Adrift Off
Fiddler's Green
A C o n v e r s i o n B u r e a u S t o r y
By Chatoyance
5. The Everfree Lies
"You'd think I'd get used to teleporting. But I haven't. It's convenient, don't get me wrong - but that moment, inbetween, e-e-e-e-uhhgh." Crimson shared the back seat of a high-flying pegasus carriage with Frontpage. Both, it had turned out, were heading to East Ponyville. Far below them, the vast megalopolis flowed past, busy with ponies, colorful and active as all large and vital cities are.
"I actually kind of like the tingle. On your tongue. It's fizzy, like drinking soda pop." Frontpage watched a tall, neo-Tudor styled building go by. Ponyville now had twenty-story towers. The influence of earth culture and design was everywhere, tempered by native sensibilities. There were tall buildings, but they were lovely to look at, almost rustic, every one of them. There had been space made for gardens and parks as often as for buildings, and in some cases, more. Ponyville was a megalopolis, but it was a fairytale megalopolis, with room for goats and pigs and dogs and cows.
Many of the buildings were draped with green, with gardens on the roofs and intensive, compact balcony farms and orchards. This was a remnant of the last days of many earth cities, where freshly-minted newfoals worked to turn concrete and skyscrapers into vertical rural villages. The style had been deemed attractive and fun, and had been recreated within Equestria.
"You like that?" Crimson was incredulous. "That's your tongue boiling, you know. I had somepony explain it to me. And all the air rushing out, it always leaves my throat a little raw!" She sipped her mint tea. They had stopped at a Starcolts before heading to the carriages.
"Actually... there is one thing I do like about teleporting." Crimson took another sip.
"What? You've already mentioned that its convenient." Frontpage had already finished his double pumpkinchino.
"That part, at the beginning, when you rise up? When there's no weight? That's fun." Crimson crunched ice in her muzzle.
"Yeah... yeah. I like that too. It's like floating. It is floating. Well, well, we agree on something at last!" Frontpage had very mixed feelings about Ms. Crimson Beauty Acres. She was easy on the eyes, no denying that. But she was contrary, frustrating, and she clearly had a temper. Despite nearly a century in Equestria, there was still some remnant of the superiority of the earthly elite in her. But she also traveled well, she wasn't wrecked by tragedy, and she was smart.
Frontpage tallied her up and decided that one way or the other they would be bucking each other for sure. Either in the face, with a hard-edged hoof, or in the sack. And the onion-bagel part of it all was that he wasn't sure which he'd prefer.
"Okay, enough pleasantries. It can't be a coincidence you're going to East Ponyville. You heard them talking too, correct?" Frontpage had been playing gentlecolt because Crimson seemed to be avoiding the issue at hoof. They were in the air, they were both earthponies, there was no place to run now.
Crimson stared at the Starcolt's jar between her hooves. The canning-style jars had been intended to be returnable, but they had become popular collectors items. A lot of ponies had entire glassware collections entirely made up of the beautiful jars. "Yes. And the only ribbon I know of is the East Ponyville Forest Gate."
As Ponyville grew in size, its proximity to the dangers of the Everfree became increasingly an issue. A tall marble wall had been installed to protect the citizens of the growing city. The enchanted stone wall stretched entirely around the portion of the forest that bordered the megalopolis of Ponyville. The wall was many thousands of hooves in length.
There were gates. One allowed travel on the road that passed by the institute, and which curved around the southern tip of Canterlot Mountain. Another, the East Gate, permitted access to the forest itself, specifically the road that led past the Zecora Foundation and on to the Castle Restriction Zone.
"You figure she's going to the old castle. The Zone. That's where the Tree Of Harmony is, and that's the oldest thing in Equestria. That's my thinking too. How much did you hear?"
Crimson swirled her mint tea around. "There was something about... running out of room, almost. It was difficult to follow princess Luna's speech. I was drifting in and out. 'Adjustments had to be made', I remember that. There was a lot of nautical references - sails, I believe, and... and a rudder. I remember a rudder. Maybe a wheel. Like one would find upon a sailing yacht." Crimson took a sip and swallowed. The vacuum during the translocation had felt especially irritating this trip. It was only for a split second, the blink of an eye, but it never failed to leave her with a sore throat.
Frontpage nodded. "You get the part about bones? And Discord?"
"Bones?" Crimson shook her head.
"There was some fuss kicked up about bones. They seemed worried that Discord would see some bones, somehow. Luna didn't trust the guy, Celestia was vouching for him. And she called him their brother. Whaddya make of that?"
"Well, I'll be! That I did not hear. I must have fallen asleep before that." Crimson finished off her tea. "Bones? Perhaps... perhaps the princesses' parents are buried in the old castle?"
"Do immortals even have parents? Wouldn't the parents of immortals be immortal themselves? Maybe they don't mean actual bones..." Frontpage watched another carriage fly past them, going the opposite direction. It seemed to be filled with schoolponies and what must be their teacher. That or a really boisterous family reunion.
"What do you mean?"
"Dice were called bones, long ago. On earth, anyway. Discord is into randomness, right? In my life in Equestria, I've learned not to take things at face value even more than I did on earth. Cobbler... maybe all of those boat terms have other meanings too! Canvas... you can 'canvas' a neighborhood, and canvases were used for painting on. 'Drop Anchor' though, that seems pretty boat-y... although it could just mean to stop and wait, couldn't it? The whole thing could have been code words or goddess-jargon. And what's with all the boat stuff anyway? This is flat, inland terrain. No ocean anywhere nearby." Frontpage scratched his muzzle with a forehoof.
"Lakes? There are lakes all over. They are not large, but there are many of them." Crimson carefully put her jar into her traveling saddlebags.
"Any big enough to sail on? Big enough to be worth a sailship?"
"Sailboat. A ship has three or more masts, and can carry boats upon it. And no, none of the lakes are large enough for more than a skiff, and not many of those." Crimson noted the Transequestria Pyramid pass by, as well as the Chateau Equenac.
Frontpage involuntarily ducked as a constellation of pegasai tore through the air just above the carriage. "Tartelette! I wish they wouldn't do that!" He shouted after them "HEY! EARTHPONIES DOWN HERE!" The constellation was already shrinking into the distance. "Up here. Whatever. Wings. They think they own the sky!"
Crimson giggled. "They rather sort of do."
East Ponyville was the oldest part of the vast city, and had several historical landmarks. Friendship Rainbow Castle, of course, now tiny and easily missed amidst the towering Tudor skycrapers. The original Pie's. There was a Pie's store in almost every major town - and some minor ones too - the one-stop shop for pretty much anything fun. 'Toys, games, party supplies, come and get it, it's at Pies!'
Before heading to the East Gate, Frontpage made a point to stop at Showers Bowers. These malls were a newfoal creation. The ponies had never considered the concept of indoor malls before. They were Nature in their universe. Rain and snow could be scheduled precisely. Ponies weren't terribly materialistic; they certainly weren't mass consumers.
Well, until the newfoals came.
Now, large indoor malls were a thing, and Showers Bowers was the biggest chain of malls in Equestria. The audacious notion had made Showers himself the first newfoal self-made millionaire. Frontpage galloped through the mall until he found a store devoted to camping and trotting supplies. He bought canteens for himself and Crimson and a supply of Cast-And-Eat magical self-cooking meals. He also bought a Canterlot Compass, that always pointed to Canterlot Castle - the only analogue to a polar locus in the Equestrian cosmos.
"Golden was part of my sister's show. Originally. At the beginning." Crimson waited, patiently, while Frontpage stocked up. "He had a butler... who was part of the show too. Plantain said that... that..."
Frontpage turned and touched his poll to Crimson's lowered head. "We'll find out what happened. My story and your story are the same chase."
Crimson pulled back and there was anger in her voice. "I am not chasing a story! I intend to get my sister back."
Frontpage just stared. "What?" His mind whirred, reporter gears clicking. This was why Crimson Beauty Acres wasn't bawling all over the place over the death of her sister? The mare must be half crazy with grief, the calmness was an act. Even if Equestria had some afterlife, as was supposed to be the case - nopony ever came back. There was no pony Jesus, Lemminkäinen, Ganesha or Jean Grey in Equestria. At least that anypony he had ever talked to knew about. Afterlife or no, dead was dead in Equestria.
"Don't look at me like that! I told you that my sister was shown proof that death is not the end in Equestria. By princess Luna no less! That's what your story is about, isn't it? What, now you don't believe me?"
Frontpage mentally bucked himself. He could only imagine what his expression must have been. "Actually, I'm after the reason both diarchs have such an interest in an institute for monsters. That's the story I'm chasing." Crimson was still disgruntled. "I found what you told me about your sister's experience interesting. Of course I found it interesting. But it isn't newsworthy."
"Newsworthy?" Crimson's tail lashed at a selection of rugged hoof shoes for mountain climbing. One fell off the box it was displayed on. "Factual evidence of an Equestrian afterlife is not worth a byline in the Canterlot Querier?"
"Not factual. It's hearsay. Second hand hearsay. Your sister goes to Luna's tower, it's dark, she hears splashes and weird noises, and she figures it's her dead bunny pal come to say goodbye. Fantastic. What can I investigate, really? What is the proof of anything with that?"
Crimson drew herself up, ears high. "My word. My sister's integrity."
Frontpage stared again. "I'm sure your sister is a wonderful mare... was a wonderful mare. But I don't know her, and I never interviewed her myself." Noting the expression, Frontpage sighed. "I believe you heard that story. I don't doubt you having heard that story one bit. You are telling me pure-as-melon truth, telling me your sister's story. But that's what it is, from where I stand. A story. It's a wonderful story. But there's simply nowhere to go with that kind of stuff."
"Yes there is. Princess Luna. You could interview her directly and that would be all the proof you need."
Frontpage's eyes were starting to sting from repeated bursts of staring and bugging out. Ow. This conversation was hard on the eyes. "Interview the princess, the royal princess of the Tarte Tatin NIGHT, about... Equestrian heaven? Or whatever it is?" Frontpage shook his head. "Hello, Luna! Just wanted to ask, on the record, natch - can I get the scoop on what happens after we take a dirt nap? Equestrian readers want to know!"
"Yes, precisely."
"Crimson... don't you think that if the princesses - hallowed be their hooves - thought we should know this stuff it would be taught in kindergarten? I mean, death. The long snooze. Pale mare. The big one being bitten - it's a non-trivial issue, don'tcha think? Big deal. Lots of grief and wailing. That should be Lesson Two, right after 'suck the nipples kids, cause' that's where the milk comes from!'"
"You are a very rude stallion, mister Frontpage!" Crimson's ears were flat again, and her pose was somewhere between 'let's gallop very fast' and 'how rapidly can I turn and use my hindlegs as a cosmetic surgery tool?'. Gradually, controlling her breathing, Crimson Acres regained her composure. It was fascinating to watch. Frontpage found himself seriously impressed. Within seconds, the mare appeared as if she had just enjoyed a lovely sip of tea. "That said, Frontpage, I stand by my statement. I certainly intend to ask our nocturnal princess just that. And then I will ask her to restore my sister to this world."
Frontpage sat down in the aisle, next to the display containing the Canterlot Compasses. "Alright. Let's roll with that. Let's say we get to Luna. I ask her about the institute, and you ask about ghosts and spooks. Let's say spooks are real. What, your sister's body just sits up because you ask nicely? Certainly that's never been tried before!"
"I find you..." The real word in her mind was 'detestable' but she had been raised better than that. "...lacking in imagination, mister Frontpage. You interviewed some of my companions, did you not? You said our story was your first job at the Querier."
"It was my first job there, yeah. But I didn't interview anypony. I did layout and copy checking, that sort of thing. I re-wrote some bad work by the reporters that did the interviews. I didn't get my first hoof-in-the-door until..."
"Then you know the princesses can construct bodies out of magic! Out of thin air, mister Frontpage. One of our group died. My dear Morning Star. She was quite deceased, I assure you, yet the princesses brought her back and made her an entirely new body. For all I know, her petrified original body still exists somewhere, perhaps in some garden far away."
Frontpage looked startled. He ran a hoof through his mane, nearly knocking his fedora off. "That really happened? I dropped that bit from the story. I figured the reporter was hopped up on salt or something."
"Lime Sherbet told us all about it. She is Princess Luna's mare in waiting, and the head maid of all of Canterlot Castle. She saw the princesses do it, they worked for an entire day upon the task. Morning Star also told me her side of it. She had been informed that she was indeed expired, and that a new body needed to be created for her to inhabit." Crimson relaxed. "That is why I know my sister can be restored. For all we know this has been done many times in Equestrian history, and it is simply not a matter worth great fuss or consideration."
Frontpage began to feel his eyes bulge for the fourth time, but worked to corral them within his skull. He swallowed. "Fine. I'm okay with this. You have made it clear you intend to follow the same lead as me, we're just working on different stories. Two reporters, with two different assignments, on the same case. Partners, even. All I ask is that you let me get my interview first. Please."
"Why? Why should you go first if we are both playing the part of reporters here?" Crimson bent and replaced the fallen hoof shoe she had knocked over.
"Because I am from the Canterlot Querier, and you are from the 'Koo-Koo Cloud Gazette'. It's a matter of professional courtesy."
Crimson did not even flinch. "I repeat. You are a very rude stallion."
Frontpage stood, studying the East Ponyville Forest Gate. The large curve of marble that made up the containing wall was breached by a curving, peaked, gated arch. The arch was bracketed with two bas-relief pillars sculpted from the material of the wall itself.
Above the pillars, also sculpted in bas-relief, was a huge marble ribbon, carved so as to appear soft as it draped across the top of the arch. In all three pony scripts it stated the same message.
The Everfree Lies Beyond
"Heh." Frontpage smirked. "It certainly does." His following laugh was bitter.
"Frontpage?" Crimson studied the letters, unsure why the reporter had laughed.
"It lies. The Everfree. Not lays, not lays there. It lies. It looks like a forest. It smells like... well, use your nose. It pretends to be a green stand of trees and swamps and paths and meadows. But it is none of those things. It lies, certainly, and also, like the abominations within it, it lies in wait."
Crimson stared through the barred, metal gates at the dark, odd greenery beyond. "In wait for what?"
"For us, Ms. Acres. For us." Frontpage began rummaging through his saddlebags. "Mmf in here fumfhwhere... Ah!" In Frontpage's mouth was a wallet, spread open between his teeth. Inside was a small parchment with tiny grainscript letters written upon it. It had a seal affixed, with a short ribbon. "Itf a pfass. Getfs me in fust afout anyfwhere."
Crimson looked up at Frontpage's hat. The fedora was graced with a press pass, clearly visible, stuck tightly into the band. It rose up like a little flag. "Isn't that enough?" She nodded at the pass in his hat.
Frontpage tucked the wallet into the hind strap of his saddlebags to make talking easier. "That tells everypony I am a reporter, and it gets me in most places. The court, even the castle. I can visit the princesses without an appointment... if the reason is good enough." Frontpage closed his saddlebags, taking care not to knock loose the wallet. "The other pass is special. I earned it after a story I did exposing the members of the court and the Unicorn Corps that were behind that scandal with the newfoals being abandoned out in the Exponentials."
"Oh! I... I heard about that! Long after the fact, of course. It was... it shocked me that it was even possible! Native Equestrians? Who could have thought..." Crimson's ears bent slightly.
"They're not perfect. Come on. They're close, I'll go that far, at least compared to how humans were back when. But even the kindest, most loving creature can get scared, Crimson. That is why they did what they did. They had power, they felt the princess had made a mistake, they were terrified, and... they reacted badly."
Crimson's ears went flat. "Badly? They reacted badly? Dozens, perhaps hundreds of ponies died, horribly, out in those wastes! I still can't come to terms with it having happened at all!"
"They didn't know. They honestly thought that the ponies - newfoal ponies, human monsters to them - would thrive out there." Frontpage turned to look directly at Crimson. "Think about it - all those frightened court ponies and their minions had heard about humans was that they were the apex predators of their world. The ultimate survivors, the conquerors of Nature and each other. Humans were like super-dragons to them - scary, all powerful, ruthless, invulnerable. They believed we were super-monsters. That's enough to frighten anypony."
"You sound like you're defending them!" Crimson's ears were now flat to her skull and trying to press in even deeper.
"No!" Frontpage scowled. "Certainly not! But I interviewed them. Many of them. And they weren't bad sorts, most of 'em, just terrified. They'd had to deal with Celestia's other refugees before - griffons, dragons... you know that griffons used to eat ponies sometimes, right? Dragons too. The Pax Equestria, all that history, you've got to have heard about all of that!"
"Of course, mister Frontpage. I am not uneducated. I took classes at university, once I was settled. I dare say I might know more about Equestrian history than most natives!" Crimson's ears were rising up again, but they were not yet up to half mast.
"Humanity ate everything. On the planet. That they could. Then they poisoned the planet. And blew up a lot of it, and each other. You ever met a dragon, a big one?"
"I... have. Once. I went with my sister...." Crimson's ears plummeted briefly. "She met all sorts during her performing career and..."
"Scary, right? Big and scaled, all teeth and there's that feeling, that sense you get around them, like you were dinner, like you are only a snack and not a pony at all. Like you are nothing. You felt that, right?"
Crimson nodded.
"Imagine a dragon going up against humans, in their prime. All their technology. On earth. A thousand dragons. ALL the dragons! Who would win? Which creature would eat the other - which of those two would win in a fight?"
Crimson's ears sagged sideways. "Your point is taken, Frontpage."
"Bagel right!" Frontpage began walking towards the guardhouse near the stone ribbon gate. "A lot of ponies forget. Us newfoals are pretty integrated now, and most natives think we're okay. Probably all, after all this time. But I don't forget, because I am a newfoal. I lived on earth, and not in some Antarctic gilded cage - I walked the streets, I saw the real world. If it hadn't been for that Barrier, and magic being so deadly, Equestria'd be one big strip mine now. Or an amusement park." He thought for a moment. "Or a larder."
"But the princesses!"
Frontpage stopped and stared into Crimson's ruby eyes. "The princesses got weaker the further they got from that Barrier. Celestia never even visited the other side of the globe until the barrier was half-way to Zero Point. They're gods here. Goddesses. But on earth..."
"Do you really think that humans could have hurt the princesses?" The idea had never crossed Crimson's mind.
Frontpage resumed his progress. "You don't hide from what you don't fear."
The guards at the East Ponyville Forest Gate were duly impressed with Frontpage's special pass. He vouched for Crimson as his partner, though she did frown at his reiteration of her having a position with the fictional 'Koo-Koo Cloud Gazette'. Crimson played along though, even expanding on the falsehood. She claimed she was investigating invasive magical skunk cabbages that could assume pony form. The only way to tell them from real ponies was that they were rude, barely sapient, callous, and completely lacking in class. Apparently they also smelled bad and had poor hygiene. And even worse than all of that...
Frontpage got Crimson away from the guard ponies at the gate and they spent a very uneventful several hours trotting down the graded road. The Zecora Foundation had attracted students of the biological effects of chaos magic, and the new, graded roadbed provided relatively safe travel to it. The sides of the road had screens that prevented forest... things... from easily entering the roadway. But the protection stopped, abruptly, just after the Foundation.
In front of Crimson and Frontpage, a large, remarkably earthlike chain-link fence crossed the road. Just beyond that, the road itself ended and became a narrow path. Several signs made it very clear that the Castle Restriction Zone was, not to put too fine a point on things, restricted. No pony permitted past this point. Go Back. Trespassing within the castle of the royal pony sisters was a Class Banana offense.
Frontpage shook his head. Only in Equestria would law enforcement be represented with a fruit-based punishment system.
"It really is the only 'ribbon' I can think of!" Crimson was still concerned with what the gate guards had claimed. Princess Luna had not passed through their gate at all. Not within memory, at least.
Frontpage had pointed out the many alternatives - the princess could fly, certainly. Why bother with a gate, if one can simply fly over it? She could teleport, better than any unicorn, better even than the founder of Pointer's Relocations. Better than Girandole The Opacous. She could have simply teleported.
"But why even mention the ribbon? Why bother? If any of this was actually the case, wouldn't they have spoken about the destination, instead? Why mention a path one is never going to actually trod?" Crimson had shaken her head. "It doesn't make sense!"
"You know what does make sense?" Frontpage didn't want to fuss, he wanted to get going. "That ancient castle. Seriously, what else is there? There's Canterlot, and then there's what? The Tree Of Harmony? Okay, that's by the castle. The oldest thing in Equestria? Castle. Only likely place that anything relevant might be hidden away? Castle again. Oh! And what's nearest to your sister's institute? It's on the tip of my tongue... starts with a 'C'... like a fortress, only bigger... come on, help me out here..."
"Fine. We shall go to the castle."
That was the problem with non-newsies, Frontpage thought. Always overthinking things. You can't get into proper trouble if you're busy thinking things through. You gotta jump in, take a few lumps, maybe lose some hide to get the good stories. Thinking is for when you are back, recovering, typing up a marmalade dropper that makes your byline a household word. Thinking and rueing. But famous.
"It's forbidden to enter." The fence and the warning signs were fairly clear. More than clear. Crimson was stating the Very Obvious.
"Eh... I got my special pass, remember? Signed by Celestia herself. Got us this far, right?" Frontpage began to walk to the side, where a gap could allow a pony to squeeze by and go around the barrier.
"I did not say I wasn't game, mister Frontpage, merely that you should consider taking extra care." Crimson was already beyond the barrier when Frontpage arrived.
"How... where?"
"There is a gate. Unlocked, of course, though it was latched higher than a filly could reach. Equestrians have little use for locks, since they almost universally obey any rule." Crimson's tail swept about as she adjusted the balance of her overfilled saddlebags.
"I don't think that's so universal any more." Frontpage followed after Crimson, who was already starting down the pathway through the nightmare forest.
"In what way?" Crimson had stopped, regarding a strange, curling plant that had nearly crossed the path. It had twisting, writhing spiral tendrils and purple leaves with pulsing orange spots. She found a length of stick on the ground and gave the plant a jab, it did not react or move beyond its slow squirming.
"Us. Newfoals. We outnumber natives by something like thirty-thousand to one. And we sure aren't obeying those signs back there." Frontpage considered pushing past the tall foliage that walled the path, but thought better of it. Crimson was being sensible taking her time. It was just frustrating. He would be doing the same thing, if he had been in front.
"Remember all the fuss made about how 'Equestria was invading the earth'? As if the princesses were waging some bizarre military campaign?" Satisfied that the plant was not dangerous, and that touching it would probably not cause some unwanted magical effect, Crimson pushed through the purple and orange and on down the path.
"Yeah. That was a big plank in the HLF platform."
"Well..." Crimson navigated a stream that had decided to exist across where the path had once been. "It strikes me as a very strange invasion plan when the 'enemy' is allowed to freely occupy your home base in vastly greater numbers than your own forces."
Frontpage laughed. "Yeah! Sounds almost more like a rescue or something. Don't talk crazy there Crimson, you'll have the entire Human Liberation Front yanking our hate cards. We'll have to hate all alone, sobbing in our basements."
This made Crimson laugh. "And eating ice cream from large, generic containers. 'Forever Alone'. That was the old meme, was it not?"
"Heh. Yeah." Frontpage carefully avoided the strange looking mushrooms that Crimson indicated to him. There was something about them that was hard to look at. Literally - Frontpage's eyes just did not want to focus correctly when he tried to gaze at the fungi directly. "I interviewed a former HLF that got splashed by the PER. Happy little guy. He said he felt like a manticore had been lifted off of his back. He couldn't imagine why he had been so opposed to ponification. He told me the oddest thing."
Large pink boulders had grown up, sometime fairly recently, through the path. Some possessed curious crystals embedded within them. Crimson and Frontpage regarded the stones carefully, then, after tossing a few pebbles, decided they were safe to clamber on.
"What? What did the happy HLF pony say?" Crimson caught herself after her hoof slipped. "Former HLF. Obviously."
Frontpage took care descending the odd rocks. Finally, back on the path, he trailed after Crimson once again. "He told me he thought he was so anti-pony because he didn't feel worthy. He felt he didn't deserve Equestria. It made him hate it. And ponies too."
The path was lined now with what appeared to be bushes covered in snakes of lightning. The jagged, shining worms slowly crawled and slithered around the otherwise ordinary looking branches. They did not look entirely material.
"What do you think, Frontpage?"
"Stick to the center of the path, don't touch, and move slowly. No sudden reactions. Whatever this is, it doesn't seem interested in us."
The two ponies navigated the path very cautiously, keeping to the middle, avoiding any contact with the buzzing lightning snakes. Eventually they had passed the bushes and found, to their relief, that the path was wider and that they could walk beside each other.
"I think it's getting worse."
"What's getting worse, Crimson?"
"The Everfree."
"You think the Everfree is getting... how is it getting worse?"
"Well, when I was here as a filly, with my friends and my sister, it did not look like what we have just passed through. It just looked like a forest - a normal forest. Oh, there were some unusual plants - barking trees and such, but nothing like pink rocks or snakes made out of lightning. Most of what I saw of the Everfree could have been any forest back on earth, before the Collapse. But not now..."
Frontpage followed Crimson's gaze.
The path was entirely blocked by numberless gigantic mushroom-like entities. Each stood taller than a pony, with a dome-shaped cap. At the bottom of the stem were short, blunt, rootlike protrusions that gave the impression that the enormous fungus could crawl about, albeit slowly.
The caps of the possibly ambulatory mushooms were covered in numerous large sphincters, each slightly wider than a hoof. The apertures were closed, the flesh of the fungus forming an iris-like door to each.
The bases were a sickly yellow green that faded into a pale, ghastly violet spotting on the caps. There were dozens of the gargantuan fungi, dozens of dozens, stretching as if on parade, down the entirety of the pathway, as far as either pony could see.
Crimson started to say something, but Frontpage put a hoof gently to his mouth and she fell silent.
One of the fungi shifted slightly, it's tiny stumps moving like clumsy and slow spider legs.
Crimson looked at Frontpage with puzzled eyes. She could tell there was danger, she was uneasy, but it was clear she had no idea what they faced.
Frontpage slowly, carefully placed his muzzle close to her ear. As softly as he could manage, he whispered a single name.
"Shriekers."
I get a strong "Doctor" vibe from this and I like it.
wizards.com/dnd/images/alumni_shrieker2nd.jpg
Well that brings back some pleasant memories of playing D&D.
Shriekers?! Not shriekers! Anything but shriekers, oh, in the name of Celestia, if there are shriekers here then Frontpage and Crimson have no chance. Not against the shriekers!
I only have one question...
The mention to "Friendship Rainbow Castle" is interesting. Is Season 4 in some form canon in your universe? If so, how do they differ? I mean, I suppose Twilight still isn't an alicorn here, nor was Tirek (if there was a Tirek) ever able to absorb the princesses powers etc.
You mentioned the the RainBowCastle of Friendship ——— ¡it is so ugly! You can perhaps demonstrate that Princess Twilight Sparkle is not stone:
Reading Grass gives the impression that Princess Celestia uses petrification as a standard punishment. You personally explained to me that you wrote grass that way because the readers demanded harsh punishment for, I am bad at names, but possibly WingFeather.
Anypony reading both Grass and TeaCup comes to the conclusion that Princess Celestia petrifies Twilight Sparkle after TeaCup for abuse of mental magic (she had permission to remove unwanted memories from 1 consenting pony, but ran around Ponyville deleting random unwanted memories from random ponies wanting those memories erased). This is her second offense after Lesson # 0. Showing her not stone and editing Grass so that it is obvious that petrification is a punishment of last resort when Equestria in in danger would be good. An alternate punishment t petrification is forcing him to absorb the memories f the deceased from the moment of abandonment to death and forcing him to assist the survivors for the rest of his life.
Since Twilight Sparkle clearly exceeds her mandate in TeaCup and this is her second offense of using mental magic, she needs punishment. I know just the proper punishment:
Princess Celestia can send Twilight Sparkle to Magical Kindergarten —— ¡for teaching!:
Although this starts off as a punishment, it becomes a positive experience for Twilight Sparkle. She even makes new lifetime friends. We can thematically tie it all together:
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza states that she screwed up. Her punishment was foalsitting. She initially hated foalsitting but she came to love it. She made lifelong friends. Foalsitting is how she met 2 of her closest friends; her Consort Prince Shining Armor, and her Sister-In-Law Princess Twilight Sparkle. ¡The Wheel Of Time turns τrad (TauRadians (Full Circle))!
4731625
Lauren Faust originally planned to do, basically, Sailor Moon with MLP:FIM. She already had her 'Galaxy Girls' going, which she couldn't sell, and it is basically... Sailor Moon. She made it clear, in interviews, that her intention was to eventually - near the end of the series - have Twilight become an alicorn. Much as Sailor Moon achieved super-immortal status at the end of the Sailor Moon saga.
So, since I have always attempted to run with the pattern set down in Season One, combined with what I have learned through research, it is expected that Twilight would eventually become the third alicorn (Cadence, that marketing whore creation, isn't even a blip on my screens). I reason that this likely would occur sometime within one hundred years, thus the Rainbow Castle reference.
In this version of Equestria, the Golden Oaks tree house library still stands. It was never destroyed. I don't dismiss Tirek entirely - he was a Generation One MLP villain, after all. If anything, the Twilight of this Equestria, my Bureau Equestria, got her alicorn-hood battling Tirek with all the other Mane Six, but with no infusion of power from Luna and Celestia. Why wouldn't they help?
As I have long maintained, they are too powerful in my universe. They take action, half of Equestria is destroyed in the process. THAT is my reason for even having the Mane Six defending Equestria - Celestia and Luna don't want to lose everything they've built in a moment of accidental godlike power. Nothing they would need to control is at that level of power. It's the little stuff they have trouble with. The stuff that needs controlled micro-levels of power. For that, they have minions. The Mane Six, for example. It's no good trying to squash a fly with a crane and wrecking ball - it tends to destroy the house. Better to hire a maid with a flyswatter. That is the relationship I envision between Celestia and Luna, and the Mane Six.
"There was no pony Jesus, Lemminkäinen, Ganesha or Jean Grey in Equestria."
Congratulations, you owe me a fresh cup of blueberry lemon tea. Because I snorted it laughing at that.
Also... Shriekers? Oh swirl... they're not related to mandrakes, are they? Please tell me they're not...
4731901
To my knowledge, in over three years, only you, alone, have ever come to such a conclusion. It is impossible to understand.
Petrification is clearly shown to be a very rare, very extreme, final, ultimate sanction used only for impossible cases. If something threatens cosmic destruction, certainly. I gave examples, I have had characters talk about this and muse about this.
THAT is why I regret the Windfeather punishment! I was catering to my audience and they wanted a vindictive, wrathful punishment, and I wanted to please them. I violated my own concept in order to attempt to curry favor with my readers. That is why I added Peach Clover's alternate ending, which I considered more in tune with my real feeling than the chapter I wrote.
I kept the chapter I wrote because I learned, a long time ago, that if you create a work of art, you do not go back and fuck with it. Even if it is flawed. Even if it is imperfect. You move on. You do something new. That is the proper Way, and it avoids the most sorrow and loss while providing the most personal growth.
I wish you would simply drop the nonsense about this, because it is nonsense. Seriously. Only you, ever, have imagined that Celestia turned Twilight to stone at the end of Teacup. Just you. Nobody else thought that.
Now, I am the first to suggest that at the end of Lesson Zero, in the show itself, Twilight was right on the edge of being petrified, and was only saved by her own regret, and the pleading of her friends. Twilight is dangerous as hell, there is no two ways about that. But there is no way that my use of her in Teacup wasn't just simple comedy, with no other intention beyond that.
Everyone who has ever written to me - other than you - has gotten this, clearly. No exceptions. It seems to be your thing, to think that. That's okay, you can have whatever thoughts you like, it's just that they have no connection with my intention, or with how - as far as I can tell - any other person interprets the end of Teacup, Down On The Farm.
4731976
From Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrieker_%28Dungeons_%26_Dragons%29
Or, you could wait, and find out.
4731987
Ponyfeathers... this is going to be fun! For a certain value thereof, of course.
Oh boy. Where there are shriekers, there are violet fungi. Watch for the ones with tentacles if you like your flesh unrotted...
It's fascinating to see how human culture has affected Equestria, and vice versa. When the new wave of immigrants outnumbers the natives by several orders of magnitude, the changes to brain layout and keeping most of them in the Exponential Lands are pretty much the only things keeping the base culture from getting completely overwhelmed. And even with those safeguards, there's still no escaping from Starbucks...
Looking forward to more. Especially if my guess on what the ship is proves correct.
4732028
Don't forget what loves to eat shriekers. Purple worms.
Almost every single MLP episode, fanfic, or whatever with the Everfree:
"They say it's really dangerous. Let's go in!"
"Ooh, pretty!"
And next thing you know, someone is eaten or petrified.
4731978
I admit I did, too. I was really glad to see that. But it was out of character for Celestia to be vengeful. I always took it, from Celestia's view, as neutralizing a threat. I only think that he was petrified for too long, and probably would have no longer been any danger after Zero Point. At that point, he would have been able to see that his fears had been unfounded. He might have still been a bigot after that, but not a dangerous one.
I was interested to see that debate aired in miniature between Frontpage and Crimson Beauty.
Shriekers huh I think I do remember those from the D&D Monster Manual from back when I wanted to try my hand at it (sadly I never could find anybody who was interested the curse of living in the middle of nowhere)
4731978
So the remake of Windchasers punishment is canon that's nice to know I always thought turning him to stone was a bit callous and excessive on Celestia's part.
This was an interesting chapter Chatty its neat to see how much Ponyville has changed and how much Equestria itself has as well. Still despite all the changes and human like stuff I still think the changes are still more pony then human (I think most newfoals would be amazed at how much they have actually been assimilated and how unhuman they've become.)
Anyway in all seriousness Chatty I do have to ask you about something in this chapter namely the former HLF pony that Frontpage mentioned. Namely I'm curious about his story and how you came up with the idea. (cause some of the stuff you wrote for him is vaguely familiar to me.)
4731987
There are giant, screeching fungi and violet tentacles in the middle of the path?
Whelp, we've been warned several times about all the violets on the median...
Ponyville has been developed o.o I really don't know what to think about that. I'm very surprised at Crimson though, I thought after becoming a pony, she would leave that attitude in the past as a form of rebellion against the pain it brought.
4732830
YOUUuuuuuuuuuuuu....
uuuuuuuu....
uuuuu...
4731978
Sorry for being incomprehensible, but on a lighter note, M. A. Larson returns for Season # 05:
The executives at Hasbro gave to him the impossible task of making Twilight Sparkle an Alicorn and a Princess in the middle of the show-run and in 1 episode. ¡He pulled it off! Granted, it would be much better as a grand series finale to the show, as at least a 4-part 90-minute TV-Movie, or better yet, a featurefilm in 3D, 4K (2160*4096), high-framerate, and THX-Sound; but he managed it.
I imagine that when Twilight Sparkle ascends to Alicorn and to Princess in your universe, it is the Stereoscopic 3D 4K High-Framerate featurefilm with THX-Sound as a Grand Finale after a generation (25 years) on the air written by Lauren Faust.
It is good to have 1 of the 5 best writers return to the show.
4732941
It has been my sad experience that some people (okay, most people, most humans, anyway) seem to sort of become their parents when they get old. I've met some notable examples that didn't... and they are notable because they were exceptions.
Crimson isn't her mother, plus she has that nice pony brain going on, but time, and stress, and disappointments (even in Equestria) have brought out what she learned - what she was trained to be - in her childhood. It's still there, inside her, and it's stronger now that she is in her nineties (human equivalent, 30's). I've seen this a lot in my life.
I seem to be one of the exceptions I mentioned, if my mother met me today, at 54, I would be incomprehensible to her. My father would just kill me on the spot. But even I have some qualities akin to my mother, and my childhood. I've kept them deliberately, though. Consciously.
For instance, my mother could charm wild animals out of the brush or the trees. It was like something out of Disney, and she just... did it. I can't match her, but animals do universally like me. I think that is a wonderful thing, I don't care where it came from. I want to embody that magic. Maybe someday, if I keep working on my innocence and gentleness, maybe wild creatures will come and sit on my lap. That's something worth keeping from my past.
But it has been my experience that a lot of people are not very introspective. They don't seem to consciously choose their personalities, or consciously shape and craft their souls. It just sort of happens, as if they are completely out of control. And the result of this 'just letting themselves happen' seems to be falling into the pattern they know best - their parents, or their own early training.
Crimson is a character I like, I have feeling for her, but she is not the most self-aware character I have ever written, nor is she the most introspective. She... just kind of goes through life. She knows she doesn't want to be like her parents, and she isn't, but... she also isn't very self-actualized either. She's a good pony person, but... over the years... she has sort of retreated into familiar things.
It's been hard for her - she ended up sort of stuck with the plantation, she hasn't found anypony to share her life with, she loves her children but her life has still been lonely, she often wonders where things went wrong, and her sister and her have drifted apart. She's coping, as best a person who is not terribly introspective can cope.
Within all of that... it is my hope that I am portraying such a person believably enough. It's a different mindset, but... it is one I have observed. A lot, actually. The question is, can I pull it off? I think I am doing her justice. In any case, I am doing the best I can.
For introspective characters who deliberately shape their own identities... oh, Alyssa - Petal Confetti from Euphrosyne Unchained. Venice Bertarelli - Caprice, definitely! She's super introspective and self-sculpting. Roselyn Pastern... a little. She tries, but like the real-life doctor she is based on (one I went to and loved, my favorite doctor ever) she... has issues. Sunshine Laughter... yes, and her partner... oh, heck, the whole Breakfast Pony Club, really.
Not Ginger Michelson or Nutmeg Morely, though. Introspection is not a word they know. Or like. Or have ever heard.
Gosh, I've made a lot of characters, haven't I? Someday, I should tally them all up. Wow - what a labor that would be! Eek!
4731976
I would happily make you blueberry lemon tea. And I would serve little cakes, too.
Where's the thunder? With a sentence like that you need a rolling thunder.
Stupid Everfree doesn't play along. Again.
4733063 So I really am surrounded by NPCs? o.o
I was in the process of writing about drawing animals to you, but it started to get personal. It sounds like a truly a truly beautiful thing, and I wish I could experience that with you.
4733152
I was planning to make my next Everfree monster a Chimera. But then MLP goes and actually does that! Dammit! Every single time I visit the Everfree in my stories, I always present an encounter with a proper D&D monster. Hasbro owns D&D, as well as MLP, it just works. Apparently, they agree.
With the chimera used up by the show, I had to come up with something else. So far, I have done a Beholder, (very iconic) and a Displacer Beast. Now it's Shriekers. Well, not exactly. Shriekers are living alarms. They call things. Usually death-tentacled Violet Fungi.
But it could be anything. Shriekers don't care. They feast on the remains that others leave behind.
Anything.
4733184
Um... yes? In a way? That is my observation.
Only... they are NPC's that still feel and hurt and wonder why they aren't main characters. It just... it's just pretty horrible all around.
Which is why I write pretty stories.
At least they're not going to punch you into next Sunday.
But yeah, something weird is going on. Maybe all the humans gave Equestria ...indigestion?
4732979
Ah-yatatataa! Thank you thank you, I'm here all week! Try the fish!
4733071
That sounds absolutely lovely!
Hmm. An interesting thought to play with.
4733063
Yeah I can definitely see that human elite persona in Crimson. She has the traits that's for sure.
Anyway on the subject of people turning into there parents genetics would play some role in that (of course this is no guarantee. Although me personally I debate quite a bit as to frequency of this since honestly while I have seen it I haven't seen it all that much (Then again I tend to associate myself with rogues and people outside the norm anyway so I freely admit my vision of this may be skewed), but I still have to wonder since this claim is largely unproven by any kind of scientific experiment.
As for me though I'm not at all like my parents (a deliberate effort on my part) although its also due to other factors but truth be told I'm not only not like my parents I'm not like my family much either I'm definitely the blacksheep of the bunch (Although strangely enough I am like a distant branch of my family which is odd since my only blood tie to them is via my great grandmother). Although it has led to estrangement between me and everyone else in my family so I guess that is a drawback.
Anyway I hate to pester you about this again but I kinda do want to hear a bit more about that Former HLF pony Frontpage mentioned I find that very interesting and would like to know more about that and how you came up with it (for one I find his reason for hating ponies interesting)
Or they could be talking about a calculator. Y'know... Napier's bones.
The only similar word I found is "opacus", a meteorological term meaning: "dense enough to obscure the sun and moon." I giggled.
Their fortitude saves are probably up to the task, as earth ponies... the problem comes with the other creatures the shriek can attract...
4732658 Or at worst, he could simply remain a statue until the last of the first generation Newfoals had died of old age. Just a few centuries, and everyone he could possibly have a motive to harm will be forever beyond his reach. Problem solved.
4731906
That's so nice! I'd love seeing your take on Twilight's alicornification in this setting. Maybe we can look forward someday to "Around the Bend 2"?
Oh, and I'd also love if this were to somehow open the possibility of Celestia, Luna, Twilight (and maybe Discord) finding together a way to help Lillian return to being herself without risks to reality. She so deserves to live in full possession of her own self, mind and awareness...
4733985
I've been the subject of that kind of thing myself.
I've noticed, and have found on psychological literature since, that when you help someone and this person thinks of herself as able to return the favor, even if only "someday", she tends to display gratitude, but if she thinks she won't ever be able to return the favor, thus that she is somehow "inferior" to you, even if only in her own mind, she tends to develop hostility towards you. That's because she feels frustrated with herself for not being able to return the favor, but not noticing the frustration comes from within, in seeking its cause as if it were external all she notices is that bad feelings come to her from her having contact with you, hence, "from you".
This is how ingratitude, treason and hate are developed and directed against good individuals then: a tribal equanimity instinct gone haywire.
HLF as an entity build around the sentiment that "ponies are so good we hate them" thus seems to be quite in line with how the world in fact works. Many, many people are damaged like that...
Yikes—Let's hope they brought fire, and plenty of it. Probably too late to go back and buy several gallons of fungicide.
---------
I read the two punishments of Windfeather as being just two different takes on the idea that he should be put in the same position the newfoals were in—In the first, his world is forever lost and he's at the mercy of a new one and has to hope his trust in it isn't betrayed, and in the second he experiences the other side of his own betrayal of that trust. The second is a little more clean and elegant, but for obvious reasons I found the first a lot more interesting.
Seconding wanting to see more exploration of the former HLF member's perspective on their previous antagonism. I'm having trouble putting myself into that headspace; it's very foreign to me, in terms of the first-person emotional makeup of the actual experience.
4734932
4735434
Sharp Logic is just plain bang on. That is exactly where I got that from, that very mechanism. I've seen that system at play a great deal over the years.
I think it can also be applied to envy, too. I have observed people who became antagonistic to others because it was clear they thought the target of their anger was better than them, superior to them in some fashion. Not as in acting superior, genuinely so. They envied their target, and the envy made them feel anger, and lacking introspection of any sort, all they knew was 'this person makes me angry'.
I've even observed a person trying to come to terms with being confronted with this very thing. They were befuddled, confused, and it was clear that not once had they ever considered or analyzed their own emotional state in their life. It was very disturbing to see.
I fear it may be surprisingly commonplace.
4734932
Well, there's definitely some credence to that thought. You have to be careful, though; I find that assuming that kind of thinking can very easily lead to severe confirmation bias, where any protests a person lodges are ignored on the grounds that "they don't even really understand how they feel themselves." Sometimes that's true, yes, but sometimes it is most assuredly not. You know what they say about assumptions; they make an ASS of U and ME.
I can very, very easily see the average PER member falling into that very trap, actually. "The humans want us to save them, they're just too hurt and confused to admit!" They may believe it, and they may have the very best of intentions, and it may even be true sometimes. Heck, a lot of times.
But...
4735712
Sorry, I couldn't help but be reminded of this.
Edit: Stupid youtube plugin. Skip to 0:54 for the relevance.
4735434
HLF characters are generally written as very militant, for many obvious reasons of course, but also reasons that tie in with how human society stratifies itself. I think I can offer some insight here regarding getting into that headspace.
Military culture is extremely meritocratic, as you might imagine. If you do well, you are promoted. If you skate by or make mistakes, your career will have difficulty advancing. There's politicking to consider, of course, but on the whole most people are in positions they've earned, whether enviable or unenviable. In this mindset, having things just handed to or bestowed upon people cheapens the concept of effort and reward. It's likened to injustice—people getting what they don't deserve, or not getting what they do deserve. If the safety and sanctuary of Equestria is freely offered to all, then there is no meritocratic aspect to it. This foments mistrust at best, and resentment at worst. Humans who gladly and eagerly go pony are seen as traitors, taking the easy way out and abandoning both their world and their fellow man. Those who have based their lives around earning their place feel as though their lifestyle has been snubbed, perhaps even mocked.
If you have an entire caste of people who live and think this way, then you have a ready-made army who wants to resist a force which, to them, seeks to render their whole social structure obsolete. In other words, if you're a human like this and then Celestia's on your TV telling you "all are welcome," then you take the message to mean that Equestria will homogenize you, nullifying any incentive to remain true to yourself. After all, how can you prove yourself "worthy" of Equestria if no distinction between the worthy and unworthy is being made by the gatekeepers in the first place? That fits in nicely with the popular headcanon that Potion "adjusts" your personality to be more pony-compatible.
These themes are present in a couple of my own TCB pieces, and a small conversation about "earning" Equestria even appeared in one of my canceled stories. Painting the HLF as cartoony-evil is easy, but realistically it would be the fear that initially drives people to it rather than moustache-twirling malice. Everyone rationalizes that they're the good guy.
4735712
Ahhhh, that makes a lot of sense, then, in terms of a paradigm of growth or evolution, and whether one considers their current state to be fixed or not. A hopelessness regarding personal moral progress could certainly result in a toxic feeling of undeservingness, just as a notion of being hopelessly stymied by biological or social factors in terms of reaching some level of excellence or mastery would result in aggressive frustration in the face of higher levels of... any other characteristic.
Well, I certainly can't speak for this person, but for my own part I can definitely relate in terms of how, for example, the Optimalverse's CelestAI is the incarnation of the idea of being deliberately thwarted in that sense, in the same mode of injustice as any rampantly capitalist winner-take-all economy, and in this case in the only arena in which I'm truly driven, which has admittedly lead to a degree of motivated reasoning in terms of fixating on arguments for why such a system would be unstable... Not counting the occasional overheated drunkpost where I just go for striking a dashing rhetorical pose instead of more measured consideration.
And while I can certainly sympathize with being confused and befuddled (constantly—The world is a very strange place), a lack of emotional introspection is never a good thing, even if it's all conducted privately.
But it's true what you said earlier about introspection, and I think it stems from a general obsession with day-to-day practicality, along with a kind of incuriousness in the hearts of most people, who've absorbed the idea that wanting anything from life other than making a living and reproducing is a waste of time; a kind of psycho-cultural holdover from times of pure survival, maybe. Far be it from me to begrudge them that kind of life or tell them how to think, but of course those modes don't have to be mutually exclusive—Broader and deeper abstract knowledge gives context and meaning and connectedness to those very same practical pursuits.
4737675
I can dig this. I've actually really enjoyed your examinations of this mindset.
Shipping Goggles Activate!
In all seriousness though, this story is a fat sack of interesting.
I infer that the Equestrians are running out of Equestria to put the transmogrified humans on.
4746037
"Sweet Celestia!" Frontpage adjusted his Shipping Goggles with a hoof and repeated his scan of Crimson Acres. "H-her desirability rating is... it's... OVER NINE THOOOUUSAAANND!!!"
Hmph. As a newfoal Pegasus I will have you know that I never, never buzz ponies in carriages, flying or otherwise.
Well, not unless I personally know them.
If I could only explain to them what the ribbon actually is referring to, but I'm not sure that I could even if I were standing right beside them. There is a whole lot of honking backstory to try and go over and they probably just end up thinking I was crazy. Or delusional. Or on something. A sugar rush. Whatever.
It's not the shriekers that are dangerous. It is what hears the shriekers and treats their call as a dinner bell.
11498606
You have played D&D! How wonderful!