South of Canterlot
Shimmering Night flew through the air with her wings spread wide. She loved moments like this. Night did not lie to Luna; she desperately needed to stretch her wings. With the air flowing under her feathers, she felt amazing. The wind beneath her wings was the greatest feeling in the world. As the daughter of Rainbow Dash, she was fully trained in some of the most technical aerial maneuvers possible. Yet for Night, it was all about this feeling. The physical enjoyment of flight was what she flew for. It was what she wanted and enjoyed the absolute most about it.
Night closed her eyes, allowing her to focus on all the other sensations. She listened to the wind flowing past her. She felt the air pockets above and beneath her. The cool air felt amazing after all this time. Ever since the rogue God was finally dealt with, too much of her time was spent dealing with the problems of others. She spent her time ruling Equestria with Princess Luna. While it was a role they were grooming her for since her birth, it allowed for none of the freedom she now felt. Truly, she did not feel this way since she last flew with her former husband Bright Dawn.
Her mood soured when his name came to her mind. Shimmering Night still could not believe that he said what he said. Even after three months, it still haunted her dreams. His words, she would remember them for the rest of her life. They were so hurtful, so spiteful, and what's worse, he believed that he was doing it for her. He called her mom, Twilight Sparkle, a monster. He said it was for the good of her and Equestria that she had died… She could never forgive that; Night could never forgive him, not after that. Still, she would be lying if she said she it still didn't sting. The loss of companionship also hurt. That was part of the reason why she wanted to go on this hunt.
When someone you love betrays you like that, at that level, it always leaves a mark.
"Night, hey Night!!" Ataxia's yelling got her attention.
Night looked up from her flight, she was off course. The Wonderbolt squad was fifty degrees to the left, heading on a direct course for Appleloosa. She was not. Night mentally facehoofed; she could not believe that she allowed her thoughts to distract her so. The foe they faced was dangerous to the extreme and she was letting memories of her ex-husband distract her like this.
“Sorry, sorry.”
“What’s going on? You seem a little distracted.”
“A little.”
Shimmering Night looked at the dragacorn. If you asked her a year ago what she thought about Ataxia, she would not have given a favorable opinion. The two used to be best friends growing up, however that all seemed to change over the years. Now, to put it kindly. It was only after prodding by both her parents that Ataxia was even invited to her wedding. Before, she never understood why Twilight and Rainbow excused every action the mare made. Regardless what trouble she would cause, or how much destruction, the two would simply fix it all and then talk to her.
She now knew that Ataxia was the Avatar of Chaos; it was little wonder that she always got into trouble. After all, it was her birthright.
Looking at her, she admired the sheer power of Ataxia’s new form. Everything about it was impressive to the alicorn. It seemed every time she transformed, Ataxia’s dragacorn form was growing. She was the length of three earth ponies now and easily taller than any alicorn with scales that shone in the light of Luna’s sun. While her face was that of a dragon’s, nopony could look upon it without seeing Ataxia’s features in it. She was also the only dragon that Night knew of with a unicorn’s horn. The Dragon Steel Armor Rarity made for them all became part of Ataxia’s scales, it acted as a form-fitting glove that appeared and disappeared with her transformation. It was as much a part of the mare as the blue scales that ran down her back.
If her looks were impressive, then Ataxia’s abilities were even more so. Ataxia’s full power was still unknown. She was always impressive with magic, yet her current abilities put all of that to shame. It seemed as if there was no limit to what she could accomplish now. With Twilight’s memories gone, Ataxia was the strongest magic user in Equestria. Not that she just needed her magic. Ataxia’s front claws could slice right through the strongest stone. Her flame burned hot and long enough to hurt other dragons, which is something Night swore was impossible before she saw it first hoof.
Ataxia stopped the group and made them wait for Shimmering Night to catch up. Technically, she was the lowest ranking pony here. However, she has operational command of all hunts, a task appointed to her by Princess Rainbow, Luna, and Night. While all hunts were two pony teams, she was the de facto leader of each one.
When Night caught up with the group, she was stopped by Ataxia’s claw on her chest. Ataxia looked at her with judging eyes. “Can you do this?”
“What?”
“Look, I know it's been awhile since your last hunt, but I need you here, now. Therefore, I need to know before we go any farther if you can be here with me. Otherwise we will turn around and get Luna.”
“I can do this.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Night stared Ataxia in the eyes. She met the dragacorn’s gaze with no hesitation in her. Ataxia simply smiled at that.
“Ok then, but no more getting distracted, ok?”
“Ok.”
As the group continued on, Ataxia could not help but steal glances at the purple alicorn. Shimmering Night went through so much in the past six months. She lost both of her moms at different points. Her husband ran for and won the title of King Asshole. To make matters worse, her mom, Twilight Sparkle, has no memory of who she really is. Ataxia could not imagine a worse set of circumstances.
Although, she did admit Shimmering Night rose to meet each one head on. The mare was amazing. Where most would have simply cried in the corner, Night fought back against what life forced upon her. Shimmering Night took over as co-ruler of Equestria after Celestia’s death. She even participated in these hunts with her every now and again. It was impressive if Ataxia said so herself.
“Hey Night?”
“Yeah?”
“How much longer do you think it’s going to be until Twilight is back to normal?”
“Can we not?”
“C’mon, there's not much else to talk about.”
“How about the weather?”
“Seriously?”
“It hurts less.”
“Oh, sorry.” Ataxia did not consider that. She mentally berated herself. ‘How would I feel if something happened to my mom?’ Although, a thought did occur to her. “You'll feel better if you talk to someone you know.”
“What if I don’t want too?”
“Then we got a three hour flight of really uncomfortable silence.”
“I know, it’s... It's just hard having to lie to her like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t even tell her she is my mom…”
“What? Why?”
“Rainbow asked me not too, she said that according to Cadance, it would not be wise to force Twilight back into her old life like that, that the time would come to tell her everything, but not all at once.”
“Buck that!”
“She made me pinkie promise.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah…”
“Well don’t think of it as lying, think of it as not telling the whole truth.”
“A lie of omission is still a lie.”
“Omwhatten?”
“Omission: it means to leave something out or exclude something.”
“Why didn’t you just say that?”
“I did.”
“No, you said omission.”
She could not help but crack a grin at that remark, Ataxia ‘dropped’ out of school at a very young age. Sometimes she would forget that and talk over Ataxia’s head. At times like this, it was best to simply nod and agree. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“Now you’re being condescending, aren’t you?”
“Hey that’s a big word for you.” Night laughed at that; unfortunately, it was exactly what would make the situation worse. Ataxia launched a flame attack right in front of Night's flight path. She avoided it at the last second by diving down underneath it. There was no real intent to hurt the alicorn, but Ataxia did want to send a message.
“Ok, message received, sorry.”
“Thought so.”
Ataxia looked back just to make sure Night was not hurt in some way. She pulled her punch on that. Still, it was hard for her to gauge exactly how much power to put into things like that. She did not want to injure her friend, not in any real way anyway.
Ataxia cringed when she saw that some of Night’s rainbow mane was a little singed. Extending her wings, she allowed the alicorn to pass her before coming up from behind to do what she could for her friend.
“What are you doing?”
“Fixing something.”
"What?" Night asked.
Deflecting, Ataxia quickly changed the subject. “For what it’s worth, Bright Dawn was a fool.”
“Thanks.”
Looking over the damage her stunt caused, Ataxia quickly cast a spell and regrew the burnt strands. In a flash of white, Night’s mane was back to its rainbow beauty. Despite herself, Ataxia’s hooves stayed on Shimmering Night’s mane a little too long. She almost lost herself in the feel of it before Night commented.
“Are you done?” Night asked her friend, unsure what was going on.
“Oh… Yeah.” Ataxia sped off, quickly passing all three members of the Wonderbolt squad leading them. She needed to put some distance between whatever ‘that’ was and the blush on her face.
A very confused Shimmering Night followed.
…………….
Appleloosa
“Knock, Knock.”
A black energy beam shot out of the darkness to meet this intruder. He expertly dodged it with a roll to his right. Six shadow hands quickly followed it up trying to reach for his limbs. Each one would pull him apart in their grasp if they caught him. He laughed at these tricks. With a dive through the air, the black pegasus took wing. Flying around the hands, he forced them to tie themselves up in knots.
Several more energy beams shot out, after dodging the first three, he positioned himself between his attacker and the knot of hands. When the fourth shot came, he dodged to the left and laughed as his attacker’s magic was forced upon itself.
“We can keep playing these games if you want to, you'll just lose though.”
He heard a growl in the distance. “Ahh, did I make you mad? You know you can’t catch me, regardless of how much power you have.”
“You’re not as fast as you think you are.”
“Yes, I am. No one is as fast as me.” The black pegasus cocked a grin and beat his hoof to his chest.
“Correction, none was as fast as you. You've been dethroned.”
“Bullshit!”
The lights came up around the cave, for the first time since entering he gazed upon his attacker. On the other side of the cave a unicorn stood, a brown cloak covering his form. “Dear brother,” he spoke. “You've been gone for far too long. A lot has changed in that time.”
“Well, it’s not my fault that they took the target to Canterlot. You just got lucky, if they took her to Manehattan it would have been me.”
“Jealous?”
“After you got your ass kicked? No, not really.”
“Keep it up Blood; see what happens when you really piss me off.”
“What and watch you miss more, Night?”
“You might be surprised what I'm capable of with this body.”
“You could never fully control the power of your host, you do it wrong. You rely on deception and lies to take over, sharing their power and relying on them to lend their strength. I break them fully before consuming their very essence.”
“We can’t all wait months before fully taking over like you do, besides this host won’t complain about anything like that.”
“Oh, why's that?”
The unicorn pulled back his hood. Revealing a face that decayed from too much time spent rotting in the river. The shock of it caused his brother to fall to the ground. He immediately wrapped the errant pegasus in a magic cocoon that threatened to squash him entirely.
“But, the dead cannot support us! They don’t have enough magic….”
“This one did and what I've learned… it would fill a library brother. He knew just about every dark spell in existence. How he stayed on their side for so long is a mystery to me.”
The pegasus attempted to free himself, only to find that it was impossible. He was caught, and that was the end of his story. Still, it was a waste not to find out what information he could. “So, what name do you go by now?”
“Grim Night.”
“Unoriginal, but fitting. You can call me Blood Dawn.”
“Then good bye, Blood Dawn.”
Before Grim Night could start to squeeze his brother to death, both of their heads snapped to the north. Two powers were on their way and getting closer as they spoke.
“It’s not supposed to be her!”
“Ahh, did your plans not go the way you wanted? I’m so sorry.” Blood Dawn sarcastically replied to his brother’s outburst.
“Was this your doing?!”
“Yes brother, somehow I knew exactly what you were planning and took steps to ruin it. Came here and let myself be trapped. Only to laugh at you as you killed me. This was exactly my plan.”
Grim Night dropped his arrogant brother. “This changes everything. I planned for Princess Luna.”
“Really, it’s the ‘other’ one that ruins your plans. Not the powerhouse that's on its way?”
“I already have something in store for that one.”
“Really? What?”
“Lord Tirek.”
“Tirek? Are you sure about that brother? At best he’s unstable. At worst he'd gain enough power to kill us both.”
“Don’t worry, in this body I'm more than match for him if he gets out of line. Not that it will come to that of course.”
“Of course, well if the other one is the issue, I think I might be able to help you with her.”
“You’re offering to help me?” Why do I feel like there is a price for this assistance?”
“Of course there's a price. I don’t know what you are planning but I want in. You have a way with plans that either succeeds spectacularly, or blows up in your face. I’m not blind to everything around me brother. I know how powerful these ponies have become. I wouldn’t last long on my own. Therefore, for this once, I will place my bets on you, and whatever you are cooking up. Besides, I want a shot at whomever you said is faster than me.”
“Hmm. Forced to work with you… It almost seems not worth it. Very well, I will accept your help. But tell me, how will you distract the other one?”
“That’s the easy part.” The black energy recalled from around his face revealing the features of Bright Dawn. “I am her husband after all.” He said in Bright Dawn’s voice.
The two brothers started laughing together. The sound of it echoed out of the cave.
.………
Fifty miles east of the Crystal Empire
“Twi… Twi…”
“Five more minutes…”
“Twi, you got to get up.”
“Why?’
“Because you should have been at your next study session at nine.”
“And?”
“It’s past noon.”
Twilight shot up, she could not believe that she overslept for her next lesson, “No, no, no, no, no. My professor is going to be so mad at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Unfortunately for the panicking alicorn; she forgot that she did not fall asleep on a bed. Her screams trailed off as she fell from the cloud she and Rainbow slept on.
“I gotcha!” Rainbow yelled as she swooped down and caught the alicorn in her hooves. In Twilight’s panicked state, she clung tightly to the cyan pegasus that saved her life. Twilight’s heart felt like a jackhammer pressed against Rainbow's chest.
“You know you can fly, right?”
Twilight began a series of deep breathing exercises to catch her breath. After a few inhales, she replied to Rainbow’s comment. “Actually, can you carry me the rest of the way? It would take me too long to fly back on my own." Rainbow’s heartbeat caught up to Twilight’s on that suggestion, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the alicorn.
“Sure Twi, hold on tight, ok?”
“Ok.”
Rainbow broke the sound barrier, treating Twilight to the first sonic rainboom she could remember.
…
Two minutes later, they arrived at the base of the Crystal Palace. Rainbow gingerly set Twilight down on the ground. Not fully letting her stand on her own until she regained the use of her legs. “That was amazing, Rainbow!”
“I know I am.” The cocky mare replied.
Twilight began walking up the stairs to the palace before looking back at the pegasus. “Thanks, by the way.”
“For what?”
“For everything…” Twilight blushed a little while making that comment. “You've shown me so much in these past months. You have been so patient with me despite everything. For that I wanted to thank you.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet!” Rainbow took off into the sky, treating Twilight and the entire Crystal Empire to the sight of two sonic rainbooms going off back to back. Twilight watched in awe until the display was over. She smiled again before heading up the stars to get yelled at for missing her lecture.
Up the steps, she ran into the last pony she expected to see but the one she wanted to talk to the most. “Cadance, may I ask you a few questions?”
Princess Cadance smiled at the mare; she already knew what was on Twilight’s mind. She could feel it growing from all this distance away; her plan was working. “You can ask me anything Twilight. You know that.”
Twilight sheepishly looked down at her hooves. “I know, it’s just that with everything that's happened, I wasn’t sure but…”
“But what?”
Twilight’s resolve strengthened, after that last flight lesson, she couldn’t help but see Rainbow Dash in a different light. “Let me ask, what do you think of Rainbow Dash?"
……………………………………..
Appleloosa
The first thing Ataxia noticed about the town of Appleloosa was its complete desertion. She could not spot a pony anywhere in the town. There was no sign of this Lord Tirek, the Wonderbolts that should have been keeping an eye on him, the ponies that lived here, or the buffalo that were native to this land.
Ataxia set down in the center of town, and a look back at the others caused her to feel slightly guilty. She did not intend to leave them so far behind. Not like this anyway. Night and the three Wonderbolts were still a few minutes out. “Slowpokes,” she said under her breath.
…...
As soon as Appleloosa came into view, Shimmering Night put on an extra burst of speed. While Ataxia was more than capable of fending for herself, Night did not believe that she fully appreciated the threat Lord Tirek represented. He was sly, conniving, and deceitful. In his last attempt, he managed to convince Discord to betray his friends in a false promise of freedom.
Her training with Rainbow paid off. The mare arrived a full minute ahead of the Wonderbolts that were leading them. Landing next to a sarcastically napping Ataxia, she hit her friend in the gut with her hoof.
“Ugh, what was that for?”
“You should know better than to leave your backup on a hunt.”
“Wow, you read the book on this didn’t you?”
“I wrote the book actually, wait you didn’t read it?”
“You’re kidding right? Me, read a book?”
“Tell me at least Luna read it.”
Ataxia laughed even louder at that.
“So neither of you read it? All that time wasted…” Night sunk down on her haunches.
Ataxia wrapped a leg around the purple alicorn and helped her stand up. “Just think, if you didn’t give me a copy of the book, I wouldn’t have anything to keep my door open.”
“My book is not a doorstop!”
“Really? 'Cause that’s what it’s doing.”
“Ataxia!”
“Hey now, remember rule three, no giving away our position unnecessarily.”
“Wait… I thought you said you didn’t read it?”
“I may have skimmed it.”
The three arriving Wonderbolts interrupted any further conversation the two might have had.
“Sergeant, where are your squad mates?”
“I don’t know, ma’am. They should have kept their distance; this is ominous to say the least.”
“It means an impression that something bad is going to happen.” Night spoke to Ataxia.
Ataxia looked at Night. “Thank you for that, now if you don’t mind I'm going to begin the hunt for the creature that is responsible for all of this. Sergeant, fly above and see if you can find what happened to the other two Wonderbolts that should have been on guard.”
Ataxia left the group and began walking around town, a loud “Humph” following in her wake. The three Wonderbolts saluted Princess Shimmering Night and took off into the air. Night turned in the direction of her friend, she was about to follow her when a flash of black appeared in her peripheral vision. It went by so quickly that she could not even see what left it.
She dismissed it as a shadow playing tricks, at first. The third time it occurred Night knew something was up. She tried to feel it out with her magic. Nothing came back, and while she was not as skilled at sensing others as some other ponies, Night knew that should not have been the case. Something was definitely wrong here. Something bad happened here.
“Night.”
The noise came quickly in the distance. She did not imagine it, worse she recognized that voice. ‘It couldn’t be…’ A large part of her wanted to go find Ataxia, to tell her something is seriously wrong with this place and they needed to regroup. However, logic was not ruling her thoughts right this moment. Night chased after the noise. If he is here, she wanted to know.
……
Ataxia turned another corner, she wanted to put as much distance between her and miss know-it-all as she could. She still could not believe how awkward the flight down here was. She was definitely not feeling like her normal self and she had no idea why. Unfortunately, she was not paying attention to where she was walking and ran face first into the back of a buffalo lying on the ground.
That snapped her out of her funk as she took in the sight of the carnage all around her. Dead ponies and buffalo lay everywhere. In the center of it all was a massive form hidden under a cloak. Lord Tirek was holding one of the Wonderbolts in his hand as the other two lay dead at his feet.
Ataxia watched in horror as he finished draining the magic from the Wonderbolt and snapped its neck. The body of the dead pegasus fell to the ground with a thud.
“So, they sent out their monster hunter to stop me?” Tirek said as he turned to face the dragacorn.
“You… You killed them?”
“Yes, you see I've learned a lot from my last visit up here, the mistake I made was leaving my victims alive. If they’re dead, I have no fear of losing the magic that I take from them. Although, I do have to say; I don’t particularly care for the taste of buffalo.”
“You're… you’re a monster.”
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
“I know what I am.”
“Do you? Do you honestly know what you are?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You my dear, you are the biggest monster of all.”
“Liar! I know what I am; I was told the prophecy.”
Tirek took a step forward, walking towards the dragacorn. Ataxia responded by setting the ground in front of him on fire. He lifted his leg in shock before turning his gaze back to the dragacorn. “You know nothing, young one. I was there the day the prophecy was foretold. Would you like to hear what did not make it into the books?”
………………………………
Shimmering Night followed the whisper out of the town. Every rational thought told her that this was a trap; that something wanted to separate them and she was playing right into their hooves. She did not care about rational thought right this second. She needed to know if he was here, why he was here, and if he had any part in what was going on.
The black blur seemed to be stalking her; always out of the corner of her eye. She would never see it directly as it darted from shadow to shadow. It was never in the same place for any amount of time and never when she looked in its direction.
The whisper led her into a cave out on the outskirt of town. Night readied herself, whatever it was, when the trap finally sprang, she would be ready for it. Casting the strongest shields she could, Shimmering Night walked with her head up into the cave.
After casting a light spell, her jaw dropped at what she saw. At the back of the cave was Bright Dawn, he smiled at her with that cocksure grin she swore he stole from Rainbow.
“Hey Night.”
“Dawn…” So many emotions ran through her at that moment that she could not process them all. It had been three months since she last saw him and the rumors she heard were not good. Yet here he stood, as if it were only yesterday that they were still married. “What… What are you doing here?”
“What? I can’t see my wife anymore?”
“We are not married Dawn, not anymore.”
“Funny I seem to remember a wedding, a ceremony, and reciting my vows. While I will admit, our honeymoon was slightly delayed, we still had one. You are quite the screamer you know.” He winked at her.
Shimmering Night wanted to yell at him, buck him in the teeth, banish him to the moon, and kiss him all at once. She was not sure which emotion would win in the end either. “That may well be, but you know it’s over after what happened three months ago.”
“Ahh, yes… when you threw away our marriage vows to defend your mom. Shame, I thought they meant more to you than that. How did yours go again? Oh wait I remember: You are my best friend. I give myself to you. I will love you in good times or in bad. When life seems easy and when it is hard. I will hold you in the highest regard. I pinkie promise all this to you.” He started laughing at her. “Unless you don’t like my mom, then I'll call it off in the blink of an eye. Oh, no, my fault; that last bit was implied wasn’t it? You know you’re lucky Pinkie Pie is not alive anymore, otherwise she would be rightly cross at you for breaking a pinkie promise.”
Anger began coming off Night in waves. “What’s your point?”
“Oh dear, I made you mad didn’t I. Well a good husband always puts his wife first doesn’t he? C’mon, let’s kiss and make up.”
Night met his puckered lips with a small blast from her horn. It was not enough to do any real damage; she just wanted him to shut up. The beam went right though him like he was not even there. Night ran up and waved a hoof through his form. “An illusion!”
“You always were a smart one, Night.”
She spun around, directly in the entrance to the cave was a black pegasus. The stallion grinned a wicked grin at the alicorn.
“Who are you?”
“Oh, I’m hurt, you don’t recognize me. I guess I can’t blame you, I do look a little different after all.” The black magic around the pegasus started melting away, revealing the form of her ex-husband. “No dear wife, it’s not a trick. This is really me, the me that you helped create.”
Night looked on, speechless. The illusion knew too much, too many personal details. This was her husband, or what remained of him anyway. “Bright Dawn, what happened to you?”
“Oh, so close. However, I'm no longer the one you loved. You can call me Blood Dawn. Want to guess how I earned that name? I do have to thank you though; it's so much easier to destroy the will of mortals when they have so much to lose. Bright Dawn’s will, well that took me a while. He still held out hope that you would take him back you know.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Hmm, maybe you aren’t that bright after all. Well I'll spell it out for you then, I'm the reason why your husband turned against Twilight. Yes, that’s right; when the Shadowbeings captured him instead of you, they implanted me into him. It was so easy, a simple suggestion here and there, about who was responsible for all the heartbreak in Equestria. Simple little tricks and he became utterly convinced that the only way to save the mare he so loved was by getting rid of Twilight Sparkle. It was utterly devastating hearing you all turn against him like that. Wait? Did I say devastating? I meant hilarious. Because I never altered his thoughts, I merely implanted suggestions; none of you even suspected that he was acting different for a reason. Well, timing it with Tartarus's master plan helped too. Without that, the process could have taken years to come to fruition.”
“You lie!” Tears begun coming from Shimmering Nights eyes as she processed all this creature told her.
“Come now princess, does this look like the face of a liar to you?” Blood Dawn grinned at the stricken alicorn. “You know it’s true, just look into your heart. A decade with the same stallion chasing after you, you know him far too well for it not to be the truth. All the pieces fit together nicely.”
“Give him back,” she cried out.
“Oh, you want him back? How about no. Don’t feel bad though, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I will say this; his soul was delicious. He suffered every day after he left you. The poor dear even tried killing himself almost every single night. I wouldn’t let him though.” He walked closer to the devastated alicorn, his every word like daggers plunged into her heart. “I'll tell you this, in the end I showed him the truth of it all. I showed him what I did. His screams were like music in my ears.” Blood Dawn laughed as the princess wept tears into the ground.
@Twidashforever...
Your cover picture source is Tirek Tastes the Rainbow, by DeviantArt(ist) Ghostwalker2061, it is a CrossOver fan-artwork between MLP:FiM and World of Warcraft (the dragon is raid-boss Neltharion/Deathwing).
As a general future reference, 90% of fan-artwork images used as cover images are from DeviantArt.
4480487
Updated, thanks for letting me know
despite prereading it i read it again anyway. yep still loving it
Oh, God.
Ok, I really need to finish BoI now.
4480820
I love the logic here, 8 down votes...
So people finished all of TiM, A life lived, and BoI. Got to this and said: Wow this sucks...
Or people skipped to my fourth book in the story, have no idea what's going on, and said: Wow this sucks... - seems to be the prevailing theme here, why am I not surprised?
4480866 Or people saw 'dragacorn', said 'oh god shitty self inserts ahoy' and said: wow this sucks.
4480880
So spending 7 chapters in BoI establishing what that is and continuing it into the next story. Somehow creates a 'shitty self insert?'
I do this odd thing when stories have concepts and ideas i don't like and can't get behind. I skip over them.
4480880 Or people saw that this author wanted them to read SIX GODDAM FICS BEFORE IT and went "wow this sucks"
4480892 Well, when you spend 7 chapters creating a shitty self insert?
Yeah. Yeah, it kinda does.
4480904
So in a universe where we have:
tiger/goat/snake hybrids
Wolfs made out of timber
Changelings
Small creatures that have to gather pollen, but can be killed by everything
earth pony/unicorn/pegasus hybrids
A dragon/pony hybrid is too much for you?
just want to know where you draw the line is all.
And by that logic, you literally went to this story to hate on it...
Nice one.
4480898
TL;DR?
Ok. yet you felt the need to comment?
i don't know why people are bitching, this is good, and heartbreaking.
4480904
4480898
that's the point of sequel's, i'm fairly certain in saying no one has been able to watch star wars: return of the jedi before a new hope and the empire strikes back and still somehow understood EVERYTHING that was going on. and is there really even a need to bitch about it
4481043 and discord, can't forget discord
4481347
Yes thank you, a creature made up of all sorts of different animals that is largely omnipotent.
Thats fine.
But a Dragon/pony offspring (who btw is a creation of said creature) thats too far...
Obvious Trolls are obvious.
4481354 to them, personally i like it.
4481237
thanks, I never expected this sort of issue myself(why would anyone start with the last story?). I appreciate comments from people who actually read the other stories.
Is it imparitant that I read commander firestars report before I read this ?
4483316
It's not, that is more of a side off story that took place during Best of Intentions. (Each chapter occurs at a different moment during BoI) it was simply easer to put it at the end then try and explain when it occurred.
You should read it though (It's really good and funny, It details what happened to Tsunami from Firestar's perspective)
4483330 I've always ment to read it, even had a tab on my tablet with it up but never got around to reading it I'll give a go tomorrow.
no problem, i really enjoy your work
1. Always glad to help out in that regard (cover image source). Giving proper credit to where it is due is how one gains Respect, as much as to give it.
2. I also see very little basis for pseudo-controversy over this fan-fiction. You have had an overall series for build-up, and it is your fan-fiction, you are allowed to add OCs.
The counter-balance to that argument, of course, is treading carefully with use of OCs. This comes from the now almost-comedic tendency of OCs being too much for the reader audience to accept.
But in the overall? Unless someone actually has something constructive to comment (even negative comments can be constructive, if the Commentor actually has something worthwhile to say other than "wtf this sucks"), then ignore them.
.
3. Also...three (3) Dislikes for my initial comment? Really...? For a neutral comment pointing out the source of cover image for this fan-fiction when it was ASKED BY the Author? This only continues to show the shadows-skulking trolls too cowardly to even counter-comment "why" they disliked the point-out.
This also reinforces my point that you should ignore the non-critique/-constructive comments towards your fan-fiction.
(Thanks to those who did Like, though. )
.
4. While I am not inclined to go reading through your overall fan-fiction series (no malice intended, just no inclination), I can offer a bit of advice in that you can use a series-consistent title to show...well...a consistent series. This may help defray some of the negativity in showing you have an overall vision/direction for your fan-fiction writing.
4486132 thank you.
I think I might add (TiM: ......) to each title...
I have no idea why this got so much hate. It still amazes/upsets me.
It would be like picking up Harry potter book 3 then bitching cause you think quddich is stuped... Dafuq?
As far as OC's go. Yes there is a large amount but that's due to a 46 year time jump on the story line.
I have no idea why people hated on your comment, I welcomed it.
When an author writes a story within a predefined universe, ie MLP: FiM, and they bring in originality with fresh new characters and wholly new plots based still within predefined lore/cannon within said universe... how can this be a bad thing? it is adding to the universe yet still maintaining the original idea of the universe. Twidashforever based the initial work off the idea that greek/roman gods were involved in Equestria. this came from the cannon given to us in the episode 'its about time' Season 2 Episode 20.
grabbing onto that cannon then running into a new direction, with it created a vibrant new story. as such bringing in new characters and new creatures, yet all of it is still based within the predefined bounds of MLP: FiM.
I don't get all the hate here. fresh new ideas stepping into a new universe that still holds true to the old. if you want the stagnation of the same old all the time then don't read anything fresh and new.
not like some crazy combination creatures don't exist within Equestria already. at least this OC one has a very plausible background as to why it even exists at all..... if those complaining even bothered to read it.
sorry I am a day late with this guys.
4486194 makes me wonder, do they hate on EVERY fanfic with OC's in it.
4487195 Maybe just with anything original in it... (I guess that would included fanfics with OC's wouldn't it?)
4487165 Who would want to read a story with an original idea?
I guess it's also too mainstream to start a continuity from book 1...
Ok, I am done ranting about haters now...
Haters gonna hate, its what they do....
(its a bad place to be writing from. However, I now have no idea when the next part will be out, I need to calm down first.)
4487247
Take ya time. I'll be here if ya need me
4486194...
I might also suggest a numerical ordering to the overall series as well.
examples:
TiM (#1): The Truth in Meanings
TiM (#2): A life lived for others
TiM (#3): Best of Intentions, Worst of Results
etc.
4487354
I don't like the idea of adding numbers to the titles. (it feels tacky to me...)
I did add them to the short description though.
I never thought a read order list would be too complicated for people to understand. (or that they would get mad about it...)
4483350 did you read this chapter yet?
4490955 nope I've been busy with my avid finals haven't got a chance to, and dealing with some family problems right now so I don't know if I'll get to it by the weekend.
4491228
sorry to hear that, I hope everything goes better for you.
I 'might' have the next chapter out by then. (I am doing slightly better now)
4491228 good luck with all that.
4492443
4491431 thank you to the both of you and me to.
Not sure how I'm pre-reading when it's already posted, but oh well.
Period needs to be a comma. This doesn't flow well as two sentences, and the 2nd one isn't a complete sentence with the way it's phrased. While it could be rephrased as "this allowed her to..." I really don't like it here.
Colon is unnecessary, IMO. You're not hurting anything by keeping it, but I wouldn't.
This doesn't need to be in parenthesis. Just separate it from the other part of the sentence with a comma.
Unrelated, but I hate how it wouldn't let me exclude the period without shift-right-ing. *lazy*
Yknow, I know that Luna is probably the one pony right now who could move both the sun and the moon, but couldn't Shimmering Night help with that?
Was
change the period to a comma, and add "which" after it.
Also, I'd imagine dragons could harm each other with their breath, though it wouldn't be easy.
Gah! Period abuse! Protest! Protest!
"however, she had operation command of all hunts, a task appointed to her by Princesses Rainbow, Luna, and Night. While all hunts were two-pony teams, she was the de facto[/I ] leader of each one."
Put a coma after "distracted"
Comma should be a period.
And lol. All hail Bright Dawn, King Asshole!
participated.
Catching present/past tense usage is a bitch, though.
This made me lol for no discernible reason.
Is this the next interspecies romance?
Aurora got the small fry, methinks.
The problem with reading so much is when there's a chance that whatever you read can be used against you.
Comma needs to be a period.
That's not even close to Dayspring Gleam's name, you ass!
At least Bright's captor used part of his name
Probably should be an exclamation mark.
Twi was only a match because her power level with three alicorns was a match for a Tirek who had taken the magic of practically EVERY PONY IN EQUESTRIA AND DISCORD'S MAGIC.
Dayspring may have been powerful and knowledgable, but he wasn't an alicorn. No amount of dark magic can really overcome that.
Overconfident little...
Keep being adorkable, Twi. Even when you're amnesiac.
comma after "tight"
Comma after "thanks"
hrrmmmhmmm....
Was
Poor Night. So unappreciated...
I have no idea what you're trying to say here.
comma after nothing.
So he knows about it?
Comma should be a period.
Darth Bloodvader?
4480898 Not our fault you decided to jump into the middle of the story without any context whatsoever and didn't bother to figure things out.
Easy solution? Read the damn fic from the beginning, or don't read it at all. Simple. And if you really can't find the time to read TiM and BoI (even if it takes you a few months), then we can't help you.
4487687 Out of curiosity, do you have stories listed as sequels to each other (BoI and A Life Lived listed as sequels to TiM, This as a sequel to BoI)?
4480805 Thus spoke someone who started on this story and not the ones before it
4480904 Where'd you get the idea this was a self-insert, anyways?
4497847
Changes posted, thanks!
Sorry about the whole pre-read thing, I didn't know you would be off all weekend lol.
To answer your questions.
Yes Night is helping, but as most of the work is done during the day (political BS is normally a 9-5 job) Luna is taking the 'Day shift' until Night is ready for it.
They bathe in lava. Ya they probably can, eventually. But Ataxia's fire is heavily augmented due to her form.
Obviously discords magic is off the table this time around lol. (plus Grim Night is augmented by the Night Revenant. (A force stronger then the one that turned Luna into Nightmare moon))
/agreed
she figured Ataxia would not know the definition of ominous so she was defining it for her.
either that or he knows enough to tell a convincing lie. Which one?
I have this linked as a sequel to BoI, BoI to A life lived, and A life lived to TiM.... I also changed the names of all the stories to have TiM:____ in front of them and added the # story number to the short description.
you know, cause a read order list was too complicated to figure out...
4497847 You would be correct...I'm sorry, but there are WAY too many stories in this arc for me to read. Maybe sometime when I have 40 hours of free time.
4498086 Fine, you didn't have the time. I can understand that, since TiM and BoI combined are roughly 200K words (hell, I'm a fast reader and it still took me roughly 3-4 days, cumulatively, to read both of those stories and A Life Lived, though I got to BoI at about Chapter 17-ish).
Doesn't really do anything to excuse that reaction.
Oh, sorry, that's my bad. I was kinda not looking at Fimfiction all weekend, so I missed the PM.
Apparantly...
4498253 Think what you may. But when I see "dragacorn," I think terrible, bland OC fic. Not saying this is one of those, but that's my first thought.
4498278 You know, i had actually given you the benefit of the doubt. Thinking maybe he didn't say it in a purely negative way, but now?
First off, I learned in grade school never to judge a book by its cover.
Secondly, the concept of a pony/dragon hybrid is not even new to this site. (I have a few stories saved where Spike and Rarity have a kid) the only thing I did different was naming it.
Third, It's a character I introduced back in the SECOND book. (One who has been expanded upon and enjoyed by my readers.
Why are you even on this site? The entire purpose of Fan-fictions is to take the Original characters and expand upon them, add to the world, build upon what is given, and create something new.
In terms of everything else the show has given us, such as:
tiger/goat/snake hybrids (chimeras)
Wolfs made out of timber (Timberwolves)
Changelings
Small creatures that have to gather pollen, but can be killed by everything
earth pony/unicorn/pegasus hybrids (Alicorns)
etc...
A dragon/pony hybrid is tame...
(I will laugh my ass of if they do give us one in a season coming up)
Also, why would you even go to this story? for a Fandom about a show thats literally 'The magic of Friendship' It seems like a lot of people came to this story simply to HATE on it. without knowing anything about who these characters are and what they went through (Something I spent 243,000 words building up) Hate for the sake of hate? really?
On avg, a 5,000 word chapter can take me 10+ hours to write (not counting time spend with editors). As this is a continuation I expect those who read it to know what came before (Who would pick up book 4 of Harry potter and bitch that Quddich sounds stupid?) But way to shit upon someone else work and idea cause you think it sounds stupid...
IDK man, you got some thinking to do cause thats messed up...
You know. much like when I pick up a book at a library and it contains something I don't want to read, I simply put it back I don't write a blog about book x has a dumb idea that I know nothing about. When I see a story on here that has an idea I don't like, I DONT GO TO IT. I don't comment. I don't read it, and I don't down vote something I have no idea about. Its the bare minimum respect you can give a writer.
Noone is saying you can't hate a story (god knows I don't like every story I have read on this site) But if you don't read it (And you know, learn why he did what he did.) adding that hate to the story is simply Trollish...
4498454 Look, pal, I'm not trying to hate. I'm sure your story is fing AMAZING, and I regret my first comment, alright? Now, since I don't like to waste time, why don't you just stop putting words in my mouth.
4498489 How is he (or are we, if you including me in this) putting words in your mouth? You came to this story with no knowledge of the previous ones, saw the word "dragacorn", and felt that you had to leave an "oh god" comment and presumably downvote the story as well (I'm assuming you did the latter as well, given the tone of your first comment; correct me if I'm wrong).
You weren't forced to read those words. You weren't forced to start at this story and ignore the ones before it. You came here on your own and decided that, instead of simply walking away from the thread or posting a more neutral statement about dragacorns, you would make a comment that essentially said/implied "Why in the world is this in this story? It's dumb!"
I will grant you that there are probably a great number of stories with RarityxSpike (or whatever pairing of ponyxdragon) having a foal and doing terribly with the story and/or character. You are also more than welcome to your opinion that such hybrids and bland, terrible OCs. But when you have that opinion, voice it out loud, and have no knowledge or context in the story to properly support your statement--all of which is entirely your words, not ours--you don't get to be defensive, especially since Twidash didn't truly get angry at you in particular until his most recent comment.
tl;dr: Next time, keep it to yourself unless you know enough about the OC in particular to say it sucks, and don't claim we're "putting words in your mouth" when you yourself admitted that you knew nothing and from our PoV came here just to disparage the choice and potentially have downvoted the story as well.
4506512 This will be my last comment on this story, as it seems pretty clear that you all would rather have me gone. I didn't downvote this story, and am in the process of reading the whole series, though it will take a long time due to the fact I don't get much free time. Anyway, see y'all never.
4506941 Well then, apologies for assuming you did.
To be clear, it's not that I "want you gone", necessarily. The one that I'd "want gone" is la barata, since he/she seems dead-set on the idea that Ataxia is an OC (and in to him/her, bad) and AFAIK hasn't tried to read the story to see if that's really true. The fact that you're making the attempt to read the story and find out if Ataxia matches your perception or not makes you a much better person, in fact, and when you at least finish BoI and still believe she's a "bland, terrible OC" then I won't begrudge your opinion because you've read her and can actually make an informed observation about her instead of just assuming she's the same as every other you've seen.
I really just hope you got the lesson to at least leave such negative opinions to yourself until you can properly speak about them. It avoids these kinds of situations and it really helps you avoid looking like an ignorant ass. I've been there before, and you don't want to feel like that.
Why why would you do this to night, as if she didn't already have enough on her plate
4648376 cause she can't move on unless she deals with it
Sorry, have i missread it?
6478458
Nope, hands is correct. Almost like in the cartoon elfin leed