Sorry if im being rude but, am I the only one around here that actually got the assassins creed refrece (at least I think its an assassins creed reference It could be the dark brotherhood)
looking good, though your going through it too fast. the action doesnt make a story, the content does. skipping the travel sections is okay, but not saying anything that happened during those sections hurts the story
you can say that the group traveled from location A to location B encountering this monster and killing it and running from that monster
with the fights try to be more descriptive about them dont try to skip through it. tell how the fight went rather than just saying you killed it, sorta like what you did with the dragon though you could have added a lot more to that fight
also alex should be looting some stuff, most ponies he's killed like the ones at the entrance of the barrow should have had some gold and a weapon or two. obviously he might not be able to use most of it but he still can sell them, and that includes armors
another thing you could have done explore a cave or two along the way to the primary quest locations you can also have the characters talk to each other while they travel rather than just skipping to the destination. for example, along the rout to whitetrot, alex could have asked rainbow about the area, it may be similar to the game but there are chances that not everything is the same. sure it may help that he knows everything that will happen but have a few events where something unexpected happen such as a quest that doesnt appear in the game
FU*KING AWESOME!
Im loving tihs fic, keep it up!
954273 Thanks, sorry for the long wait though :Lunashrug:
954283
Im more than happy to wait, tons more updates to read.
Better with the "him knowing the game" but could be a bit better. Love the "you don' say?" part, now that is what I want to see.
He should be like "a Shit, there are Frost troll's there, and I'm not even high enough level to beat 'em"
954753 Sorry :/
Sorry if im being rude but, am I the only one around here that actually got the assassins creed refrece (at least I think its an assassins creed reference It could be the dark brotherhood)
955749 Yes it was an AC reference
Boooyah scored again. Now if you dont me asking why join the lunarians (stormcloaks)
955858 I just figured since that's the more commonly taken side I might as well do it.
Then can you put Rarity in the lunarians I hate to see my love life die in the hands of the dragonborn pretty please
956036 Um, sure!
Keep up with the story, I want to read more ^_^
957054 Thanks!
looking good, though your going through it too fast. the action doesnt make a story, the content does. skipping the travel sections is okay, but not saying anything that happened during those sections hurts the story
you can say that the group traveled from location A to location B encountering this monster and killing it and running from that monster
with the fights try to be more descriptive about them dont try to skip through it. tell how the fight went rather than just saying you killed it, sorta like what you did with the dragon though you could have added a lot more to that fight
also alex should be looting some stuff, most ponies he's killed like the ones at the entrance of the barrow should have had some gold and a weapon or two. obviously he might not be able to use most of it but he still can sell them, and that includes armors
another thing you could have done explore a cave or two along the way to the primary quest locations you can also have the characters talk to each other while they travel rather than just skipping to the destination. for example, along the rout to whitetrot, alex could have asked rainbow about the area, it may be similar to the game but there are chances that not everything is the same. sure it may help that he knows everything that will happen but have a few events where something unexpected happen such as a quest that doesnt appear in the game
1119442 Thank you for your input, I'll definitely try to add a cave or two and a quest here and there.
Also, I have two chapters which will be added shortly, so, look out for that.