Very different beneath the surface

by Slick Dash

There is something...

“You’re kidding me right?! You honestly think Soarin’ could beat Spitfire? Pfffft!” Rainbow burst out in laughter at Twilights comment.
“I’m sorry Rainbow, but he really could. He has a greater wingspan, stronger muscles, not to mention he’s older and more experienced.” She smiled to herself, thinking she’d given a rather decent argument against the Rainbow pony.
“Yeeeaahhhhh, but he’s as dumb as a post! He’s got no creativity, he just follows the choreography down to a ‘T,’ Spitfire on the other hand! Ohhh my gosh! She could fly circles around him, she’s smaller, more streamline, and she’s more creative than the rest of the Wonderbolt’s combined!”

The two approached the entrance to Sugar Cube Corner without even a falter in their argument. As the small wooden door swung open they were greeted by the smell of freshly baked treats, and the sight of their other friends waiting for them at a table in the corner. “Guys!” Rainbow shouted out to the group as they approached. “Who’d win in a flying contest, Soarin’ or Spitfire?”

The four remaning friends looked to one another, silently deciding what each of the others was going to day. They eventually looked back up at the blue and magenta ponies, and all said in unison. “SPITFIRE!” Twilights face fell in surprise! Rainbow bit her lip to stop herself from releasing another burst of laughter at the sudden change in expression on her friends face.

“C-come one Twilight.” she choked slightly. “Let’s g-g-get you something to eat.” The meal wasn’t exactly long, but it was definitely enjoyable! Pinkie decided to do her impression of a clown, shockingly the transformation wasn’t that much different from the original! Rarity described her new project, a beautiful dress for the renowned Fancy Pants’s wife Fleur de Lis. Applejack told a hilarious story about the crusaders latest decision to become story writers.

“So far, they’ve got about half a page of words, and are covered with ink from head to hoof!” She finished to raucous applause and laughter from the girls. Fluttershy made them coo when she opened the window beside the table and called for her new friend, a stunningly cute little black and white kitten. The animal soon took a shining to Rainbow who -though flattered- slowly pushed the cutesy wootsey thing away from her and back to the other Pegasus.

Finally the meal ended with a small anecdote from Twilight, who had heard from princess Celestia that a magical power seemed to be growing slowly in Equestria, and though it was foreign to the world, it was also oddly familiar. “Rarity, you should be able to sense it too! Apparently every magical pony in Equestria should be able to sense it.” The platinum fashionista frowned and looked up at the sky through the open window.

“Now that you mention it darling, there is something...odd, that faint whining sound!” Twilight frowned at her fellow unicorn.
“Whining sound? I was talking about that tangy taste in the back of your mouth...” Applejack laughed,
“Y’all sure Twilight just didn’t a bad cupcake or summ’in?” Yet again they all laughed...except for Twilight and Rarity.

Now that they concentrated, it did feel strange, and yet, it felt as though they knew where to place the sensation. The two looked at one another, was this good? Or bad?

Comments

[SpeedyAstro]

Not very good... The first chapter is nothing but talk, and it's no too clear about who is talking. As for the second chapter; a LOT of grammar problems, and it's a bit rushed.

But I'll let ya'll do it since it's an experimental idea.

[Tarot Card]

vague description is a problem. nothing happens in the second chapter.
the cold opening with only dialogue was poorly executed.

i've read three bodies of text, and i still have no idea what this story is or will be about.
the description, first chapter and second chapter don't seem connected in any way.

I'm curious as to what the idea was you got in the dream, but you've yet to reveal it, or sufficiently build suspense around it.

[Slick Dash]

428083 ok, thnx for the feedback. Well first chapter was designed to create sone intregue, by only using dialogue i wanted to create a sense of confusion.
428193 well i hope you keep an eye out for the next chapter at around 9:00 PM so you can begin to feel the suspense hopefully as the story builds.
Well took a risk, looks like so far it hasn't quite payed off

[Noble]

so no more tom huh? completley different storyline? :P

[Slick Dash]

429981 unfortunately ;) keep an eye out for a little reference in one of the chapters though ;)
Also i have summit ready for Tom fans when i hit 40 follows