It was early morning by the time I woke up. I looked over at Tavi's bed to find her sleeping comfortably. I sat up and looked on the nightstand where my lap top and other equipment were well organized. Tavi began shifting in her bed and turned over to face me, eyes half open and a warm smile across her face.
"Good morning," her voice a joyous flow.
"Morning, thanks for bringing my stuff back."
"It was no trouble at all. Also, I meant to do this yesterday but, I'm really sorry about the things that I said. It wasn't right of me to think that way about you based on my presumptions."
"I'm still a little hurt by it to be honest. But if I may ask, where did you get the presumptions to begin with."
"My ex girlfriend was into that kind of stuff. A lot of the time we were together, her friends would come along with us and were really annoying. It eventually got to the point that I just couldn't stand them anymore. So I gave her an ultimatum, either she tells her friends to leaves us be or it's over. She ended up choosing her friends over me, saying that I was nothing more than a high class bitch that meant nothing to her," tears began to fill her eyes as she told her story.
I was shocked to her that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Now I understand why she felt that way about me at first. I don't really blame her to be honest, after going through that, it would make anyone have a hatred towards a group of people. Though her words were harsh, she had a reason for them. I kinda felt worse about the things that I had said to her.
"Tavi, I'm really sorry to hear that. No one ever deserves to have that happen to them."
"I know it's wrong to hate people based on one little experience, but..." her voice began to weaken and her tears began staining her cheeks.
"It's alright Tavi, that was then. You can't let minor things that happened in the past effect how you see your future. You need to be glad you're not with her anymore. Most likely she was just one of those girls who only wanted you for one thing."
She sniffed and wiped her tears away, "Now that you mention it, I think I overheard one of her friends asking when she was going to make the move on me."
"See, she was nothing but a tramp who wanted to use you."
She smiled at me and got out of her bed. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I was taken aback at first, but gave in to better judgment and welcomed her sudden embrace. "Thank you, for making me feel better about that."
She let go of me and walked back over to her bed and sat on the edge. She looked out the window as the sun was just starting to peak over the horizon, casting the first of the days shadows into the room. She said nothing, but from the way she looked, the sunset reminded her of a fond memory.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Every time I watch the sunset, I think of when my mom gave me my first violin. I was seven years old, and it was the morning of my birthday. I had just woken up and was finishing getting dressed for the day. Mom walked in carrying a box with a little pink bow on it. I didn't know what it was at first, but mom told me to be careful with it since it wasn't a toy. I opened it up with the greatest of care and was overjoyed when I saw the violin inside."
"Sounds like your mom really cares about you."
"She does, that's why I love this place. Mom said this camp will be mine to own when she and dad retire. What about you, Vinyl? What are some childhood memories that you have with your mom?"
My heart sank at her question. There was a secret about my mom that I never told anyone. Well, my real mom that is. When I was a child my mother used to abuse me physically and sexually. She would beat me until she broke several of my bones and sometimes flat out refused to take me to the hospital over it. Then one day, one of my friends came over to my house while this was going on and rushed to tell my neighbors who then called the police. She's still spending time in prison and I doubt she'll be getting out any time soon.
Not too long after that I was put into foster care and was in and out of homes. That was until last year when I was put into the home of my current foster mother, Scarlet, and her other foster child Tex. They became more like my real family than my real family. I've really enjoyed the time I've been with them.
"Vinyl, are you alright?"
I snapped back into reality and looked around the room like it was the first time I'd even seen it before, "What?"
"You spaced out on me there for a moment. Are you feeling alright? Because I could get Nurse Redheart to check up on you."
"No, I'm alright, thanks though."
"So what's on your mind?"
"I was just thinking about my bitch of a mother."
"Oh, is it anything you want to talk about?"
"No, it'll just make things worse."
"Fair enough. We'd better get ready for the day, today we're going on a nature walk."
"But how can I do that when I have a sprained ankle?"
"Nurse Redheart brought your crutches in a little bit after I got back to the cabin with your stuff."
"Where are they?"
"Right next to you."
I looked back over next to the nightstand and saw the crutches leaning against it. How I didn't notice them earlier was beyond me. Tavi got for me and helped me to get out of bed. I struggled to get used to them at first, but managed to get the hang of it after about ten minutes.
"Now, we'd better head off to the showers before they get really crowed."
"I-I'm not really too comfortable getting naked around other people."
"Trust me, I'm not either, but at least it'll only be the two of us in there so we can both be on the front and back of the shower room."
"Wait...what? The way that sounds doesn't seem all that good."
"You'll see what I mean when we get there."
We left the cabin and made our way to the shower room. In my mind, I was imagining some kind of giant room where the showers had no curtains or doors for privacy, and the showers were grouped together in little circles or they were just little shower heads mounted against the walls. It only took us about two minutes to get to the shower room which was a lot different than what I pictures in my head. On the outside it looked just like the bathrooms you would find at the local parks, but as we went inside i was amazed by how different it looked from what I was thinking. The sowers were little stalls with walls that went from the floor to just about five inches short of the ceiling and had a lockable door on them that didn't didn't leave any small cracks to peek through, which in my opinion was the best part.
"So, Vinyl, I'll take the shower at the very end, and you can take the very first shower next to the entrance."
"Sounds good to me, the less I have to walk with these stupid things the better."
She giggled and walked on down to her shower and stepped inside. I stepped into my shower as best I could without the crutches to keep me from walking on my sprained ankle. Though it was awkward at first, I managed to keep my balance while showering, drying off, and getting dressed. Once I got out of the shower, I was greeted by Tavi and she handed me my crutches. We walked towards the center of the camp, where Mr. and Mrs.Melody were waiting next to the podium.
"Good morning girls," chimed Mrs.Melody.
"Good morning Mrs.Melody," I smiled.
"Morning mom."
"Did you two sleep well last night?" asked Mr.Melody.
"I did, though I'm not so sure about Vinyl."
I looked at her with a confused expression on my face, "What do you mean?"
"You were tossing, turning, and making occasional moaning sounds."
I blushed really deeply and looked away, Fuck, I thought she wasn't in while I was doing that.
"Must've been some nightmare then huh?" asked Mrs.Melody.
"Uh...y-yeah...a nightmare," I said in between slight bits of nervous laughter.
Though her parents didn't catch onto it, Tavi managed to figure it out and looked at me with a look of shock and disgust. I shot her a quick look back saying, Don't look at me like that.
Before too long, other campers began to file into the center of camp, ready for the today's events.
"Good morning campers, I hope you all slept well last night," Mrs.Melody began. "Today, we will be going on a nature walk and explore the wonders that the forest has to offer. Now, I want each of you to pair up with your roommates and meet at the camp's west entrance after you all have breakfast."
Everyone walked to the mess hall that was right next to Mr. and Mrs.Melody's cabin. As Tavi and I made it inside, we were greeted to the smell of freshly cooked eggs, bacon, toast, waffles, sausage, biscuits and gravy, and homemade maple syrup. I went to grab a trey, but Tavi stopped me.
"Go get a table and I'll bring you your breakfast. The less stress you put on your body right now, the more likely your sprain will heal faster."
"Thanks Tavi, just get me some eggs, waffles with syrup, a couple of biscuits, and a glass of milk to drink."
"Sure thing."
I walked over to the closest table I could get to the entrance and sat down. I continued to think about my real mom and everything she had put me through. As I continued to think about it, I remembered that her sentence in prison was going to be over with in a few days. I was hoping that she wasn't going to try to come for me when she got out. I doubted it, I moved around so much she might never be able to find me, but there was always the possibility that she could. As I continued thinking, Tavi came to our table and put my breakfast in front of me.
"Thanks, Tavi," I picked up my fork and began eating in silence.
"Vinyl, are you sure you don't to at least talk about what's on your mind to Nurse Redheart? She might be able to help you with anything you're going through."
"I'm fine, Tavi, if it gets any worse, I'll go and talk to someone, but for now I'm fine."
"If you say so."
We continued to eat in silence, occasionally exchanging concerned looks with each other. Finally we finished out breakfast and made our way to the west entrance of camp, where everyone was already there waiting on us.
"Good, now that everyone's here, let's get going," Mr.Melody said, leading us into the forest.
Could I say a few constructive criticisms?
The pacing is off. Things are happening rather rapidly and almost jerky in the movements (like they are here and they go here and go here, type of thing). It has ok details which helped a little, but they move almost too rapidly between places, especially since Vinyl is in crutches. We don't even really know what the others are doing, focusing solely on the two and how quickly they are going through everything.
Also, the background information (past events, memories, etc) feel a little force fed. They appear out of nowhere and kind of stand alone after they are mentioned, breaking the flow of the story as the reader tries to briefly imagine the scene (from what little is said of the memory) before being rushed off into the next part (which kind of goes into the pacing). Vinyl's is a little better than Tavi's but that's because it came back up and she's thinking more about it, though it still felt blocky and given as a giant chunk without the time to think, ponder, and feel for what Vinyl is feeling about it.
And as a last nitpick, I would have thought Vinyl noticed how Tavi said she had a girlfriend before and perhaps even become hopeful. Oh, and Octavia's ultimatum doesn't make sense and if she really did that, it proves that she's not that good a girlfriend. Trying to control who your partner sees/meets/has as friends is a surefire way to lose that partner and any trust that was in the relationship. She could have tried to talk about it or work it out or just ask for time set aside for only the two of them; anything aside from 'don't meet with your friends or lose me as a girlfriend'.
I only point these out because it's a different setup from a lot of the other TaviScratch stories and could be very interesting. Hope you don't mind the length of this comment and I'm interested in seeing what you have planned next for them. (I really don't mean to offend in anyway with this comment, perhaps I'm just still in editor mode from reading a friend's work... Sorry if you find this hurtful in anyway. I'm just a little blunt when it comes to this)
4513288 I don't mind your comment at all, to be honest, I've had some of these problems before in previous stories, I guess it's a bit of a habit. But, you do seem like a great editor and would be perfect to do proofreading. So if you don't mind, is it okay if I ask you to be my proofreader on this story?
4513310 I suppose that's fine. I'm not that great at grammar, but I do well when it comes to the story (being one of the easily confused, I usually help make things a lot clearer when I help proofread something). How would you like to go about it and would you want to continue this in just a message? (Who knows what kind of suspicious ponies are around ). Do you use gdocs or something else (like regular ol' files)?
MORE!! you cant do such short chapters with something so GOOD!
I hope that Dennis the menace doesn't get mad at me when I say this but here it is.
I am lycan this idea!
4513288
All valid points, sir. I noticed the same things myself. Good little tale woven here but the execution could use some polishing.
I think you meant 'tray'.
4513507 YAY! A reference that I actually get!
Only one issue:
You missed the word 'said'
Otherwise, I want more. Now.
-Twilight Scratch
4513507 I loved that story.
4513436 I like to do cliffhanger endings to the chapters to leave my readers wanting more.
*looks at cover art* ELF!!!
next chapter please?
4514850
Curse you nightlock!
Nice story though, I think you might be one of my regular reads from now on
THE THIRD CHAPTER NAME DOE
I'm expecting sex now. Good job.
For a word, you changed everything I liked about the rest of the fic, sorry but I leave here.
Wait. Octavia, the posh girl who always voices her opinion, managed to keep quiet about Vinyl doing 'the tango for one'? Something isn't right here...
Oh god, Vinyl was clopping.
On I more evil note, I can't wait to show that to my sexual sensitive cousin
Stop 'horsin'' around, Vinyl.
BADUMCHING
Jesus Christ, is she dictating her fucking autobiography or something?
...
I don't think Octavia knows that Vinyl is a lesbian, too. She didn't bother asking.
4514850
I know you said this was the only good picture you could find, but would you like me to do some custom cover art for your story? I'm very good and come highly recommended!
yeah about getting "wrecked" by Jason XD