Chapter One - The Meeting
“No… no, no, no, no, no…”
A young purple mare with a navy mane and tail raced from one end of her bedroom to the other, growing more and more frantic with each circuit. Now and then she stopped, grabbing something from her desk or closet and jabbing it against her head. Scissors, knitting needles, a penknife, and even a clothes hangar were grabbed and stabbed, completely ineffectually, against the medium-sized horn in the center of her forehead.
“No, no, no, this—this isn’t happening! This can’t be happening! I—I’m not a unicorn!” The mare slammed the clothes hangar in her hoof down on her bed and turned toward the mirror propped in the room’s corner. She stared into it, stared horror-stricken at the spiraled horn protruding from her forehead. “Dear Faust, what’s happening to me?”
“Twilight?”
The mare started at the sound of her mother’s voice, whirling toward the door of the room. It was closed, but still… “What?” she called in a trembling voice.
“Your principal is here to talk to you.”
Twilight whipped around and grabbed the flower-adorned hat hanging off the doorhandle of her closet. She placed it carefully over the horn—she refused to think of it as her horn—and then went and opened her bedroom door.
“Okay,” she called. “I’ll… I’ll be up here.”
A few moments later there was the clip-clop noise of hooves on a stairway. Then Twilight’s principal, a heavyset stallion named Straight-A, came into her doorway.
“Hello, Twilight. Mind if I sit down?”
Twilight shook her head, trying to hide the nervous tremble in her legs. There was any number of things this unexpected meeting could be about—Twilight’s plummeting grades, her ‘antisocial’ behavior, her refusal to take her hat off in class. Please, please don’t ask why I won’t take off my hat.
Straight-A walked over to Twilight’s desk and sat down in the chair next to it, swiveling so that he was facing his student.
“Well, Twilight,” Straight-A said, shifting forward slightly in his seat. “I suppose I should—how do you youngsters put it?—cut right to the chase.”
And then the pony sitting in Twilight’s desk chair changed.
The pony—if it was a pony, Twilight had no idea anymore—shifted. Its mane and coat changed color and its body shape transformed until there was a slender blue-coated earth pony sitting in Twilight’s desk chair. The pony—if it was a pony—had a slick, short red mane and tail and a cutie mark of a black feather.
Twilight stumbled backwards, barely even noticing when she hit her fetlocks on the hoofboard of her bed.
“Wh-what are you?” she gasped.
The blue pony looked at her with golden eyes. “What am I?” the pony asked. Its voice sounded female, but it also sounded blurred and distorted—like nothing Twilight had heard before. “That’s simple. I’m a mutant.” She cocked her head. “Like you.”
Twilight tried to back up again, and failed thanks to her bed. She could feel her heart beating fast—thump-thump thump-thump thump-thump. “I-I d-don’t know wh-what you’re t-talking about.”
The blue pony just stared at her. “I think you do,” she said calmly. “If I asked you to take off your hat, what would you do?”
Twilight froze.
“That’s what I thought,” the blue mare continued. “You’re a mutant. You know what that means, don’t you?”
Twilight tried to think, tried to remember what she’d learned in science class. “A-a mutant—is—genetics,” she blurted. “A mutation is an error in the genetic code.”
The mare nodded. “Good. I knew you were a smart one.”
“B-but—th-that’s—I—I—I can’t be a mutant! Th-the horn—” She broke off, realizing with a pang of horror that she’d revealed her secret.
“Don’t worry,” the mare said. “I already knew.” She gave a hint of a crooked smile. “I’ve been watching you.”
Twilight swallowed. Her mouth was desperately dry. “Th-the horn—i-it’s—it’s p-probably just—you know—recessive. M-my mother has a unicorn somewhere in the family…” She trailed off, because the blue mare was shaking her head.
“It’s not just a recessive trait,” she said, “and you know it. If it were recessive unicorn genes, you’d’ve been born with a horn. But it just started growing, didn’t it? And you were an earth pony before.”
Twilight just nodded, hanging her head despairingly.
“You’re a mutant,” the mare reiterated. “And that’s why I’m here. I have an offer for you.”
Twilight lifted her head again, watching the mare warily.
“What?”
“I want you to come with me.”
Twilight tried to back up, and smacked her back hooves on the bed yet again. “Wh-what?” she stammered. “No—I can’t, I—”
“Think about it.” The mare tilted her head to the side. “You can stay here. I won’t force you to do anything. But your horn will keep growing, and your powers—they’ll manifest. And when they do—” The mare shook her head. “Everypony will know, and it won’t be pretty.”
Twilight said nothing, so the mare went on.
“Or—you can come with me. You can learn to use your powers, and learn about the others.”
“Others?” Twilight’s eyes widened and she stared, dumbfounded, at the slender blue mare. “Th—there are other m-mutants?”
“There are many of us,” the mare said.
Twilight bit her tongue.
“I—I don’t know,” she said.
“I won’t make you decide now,” the mare said. “Think about it. If you want to take my offer, meet me in front of the town library after midnight tonight.”
“B-but—my family.” Twilight thought of her mother, her father, and of Shining Armor. “I can’t just… leave.”
The blue mare gazed at her almost-sadly. “If they knew what you were, believe me—they’d want it this way.”
Then she stood and walked toward Twilight’s bedroom door.
“Wait!” Twilight called. The mare looked back at her, already re-taking the appearance of Straight-A.
“What?” Despite her changing appearance, the mare’s voice remained the same.
“I—I don’t know your name.”
“I know yours,” the mare replied. “Twilight Sparkle. And you can call me… Mist.”
Then she opened the door and trotted out.
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nice story so far.
4623281
Thanks!
This seems too short. Like instead of an ending where the ending was, there should have been a transition and it showed another scene.
I'm not going to read this because my friend and I are going to collaborate on a similar idea and I don't want to accidentally plagiarize. Thumbs up for a good idea!
Personally I think you should have used different names from the show's confirmed main and recurring cast. I don't mind the Twilight part, but if you gave her a different word afterward it wouldn't feel like someone trying to rewrite the show's official cannon. You stated this an origin story for characters that are more or less fiction in the cannon of MLP FiM, so try to be a bit more creative with the characters' alter egos. It just feels lazy using a confirmed cannon characters name and family with a different back story that hasn't been properly explained. Besides if you're starting the Masked Matterhorn then I think you should be aware a fan theory that I heard that says she is actually a pegasus and the "horn" on her head is actually a removable trinket or artifact that enables her abilities and is magically linked to her in such a way that others can't remove it she doesn't want them to. I know this your take on the origins of the Power Ponies, but you try to think different names for the alter egos of the power ponies than names that you confirmed are part of the official series cannon, you have to remember Spike never told the Mane Six what the identities of the Power Ponies was so have a little fun with it. Give them names that sound like they either hint at the character's superhero persona our sound as far from it as possible, go nuts and flesh out the city of Maretropolis and the world it resides in. Think back the great superhero comics you've read, superhero cartoons, Superhero live action tv, Superhero movies (live action and animated). What did they do that you liked, what did they do that you wanted done different. This your chance to expand on something that was briefly touched on in the series proper, so to tiptoe around with this lack of fantastical and try setting up the origin stories you think would be most befitting of the characters as they were described via exposition (in other words all you know is their superhero names and special abilities). Now let your inner superhero fan take that and run scenarios. Write out profiles for all your primary characters, major supporting characters, and so on. I'm just going to assume this was a test run and hope that a revised version that's been a little more thought out is posted. I like the premise, but the execution is lackluster. Heck maybe of the alter egos could have the name Lackluster, if you're having trouble then get some friends that are familiar with the series, and more importantly the episode Power Ponies, and brainstorm with them (don't forget to take as many notes on their suggestions as possible), you can also post a brainstorming blog on the FiM fiction site and see where that takes you (just remember if you want to avoid spoilers for the readers don't let anyone know what you're going with 'til after you post). Just think about it a bit.
Let me fix those summaries for you.
Long:
Short:
4623334
I was going to add another scene or two (switching to a different character{s}), but those ended up being moved into chapter 2. Since chapter 2 hasn't been published, things might change.
4623742
Wow... thank you. I was hoping more to make this into a full-on crossover piece, if you get my meaning, but I will consider what you've said. I may do a piece with the Power Ponies as original characters later on; for now, though, it just feels more cohesive to meld their stories with those of the Mane Six. But, again, thank you for showing me another dimension that could be fleshed out.
4624040
I'm sorry. I really am. But I'm just not a Spike fan. Or, by extension, a Humdrum fan.
Of course, he might still be in there, but I'll still see him as a sidekick.
Like I said, I'm sorry. But I just... I just don't like him all that much.
Promising start, however you may want to, at some point, 'show' what her life was like before the horn thing, to compare the differences between her past and present life. (Maybe in a situation when it can come up comfortably, story-wise
) Wondering where you plan to go with this.
This is sort of like x-men
i can't wait for the next chapter!
I look foward to seeing Rainbow Dash's part of the story.
Cute. So, when will chapter 2 be ready? I’m anxious to know.