Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers

by Fire Gazer the Alchemist

Cut the Dust

“You showed up earlier than expected,” Derpy remarked as Turner helped me up.

“When did you expect me to get here?” I dusted myself off.

“With just enough time to get to a bar.” Derpy hoisted her groceries into her saddlebags, and I noted she had several boxes of muffin mix.

“After our last excursion?” I unconsciously glanced at the shiner on her face. It’s small, less swollen, and all around starting to fade, but it still served as a constant reminder of the dangers of mixing Lightning and a gallon of booze. “Not likely.”

“So… we’re not going to a bar then?” Turner asked.

“Depends… if Lightning drags us there, we don’t have a choice.”

“Yeah… it’s hard to say no to her.” I had a feeling Derpy wouldn’t say no to Lightning, no matter what the request might be. “You guys want to head back to my house? Lightning’s watching Dinky at the moment, but we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“You sure they aren’t going to burn down the house? Neither of them are particularly good with an oven, and they both like making muffins.”

“I know, but Dinky has enough sense not to use the oven.”

“Does Lightning?”

Derpy’s face paled slightly. “Yeah, okay, let’s get back.”

We started walking, Derpy taking the lead. Time and I shared a glance, and I could tell we’re both thinking the same thing.

I trotted up next to Derpy. “So… I hear you and Lightning are living together.”

Derpy groaned. “Not you too.”

I blinked, a little confused. “Not me too, what?”

“You think it’s a mistake, just like Time Turner.”

“Whaaat? No.” Even I’m not convinced by my performance.

Derpy slapped my shoulder. “Look, guys, I know what I said at the bar made me sound kind of… stupid.”

“Oh, so you didn’t mean it?” I asked, a little too much relief flooding my voice.

She didn't even hesitate. “No, I meant it. I love Lightning.”

I’m kicked myself mentally. “So… you’re living together… and you love her… and you don’t expect–” Something bad to happen, I finish in my head.

“Expect what?”

“Expect that… you… won’t make a desperate move on her?”

She slapped me again. Harder. “Geeze, Rider, you could have some faith in me. I’m not going to actively try to screw this up.” She took a deep breath to calm down. “I’m going to take it slow, and tell her when the time is right.”

Can you not tell her at all? I shot a worried glance at Time, pleading for assistance.

“Perhaps you should wait for Lightning to make the first move,” he suggested. “She’s certainly the brash and bold type. Why not let her come to you?”

“Because…” Derpy hesitated, and for a second, I believe that we’ve succeeded in kicking this problem even further down the road. My hopes end up deflated. “I want to be the one who says it. I want to take the initiative.”

Dammit. “All right… but just make sure the time is right,” I said.

“Yes,” Time agreed. “There’s no shame in being patient.”

“Hell, being patient’s a good thing. You should hold off on the L-Bomb for like, another month.”

“Or two.”

“Or twelve.”

Derpy cocked her head at the both of us, obviously more than a little confused. “You guys are acting kinda weird.”

We shared a look and burst into an awkward, forced laugh.

“What? Of course we’re not being weird.” Turner looked away, unable to stop his forced laugh.

Derpy’s eyelids lowered. “Guys, I’m not an idiot. What’s going on?”

“Nothing." Her eyebrow rises. “I’m serious, Derpy. It’s really nothing.” Just as long as you don’t barge into your home, make out with Lightning, and declare your undying love for her.

“Okay then.” She's clearly suspicious of something but knows that we won’t be giving it up anytime soon. I could only hope that she’ll take our suggestion to heart and not tell Lightning the truth anytime soon.

But at this point, I might as well be putting a band-aid on a broken bone.

---

Dinky was still sniffling a little, but for the most part she’d calmed down. The kid sat on the other end of the couch, chin resting on the arm of the furniture. Lightning still felt bad about having to tell her the truth – not to mention her curiosity as to where Dinky had even gotten the idea – but she was just happy things had calmed down a little.

In the midst of this, she remembered that somepony had knocked on the door. As if to remind her, the knock came again, much more repetitive and annoying.

“I’m going to answer the door, okay?”

Dinky nodded. “Probably a good idea.” She was sounding a little more like her usual self. Lightning tousled her hair just a bit and earned a smile.

Getting up, she trotted over to the door. The knocking had yet to cease, and it was beginning to get grating. Lightning heatedly threw open the door to express her annoyance. Standing on the other side was a pony with a mustard colored, teal-haired pegasus. Immediately, Lightning Dust recognized this pony as the mare who thought she’d jacked off in her uniform.

“Uh… Raindrops what are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you to Lightning Dust.”

She snorted. “Hi Raindrops. But seriously, what brings you to Derpy’s place?”

Raindrops held up a small, white rectangle. “Mail delivery.”

Lightning blinked. “I… didn’t think we were supposed to work today.”

“We’re not,” Raindrops replied. “But this was in my mail stack yesterday, and it’s addressed to you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, somepony forwarded from an apartment in Manehattan I think.” She glanced briefly at the envelope. “Cloudsdale. Whatever. Anyways I figured I bring it over today since neither you or Derpy decided to show up after lunch.”

Lightning sheepishly smiled, looking away. “Yeah… sorry ‘bout that.”

“Relax, it’s not like we had anything that important to do. I’m sure whatever little romp you and Derpy had was worth it.”

Tilting her head, Lightning asked, “Romp?”

Raindrops snorted. “Yeah, you know? You guys did the dance with no pants.”

Lightning blinked again and looked behind herself for a moment. “Uh… I don’t wear normally pants.”

Roaring with laughter, Raindrops clapped her on the back. “Nice one. Anyway, here’s your letter.”

With the envelope shoved into her chest, Lightning watched Raindrops nod a goodbye and fly off.

Despite being slightly weirded out by that conversation, Lightning decided to let it go. Considering their first conversation revolved around jacking off in a post office uniform, she figured that this was going to be the norm with Raindrops. Shrugging to herself, Lighting decided to get used to it sooner rather than later.

Curious about her letter, she glanced down at it. It seemed pretty normal, until her eyes met with the return address and every muscle in her body tensed up. Just above the street name lied the two words Lightning hoped she’d never have to see again, despite hoping to at the same time.

Wonderbolts Academy

Without even thinking, she moved to tear open the letter. It was then that she remembered she had hooves, and they were poorly constructed for such a task.

She flew through the living room with enough force to flip over the coffee table in the process. Dinky’s head poked up as her golden mane whipped across her face.

Lightning landed in the kitchen, and rushed over to the nearest set of draws. Tearing them open and flinging through their contents, she gritted her teeth.

Dinky trotted in, a little concerned. “Uh… Lightning, what are you doing?”

“I need a letter opener,” Lightning hastily replied. She slammed the draw closed and tore open a new one. “Come on! Where is it? Where?” The draw was slammed shut and Lightning groaned. “Two frickin’ mailmares live in this house and there isn’t a single letter opener?”

“It’s on the table,” Dinky interrupted. Lightning blinked, turned around, and saw that Dinky was pointing to the kitchen table. Sure enough, right next to the kid’s finished math homework was a silver letter opener. Lightning dove for it.

“Thanks kid!” she said. Gripping the flat knife in her teeth, Lightning ripped open the letter with one clean jerk.

“What is that?” Dinky asked, curious. Lightning froze for a moment, stopping just before she yanked the letter from the confines of the envelope.

“I… I don’t really know what it is,” Lightning responded honestly. “But… it’s from the Wonderbolts.”

“Do you like them?”

Lightning stared at the envelope. “They’re my idols, Dinky. I’ve looked up to them for years. Of course I like them.” She sighed, and muttered to herself. “It’s just lately they don’t like me.”

“Oh… well then maybe the letter is good news then.” Dinky offered her a smile, and Lightning marveled at how good the kid was at hiding her emotions. Just a mere three minutes ago Dinky had been curled up in a ball, crying her eyes out, and now here she was being her usual plucky self. No wonder Derpy had yet to catch on.

“Hopefully.” Lightning picked away at the open edges of the envelope suddenly unsure if she wanted to read its contents. Dinky wandered over to the counter and grabbed one of the few remaining muffins.

“Aren’t you going to read it?” Dinky asked, biting into her fluffy baked good.

“…Yeah.” Lightning peeled the letter out and tossed the envelope onto the table. Unfolding it slowly, she peeked at the first line of text. Then the next. And the next. When she finished, her jaw unhinged.

Lightning blinked, rubbed her eyes, and slapped herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, all the while Dinky merely observing with a curious glance. Out of disbelief, Lightning read the letter again.

Dear Lightning Dust,

Recently, your termination as a cadet of the Wonderbolts Academy was reviewed and discussed among the board of directors. After some debate, we have decided that your expulsion was a rash, and unfitting punishment, despite your reckless action. We are willing to offer you a spot back at the Academy on a probationary period. Should you complete this period of time with no further slip-ups, or erroneous behavior, you’re full cadet status will be restored. If you are willing to rejoin, report to the training grounds next Thursday at three p.m. sharp for an interview and placement re-assignment.

Sincerely,

Commander Spitfire

Lightning dropped the paper and did something she had never, ever done in her life before.

She squealed.

Lightning Dust knew it wasn’t cool, wasn’t awesome, wasn’t anything she would associate herself with. She squealed all the same.

For what was probably a good, solid minute she emitted a high pitched noise of glee that would make any passerby confuse her with a dolphin. When she finally calmed down, she was slightly out of breath, and noticed Dinky giving her a concerned look as if she thought Lightning had brain damage.

Scooping up the paper, Lightning found she couldn’t contain and ear to ear grin. She found that only slightly disconcerting, but was in too good a mood to try and stop it.

“Sorry,” she said to Dinky, who was still confused. “I just… I got some really good news.”

“Okay,” Dinky slowly replied. She took a bite out of her muffin without breaking eye contact. The awkwardness didn’t even faze Lightning. She was too overjoyed to care.

“You’ve got to excuse me for a second, Dinky. I… need a sec.” Dinky nodded understandingly, but was still giving her a slightly confused look. Lightning backed out of the kitchen, and stared down at the paper in front of her. Another squeal began bubbling up inside of her, but she forced it down.

Once Lightning had walked out of Dinky’s line of sight, she bolted. After looking for a quick second, she settled on the bathroom, and ran in. When the door was shut, she knew it was safe to begin partying externally.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” She looked down at the paper, just to be extra sure this wasn’t a dream. Not a single glorious word had changed. “Buck yes!” Lightning threw up her hoof in the air.

I can’t freaking believe it! I’m back in! They want me back in! I’m a Wonderbolt again!

Lightning held her own mini-dance party in Derpy’s bathroom, just to release some of the excess cheer. It didn’t do much, considering how much enthusiasm was jolting through her body at that point. After two immensely long weeks, untold gallons of booze, and practically fighting a depression, it was over. She was going back to the Wonderbolts Academy. All of her crushed dreams were suddenly possible again; the life she’d envisioned for herself since she was a filly was suddenly possible again.

“I feel bucking invincible!” Lightning hollered. She punched her hoof into the bathroom wall in excitement.

“Ah! Buck!” The bathroom wall was apparently made out of brick. “Okay, I’m not invincible.” Lightning cradled her hoof near her body. One look at the letter dispelled the pain though, and she started laughing joyfully. “Who cares? I’m back in! Oh thank Celestia, I’m back in!”

Her eyes felt watery, as if in any moment she might burst into tears of joy. Lightning rested her back on the brick wall, laughing gleefully with the dam of her eyes about to burst.

Somehow though her celebration she heard the door open, and subsequently her ears perked up.

“Dinky, Lightning, I’m back.”

---

Derpy led us into her house while grappling with her saddlebag in order to remove the groceries. Time stepped forward to take some of the bags, and that’s when a aqua-marine blur shoots forward and wrapped around Derpy. Both she and Time Turner flinched in shock.

I blinked before I realize who it was.

“L-Lightning?” Derpy’s face was bright red.

“Guys! I just got the best news ever!” Lightning gave Derpy a squeeze and then released her. She then targeted the nearest body and wrapped her hooves around him. Turner almost dropped the groceries in surprise.

“Uh… this is unusual,” he mumbled.

“Lightning, are you drunk or something?” I asked this knowing that Lightning usually isn’t a cheerful drunk, but it’s the only logical explanation I can think of off the top of my head.

She grinned. “Nope.” Releasing Time, she trained her sights on me. “By the way, you’re next, dipshit.”

“Wait, wha– Oof!” I’m cut off by the most bone-crushing hug of my life. Seriously, I could hear my ribs cracking. When Lightning finally let go, I gasped for air.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Time said. “What has gotten into you?”

Lightning smiled and held up a piece of paper. I’m still recovering from having all the air ripped from my lungs, and Derpy seems too flustered to breath. Noting this, Time Turner sets his now crushed grocery bag on the ground and grabs the paper. His eyes darted across several lines while his expression went from neutral, to surprise, to excitement.

“Whoa! Lightning, congrats!”

“What is it?” I wheezed out. Turner shoved the paper in my face. I scanned it, still trying to determine the number of bruises my ribs now have. When my eyes fall upon the fourth of fifth line they practically bulged out of my skull.

“Holy shit!” I cried before I can stop myself. Derpy recovered enough from what I could only guess is an almost-wingboner long enough to give me a scolding stare. My eyes darted over to Dinky, who was now in the room.

Oops.

“Seriously though, Lightning. Congratulations.”

“Is anypony going to tell me what’s going on?” Derpy asked.

“Dusty’s back in the Wonderbolts Academy.” I patted her on the back as I say the words. Her face exploded into a wider grin. Derpy mirrored the action, realizing what this meant for Lightning.

“Could you say that again? I love hearing it.”

“Dusty’s back in the Wonderbolts Academy.”

“Hell yeah I am!” Lightning hoof pumped the air with joy.

“Hell yeah!” Dinky echoed.

Ah dammit. I turned to the kid. “Don’t use that word, okay Dinky?”

“No promises.”

“Dinky,” I heard Derpy sternly say.

“Okay.” The kid hopped over to join us. “So what are we celebartin’?”

“This psycho,” I say, clapping Dust on the back. “Just got back into the Wonderbolts Academy.”

“That’s awesome!” Dinky exclaimed, followed by, “What’s the Wonderbolts Academy?”

“It’s a training camp that only the most elite pegasi get to go to. The Wonderbolts only accept you if you’ve gone through.” Lightning hugged the paper close to her body. “And I’m back in.”

Turner and I shared a slightly awkward glance. Neither of us have ever seen Lightning act like this before, but it certainly makes her depression from the first time we met make a lot more sense. The Wonderbolts must really mean the world to her. I guessed your dreams will do that to you.

“C-Congratulations, Lightning.” Derpy’s finally came out of her flustered shock. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks… I just… I’m so freakin’ happy right now.”

“We’ve gotta celebrate properly,” I said. “How ‘bout it? Drinks on me!”

“Oh, I’ll take some apple juice!” Dinky called out.

I gave her a grin, but my eyes dart from the kid to Derpy. We’ve already exposed her daughter to the wonderful debauchery of profanity; I doubt she wanted booze added on top of it.

“There’s… uh, probably some in the fridge, Dinky.”

Smiling, she bounded back into the kitchen. Derpy turns, giving us all a somewhat disapproving glare.

“So… are we going to the bar or what?”

Time shook his head. “Rider, it’s noon.”

“But… we can still go later, right?” Lightning’s head whipped around with anticipation.

“I’m in,” I said.

“I guess I didn’t have all that much work to do today anyway.”

Lightning looked at the last member of our little platoon. “Derpy?”

Derpy scrunched her face. “Well, I don’t know if it would be appropriate. I mean, we’ve done a lot of drinking lately, and I have to watch over Dinky tonight, and…” she trailed off, seeing the hopeful look on Dust’s face. I watched as she internally sighs. “I… guess I can go to the Dizzy Weasel.”

“Yes! Thanks Derpy, it wouldn’t be the same without you there.”

As Derpy blushed and added, “Y-yeah, no problem.”

---

We strutted into the Dizzy Weasel eight hours later. Well, not all of us. Lightning Dust, without a doubt, is strutting. She held her head high, and her posture is practically at regal levels. I couldn't blame her for that; she’s got a right to act like she just won the lottery, cause in a way, she just did. I’m not sure what the odds are of getting into the Wonderbolts Academy, but they must be pretty slim. And getting reaccepted after being kicked out? Dust might've just be the first to do something like that.

The rest of us just casually walked in like it’s a usual night at the bar, but we had an ambience of party about us.

“Do you think it was a good idea for me to just leave Dinky again?” Derpy asked, her brows knit together with worry.

“Sparkler’s there,” I reassured her. “Besides, you’ve done this before plenty of times.”

“Yeah, but that’s kind of the problem. I don’t want to always be leaving my daughter at home while I hang out at some bar.”

“Tell you what,” Time Turner interjected. “Next time we all go out, you can pick the activity.”

Derpy offered a half-smile, which we both assume means she’s on board with it. Lightning commanded our attention after our exchange is done by steering us over to the nearest empty booth and calling out for a round of drinks.

Four ciders soon ended up on the table, and our weeks old tradition of slamming down booze began anew.

“So, the Wonderbolts Academy ought to be pretty fun,” I mentioned, hoping to jump-start a conversation.

“It’ll be a lot of work,” Lightning replied, sipping at her cider. I take note of the fact that she isn’t chugging like she normally does. Maybe Dust’s finally learned you don’t need to be drunk to be happy.

“Work can be fun,” Time offered.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been working towards this all my life, you know? I’ll enjoy it.”

“Let’s just hope they actually accept you back in,” I said. Eyebrows rose across the table. “Well, you’ve got a substantial beer gut to work off now that you’re shooting to go pro again.”

“I don’t have a beer gut!” Lightning asserted, nudging her cider away. To be on the safe side, she peaked below the table at her stomach. Derpy checks too, at least, I hope she’s looking at the stomach instead of something else.

“You don’t look flabby,” Derpy assured her. “All the work at the post office must’ve done some good for you.”

“Huh, I guess so.” Lightning paused. “I probably won’t be able to work there if the ‘Bolts accept me back.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that.” Derpy looked downtrodden, but not immensely hurt.

We’ve all come to the realization that the Wonderbolt’s Academy would be taking up a lot of Lightning Dust’s time by now. No more late nights at the bar, picnics, or hanging with Dinky, at least for a while. She’ll be way too busy working towards her dream. I won’t lie; Dust had really grown on me the past few weeks. It’ll suck not being able to hang out with her anymore, though at the same time it’ll be a huge load off my shoulders. Some separation from Lightning might be just what Derpy needs to come down from her infatuation high. I hope.

“Well, we’ll still see each other, right?” Time asked. “I mean you’ll graduate from the Academy sooner or later.”

“And hopefully move right on up to the actual Wonderbolts,” Lightning said, coming to terms with this fact. “So, I’ll be training even harder than ever, with even less free time…”

“So, what? We don’t get to see you anymore?” Now I’m a little concerned. Going without Dust for a few weeks or months, sure okay, I could deal with it. But never seeing my best friend ever again? Nope. “That’s bucked up.”

“I guess I hadn’t really considered it until now.” Lightning suddenly became very interested in studying the table. I can’t really blame her on that; she only just found out about her reacceptance a few hours ago.

“You mean… we’ll never see you again?” Derpy turned to Lightning. “I’ll never see you again?”

“What? No! No… I don’t know.” Lightning put her hoof to her forehead and sighs. “I just never expected it to be a problem, you know?”

We sat in silence, each occasionally taking a drink from our glasses. We’re all at a real loss for words now, but Derpy especially. She’d practically had hearts popping out of her head in a love daze lately, and now they’ve moved out in favor of a storm cloud. The only good thing I can think that might come out of Dust leaving is that maybe Derpy will never learn she isn’t gay, but that’s a small consolation. Hell, I’d prefer it if Derpy learns the truth rather than Lightning Dust leave.

When the cider runs dry, Lightning got up. “I’m going to grab another round, okay?” We all nodded a consensus, nopony having found their words.

Scratch that, Time found his a moment later. “I’m going to take a piss.” He left the seat beside me and darted towards the bathroom.

Glancing at Derpy, I noticed she’s twirling her empty glass around looking forlorn. “You doing all right?”

“N-no…” Derpy frowned. “I don’t want her to leave me… er, uh… us.”

I gave her a smile that didn't reach my eyes. “I don’t want her gone either, but we can’t stand between her and her dream, Derpy.”

“I know… I feel bad for wanting her to stay and feel bad that she might be leaving for good. …Is it wrong that I really want her to stay though?”

“No, of course not. Besides, she hasn’t made the final choice yet,” I pointed out, hoping to cheer her up.

“She practically has.”

“Who knows, maybe something we do will convince her to stick around.” I was grasping at straws, and I knew it, but at least I was trying to cheer the both of us up.

“Convince her…” Derpy mumbled to herself.

“Yeah, or at the very least make the most out of the time we still have instead of moping around like a bunch of sad sacks.” I paused. “You know, there’s a sad-pony-in-a-bar/why-the-long-face kind of joke in there somewhere.”

Derpy shook her head at my nonsense, and Dust arrives.

“Cider all around!” she proclaimed, taking her seat by Derpy. “Look guys, about the leaving thing… can we worry about it tomorrow? Tonight’s a celebration, and I want us to have a good time.”

Derpy and I shared a look. We’re both in agreement. “Sure, Dust. Let’s get a buzz going.”

“Sweet.” The three of us took our mugs and downed the golden ichor within. Derpy actually finished hers in three gulps. “Holy shit!” Lightning said when she notices. “When did you get good at drinking?”

Derpy blushed. “Hey, I can drink. I just choose not to do a lot of it most of the time.”

“Really? ‘Cause I’d always pegged you as a lightweight.”

“You know, if I remember correctly, you’re the one who needs to be carried home every night.”

“Not every night!”

Lightning and Derpy were staring each other down now, and I could tell this friendly teasing has the potential to turn into a pissing contest.

Time hopped back into the booth. “Hey, what did I miss?

“Oh, hey, Sexy. I think these two are about get into a drinking match.”

He gave them a confused look. “Lightning thinks I’m a lightweight apparently,” Derpy informed him.

“Weren’t we all depressed a minute ago?” he asked.

“We’re just going to kick that down the road,” I told him. Kinda like our other problem.

He nodded with understanding. “Kay, so what was that about a drinking match?”

“We weren’t going to do that,” Derpy interjected. “Rider was just–”

“No, no, that’s a great idea,” Lightning said. I can see a competitive fire in her eyes.

“What?”

“Yeah Derpy, you and me. Let’s have a drinking match. Or a drink off. Or whatever you wanna call it. Let’s just drink until one of us passes out.”

Derpy offered a cringe that said she’d prefer to opt out. “Lightning I dunno…”

“What’s the matter?” I asked, choosing to add fuel to the fire. “You afraid you’ll beat Lightning too bad?”

“What? No, I–”

“You’ve sealed your fate now, Derpy.” Lightning got up. “I’ll be back with seventeen shots of whatever the strongest thing is in this bar.”

“Tell ‘em to bill me,” I said. “It’ll be worth it to see this go down..” She nodded and rushes towards the bar. Derpy gave me a menacing look, but all it accomplishes is eliciting a laugh from me.

“A drinking contest, really?” She’s fuming. “Rider, I don’t want to get drunk.”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to disappoint Dust even more.” She’s about to respond, but knew I was right. “Relax, just fake passing out after two or three hits.”

Derpy shook her head. “Time, please get me out of this.”

He snickered. “Actually, I want to see where this goes.”

Lightning ran back, empty-hoofed. “I just realized I can’t carry seventeen shot glasses. Come on!” She yanked Derpy from the booth, causing her to yelp, and dragged her up to the bar. Time and I shared a look before following.

“This is going to be awesome!” Lightning declared when we’ve caught up to them. The bartender finished setting several tiny shot glasses in front of them. Derpy looked over the clear liquid in the containers, and raised her eyebrow.

“Dust, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Does this answer you’re question?” Dust grabbed one of the shot glasses, and dumped the contents in her mouth. There’s a brief pause before she doubled over coughing. “Oh Celestia, it burns!” My eyes widened as she beats her hoof into her chest and coughs some more. Bystanders give a curious looks as this all goes down. Finally the alcohol slithers down her throat, and she finishes almost dying on us.

When Derpy is sure Lighting is okay, she speaks again. “That… didn’t answer my question at all. In fact, that whole thing came across as kind of noncommittal.”

“I made it out to be worse than it is,” Lightning rasped. “Come on, your turn.”

Derpy eyed the nearest shot glass with uncertainty. She cautiously reached out for it. She placed the glass to her lips and took a sip. Then another. And another. “Not bad.”

“What?” Lightning asked, her mouth hanging agape. Derpy finished the alcohol and placed the glass upside down on the bar table.

“Your turn,” she sweetly said with a smile.

---

Fourteen shot glasses of what I learned is vodka later, Derpy and Lightning were both wobbly and drunk. Their little contest had attracted the attention of the entire bar at this point, and everypony was on edge. One shot remained on the table. Dust eyed it, and reached. Unfortunately her muscle control is completely gone right now and she instead slams her head into the table.

“Buck!” I heard a collective gasp from some ponies behind me.

Derpy giggled, scoops up the shot, and downed it in one go. Before I could blink a chorus of cheers bombards the bar. She’s lifted up form behind by the celebrating ponies, one of whom I recognized as Berry Punch, but the rest I had no clue. They carry her in a victory lap across the bar shouting, whooping, and hollering all the way. I hang back to console Lightning.

“That was bucking awesome,” she tells me. Clearly she doesn’t need consolement. “How many did she drink?”

“Fifteen,” I say. Lightning blinks. “You only got in two.”

“What? I could’ve sworn I – hic - I had more than that.”

I shrugged. “It was some seriously powerful stuff, Dust. I’m impressed you managed to get two down.”

“And Derps did fifty?”

“Fifteen,” I clarified. Lightning swayed to the right in response, barely blinking. Man, she’s kinda wasted. I’d hate to see how Derpy’s going to be when the mob releases her. That’s when it hit me.

The past few times Derpy’s gotten hammered, she’s either made out with, attempted to make out with, or attempted to confess her love to Lightning. Now that she’s hammered again, who knows what she’ll do?

“Hey guys. Did you eyeball me drink-off the win?” Derpy stumbled into us, bubbly and giggling up a storm.

“Uh… yeah… congrats Derpy,” Time said, letting her lean on his shoulder for fear she’ll fall down.

“We should probably get her home,” I casually threw out there, trying to not let the panic slip through.

Derpy squinted. “Lightning? Naw, she’s fine.”

I rolled my eyes. “Want me to walk you home, Derpy?”

“Don’t you gotta booze for the pay?” she asked. At least, that’s what I think she asks. It’s kinda hard to tell when she slurs her words.

“Oh yeah...”

“I got her,” Lightning stepped in. “I’m going to her place anyway, remember?”

Turner shot me a look, but I’m already aware of the dangers of this. Both of them are drunk, one’s gay and the other… not so much. I shudder to think what might happen.

Time begins to voice his concerns. “Maybe–”

“Don’t piss your pants with worry, Turner. I can stumble us home safely.”

“I’m… not wearing pants.”

“Good for you. Rider’s over there if you want to take advantage of your non-pantsness. Now goodbye.” Lightning wrapped a giggling Derpy’s forearm around her neck and strolled to the door before Turner had enough time to blush.

They’re out the bar door before I could even say, “We’re screwed.”

---

“I gotta say, Derps, that was some epic drinking you did.” Lightning took another step through the calm night. “That was just… epic.”

“Aww, thanks.” She blushed.

“Seriously, why can’t you drink like that all the time? You’d be a legend or some shit.”

Derpy shook her head. “Lightning, I have this thing called a daughter, who I need to be there for when I wake up in the morning. I can’t just ignore her.”

“Right, right. Oh well. You’re still pretty amazing.”

Derpy smiled. Walking on for several more minutes, Lightning suddenly paused. “Hey, do you have any idea how long we’ve been walking? Or even where we're going?”

“Nope.”

“Fantastic.”

“I trust you to get us home.” They walked a little more before Derpy spoke again. “I… about the Academy…”

“Aw, come on Derpy, don’t talk about that now.” Lightning sighed. “We had a ton of fun tonight, so can we just worry about that in the morning?”

“I want to worry about it now,” Derpy said. “It’s just… I don’t want to lose you.”

Lightning observed the ground for a moment. “You won’t lose anything, Derpy, a’ight? We’re friends, and I won’t let something like a lack of free time keep us from being best pals.”

“Yeah… pals.” Derpy squinted in the dim light of the moon. “I think that’s my house on the end.”

Lightning gave it a look. “I bet so. Don’t worry, we’ll be there in a quick sec.”

The continued in silence making to the door before one of them needed to speak again. “You won’t forget about us when you’re at the Academy, will you?”

“Hell no. You guys are like, one of the best things that ever happened in my life. I’ll never forget you.”

Derpy smiled as Lightning opened the door to her house. She leaned forward, intending to plant a kiss on Lightning’s cheek, but her lips meet the wooden frame of her door first. Dammit. Spitting the taste from her mouth, she moved inside.

“Well, goodnight.” Lightning ambled toward the couch.

“Uh…” Derpy attempted to move forward, but the world was spinning around her. “Can you help me to my room?”

Lightning meandered back around. “Yeah sure.” Taking Derpy in her forelegs again, Lightning moved them both to the stairs. They climbed up and onto the hallway above. “Which one’s your room?”

“First on the left.”

Lightning walked them there, and Derpy could tell by her sluggish movements that she was getting really tired. To the point where she simply kicked open the door to Derpy’s bedroom instead of turning the knob.

“How stealthy. You are aware that my daughter is trying to sleep.”

“Whoops.”

Lightning led her over and laid Derpy down on the bed. “You good?”

“Yeah.”

“Great.” Lightning yawned loudly. “You know… I’m kinda tired. You mind if I just… rest my eyes… for a moment....” She slowly sunk down, her hooves reaching onto the bed.

“Go ahead,” Derpy said, too tired to focus. She shut her eyes, but felt the bed shift under the added weight of Lightning Dust. Her back ended up pressed to Derpy’s face, so she readjusted. Her head ended up resting on Lightning’s neck.

“Lightning?”

A snore was the only response she got. Despite her exhaustion, Derpy blushed, but decided to take advantage of the situation. She tilted her head slightly and kissed Lightning on the cheek, and then cuddled her body closer before drifting off to sleep herself.

Comments

[Qussar]

Oh boy oh boy oh boy
This is gonna be a awful to explain in the morning
For them I mean, it's gonna be awesome to read for me

[Seether00]

Oh man. This is going to suck so hard in the morning. I can just feel the hammer ready to drop.

Huh, I wonder how Rainbow balances the Academy and her friends? If she can do it, why on Lightning. And Dinky needs another care giver in her life. And, odd as it sounds, Dust would be a good one.

[deli73]

Ah dammit. I turn to the kid. “Don’t use that work, okay Dinky?”

Guessing you mean "word"?

Turner and I share a slightly awkward glance. Neither of us have ever seen Lightning act like this before, but it certainly makes her depression from the first time we met make a lot more sense. The Wonderbolts must really mean the world to her. I guess your dreams willd

I think something happened to the rest of that paragraph...

[Fire Gazer the Alchemist]

5585469 Thanks for the help.