It was a perfect sunny day in the magical land of Equestria. The birds were chirping, the townsfolk were happy, and the skies were beautiful. It was the perfect day for a pony to go on a picnic with their friends. One of these ponies was Ponyville's very own super party pony, Pinkie Pie. She was the town party planning master, and needed little to no reason for a party. She was preparing to bring some cupcakes she made earlier in the week to the swimming hole where she and her friends all agreed to meet up at a play around in the water. "OK Mr. and Mrs. Cake, I'm heading out now!" she called to her employers/landlords.
"Ok dearie, you just be careful now," called Mrs.Cake, who was a blue earth pony with a pinkish red mane and tail and three cupcakes formed as a triangle on her flank.
"Don't you worry Mrs.Cake! I'll be back a little later," Pinkie reassured her.
"Ok, have fun Pinkie!" called Mr.Cake, who was an earth pony like his wife, except he was bright orange with a regular orange mane and tail and a triangle formed of carrot cakes on his flank.
"Ok! Be back soon!" Pinkie called while hopping happily away to meet her friends. She loved her friends very much, even though she considers all of Ponyville her friend, she has a special place in her heart for her Element of Harmony friends. While on the way out of town, Pinkie Pie decided to take the scenic route to the swimming hole.
However, as she was hopping, she heard a faint sound that shouldn't be, the sound of a small filly crying. She then quietly trotted up to where the crying was coming from. "Is somepony there? It's ok, you don't need to be scared." Pinkie said in a soft tone as not to scare whoever was crying. All she got was faint whimpering as a response. She then listened carefully, and she could tell it was coming from the bushes. When she peered into the bushes, she was shocked at what she saw. It was two little ape like creatures. They were hairless all over, except for the blonde mane on the top of one of their heads and the other had long brown hair. She also noticed they were wearing clothing, The blonde one was wearing a sapphire blue dress, and had strange but matching blue shoes on it's hind legs. And the brown haired one was wearing what appeared to be the type of dress you'd see royalty wearing.
"Hey, are you two ok?" Pinkie asked in a soft tone trying to soothe the creatures. When the creatures looked up to see Pinkie looking at her, they yelped and immediately scooted back trying to get away. This made Pinkie's eyes water up. As she extended her forelegs to try and comfort the creatures, the creatures began shaking like a leaf.
"P-p-please, d-d-don't h-h-hurt m-m-me!" the blonde haired creature, obviously the filly that was crying, said with fear in her crystal blue eyes.
"I-I-I can guarantee neither of us t-t-taste good at all!" the brown haired creature said, who also sounded like a filly.
This made Pinkie look on at her in sadness. Then she remembered something from her fillyhood. "Shh, it's ok, I won't hurt either of you, and I promise nopony will ever hurt you." she said in a soft and caring tone, which seemed to help calm the creatures down, but they was still shaking a bit. "Good, now come over and let me try to help you," she said trying to calm the creatures down as best she can. The creatures looked at each other and back to her surprised.
"R-r-really? Y-you w-want to help us?" the blonde creature asked with confusion in her voice, but from Pinkie's perspective, she had surprise in her voice, as if she was never cared for or shown any love before.
"Yes, I want nothing more than to try to help you two. Also want to be your friend." Pinkie said with reassuring happiness in her voice. To say that the creatures was overcome with happiness would be an understatement. They had tears of shear happiness stinging their eyes as they ran up and gave Pinkie the tightest hug they could give. "Shh, it's ok, sweetie, don't cry." Pinkie said while rubbing their backs soothingly.
"I-I-I'm not crying out of sadness, it's just my caretakers would yell at me for even thinking of trying to make friends." the blonde creature said burying her head into Pinkie's chest fur crying her eyes out.
"A-and my M-mommy and D-daddy said that friendship would never help me be a good queen!" the brunette creature said before burying her face into Pinkies chest fur again.
This made Pinkie gasp with shock. 'The poor little cupcakes. Wait, caretakers? That would mean, the blonde one is an orphan! And queen? That means this brown haired one is a princess! Pinkie Pie thought to herself with tears stinging her eyes. "Shh, it's ok, those mean meanie pants' of caretakers or parents won't ever hurt you two again. I promise." Pinkie said trying to calm her down. "My name is Pinkie Pie, and I love making new friends and throwing parties! What're your names?" Pinkie said introducing herself.
"M-my name is Melody Smith and I'm 4 years old" the blonde creature said, now with no trace of fear when she first met Pinkie Pie. "It's nice to meet you Pinkie Pie." Melody said feeling more comfortable around her new pink friend.
"And m-my name is Princess Clover Harver. It's nice to meet the both of you!" the brown haired creature said calming down. "Oh, and please don't bow to me, I don't like my role." she asked the two.
"Well, it's nice to you too Melody and Clover, and you can just call me Pinkie, all my friends call me that!" Pinkie said with happiness. "Hey, would you two like to come and meet my 6 closest bestest best friends in the world?! I am sure as cupcakes they'll all love you two!" Pinkie said with excitement gaining a small giggle from Melody and Clover.
"Ok, Pinkie, but what if they aren't as welcoming towards us as you were?" Melody said with worry in her voice. This made Clover nervous as well.
"Yeah, and what if they're all affected by my bad luck?" Clover asked with fear in her voice.
"Oh don't worry your cute little wittle heads. They're all super duper nice! And I don't think anything bad will happen, so don't you worry," Pinkie said reassuring Melody and Clover, Clover was confused at how Pinkie was so sure.
"But how can you know for certain we'll be safe?" Clover asked curiously.
"I have this sixth sense that allows me to tell if there is danger, or if something good, like a rainbow will happen! I call it, my 'Pinkie Sense!" Clover nodded in understanding. "GREAT! And I'm sure my friend Twilight can tell us what kind of creature you two are, and maybe I can ask Rarity to make you two another set of clothes?" Pinkie asked her small friend.
"Ok, that would be lovely, thank you," said Melody in the cutest voice Pinkie has ever heard in her life.
"If she can she make something with a clover design, I would love that!" Clover added.
"Oh I'm sure Rarity can make a clover design! She is amazing when it comes to designing outfits! Anyhow we're going to go to the swimming hole to meet up with all my friends, so let's go!" Pinkie said bouncing happily away with Melody and Clover following close behind.
yay i like this idea please make more chapters for this story
4613932 Ok, just let me go to my well of ideas, and find an idea for another chapter! Also, I checked your page, and I must say, you have good taste in favorite characters.
4613939 ok
Hmmmm, okay, time for some criticism. Try not to take it the wrong way, I'm trying to be constructive here.
First your sentences are a bit wordy. Try to shorten the longer ones up a bit. An editor can do wonders for this (I should know, I'm really wordy.)
Second, don't be so over the top with the girl's tragic back story. She doesn't need evil
stepparentscaregivers. Being an orphan is sad enough. Those watching over her don't need to ban her from having friends too. Not saying this has never happened, but friends are free so they wouldn't cost the caregivers anything.Third, Melody's speaking pattern should be shorter and simpler. She wasn't wordy, but if she's four then one doesn't expect such complete sentences from one so young.
This has potential, so keep at it!
4613992 I could try that my self if you have some advice on what to do. If not, then do you know any editors I can ask for help?
Second, if you haven't read "A New Home" then you haven't seen tragic yet. And just wait until the end of my rewritten version of Rise of the Titans
Thirdly, how Melody is able to speak in complete sentences will be revealed soon.
And thanks for the kind words.
4614037
As a wordy person myself, I'm often not the best to go to for editor advice But the fanfiction site does have a group of editors whom volunteer their time to help writers. You should be able to find them here as well as here.
A good editor is worth their weight in gold--I should know, I've had several items professionally published for gaming systems and each time it was made better by a great editor.
Granted (checked out the basic description of that story and it was tragedy personified). But what I more refer to has to deal with story structure, not a too much verse too little tragedy in the back story.
Basically it should be revealed a little at a time. I've just seen too many potentially great stories on this site start off with having the Protagonist (actually an Antagonist in this instance; she's giving PInkie Pie things to deal with), having such a bad background that it comes off as unbelievable. (See, 'nother one of my run on sentences; I'm terrible with these.) It causes disinterest for most readers.
Giving a bit more at a time creates a scenario where the reader is given an amount that they can mentally digest. It also would help drive home the realness of the character's tragic past. Most everyone whose had to deal with harshness in their life doesn't want to talk about it. Especially children. Pacing it just makes more sense overall.
I should had explained my view better, sorry about that.
Fair enough; just so long as you don't forget about it. Once played a game where a guy had a two-year old talking like a six grader and I kept calling her a genius. He had no idea how old kids were when they started talking really well.
4613992 not true my niece is 4 and she speaks very well and understands a lot
Around grade 3 level
never read a story about Pinkie adopting a human child before (usually only Twighlight, Celestia, Fluttershy, and Rainbow occasionally) you have my interest.
4614629 Hee, well if she understands around grade 3 level and is four than that'd only support my argument.
I know that there are advance placement children (I was one of them), but if Melody is just suppose to be your average four-year-old then her vocal patterns would differ.
But Darkmage said that'd be explained later so I shall remain patient.
4614685 good point and both her parents are English university professors
HNNG! THE FEELS!
Edit: This story reminds me of Blind Trust to a degree.
NEXT!
As in more!!!!
4615438 Worry not, there will be more!
4614644 Well, as soon as I can get another human child in Equestria story approved, you'll also see Discord adopting a human child.
4616954
I think you may have just gotten one more follower
Aw... I love this story already! Which usually the first chapter/prologue of any story captures my attention most of the time Poor Melody, I feel so bad for her, not being taken care of properly and affectionately by such cruel and cold-hearted caretakers. Makes my blood boil
However, Pinkie Pie taking the slow approach at first to try and calm her down was very sweet and cute. And I read six best friends, so I'm believing that the sixth friend has to be my favorite baby dragon. Very good story so far.
darkmage1997 are you missing an n somewhere in the title of this (Rewritten/new) chapter
4661390 No it looks fine
4630585 OH its you never knew you read this (I see your comment on a lot of storys I read)
Their kingdom must have ether a shit-ton of enemies, or they have all the other surrounding land's leaders by the balls. Probably both.
Pretty good.
6441434 or her parents are assholes