have to say, the more recent chapters felt quite a bit rougher than the first few. One of the major issues here is that common pitfall of telling instead of showing. Take a look at this chapter, and see how much of it is just the omniscient narrator describing the scenery, the character, and their histories, instead of the characters actually doing things. For example, let's take a look at this section:
Those three paragraphs aren't particularly interesting, contain next to nothing happening, and consist almost entirely of padding in the form of an unknown narrator describing the scene. This can be considerably tightened up, by boiling it down to the two main ideas this section does contain, and then describing them with the characters doing something. Here's an example that I just tossed together:
The ideas I got out of those three paragraphs were that they had arrived at Sugar Cube Corner, and the building's design amazed Luna. Note how, in my version, every sentence has something happening, from characters simply speaking to the guards snapping into position. By zooming in a bit, and attaching the viewpoint to Twilight so we could hear her thoughts, and follow what she specifically sees, it became easier to describe the scene in an interesting way because I can color the events with her reactions and thoughts. Also note how I added a sentence to describe the guards' reaction to an utter non-threat. It is important to keep the characters present in mind, as they will be reacting to what happens as well. I also used it to imply a bit about the character of the guards: specifically that they are extremely professional and are on high alert every moment, for even the slightest threat. This removes the necessity for some of the later exposition, where Luna explains how her guards never relax, because with this action, and ideally a few similar other ones scattered around, we've seen that the guards never relax.
Ok, next:
The whole first half of this isn't needed. The bit with the gemified pastry is shown later, and it is clear from that what it is. The portion where we learn Spike's opinion of the bakery is shown by the second half, where he is staring at it and drooling. It might be worthwhile to have him mumble something about the gemified pastries while drooling, to catch Twilight's attention. That would let you swing the viewpoint around to point at Spike, as the PoV is attached to Twilight for this scene, so the readers can see him drooling. In turn, this would mean the last line would need to be tweaked, as Twilight had seen him drooling, though Spike might not have noticed.
Next:
Ok, first off, parentheses in this sort of context are something of a no no. They're an aside, which breaks the narrative flow, which can harm the reader's immersion. They also simply aren't necessary. That sentence can be broken into two, separating the two actions into different sentences. One would describe what Pinkie is doing, the other Twilight.
Also, this segment reuses the word "relax" to the point where it becomes repetitive. It isn't hard to fix that, though.
The portion I crossed out in red simply doesn't fit with the rest of this segment. You used this segment to establish that the guards are normal ponies, who just hold themselves to an extremely high level of discipline. However, that sentence explicitly states that the guards aren't normal ponies, so it contradicts the rest of the surrounding statements.
A high class mare sits, but makes her guests stand? :P (Also, that sentence has a bit of telling, when you could easily show. Just shift the description of the couch around, so it is the subject of one of Rarity's actions. Either move it a sentence up, as the destination she is trotting over to (the large red couch by the stage), or just replace the "it" later in the sentence with the couch. The "it" refers back to the couch anyway, so it shouldn't be a painful change.)
Again, the parentheses. Show them interacting in a friendly manner, don't just announce that they're friends now. Or put in italics, and make it clear that this is Twilight's personal opinion.
That slash joining two words needs to go. An easy test to use is to try to say or imagine someone saying something like that in real life. What you could do is show the dialogue, have Luna tell him to stay, and then have him respond with something along the lines of "As you command, your Highness!" This sort of exchange of dialogue also helps further establish both Dusk's and Luna's characters, and their relationship with each other.
Another one for the "Real Life" test. Have you ever seen extreme intelligence in someone's eyes?
I hope this is of some help.
Almost spit out my food when I read that Ditzy Doo was Big Mac's current marefriend.-_-'
I get the distinct feeling that there will be many jokes about 'Dusk's new marefriend' in the Night Guard barracks in the near future.
5091818 You are my hero for saying these things.
Tree balloons? I think you meant three. Simple mistake.
A bit tedious but understandable as some Zelda fans not familiar with mlp might read this chapter.
ugh, imma just get this out of the way
1. where did Night Pegasi come from?
2. Big Mac's voice is a deep bass, not a platform... or a fish
Um...does Rainbow Dash just happen to be a Hydra in disguise, or was that just a word derp?
This is FIMfiction. Everyone is already familiar with most of the characters and locales in your story. Describing each one in detail derails the story. If you're going to add details, that's fine, but make sure they're intertwined with the narrative progression, rather than interrupting everything else to describe things we already know in excruciating detail.
90% of this chapter could've been excised completely with absolutely zero affect on the story. That ain't a good thing.
Also, should Twilight not have sent messages to her friends to be ready at X o'clock to meet with
thea princess? Far more efficient, and Twilight's all about the efficiency.4907966 This should be "assess," yes, and it still hasn't been fixed.
I thought she had a red mane and a pink bow? O.o
You are an amazing writer!!