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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That was nice. I liked it. I can't wait to read how this story will progress. Good luck.
he change was subtle and Applejack thought she was the only one who had knew. | Knew needs to be noticed
She didn’t mind it, In fact Applejack | lower case "i" in "In"
But it just a bit odd. But she was probably was just overreacting.| "It seemed a bit odd but she thought she might be overreacting a bit" or something similar.
ah’ll get Granny Smith | Capitalization
This gave Quill an opportunity, but only a quick one. | Try "however brief it may be " or something similar.
Mr Quill | Mr. or your can spell it out "Mister"
“ So what are you three doing today” | Need a question mark due to it not continuing.
“ Yep. Told you it would be nice and simple.” | Can use a comma instead of a period.
Coupled with his injury his body soon fell asleep. | "he was soon lulled to sleep" or something similar.
This is what I primarily had problems with, wording is still a bit awkward to me but it's not my story so as usual these are only suggestions.