The Adventures of Trenderhoof

by polishgirl

The Crystal Kingdom

My name is Trenderhoof, and let me tell you a little bit about myself. I’ve seen everyplace, from the frozen north, to the badlands, everypony, and every event, From King Sombra’s coronation, to Princess Twilight’s. How is that possible, you ask? Simple my dear. TIME TRAVEL!!! No, not possible, you say? How about PSYCHIC POWERS!!!? Even less possible? Tell you what, I’ll just start at the beginning, and I’ll let you make your own conclusions, leaving you with this last sentiment; Time Turner and I are good friends.

I was just starting out, barely a colt, when I seen him. He streaked across the sky on a blackened chariot followed by asteroids. What was he? He couldn’t have been a shooting star, he was obviously a pony, and not a rock. Yet, he was followed by asteroids… Was he a god? He didn’t crash land, so he can’t have been an alien, that just doesn’t make any stereotypical sense. He continued on his seemingly not-so-merry way through the sky and disappeared far to the north. So, I decided to follow him, armed with my brand new birthday camera, and my wits. I met very few ponies along the way, and even fewer creatures. I took great care to avoid staying out at night. Taking shelter in whatever cave I could find, or hole that I could dig. Lest the pony-dactyls get me. Or even, the P-Rex.

Eventually, after many, many holes and caves, and very few ferns at colt height, I made it to a strange land. One filled with rock. But it was shiny and clear like jewelry. What could it be? Every part of this odd place was made of this odd jewelry. Even the ferns, and ponysaurs were made of them. It was nearing night when I reached this strange place, so I took shelter in a cave. However, I wasn’t entirely alone. From behind me came the growling of some strange feral creature. I took off at a dead sprint screaming for my life. Only to find out that the terror following me was a small unicorn with the most luminous sunshine yellow eyes, mane and coat. Also, made of rock. She says to me,

“OH! I thought you were a predator. Please, come in.”

Unable to speak with her beauty blinding me, I nod, and follow her back inside the cave. Now that she’s no longer hiding her luminescence, I see the cave has been painted with many drawings that seem to depict a story. I’ve nearly worked up the nerve to ask her about them when she says,

“Why don’t you look like me?”

“Like you? You mean made of rock?”

“Made of rock? What an absurd notion! Of course coming from a pony who looks like you, I would expect nothing else. I am a crystal pony, from the mighty Crystal Kingdom.”

“Crystal Kingdom? I’ve never heard of it before, is that where I am?”

“Of course, unless you would prefer to call it ‘The Rock Kingdom’ which is simply absurd seeing as rocks are flat gray boring objects, while crystals are beautiful shining items of pure value. Now that you’ve avoided the question, I shall ask again. Why aren’t you made of crystal like everypony else?”

“Where I come from nopony is made of crystal, but of flesh like me.”

“And where is that, may I ask?”

`“To the south, where the forests meet the rivers, and ponysaurs fear to tread. The small encampment that we have, we call it Ponyville, seeing as few other creatures inhabit it.”

Before she could ask any more silly questions, and insult me more, the chariot I had seen earlier rode past being propelled by seemingly nothing other than the unicorn riding it. He was a young stallion, with a charcoal gray coat, black mane, and red eyes.

“Er, what was your name again?” I asked of the luminescent pony.

“Sunburst, daughter of nopony, and inhabitant of this cave.” She responded.

“Yes, well, I’m Trenderhoof, son of my parents, and inhabitant, of well, I suppose this cave. Who was the pony that rode by here?”

“Prince Sombra, future ruler of the Crystal Kingdom. He isn’t very nice, so don’t crawl in his cave expecting to not get eaten.”

We spent about a week in that cave. Eating rocks. She eventually did explain to me the drawings on the walls. She told me they were her family history. All up to a couple months ago when Prince Sombra killed her parents. She said he killed them for voicing their opinion against his right to rule. They felt he was nothing like his kind hearted father, and didn’t deserve to sit in the royal throne. He used his horn to do it she said. She spoke little after that. She offered to take me into town one morning, so we went. It was a strange little bazaar that we visited, full of more of these ‘crystal ponies’ and rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. Sweet rocks, salty rocks, rock seeds even. Any kind of rock you needed, they had it. We even seen the king. He was a wizened old crystal pony stooped over his throne, waving happily to his subjects. The people seemed to love him, despite their obvious fear of his son. When we returned to our cave, I finally braved a question.

“How long has he been king?” I asked.

“For as long as the Crystal Kingdom has existed,” she said.

Then, after a moment’s thought, continued with,

“Legend holds that there was once a dragon. The dragon was pretty content, he had a nice stash, and nopony bothered him. Occasionally a traveler would come looking for his consul, or to trade treasures with him. However, some of these travelers weren’t so good-intentioned. Three approached him at once, wanting gems in exchange for a stick, a rock, and a cloak. The dragon denied the trade, and they left. That night, while the dragon was sleeping, they came back, and stole the gems they desired. Angered, the dragon breathed fire on the entire frozen north, and instead of melting it, it turned to crystal. He breathed fire for years trying to melt the ice, hoping trap the thieves in mud, but only succeeded in making everything crystal, including the ponies themselves. Defeated, he retired to his cave, (the only place left frozen), and vowed, to any explorers brave enough to handle the cold and his fire breath, he’ll turn them to crystal as well.”