4877958 Fixed the typo, but there's no quotation mark missing. At least on that particular sentence. It's how it's supposed to be when the same character is talking, a new paragraph is started, and there's no interrupting action. I don't know why.
Ooh! Ooh! I'm guessing that she becomes a lawyer but secretly fights crime at night too so she's like a double hero in the courtroom by day and in the streets of Ponyville by night and she's all like "Woosh! Pow! Objection!" and all the criminals run from her fearful might as the "Uncut Jewel"!
bet she could be a delivery mare then she could meet a one eyed pony, a Golem pony, some sort of talking crab and go on these mis... what that's been done before never mind.
4878018 soo.. She be Phoenix Wright? As a Pony Girl? BRAINWAVE! MAKE PHOENIX WRIGHT INCARNATE AS A PONY! MAKE IT HAPPEN! ADVERTISE THE IDEA! GOOO TEAM!
4917264 More like She-Hulk with a secret identity. Though, I played all of the Phoenix Wright trilogy in two weeks (not counting Rise from The Ashes), so maybe there's some joke or reference I'm missing here (it does sound a lot like something Maya would say).
That's the price of being a heiress, I suppose. You don't have the choice of your future. I suppose that's the real secret of her Cutie Mark - She got it when she realised that her destiny will be dominated by whose daughter she was and that she accepted this.
"I swear, you must have taken lessons from Pinkie Pie or something." "Yup," Apple Bloom said with a grin. "So you may as well start spillin'."
Heh.
"'I'm sorry,'" she said in an almost perfect imitation of Silver Spoon. "'We can't all be so lucky as to have Daddy give us the family business when we get older.'"
Nice chapter, but there a couple of very minor things you may want to edit.
First, the should be "makes". And lastly, you're missing a quotation mark. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
4877958 Fixed the typo, but there's no quotation mark missing. At least on that particular sentence. It's how it's supposed to be when the same character is talking, a new paragraph is started, and there's no interrupting action. I don't know why.
Ooh! Ooh! I'm guessing that she becomes a lawyer but secretly fights crime at night too so she's like a double hero in the courtroom by day and in the streets of Ponyville by night and she's all like "Woosh! Pow! Objection!" and all the criminals run from her fearful might as the "Uncut Jewel"!
...or maybe not.
keep up the good work I'm interested to see where this goes :)
I love stories that portray Tiara as more than just a bratty bitch.
I like the direction that this is going in and want to see how you develop the characters. And I love it when there is personal growth in stories.
Can I like something for the premise alone?
Interesting story. Looking forward to seeing how it goes.
Nitpicks:
give
Either there should be another comma after "taught", or no comma after "told". The commas are optional, but must be used (or not) as a pair.
Hm...
Could stand to beef up the chapters a bit more.
1k is nice, but you could probably get more if you tried for 2k.
That said, what you have now is damn good and works well.
~Skeeter The Lurker
bet she could be a delivery mare then she could meet a one eyed pony, a Golem pony, some sort of talking crab and go on these mis... what that's been done before never mind.
4878018 soo.. She be Phoenix Wright? As a Pony Girl? BRAINWAVE! MAKE PHOENIX WRIGHT INCARNATE AS A PONY! MAKE IT HAPPEN! ADVERTISE THE IDEA! GOOO TEAM!
4917264
More like She-Hulk with a secret identity. Though, I played all of the Phoenix Wright trilogy in two weeks (not counting Rise from The Ashes), so maybe there's some joke or reference I'm missing here (it does sound a lot like something Maya would say).
That's the price of being a heiress, I suppose. You don't have the choice of your future. I suppose that's the real secret of her Cutie Mark - She got it when she realised that her destiny will be dominated by whose daughter she was and that she accepted this.
Heh.
Ouch...
I know how you feel.
knob