A stranger from a strange land puts the hurt on the Princesses when they threaten to kill him for grinding the citizens of Canterlot for cash and items. Just practicing writing action scenes, and this little idea popped into my head involving th
I love the story so far. I like each of the characters' personalities and how you write the chapters. But what sucks is if you do them in order from the drop pod my favorite character will be last (Dat Acrid)
4463087 I'll be looking forward to it. I wonder though will he be a mindless creature or will he be sentient. Also will you just be doing 10 chapters or will there be more than that.
4463107 Acrid will be sem-sentient, meaning he has intelligent thoughts, but not on the level of someone more contemplative, like say, the Bandit. Also, this story will be 12 to 13 chapters, the first 10 getting all of the team into one place, with the last two being the big fight with all of them involved.
Comment posted by Word Painter deleted May 29th, 2014
4463894 The Commando is a playable character from the little known game "Risk Of Rain" (Hence the title of my story). the cover art is my own rendition of the Commando.
I'm really liking this and can't wait to see how they merge, although watch yourself on your characters make sure their personalitys don't flip flop about. Other than that great story!
Okay. I've always been a harsh kind of critic. It takes a lot to invest me into a story. After taking a read, I feel like the characterization is a bit floppy. The story has been quite entertaining to read though.
However the summary itself is REALLY bothering. The Princesses, mainly Celestia who practically PREACHES friendship and forgiveness, threatens to kill this guy for scamming idiots out of their money? It feels contrived beyond belief but whatever.
Overall it's a story with potential, like any story. It has problems here and there that really need a polish, but I'll give it a 10/20 or a C Grade for now.
Overall, it's good do far. Then again, maybe it wouldn't have hurt to ask the Princesses for help instead of killing them! Well, that will be rectified if I have anything to say about it, which I do.
I'm taking a break in some speed reading here to leave some feedback like I said I would.
First, I feel like I'd enjoy this more if I had actually played the game but that's beside the point. Your writing is really good and descriptive, it helps someone like me who doesn't know anything about the game understand who they are and what they look like.
Second, I know I haven't gotten caught up yet but what exactly is their purpose in Equestria? Is it to kill all life on the planet or seek out a certain target?
Other than that I think it's pretty good for what it is. And what I mean by that is that I don't usually read gory stories, but I'm sure someone who does would find this to be fantastic.
I love the story so far. I like each of the characters' personalities and how you write the chapters. But what sucks is if you do them in order from the drop pod my favorite character will be last (Dat Acrid)
4463068 Ahh, sorry bout that mate, Acrid will be 9th (right before the Mercenary) Rest assured, hell have a nice meaty fight sequence.
4463087 I'll be looking forward to it. I wonder though will he be a mindless creature or will he be sentient. Also will you just be doing 10 chapters or will there be more than that.
4463107 Acrid will be sem-sentient, meaning he has intelligent thoughts, but not on the level of someone more contemplative, like say, the Bandit. Also, this story will be 12 to 13 chapters, the first 10 getting all of the team into one place, with the last two being the big fight with all of them involved.
I like it
4463894 The Commando is a playable character from the little known game "Risk Of Rain" (Hence the title of my story). the cover art is my own rendition of the Commando.
I'm really liking this and can't wait to see how they merge, although watch yourself on your characters make sure their personalitys don't flip flop about. Other than that great story!
Okay. I've always been a harsh kind of critic. It takes a lot to invest me into a story. After taking a read, I feel like the characterization is a bit floppy. The story has been quite entertaining to read though.
However the summary itself is REALLY bothering. The Princesses, mainly Celestia who practically PREACHES friendship and forgiveness, threatens to kill this guy for scamming idiots out of their money? It feels contrived beyond belief but whatever.
Overall it's a story with potential, like any story. It has problems here and there that really need a polish, but I'll give it a 10/20 or a C Grade for now.
4464533 You're misunderstanding, he literally killed the ponies, then took their possessions and money. ( A core mechanic of the source material)
Overall, it's good do far. Then again, maybe it wouldn't have hurt to ask the Princesses for help instead of killing them!
Well, that will be rectified if I have anything to say about it, which I do.
So there's finally a challenge of some sort?
I'm taking a break in some speed reading here to leave some feedback like I said I would.
First, I feel like I'd enjoy this more if I had actually played the game but that's beside the point. Your writing is really good and descriptive, it helps someone like me who doesn't know anything about the game understand who they are and what they look like.
Second, I know I haven't gotten caught up yet but what exactly is their purpose in Equestria? Is it to kill all life on the planet or seek out a certain target?
Other than that I think it's pretty good for what it is. And what I mean by that is that I don't usually read gory stories, but I'm sure someone who does would find this to be fantastic.