Chapter 13
Celestia’s weary, red-rimmed eyes glanced between her papers. Chief among them was the newspaper with the headline to end all headlines.
A single word, one that had rocked the princess to her very core.
“Murder!”
Not in two thousand years had she seen this word.
Yet there it stood, plain as day.
What made it worse, though, had to be the stallion responsible for it.
Mr. Domino, as he called himself, had been kind enough to leave a photo at the scene of his crime, taking pride in the fact that he simply took an innocent pony's life.
Every part of her but one wanted to go out and hunt him down. To find him, utterly destroy him, and scatter his ashes to the four winds.
The remaining part reminded her that there was a judicial system, and circumventing it was only going to be the first step in a short march to become Tyrant Celestia, Queen of Evil.
Besides...last time she denied a pony trial, he wound up throwing himself from the top of a building.
She shook her head, and tried to refocus. This had not been the first time Mr. Domino had appeared. There had been, apparently, a sighting of him before hand. He had robbed two jewelers three weeks before, and he had given them everything. Name, face, intent. It was all there, and once the report had gone to the police, it had stayed with them.
Her police force had done nothing. Not even when this snake of a stallion had challenged her outright.
That was what this was. A challenge. He was telling her he could do whatever he wanted, and there was nothing that not even she could do.
She despised him for it.
Something needed to be done about him, and soon. There was no telling how many lives he would take, or how many others would—
“Sister?”
Celestia’s red, weary eyes glance up at her doorway, where Princess Luna stood.
“Sister, it is morning.”
Celestia blinked, and checked her western window, where the top of the moon stared back at her from over the horizon.
Already? It felt like she had just sat down…
Sighing, she stood. “Yes, of course, but a moment,” she said as her horn began to glow, her magic falling through the motions that she had gone through millions of times. The sun quickly rose, taking it’s place in the sky, before Celestia went back to her papers.
There was silence for a moment. “Sister...can I speak with you?”
Celestia looked back up from her papers, staring at Luna like a deer in the headlights. Finally, she blinked again, and her sister’s words finally registered. “Of course, of course,” she said, pushing the pile of reports and newspapers to the side. “What’s the matter, Lu?”
Luna hesitated a moment, before she straightened her back and spoke. “I want to abolish Nightmare Night.”
Celestia blinked. “We’ve been through this, Lu. You did this once before, and Alan and Twilight took you around and showed you that it was merely a good time.”
"To them yes,” Luna agreed. “I understand that their Nightmare Moon is but a caricature they project their fears onto before making her a harmless, candy-eating spook, but...but the fact remains, Sister, that it is a holiday to celebrate Nightmare Moon.”
“It’s fun, Luna,” Celestia said, “it’s nothing to be afraid of, just an excuse for ponies to scare each other.”
“And yet it continues to glorify an absolute villain,” Luna noted.
“Lulu,” Celestia said with an admonishing tone. “It’s not like that.”
“It matters not!” Luna said, getting louder. “The intent may have been forgotten, yet it is still there! It is a celebration of my greatest failure!”
“Luna, it’s not that.”
“It is!”
“Luna!”
“Perhaps I should enact a holiday that celebrates the Pendragon’s death?!”
There was no rebuttal.
Celestia stared at her sister, eyes wide.
Luna’s body was tense, wings flared in anger as her legs got ready to pounce.
And her eyes…
Celestia had seen that glint in her eyes before.
Seeing it again nearly ruined her.
And then Luna blinked, she let her body relax, and her face became sorrowful as the glint in her eyes vanished. “I’m-I’m sorry, Tia, it’s just…” she paused. “It’s just that it’s a monument to my greatest failure, and they celebrate it. I...nopony else here knows what that’s like to have your greatest failure continually thrown back into your face…”
Celestia stood, and took a careful step towards his sister.
Carefully, she brought a hoof around her sister’s shoulders, and pulled her into a warm embrace. “I understand, Luna, I really do.”
Luna doubted it.
“Come on, Lu,” Celestia said, “let’s talk about this over tea.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Twilight Sparkle’s new home was a nice place, a large room in a larger mansion, complete with rich and ornate furnishings.
It was also completely unfamiliar to her.
This was both a good and bad thing.
On the one hoof, it was her home’s familiar setting that had continued to remind her of her late husband. The smell of the bed sheets, the sight of the fireplace, all of them only serving to grind the pleasant memories of him into her conscious, where her guilt then began to attack her mercilessly.
On the other, while the pleasant memories stopped, the nightmares did not.
Luckily, Canterlot was eager to provide her more than a few methods to help her forget.
Her current method smelled of bleached-cleaned vomit and alcohol. A small, traditional bar without the annoying thud of modern music was the perfect place for her to enjoy a stiff drink. It many ways, she’d describe it to be a tavern.
Of course, with the brandy going down her throat, she wasn’t inclined to describe anything.
Slamming the empty glass down on the bar, she groggily ordered another, her eyes red and cheeks flushed.
The bartender hesitantly slid another glass her way.
Taking the glass in her hooves, her magic having become unreliable for fine control at the fifth glass, she immediately began the task of emptying it.
One of the other patrons, an earth pony who had taken one last draught of liquid courage, unsteadily stood and made his way over to the purple widow.
“Hey, baybee…” the stallion said, slurring. “Ya come here of-fffffiiiiiiinnnnn!?” he asked, the last word turning into a high-pitched squeal as a powerful magical grasp grabbed onto his family jewels.
He was then silenced as the same magic grabbed his head and slammed it into the bar, knocking him unconscious instantly.
“Not often enough for you to know better…” Twilight mumbled, before finishing her glass.
The bartender sighed. “Mrs. Sparkle, could you not hurt my customers? You’re scaring them off.”
Twilight slammed her glass down. “Then keep me sedated.”
The bartender rolled his eyes before sliding her another glass. “Now that’s your last one. I’m cutting you off after this.”
“Sure,” she muttered darkly, before sipping the glass, trying to make it last.
The brandy was smooth, if a little strong, but it was what she wanted, and what she payed for.
It did help, though.
Barely.
There wasn’t much time left to think, though, as a well-dressed unicorn entered the bar.
Fancy Pants took a quick look around, before his eyes settled on Twilight, and a sigh escaped his lips.
“Evening, Mr. Pants,” the barkeep said. “Want one to go, to help with the headache?” he asked, motioning towards the purple unicorn.
“Buck you,” Twilight muttered.
Fancy Pants sighed. “Tempting, however, I must decline, Mr. Mead.”
The barkeep shrugged.
“Mrs. Sparkle,” Fancy Pants said, exasperated. “I have already informed you of the massive contract your assistant Mr. The Dragon had me sign, yes?”
“That’s not his actual last name…” Twilight mumbled.
Fancy Pants ignored her. “That contract states I am going to be held responsible for anything that happens to you, including but not limited to; mental harm, bodily harm, emotional trauma, etc. Upon which, I am to pay him in blood.”
“And?” she asked, forgoing the sipping of her drink to throwing her head back.
“I don’t need to remind you of what a dangerous place Canterlot has become, do I?”
He didn’t.
The news had caught her completely off guard. A murder? In Canterlot?
Heck, the news that it had happened in Equestria at all was horrifying.
To make matters worse, it had only served to encourage local crime. Muggings were through the roof, grand theft carriage was at an all time high, and she had even heard of at least two stores being completely emptied.
It wasn’t safe to walk the streets of Canterlot alone anymore.
Hence Spike’s contract.
Twilight sighed. “No. Fine…” she muttered, standing as she left the glass, as well as a small bag of bits, behind.
Fancy Pants gave a grateful nod, and Honey Mead nodded to them as they made their way out.
As the door of the Soul Regret closed behind them, Twilight shook her head. The darkness just outside the bar was all-encompassing, held at bay only by the warm light cast by the buildings through the windows.
Twilight sighed. “It’s all just so wrong…”
Fancy pants nodded, and began to herd the drunk unicorn back home.
“Why did it all have to go so wrong?” she asked.
Fancy Pants shook his head. “I don’t know, Mrs. Sparkle.”
“It’s all my fault…” she groaned. “Why did I have to say that…”
“Say what, Mrs. Sparkle?”
She glanced back at him. Could she tell him? Could she repeat those words that had driven her husband insane?
“You’re dangerous Alan. Too dangerous. I can’t trust you, and I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner.”
If Alan had told her that, she would’ve gone crazy.
Crazy enough to throw herself off a building.
“Just...just forget about it.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
No…
Please no…
Make me stop…
I can’t stop…
Please!
A massive hoof slammed through a wall.
I need to stop.
Somepony stop me!
Somepony! Anypony!
Another hoof went through the wall, followed by a scream.
No!
No! Don’t hurt her.
His eyes found her, and rage flooded his every nerve.
She looked scared.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
The massive hoof picked her up.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
He hurt her.
No! No! Why?
He hurt her again.
Stop! Stop, please!
And then he hurt her in the worst way.
No! No, why?
He let the body drop, and slammed through the next wall.
A mirror stood opposite to him, and he caught a glimpse of himself.
Engorged muscles, red fur, his enormous, hulking mass barely fit in the mirror. His eyes were constantly shrouded in a red mist, and his mane hung long and wild.
What monster had he become?
The monster that had once been a pony roared, and another hoof smashed through the wall.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Twilight shook her head.
What had happened to the world?
A mare’s home had been broken into the night before, and she had been mercilessly beaten to death.
What’s worse, nothing had been stolen. Her home had simply been leveled, with no care or mind to anything. Had there been a point to any of it? Was there a reason? Or was it just mindless, pointless violence?
She sighed and stared up at the gravestone before her.
“Alan...the world’s gone crazy…”
The stone did not reply.
Twilight sat in silence, tears gathering in her eyes.
In a way, it was nice to be this close to him, but...it was still a bittersweet feeling.
“Ponies are getting killed. Innocent ponies. Crime’s getting worse...Ever-everything is just falling apart…”
Still the stone did not answer.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Alan...I...I should have stood by you. I should’ve been there for you…”
She sniffed.
“Like you were there for me…”
“Miss?” a new voice asked.
Twilight turned her head to see the gravekeeper, the one that had brought her in the night of Alan’s funeral.
The dark grey stallion with a red and yellow mane approached her, the tragedy mask on his flank sent a little spark into her brain as something important.
“Ah, ‘ello Miss! Ya doin’ better today?”
Twilight sniffed, and wiped her face. “Mrs,” she corrected. “And yes.”
The gravekeeper took a look at the tombstone, and nodded. “Ah...right. I see…”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“I’m sorry…” Twilight said, “but...but I’ve completely forgotten your name.”
“Oh, no worries, Miss, er...Mrs…You were a little distracted, I’m sure.” He stood and held out his hoof. “The name’s Grim, and me brother’s Ghastly.”
“Grim and Ghastly the Gravekeepers,” Twilight said, taking his hoof. “Fitting.”
Grim shrugged. “It happens.”
She gave a small smile. “Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle,” she said.
“A pleasure to meet ya, Mrs. Sparkl',” he said. “Just so ya know, you’re always welcome back to our home for a talk.”
Twilight nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Grim.”
“Please, Mrs. Sparkl'. Just Grim.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
The First Canterlot Bank stood proud that Tuesday evening. The sun reflected off of the pristine, marble walls and columns with perfect tranquility.
It stood proud, despite one horrifying thing.
It had been robbed.
The Royal Guard stood at the ready, securing the crime scene while the Police Force was still nowhere to be seen.
Still, the EUP went to work, isolating witnesses and collecting accounts. Sunny Sentinel was among them, helping with the investigation the best he could.
“So you’re saying a clown robbed the bank?” Sunny asked, looking up at the pegasus couple.
“Yes!” the mare insisted. “In broad daylight, nonetheless!”
“Any further description?” he asked.
“He was a pegasus, with a white coat, and a pair of wing blades,” the stallion said. “He also wore a suit.”
“A suit?”
The mare nodded. “A purple suit, with a green vest. It was such an odd combination.”
Sunny wrote that down. “Any associates?” he asked.
“Only the ones he killed,” the stallion said, confirming Sunny’s fears.
Along with the witnesses in the bank, there had been a total of eight dead ponies of various races, builds, and carrying various weapons. All had received the same wound, though; a slash to the throat.
The fact that all of them were smiling, though, really unsettled him.
“Alright, thank you for your time, so far, your story has checked out, you’re free to leave.”
The two nodded, and Sunny turned to head back to his superior.
“Alright,” the captain said, standing before his troops, “let’s recap. At 3 pm, a pegasus dressed as a clown, enters the bank with eight different accomplices. He then has the accomplices empty the vault while he holds the witnesses hostage with a TNT vest. Once the vault was empty, the pegasus then killed his accomplices, and set fire most of the bags, ruining the minting of the coins inside. Our last guy then leaves, carrying only two bags. Sound right?”
The guards nodded, the events matching up with the stories they collected.
“Right,” the captain said, “now...to figure out why our stallion robbed a bank, and then ruined most of the money…”
“Maybe he’s got something against the bank?” one of the guards said. “He’s making them pay out of pocket to cover the losses from the accounts?”
“Maybe, check to see if the banks foreclosed anypony lately, especially pegasi, or those with pegasi relatives.”
The guard nodded, before heading off to speak with the bankers.
“Any other ideas?” the captain asked.
The gathered guards checked between themselves.
“Alright, then! Finish your rounds, and head back home. CSI will be down here in the hour, and Spark Bow, I want you to stick around and brief them on arrival, understood?”
A general murmur of approval ripples through the guards.
The Captain nodded. “Good, see you soon, Gentlecolts.”
The guards nodded, and began to scatter, heading out into the city for the end of their patrols.
Now, Sunny Sentinel was never one to complain. He never made a fuss, never spoke out, always followed orders. Still, he found himself wondering what had happened to EUP police force. This was supposed to be their job. The guard was supposed to help if necessary, but the EUPPF was supposed to be here to begin with.
He sighed. This line of thought was distracting.
He looked up, and found himself down a dark alley.
Too distracting, apparently.
Sunny looked around, unsure of where he was.
He almost muttered under his breath.
A trashcan toppled behind him, and his eyes locked onto a shady figure that was now approaching him.
Sunny kept walking.
A box shifted, and another pony joined the first.
Sunny kept walking.
A third and then a fourth came out of the woodwork, and all the while, Sunny stayed quiet.
Three he could take. Four? Not without a serious injury, or some serious luck.
He took a left, trying to get out into the main, and well-lit street.
A large earth pony stood in front of him. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” the stallion asked in a gruff voice.
“How original…”
“One of the high and mighty guards, huh?” The stallion asked with a sneer.
Sunny took a quick look behind him. The stallions were closing in. Turning, Sunny faced the stallion that had stopped him. “Please stand aside, citizen,” he said, trying to sound as authoritative as possible.
The stallion in front of him chuckled. “No, no, I don’t think so.”
Sunny almost cursed.
He spread his wings, only for one of the stallions behind him to latch onto his outspread limbs.
Pinned and with nowhere to run to, Sunny had no choice but to start fighting back.
Throwing his weight backwards, he slammed his attacker into the alley wall, only for two of the other stallions to grab him by the hooves. Sunny was quickly pinned, and a powerful buck kicked the wind out of him, catching him in the gut.
“Let’s have some fun, boys!”
The remaining stallions went to town, slamming their hooves into Sunny’s unprotected belly.
Four quick hits followed by another buck sent stars across Sunny’s vision as his world exploded in pain.
And then there was a pause.
“Um...boss? What’s that?”
Sunny groaned, before raising his head to look up.
A green mist hugged the ground.
“B-boss?” the stallion asked nervously.
A bank of mist rolled in, obscuring vision to but a few hooves.
“The buck—?”
A feminine voice then spoke, echoing in the mist. “I am the terror that flaps in the night!”
A flash of green, a terrified scream, and the attackers found themselves one pony down.
“I am the shadow that haunts your dreams!” the voice continued.
Another scream amongst the thugs, and another stallion was missing.
“The buck is happening?!” the boss yelled, before the sudden swirl of a purple cape engulfed him and pulled him into the mist.
Another flash of green, and the fourth stallion went down, leaving only the stallion that had pinned Sunny’s wings.
“I am Mare Do Well!”
And then, there she was.
A purple, wide-brimmed hat, with a dark-blue cape and cowl flashed before Sunny’s eyes as he was suddenly pulled forward, away from the wall and freeing the thug behind him.
There was not a sound.
Sunny’s world wheeled, having still not recovered from the blows to his gut, when the mist suddenly evaporated.
Five stallions lay scattered on the floor, bruised and bloodied from the swift, silent fight.
Sunny blinked, and forced himself to his legs. He looked around, dazed, before his eyes caught sight of the mare.
She stood, at the top of the building, looking down into the alley.
Sunny blinked.
Then, without another word, she reared up, and ran back, disappearing from view.
Sunny’s wing spread, and he took to the air. “Halt!” he cried.
He was too late. By the time he reached the top of the building, Mare Do Well was gone, invisible in the night.
<<<|Ω|>>>
She was dreaming.
Twilight knew that. It was the only time she ever saw Alan anymore.
He stood opposite her, separated by the aisle that she had walked down when they married.
“I built another temple to a stranger...” the disfigured, distorted voice of some singer she could not remember echoed through her mind.
Alan stepped toward her.
“I gave away my heart to the rushing wind…”
She stepped back.
“I set my course to run right into danger…”
Alan reached for her, only for the bone-white hoof of death stop him.
“Sought the company of fools instead of friends…”
Alan looked up at him, confused, while Twilight kept backing away.
“You know I’ve been unfaithful…”
A clawed hand grasped her withers.
“Lovers in lines…”
Harmony’s smirking face bent down next to her, and he smiled across the way.
“While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind…”
Alan tried to run towards her, only for Death to hold him back.
“I chose the gallows to the aisle…”
Twilight turned, and faced a set of gallows, a noose waiting for her.
“Thought that love would never find…”
She began her death march.
“Hanging ropes will never keep you…”
The noose draped around her neck.
It tightened.
“And your love of a jealous kind…”
A hand gripped the lever to the door beneath her.
She waited.
Waited still.
“Love of a jealous kind…”
“Twilight!”
Her eyes snapped open, and the lever was pulled.
She fell.
She awoke with a start, her eyes snapping open to see the haint blue ceiling of her new room.
She sat up, her eyes scanning the room.
Orion’s cradle sat in the corner, the baby fast asleep. The door was closed.
And then there was a faint, soft song as her ears floating in the air.
She got out of bed, searching for the source of the noise, when her eyes fell upon Alan’s iPod.
The song from her dreams kept playing from the machine’s small speaker.
“Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading,
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand,
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar,
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand,
'Cause I don't understand…
You know I’ve been unfaithful,
Lovers in li—”
She turned it off.
She stared down at the small machine.
“Stupid thing…” she muttered.
She went back to bed.
But as she did, the words of the song echoed in her mind.
“I chose the gallows to the aisle,
Thought that love would never find,
Hanging ropes will never keep you,
And your love of a jealous kind…”
--------------------------------
And chapter.
“Wait, wait, wait...now you’re adding Mare Do Well into this?”
Oh, you know it. There is not nearly enough crazy going on in this story yet.
“You are out of your mind…”
Not yet, I’m not!
“Alright, so...one more thing then...is the Silver Stallion the new hero, or is it Mare Do Well?”
I don’t know. *smugface*
*pinkie is unamused*
*smugface intensifies*
“I do not find this funny.”
I do.
“Anyways, next time, guys. Mare Do Well Rises! Why does that sound like a movie title?”
Because it should!
“We see you all then, guys!”
Bye!
Oh by Tia's bountiful buttocks... This gets stranger and stranger
5436517 Is good, no?
So he's recruited the joker...and Mare Do Well joins the fight. Hmmmmm
m.quickmeme.com/img/e8/e806f0d8d7edc0729dcf1fe59ea4ad013048e808b21d37531f19f332392c9ee1.jpg
when you make a good story and then kill the main character which i assume is pendragon (since he's had two other story) with no intent to bring that character back the story gets dull (or at least it does to me) if hes not coming back i dont know if i can finish this story
I can honestly say I have no clue what to even make of this story any more.
Not sure if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.
And the plot thickens even more so.
Sombra is reviving.
Harmony is a prisoner in his own mind.
Alan Goldenhoof is dead.
This is going to be FUN!!!
This is it, I am done, I am leaving.
Hey DungeonMiner why don't you add the Power Ponies to this story while you are at it.
Mare Do Well. Interesting. Now for the Power Ponies!
I know someone else must have done this already, but...
nanananananananananananana BATMARE
This story is starting to make less and less sense... not making sense
oh [expletive] all kinds of duck...
5437697 5437569
More or less what I was thinking...
5437048
Aw...did someone not like that episode?
Such a shame, considering Mare Do Well's identity answers all the questions.
5438153 ... I hate you ... if you turn around this train wrack of a story I will eat crow from here to Alpha Centauri.
I also realized this long ago, but kept forgetting to talk about it.
When you killed off Alan, you left Orion fatherless. I... I was enjoying this story, but I can't stand that part. I'm sorry.
5436894 5436797
Keep in mind of the evidence that is said that Alan isn't dead:
Harmony said the only way to kill Chaos/him is with Judgement and he obviously didn't have the sword with him
... That all I really got but it could be that Miner is just toying with us and Alan is truly dead... We will just have to to keep reading to find out.
So I love you work as always and did not see any glaring spelling errors or grammer mistakes, excellent as always, though the batman(mare?) themes being floated in to the plot are... interesting.
I also believe that alan is not dead but has pulled one of the best faked deaths of all time but I could be wrong,
In conclusion, I believe that your characters (and maybe some readers) could do with some hope in the near future so I would like to leave the words of a song with you.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qq8ZcIfLDUo]
THE DAWN WILL COME
Shadows fall
And hope has fled
Steel your heart
The dawn will come
—-
Chorus:
The night is long
And the path is dark
Look to the sky
For one day soon
The dawn will come
—-
The shepherd’s lost
And his home is far
Keep to the stars
The dawn will come
—-
(Chorus)
—-
Bare your blade
And raise it high
Stand your ground
The dawn will come
—-
(Chorus)
it seemed oddly fitting. as always I look forwards to seeing where you take this story.
PS.
Does anyone else like the idea of Blueblood riding in with the Cavalry when he gets word of what is happening in Canterlot? I would love to see that happen especially if hes coming in with Julius.
5440452 Well, in my eyes and of course, Chaos and Sombra and all the others, Alan's dead.
Of course DungeonMiner wouldn't just leave our favorite human-turned-pony hero to just fade away like that.
He might return. Emphasis on might.
DM's given us one hell of a ride so far. It's only fitting this be the most thrilling and confusing one.
KEEP IT UP DUNGEONMINER!!!
Okay I think that Chaos as replaced DungeonMiner as writer for this fic. And where was that bottle of Aspirin I think I need a few dozen or so pills....
5440452 im hoping he isnt dead but he already said that the s ghost wasnt him now we have mare do well involved i agreed with a theory from a few chapters ago saying he used the mirror pool, i want it to be true
I'm guessing that Mare Do Well is Twilight, if only for the dark humor of the mental image I have of MDW punching some random mook while yelling "My husband is dead!"
Are you seriously doing a Batman-esque part of the story now? I can't tell what's going on in the story anymore; it went from Alan dying, to some stallion killing others using a 20-sided die to make decisions, and now you've got a Batman/Joker thing going on. The only thing that I'm able to follow is Twilight's part of the story (Also, confused about the red-furred stallion with red-tinted eyes, made it sound like someone who's not in control of themselves). I hope one of the next few chapters clears the story up some more.
I found a couple of things you may want to edit.
That should be "trial".
And that should be her since all the previous mentions of the gallows had Twilight in them.
So there's Mare-do-well, the joker, and a madman with dice? What's next, Deadpool?
Admittedly, I kinda left this story on the back burner for a while. I feel bad because I loved the prequels and wanted to let this one build up before I decided to go through and read it.
I'm surprised you decided to kill Alan off and leave him dead (for now, at least. I know you have something planned, so I guess you could say I'm still holding out for something good to come of this). That's the kinda decision that can make or break a story for a lot of people, especially one that isn't complete yet.
I'm a bit confused about Mr. Domino and The Joker's roles, but I have a feeling I'm supposed to be.
Can't wait for more, man.
Why can't he be a golem now? It worked in Jade Empire for the old Xbox! It sorta worked for the Dragon Age Origins DLC (some of it, atleast)!
Uhmmmmm... if this version of what passes for Discord had EVER made things this bad in the past, NOTHING could have stopped him.
See, that's the problem with any version of Psycho Super Smart Discord: You have to explain how Celestia and Luna ever stopped him the first time. Cuz they wouldn't have. He'd have killed them before they ever got near him with the Elements. Game over.
And Faust is clearly worst God for clearly not being ready for this. Sheesh, she was prepared for griffon invasion, but not the most dangerous and powerful enemy in existence? There's not even the biblical excuse of it all being an example of choice and sin and showing the forgiveness and mercy of God and why His law is the best way compared to Satan's and whatnot, since Discord just plain takes over minds and warps reality (meaning choice has nothing to do with it, and without choice there is no test, and without the test there's no point in letting the Big Bad have his way when you've got gods to put the kaibash on him or at least tell the Good Guys "Hey, don't trust this dude, he's evil and wants to kill you all." He's an Ultimate Evil, and you don't play around with the Ultimate Evil! You create a Super Spirit Bomb and blow it the hell up! Talk about epic fail!
Anyway, this has just gotten both too grim and too absurd. It's the worst of both worlds, mixed with far too many of my fanfiction pet peeves.
I shall now leave before I am driven to seething rage and create Ebolaids or the Bubonic Flu to destroy mankind.
5478416
#1 Of course if this version of Discord existed in the past he wouldn't have been stopped. That's the point. The Discord of the past was Harmony and Chaos fused into one creature that was less sadistic and less effective than this version. (So...uhhh...I kinda did explain how they stopped him...)
#2 Who says she hasn't prepared anything? The big problem that people have with God is that they want him to do something now. He will do something, maybe not today or tomorrow, but he will do something. So here has Faust.
#3 If you must leave, I'd suggest coming back for Chapter 19.
*head desk* *head desk* *head desk*...... another incomplete
5478927 The problem with this comparison is that God is allowing the effect of FREE WILL and the consequences of bad decisions.
Discord just plain takes over minds. There's no reason to allow that.
If Harmony and Chaos fused together... wouldn't the result have been named Maud Pie?
5485913
No, he's technically not taking control of minds, it's more of a serious mind bending.
Twilight had some frustration with Alan's watch, and that was the foothold that Chaos took. The Commissioner's frustration with the Royal Guard that was his vice, and so on.
Admittedly, I hadn't explored it that much, so no one would really know that, but I was going to show that off eventually.
...and by eventually I mean in the last third of the book...
yeah, okay...
Might want to add a dark tag now that seriously psychopathic and rather gruesome murder is being committed.
Ok...I liked the last two stories...this...this has just gotten too grim and you have just up and killed the fucking protagonist of the last two stories...it is not a sequel if you just up and killed the main character of the story...That's it, I'm leaving...(I can accept bittersweet endings...something like ending a story where the protagonist dies but saved the world or something like in "Stairway to Equestria"...But, this is just...sigh...)
And reading this while listening to this
made me cry a lot...Grrr...Yeah, I'm leaving...
Another...
5489655
That's a very interesting observation.
One I happen to agree with.
rrrrr i wana read it but im afraid of doing so before its finished......... how of?
5490509
I can give you my personal guarantee, that I will finish this. I've waited too long to write it to give up now.
ah!! i knew i should have waited for this to be finished. miner i really hope you bring alan back. im sorry but thats the only thing that can save this fic. really i wish you didnt kill him
5492898 I refer you to my latest blog post.
5493612 link pls?
5494000
Right Here.
Dose any one else get the feeling this is gust like the canterlot wedding. First off something acts strangely. Main guy notices gets suspicious. Waits for proof. gets proof. Accuses strangely acting thing of badness. No one believes. Main guy gets crucified. Then gets put under ground. Why has no one suspected chaos again I mean the al died trying to kill the fucker come on have we lernd nothing.
5471251 Holy shite... How am I just now drawing the connection between Domino and Two-Face xD
~In all things, keep it casual.