Chapter 4
We made ready to approach the Griffon Kingdom. Despite the ship’s status as a naval vessel, we did not fly the Equestrian Navy jack, substituting it for the civilian flag. That solved some problems, but created others.
For one, if we were aboard a military ship, were we supposed to act military-like? Could we be taken as hostile by unfriendly nations? Would they accuse us of subterfuge because we used the civvy flag?
Either way, that's why I wanted protection. Twilight threw a fit when she saw the cannons I’d installed.
“They were on the acquisitions paperwork,” I said.
“Who could have possibly put them on there?” she wondered.
I said nothing.
“We need to get these covered up so the griffons don’t think we’re invading!” She found Rarity and the two of them used spare sail material to fashion covers for the weapons. I was okay with that. We didn’t need the cannons getting wet or anything.
We were hailed by a pair of griffons in a rowboat. It seemed that they were sitting there outside the harbor to make sure no undesirables came in. They looked with suspicion at our freshly painted, but still kind of ugly, ship.
“We’re here for a diplomatic mission,” Twilight told them.
“We’re here to spend loads of money,” I said.
Smiling, they invited us in.
We were directed to an empty dock. Twilight and Spike got off to go talk to someone. Somegriffon, I guess. Applejack went to find some find some acceptable produce to buy.
There was no way to refrigerate stuff aboard the primitive ship, so unpreserved food didn’t last long. In other words, it was a good idea to get fresh produce at every opportunity.
Rarity mentioned an exotic sewing shop she was simply dying to check out. Fluttershy was interested in what kinds of animals the griffons had in their city park. Pinkie went looking for a party.
I left Rainbow in charge of the ship. I figured she would probably go to sleep and let some shady characters on board, but at least it wouldn’t technically be my fault.
I walked down the street. Captain Falcon accompanied me, sitting on my shoulder. I looked around for a while, taking in the sights. How do I describe the town in one sentence? How about: Griffons, griffons everywhere. Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
I was accosted by a rough-looking specimen of the species. He looked rather old and weatherbeaten.
“Are ye part of the Equestrian crew that just pulled in?” he asked.
“Part of it? I’m the leader. Commodore Valiant, at your service.”
“Pleasure to meet you, sir. May I ask ye where the ship be headed?”
“Everywhere, pretty much. We’re sailing around the world.”
The griffon seemed impressed. “That’s a voyage, that is. Ye would be wise to keep a lookout for pirates.”
“Are there a lot of them?”
“It’s not the numbers, it’s the ferocity.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. I turned to go.
“One moment,” said the griffon. “What is the name of that vessel you arrived in?”
“We’re going to kill you all.”
He nodded. “Ah, I like it. Have a good day. Fair winds to you.”
I walked away, feeling somewhat confused. The old griffon hadn’t batted an eye at the name of the ship. Also, pirates? How come I’d never heard of them before?
Well, if that was the case, maybe the ship would have to live up to its Navy heritage. I was as anti-pirate as the next pony, except when it came to DRM. Illegal downloads? More like shmillegal shmoundloads! Eh, maybe not. There was a reason the RIAA hadn’t caved under my monstrous wit.
When I got back, Rainbow was asleep as expected. She at least had the good grace to park herself right in front of the gangway to force any would-be intruders to step over her.
“Ouch! What the heck, Valiant?”
“Sorry, didn’t see you there. Did I step on you?”
She was about to retort when Applejack came walking up. “Ah got us a whole load of produce!” The basket she was carrying contained nothing but apples.
Rarity arrived just then, showing off a few large thimbles of thread. “The shop on the corner had this fantastic high-strength stitching!”
Fluttershy walked up, looking happy. “The city park was lovely! There were songbirds and mice, and all sorts of small, cute creatures.”
Captain looked at me. I nodded, and he flew away towards the park.
“Wow, that was some party!” said Pinkie, bouncing along the dock. “These griffons sure know how to have fun! I knew they all couldn’t be as meanie-pants as Gilda.”
I counted heads. “Where’s Twilight and Spike?”
“Maybe the diplomacy ran long,” suggested Rarity.
“Or…they’re prisoners!” said Pinkie.
“Considering that none of the other griffons have attacked us,” I said, “That seems unlikely. Still, let’s go with it.” I dashed below deck and came back up carrying a cutlass.
“Chraaage!” I gurgled around the handle in my mouth. None of them did.
I spit the weapon out. “You guys aren’t with me?”
“Maybe they just got held up,” suggested Applejack.
“We don’t even know where they are,” added Rainbow.
“That doesn’t stop us from ripping shit up until we find them!” I shouted.
“Can we take a vote on this?” asked Rarity.
“That’s not how military leadership works! I say things, and you do them. Right now, I’m going to lead by example, so follow me!” I grabbed up the cutlass again and charged down the gangway. While I didn’t see it, I imagine the rest of them gave a collective shrug and decided to go along with the idea.
We ran around the city for a while. The townsfolk stared at us. I gave them all menacing looks. In a few minutes, I spotted a large stone building that appeared more ornate than anything else, so I headed in that direction.
It turned out to be a castle. Curious guards watched us pass by. I glared at them as if to say Don’t try anything.
Bursting into a conference room, I found Twilight, Spike, and an important-looking griffon engaged in conversation.
“Unhand them!” I shouted, after letting go of the cutlass.
“Um, okay,” said the griffon.
“Valiant, what are you doing?” asked Twilight. “We were just in the middle of a discussion about socio-political effects on world trade and business and the underlying causes for economic unbalance for the same.”
“Save me!” said Spike.
That was good enough for me. I tossed him onto my back and pushed Twilight out the door.
“Stop! That was an important conversation!” she shouted.
“If I couldn’t make it through even the name without getting bored, then it’s not important enough for me.”
After a while, Twilight gave in and started walking by herself. “At least I learned something that you’d be interested in,” she grumbled. “That griffon told me to be wary of pirates.”
“Did he? Bet you’re glad we brought those cannons now.”
She did not reply.
We all got back aboard the ship and untied from the dock. Twilight seemed interested in the things that the others had bought in town.
I gestured to the fresh produce. “Eat up and get your vitamin C. Don’t want to get scurvy.”
“We have vitamin tablets, Valiant. That won’t be a problem.”
Captain returned with a smile on his beak just as the sails were raised to begin the next leg of the trip.
“Point us south, Valiant,” said Twilight. “Next stop, Kangaroo Kingdom.”
“Seriously?” I said. “That’s a name that just invites parodies and fun-poking.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Just sail.”
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Hurrah, more wet dreams!
...Never thought I would say / type that.
Kangaroo Kingdom? So you're going to Australia next?
530864
It started out as a briefly mentioned joke in A Dream. Yes, you may consider it to be an analogy for a certain country, but I'll probably avoid as many stereotypes as possible.
I'm looking forward to some hilarious misunderstandings with primitive kingdoms.
Back Round - Wolfmother
its only a matter of time before he wakes up again,
if he dies is he a pony forever,
also i would love to see a story were the ships crew goes to america
I hope they don't get into any legal trouble in the Kangaroo Kingdom. I have heard some bad things about kangaroo courts.
Oh god let them meet captain kangaroo....
Funniest chapter yet!
Save me!
I would like to cast a vote for a chapter where Valient meets a Kangaroo Crocodile Hunter.
Alright lads? we're 'ere to spend loadsamoney!
fwi.co.uk/blogs/agribusiness/Harry-Enfield-Loadsamoney.jpg
probly
... Kangaroo Kingdom?
Just... Just name it Faustralia and be done with it...
530864
Kangaroo kingdom, eh?
I here that place is really hoppin'!
Kangaroo Kingdom? I've heard that place is really hopping!
Wonder if they have giant mustaches and shave their chests in the shape of their country.