Unfortunate Events, but at the same time a profit
I was sitting in my personal chamber, painting myself riding Auric's pony form through the streets of New York. For some reason, I'd drawn him wearing a dress, while I wore a tuxedo and hat. It just seemed natural. I was getting the final touches just right when an unfamiliar female voice sounded through the Void, causing me some minor surprise.
"Then by the Authority vested in me as Guardian of this Realm, I, Lady Fausticorn, Pronounce thee, Auric Fulcrum and Measured Thought, husband and wife! As the saying goes, you may now kiss the bride.”
For a couple of minutes, I just sat there, not particularly looking at anything. Well. That changed everything. I looked at the painting, still half-done. After a moment, during which I was very, very angry, I eventually sighed. Auric was truly predictable, after all. And it was a shame for this painting to be unfinished, so I picked up my brush and got right back to work.
While I painted, I could feel my Generals testing out the limits of their powers. Tavish's Fragmentation power had grown to incredibly destructive levels, allowing him to cause earthquakes from practically across the planet. Bass Cannon, my Rahkshi of Power Scream, had his voice amped up to the point that I forbade him from practising nearby. Venom's poison was now capable of long-ranged attacks. Dracula, my Rahkshi of Hunger, could now drain even light energy and store it in a very close to infinite well, to be released later.
I watched my greatest piece yet dry as I contemplated the news of today. Not only had this just happened, but there was the matter of that Undertaker fellow, whom I had met a couple of hours beforehand...
I slouched on my throne, pondering this latest development. My spies had told me that they’d found the Mirror Pool in this ‘Ponyville’ place. Such an original name. Still, the Mirror Pool was supposedly blocked off, and couldn’t be accessed. This was due to, in the spies’ own words, ‘a huge boulder that they just tipped on there.’ Honestly, it was as if they were ASKING me to steal it.
As I pondered the wisdom of just going there and claiming the Mirror Pool for myself, I felt a tingle, as if a small legion of spiders was crawling all over me. I stood up, watching for whatever intruder was coming. Not inside the Lair- I had way too many protective wards for that. Instead, it seemed to be just outside. With a thought, I teleported to the same relative position as this… intruder.
Said intruder appeared to be an old man, dressed in a faded-blue suit, tapping his foot impatiently at me. Something about him just screamed about the Void- some sort of spirit perhaps? Or a Thing that Dwelled Within? I had no idea what to expect.I immediately probed his mind, but was blocked by a considerable mental defense. Grudgingly, I stopped probing and instead regarded him with caution. “Who are you, exactly?” I never let my guard down around him, keeping my staff in hand and my power bubbling beneath the surface like a volcano.
Said mysterious old man looked up at me with a mild glimmer of amusement in his eye. “Are all of you this brooding?”
That put me on guard. “Forgive me if I’m cautious around somebody I’ve never seen before. You don’t seem to understand like I do… how did you find me?”
He smirked, and that put me on edge just a little bit more. “It’s less about how I found you and more about the inevitability of me finding you.”, he said, “An individual grain of sand may be hard to find, but counting out each of them tends to fix that.”
I wasn’t surprised. “You’ve met other versions of me.” It wasn’t a question, per se, but more of a statement of fact. I couldn’t meet other versions of myself, because that would likely cause an interdimensional explosion if I did so.
“Unlike the other planes, these ones… feel strange”, he then mumbled something that a normal person wouldn’t have heard:”That idiot may have wanted meddling to occur, but not between each other.” He then seemed to remember himself and from what little I could tell from his mind composed himself admirably, “Regardless, This is the only universe in which this battle of yours occurs. So, I have a sort of proposition to make.”
It was… fascinating to know that this was a universe where the battle occurred. I quickly switched masks, to one I very rarely used- the Kanohi Suletu, the Great Mask of Mind Reading. With it on, I could probe even further into his mind, and eventually pulled the relevant information out of his head: he was an undertaker. He wanted my permission to gather the bodies of the dead and bury them in the Void. I shrugged. “I think that you and I will get along well. Since you know I just read your mind, I think that we can work something out.”
After that meeting, I'd had a lot to think about. And now, with this recent bombshell of information just reaching my ears... well, a lesser man would get angry. A lesser man would be an immature brat about losing the one person who could truly understand who he was. Instead, all I did was sigh at the nature of life. If Auric wanted to marry this 'Measured Thought' pony, then it mattered not to the plan. I would confront Auric regardless. Alone. No wife to help him.
I casually flicked through the Void Eternal, and I was a mite surprised to see a living shadow flitting through the spaces beyond. Some being of immense power and respect, surely. Whatever the case... he struck me as an interesting creature. Enough for me to want to study closer, at my own leisure.
I focused on the shadow that was currently occupying a rather… specialised prison I’d had to make on the fly. The entire room was inundated with bright, white light, ensuring that the only shadow was this one. Wards were inscribed around it, forcing it to be corporeal. And I was armed with a weapon that could possibly harm this mighty shade- a Mydak Skyblaster.
In order to capture him, I’d bludgeoned him over the head with a shadowy hammer. I gripped him with a shadow hand, and forced him to awaken. I’d even taken the opportunity to change my mask to a Kanohi Rode, the Great Mask of Truth. “Wake up, little shadow.”
“Ugggghhhh…. Ah jeez, the hell just happened? Fuck, feels like I got hit with a hammer...”
“How very accurate, mr. Now then, I’ll be asking you some questions. I expect the truth, and nothing but the truth. I’ll know if you’re lying.”
“Makuta Teridax...I did something stupid again didn’t I? Don’t answer that, I already know I wasn’t exactly being subtle about my...escapades...that’s a word, right?”
I picked up a laser pointer and carved into his arm. “Yes, you uncultured moron. Now, first things first. Your name?”
“Ah...aaaagghhh...that hurts a bit...ow ow ow. Okay, ngh, first: I do know culture, I just don’t act like it. Ghaaaaa. Second: Thank you; I’m afraid I haven’t read a dictionary in a while, and not talking to many people in the Void has made some words slip my mind. Third: I’ve been to a Bionicle Universe, I recognized that mask, I know it’s pointless to lie. Fourth: My name is Umbra Shadow-Walker. I wish I could say it’s nice to meet you...but it really isn’t. Nice set up by the way, very well thought out.”
I was rather flattered by that. “Thank you. Now, next question: does Auric… love the trollop he’s married?”
“I honestly don’t know, but...judging from what I tried to ignore when I left, I’d say so yes...you’re going to try to kill her, ain’tcha? Huh...standard villain tactic number 338: Go for the loved ones. Ah well, can’t beat the classics, right?”
I was honestly saddened by that. “I see. I can guess it was a good wedding. I’m sending them a wedding present soon. I’ll be the better man. Next question: do you have a repository of otherworldly artifacts on you?”
“A-ha, picked up on that, didn’t ya? Well, yes I do. Now...for my sales pitch; I’ve been working on it, you see. Ahem. Welcome to Umbra’s Endless Armory, where the artifacts never stop flowing! Need to kill an army? There’s a sword for that! Need an endless source of dark magic? There’s a gem for that! Need to destroy a planet? There’s a mech for that! So buy, buy, buy, because the deals are great and the artifacts endless! StandardfeesandtaxesapplythereisnosuchthingasawarrantyhereallartifactsguaranteedtoworkoryourmoneybackI’mtalkingfastjusttoannoytheshitoutofyoubuymyartifacts. How’s that?”
I stared at him for a moment. “Anybody could buy these artifacts…? Please, open your Subspace Pocket. Any hint of you threatening me, and I’ll be forced to kill you.”
“Jeez...you really know how to kill a mood, don’t ya? Right...here we go. One bigger-on-the-inside, shadowy cart full of magical artifacts, big and small...just don’t touch the ones marked ‘dangerous’ in bold letters until I can gift wrap them first. Go on, it’s safe. I’m playing the businessman right now, and I ‘smell’ a lucrative deal...lucrative is the correct word in this context, right? Anyways, I take payment in...anything of equal value really, from monetary to magical to sentimental to emotional. A block of protosteel about three meters cubed would pay for...I dunno… three sonic screwdrivers and a Nynrah Ghostblaster? of course, that is before tax.”
I nodded. “Do you possess a copy of the Kanohi Vahi in here?”
“Mask of Time, eh? Jeez, you want something that simple? There should be like, thirty or so of them in row forty four...or were the masks in row sixty three? I don’t know, forty four is time manipulation, sixty three is magical masks. Search both, search all the rows, just choose what you want and bring them out here so I can tally the price. I am, after all, stuck in a prison, so I can’t exactly help too well.”
That was… surprisingly good. Another item I would likely need came to mind. “Do you supply Blood Quills?”
“The name of my shop is Umbra’s Endless Armory, of course I do. Row thirty six; magical torture devices...or row fifteen; body disfigurement...and row seventy seven; magical writing implements...and row one hundred and seven; Harry Potter stuff.”
I nodded, then mentally summoned Tavish. The gold and brown Panrahk came up. “Yes Father?”
I nodded to Umbra.
Tavish nodded. “Understood, father.” He took up the Midak Skyblaster and trained it on the center of mass. I then nodded to Umbra. “Just a precaution, you understand. I have no reason to suspect you of any ulterior motives… apart, that is, from you being an Administrator-level being that I have already seen destroy one of my paintings and get Auric married to some trollop who he doesn’t deserve.”
“Yes, yes. I understand perfectly, good sir. And, sorry about the painting. I am, what you call, or shall I say, what I call, a personal appeaser. I do things to keep myself safe and others from wanting to murder me in cold blood...even if I am nigh immortal. Besides, closing the shop with someone in it is grounds for me to lose my interdimensional shopkeeper’s license.”
I nodded, but I still kept Tavish focused utterly on him. I then stepped through the portal, and was actually mildly impressed with its dimensions. “Row thirty-four… he honestly has no idea how useful that power is when one has understandingon their side.”
“Sorry about the low level of light in there, shadowy being and all, can’t stand the light. I’ll just make it less dark, then. That good?”
“No need. I can see perfectly well. And I refuse to let a single shadow out of here. Caution, you understand.” I teleported through the store, and picked up a Vahi. The prospect of holding a Mask of this level was incredible. I put it on, revelling in its feel. I then pulled out a Blood Quill, stared at it, then put it back. Why bother with such mundane torture?
“No using Time Artifacts in the store! You might collapse the event horizon keeping the damn thing stable! And grab a bag! They’re free with every purchase made!”
I waved him off. “You have no idea how useful this will be to me. But I will heed your warning.” I removed my mask and walked over to the bag section. Along the way, I noticed a squirming bag, filled with minds that were honestly repulsive, even to me. Doubtless some last resort of his. With a minor bit of focus, I unleashed a blast of Disintegration that vaporized the bag and its contents.
“I assume that bag was filled with rats.”
“Was that my bag of Dementors!? Shit, that took forever to make! Now how am I gonna sell bags of Dementors to Voldemort!?...Oh wait, there’s more in the storeroom...I hope you intend to pay for the damages!”
How annoying. With a bit of focus, I found the shadowy gears that bound this subspace pocket together and added in a couple of minor additions. I then pulled on the Vahi, and with a bit of concentration, I replayed Time, back to the disintegration. I then turned my head up. “What damages?”
“...Well since you put it back where it was, I guess none. Also, did you add something to the shop? It feels...different.”
I felt like smirking. “If you use shadows to program things, it only makes sense that I can manipulate your little shop. The addition was meant to keep it stable enough so that I could do that feat. And if, by some chance you ever use that against me, I can simply revert the timestream back. That is the true power of the Vahi, as wielded by a being who understands”
“Hmm...well, can’t fault that logic. Got everything you need? If so, either please proceed to the manual checkout stations to pay in magic, or outside to me if you intend to pay with things not of your own power. I find that only moral people use self checkout. Villains usually pay in gold or jewels or even this one asshole who paid me in pokemon cards...over fifty million of them… for a death ray worth three hundred US dollars. It was a weird deal...”
I nodded. One last thing. “Sek, come in here. I want one last contingency plan before you leave.”
Sek entered. “Yes sir?”
I would have smiled like a shark. “Disintegrate everything in here.”
Sek nodded. With a wave of his hands, a pulsing blue sphere appeared. He then launched it around. Every single thing in the store was disintegrated. With a flash of focus, and a lot of strain, it was brought back. I then turned to Umbra as I left. “I like to be thorough in making sure that no weapons can be easily used against me.”
“Well...on the one hand...MY INVENTORY!!!!!! On another...you are paying for that, right? Otherwise it counts as a robbery and I can get the interdimensional shopkeeper’s guild to come down on your ass. Ever heard of the one called The Merchant? He’s my boss. Third, I can totally understand your viewpoint, one paranoid bastard to another. You have my villainous respect, asshole.”
I glared at him. “And I say again.” I activated the Vahi, and his stock reappeared. “What destroyed stock? It’s all there, not one item unrestored. Now, I’m paying for this mask, how much for it?”
“Well, one Kanohi Vahi, base price… about forty gold bits...or a block of protosteel in measurements of one meter cubed… tax adds up to three cubic centimeters of energized protodermis...or another cubic foot of protosteel. Your choice.”
I turned to Tavish. “Tavish, get the man his forty bits, plus a further 100 for the tax, I think.” As Tavish saluted, I turned to him. “I like to pay in cash. How much gold is the tax, precisely?”
“Another three bits… and one silver bit, if you have one. If not, just three bits. Some Equestrias have different monetary systems, y’know?
I nodded, extacting three bits and dropping them near him. Tavish dropped the rest. Still, one other thing… “One last thing. You program universes, correct? And can create and destroy them on a whim? As can the Administrator here?”
“Well, all of the Void dwellers can destroy Universes by forcing two or more to mingle without a stable connection, but yes, I can create Universes...seems to be just me and a few other Ascended shadow users, though...wonder why. Tangent aside, I’mma assume you want me to keep this Universe from being able to be destroyed, yeah? Can do. It’s just...it won’t stop entropy from killing it eventually, so if you really wanna live forever, you’re gonna have to leave here one day.”
I looked at him. “You know, I was expecting more resistance. I was going to hurt you a lot. And because of this mask, I think I’ll tell you a portion of my plan. Then, I’ll rewind time to the point where you didn’t hear it-”
“Problem...I exist outside time...good try, though. Just… don’t tell me anything, then.”
I got a bit angry at that, but then I sighed. “As to be expected. Do your work then, Umbra. But this much is safe to say:–”
I looked him deep in the eyes. “Auric and I were destined to do this, I feel. We are meant to confront each other. He needs me, just as much as I need him. He may not realise it yet… but he does.”
One more thing struck my mind. “One last request.”
“Yeah?”
I pulled out my painting, depicting me, in a tuxedo, riding Auric while he was wearing a wedding dress. “Deliver this to Auric Fulcrum, please.”
“You in a tux riding pony-Auric in a wedding dress. Good style, lovely brush strokes...oil on canvas?”
I nodded. “Please don’t destroy this one. Or I’ll have to destroy you.”
“Yeah...Love the style...subject is a mite disturbing, but to me, humorous in the extreme...snrk...kehehehehe….oh gods my sides….pfft...oh man, Auric is gonna piss himself!”
By now, I was confused, which was… rare. “Whatever. Are you done with your work? If so, then you can leave.”
“Yeah, yeah, give me a sec….let’s see...cross this protocol with that...shut down this one… add extra terms here...init this… block that...aaaaaannnnddd….done! Alright. Well, you’re Universe now appears as an inert Universe, read only to all save for the Admins, if you will. So, no one but me can interact with the coding. I locked everyone out. Everyone.”
“Can beings still go to and from my universe? That’s important.”
“Yeah, it’s like… the difference between using a computer, that is entering and leaving, and writing an OS. You can use the computer, you just can’t rewrite the OS.”
I nodded, and handed him the painting. “Then have a very good day. I may sell you some artwork later… maybe even sell some disposable masks.” I then flicked off the lights, allowing him free movement. I still kept the Midak Skyblaster trained on him; I’m grateful, but not stupid enough to assume I won’t be attacked the second I turn my back.
“Jeez, I’m an appeaser, not stupid; I only retaliate. You haven’t actually attacked me...other than knocking me out… and I made money. I ain’t gonna attack a potential repeat customer unless he attacks me first. Also: I’ll buy the art, just...not ones with the subjects as you and Auric...those won’t sell, I’m afraid.”
I nodded. “Give me some time, and I’ll make you some good paintings.” I dropped the Midak Skyblaster, and gestured him out. “Your meeting with Auric awaits.”
“Right...Pleasure doing business, Teridax. Perhaps I’ll drop by again with some classical literature from other Universes, if you so desire...just...please don’t dust my inventory again, I don’t think my guild would take it too well if my pocket kept showing signs of temporal instability.”
I nodded. “Just don’t sell the dusted items to Auric… or any other enemy of mine.” With that, I switched to the Olmak, opened a portal and politely showed him through. “Goodbye.”
“Adieu.”
VWORPLE
That done, I nodded to myself. Very profitable. Very profitable indeed. I then walked out, accompanied by Tavish and Sek. Tavish in particular was confused. "What with the what was that?"
I waved a hand, as we approached my meeting hall. "Oh, pay it no mind, my sons... instead, pay mind to this."
I opened the doors, summoning my other generals. Tavish and Sek just stared at what was out in front.
This cavernous hall was where my Rahkshi Centuries had been. As the other generals came in, they all slowed to a halt as they saw what was there. I smiled at them. "My loyal Generals... I have this to say. No more are you the Generals of the Forty-Two Centuries. Rather, you are the generals of the Forty-Two... Millenia."
Below us, forty-two thousand Rahkshi pounded their staffs on the floor. Each and every single one of them, excepting the original 100 of their number, had been made by the Mirror Pool. I just admired my new army. With this, I would crush Auric.
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
1,013 users online
1,358,235 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I honestly don't know how to express the words I feel about this chapter. Suffice to say, I love it, and want more. MORE!!!
MORE!!
Please.
… So… many… snakes… Must… resist… urge… to… play… FLUTE!
If you were to play a flute for Rahkshi, would they respond in the first place? What would they DO? Would they dance? Would they Gangnam Style? Or do the Robot?
I think you got a little mistake around
'ish.
Made the whole chapter in bold.
Nope.
Either infinite or not. You can't have a near-infinite amount of stuff.
Arbitrarily large, sure. Nearly, as in almost but not, infinite? Nope. The whole thing about infinity is that it can never be reached. You can't get near it because any finite number is an infinity less than infinity. Sort of. n + infinity = infinity; infinity - infinity != n. Infinity is weird like that.
In short, you can't have a near-infinite something. Only infinite or finite, though the finite size can be very large.
So tell me, how'd he do all the stuff with his inventory again?
Ssendam, as you know full well my characters powers, you could probably learn the universes reaction should they ever learn of the mirror pools existence. Also, good chapter and that.
4649724
Understanding the root of a power is pretty important.
I know that the Vahi cannot be used for time travel. However, Teridax is using its power to revert a destroyed or damaged object back to its original state. Not time travelling, but rather reversing the time of an object. A bit like pushing a rubber band back to its maximum length.
Everything has an innate 'time' that can be slowed or accelerated. It can grind time down to a halt. So getting it to grind to a halt, then keeping it pushing backwards, until there's a point in time where it just 'snaps' and gives up. It's at that 'breaking point-' the whole inventory. A sufficient temporal instability would be enough to cause it to come back.
Of course, I do not understand the fundamental workings of the multiverse, and this could all be completely and utterly wrong. But it makes a nice analogy.
oh shit, the multiverse is fucked
4650656 From time to time such faith shows up occasionally.
4650174
good for you! you can explain your own time theories! i congratulate you on your achievement.
i really do, most people just get confused and say "because i'm the author." and leave it at that.
this makes sense. while i still don't think the mask would allow him to do that, it is possible that i just don't understand this specific masks power fully.
thank you for the explination, can't wait to see what Tery's next move is going to be!
Creepy, bruh. I wonder how much worse it could get.
Also, this update reminded me I need to work on my own story.
A mirror pool army of Rahkshi? Don't tell Twilight, she still has that spell that sends copies back to the pool.
A Makuta with one of those? Interesting.
You know, at first I thought Umbra was the Umbra that guarded the Mask of Life.
Also, isn't this chapter just the slightest bit deus ex machina-y? I mean, 40 Vahis? Jesus Christ.
4650174 Wait, but I thought there was only one being in the Bionicle universe that could fully wield the Vahi's power. That one Dark Hunter guy.
Also, I don't ever remember the Vahi being able to turn time back when it wasn't cracked, but I could be wrong.
How much for a copy of that painting?
Oh yes, any chance for a MTG crossover?
Or for that matter, any chances of MTG appearing in any story, future or present?
4649124 You'd probably get a face full of rahkshi staff and whatever effect it has.
4651200 It's Umbra. He has a million copies of EVERYTHING, ranging from Gurthang to MechaGodzilla to New Year's Eve Bombs and everything inbetween.
He got them from different versions of different universes. Umbra is a living plot device.
But keep in mind that he isn't infallible. Teridax did manage to capture him, after all. And torture him. And Umbra, while capable of deleting Teridax's version of Equestria and therefore able to kill Teridax, has morals and wouldn't do that, unless it was the very last resort, and even then he would still hate to do that.
Love to see where this goes. Great on the edits a few part
My brain is full of absolute 'WAT' right now.
Teridax has officially reached "scare me shitless in thirty seconds flat" levels of evil genius-ness.
...
The guy 's so deep in th' closet; he's practicaly fucking Aslan up the asshole.
Merchant? Hmm, this wouldnt happen to be the same merchant that is displacing all of the humans... would it?
5028779 yes... yes it is