The Totally Tubular and Tremendously Tenacious and Turbulent Transplanted Teen

by Sparkle Fire

Chapter 7: Enter Diamond Rose

October 5, 7, and 8, 1988

In Homeroom, the day often starts with the class generally talking amongst themselves while Mrs. Violet is out running errands or on hall monitor duty.

Today, the talk of the town was Ryder’s politically soupy homeland.

“Our neighbours are crazy,” Lyra began.

“They certainly are,” Sweetcream Scoops seconded, laying out her things for the day.

“Especially their leaders,” Gaffer said. “Bunch of squabbling, empty-headed morons anyhow.”

“You said it,” Ryder hit the nail on its head.

“There’s this skimpy one that really grinds my gears,” Shining Armor pointed out. “She always had whore clothes on, used to be Speaker, drank a great deal…”

“You’re talking about Stephanie Kaye,” Ryder said. “She won her seat in the last parliamentary election a couple of years ago.”

“Didn’t she become Speaker?” 8-Bit asked.

“Unfortunately, yes, she did,” Ryder lamented.

“But she’s gone now, right?”

“I’ll get to that in a second…”

Lyra trotted up beside him and sat next to him. “But why does everyone hate her?”

“Well, I’ll tell you...” Several of his classmates came trotting up to him, attention turned on him. “A few months after she became speaker, she flirted with a bunch of delegates from her own party. When one of them, Derek Wheeler, turned her down, she simply wanted to make him jealous. So she approached Joey Jeremiah, another socialist.”

“And what happened with him?” 8-Bit asked.

“I’ll get to him when I get to him. Now, the opposition Workers’ Party knew about an open ministerial position within the government that they really, really wanted to have… they approached Yick Yu, and told him he should go for it, to have Stephanie nominate him for that position… but she blew him off.
“At this point, she sweet-talked Joey into becoming the new minister, and of course, he accepted. He was confirmed as the new Minister of Culture.”

“Then what happened?” Sweetcream Scoops butted in.

“The Workers’ Party absolutely lost their shit! They started telling the media that they were going to impeach her, do this, do that… it was a mess.

“Soon after, Derek found out about that little scheme, and Heather and Erika Farrell - two socialist delegates, twin sisters to be precise - thought that Speaker Steph was abusing her power, using Joey to get back at him. Joey asked the twins the exact same thing, and they said yes.”

“Did they get rid of her after that?” Shining Armor asked in anticipation.

“You won’t believe what happened next!”

“What?”

Pause for dramatic effect…

“He quit… a week later!”

Jaws dropped all around the room.

“Yep… he decided that we wasn’t going to play that game and went about his business.”

“And that, I’m afraid, is just the tip of the iceberg,” Shining declared.

“She had a bad habit of showing up drunk to things like fundraisers, charity events, committee meetings, and such. One time, she vomited on the Chief Justice of the People’s Supreme Court at a benefit for foster children...” Ryder continued, “... and often wore skimpy clothing, like Shining said earlier, as part of her ‘image’.

“Throw in a further shitload of scandals and back-door deals and you see her, crying her eyes out on national TV, resigning her speakership…”

“Serves her right,” Lyra dismissed. “The slippery bastard…”

“And that was just in March of this year. She’s not running for re-election next summer, either!”

“Sweet. Hopefully they sort themselves out,” Gaffer said, feeling a bit optimistic.

“There’s a big election coming up, at year’s end,” Ryder elaborated.

“What? There’s another election over there in crazytown?” Sweetcream Scoops disorientedly asked him.

“They’re voting for the Premier,” Ryder continued. He further explained that unlike their Soviet trading partners, Cosararans have the privilege to elect their top government leaders. Being the only socialist country to offer citizens that opportunity after having their past leaders forced onto them for so long, they would be sure to take advantage of it.

“So yeah, that’s Cosararan Politics 101 for you.”

Buck Withers then had the gall to mention the ‘encounter’ from Monday.

“Yes, yes, yes, I may engaged in questionable activity with Lemony Gems,” Ryder blew the over-excitable one off. “Kim noticed a great big wet spot on the couch when she got home. She assumed that I’d spilled a sugary drink or something on the cushions. She gave me a big lecture about not ruining the couch before she cleaned it off, that’s all.”

Lemony Gems blushed, knowing that the wet spot was entirely of her own doing… well, her and Ryder’s doing.

The bell then rang for first period, putting an end to the impromptu naming. Diamond Rose, another mare who was quite interested in Ryder, trotted up beside him and struck up a quick conversation.

“Diamond Rose?”

“Hi!” She said.

“How’re you doing?”

“I’m doing just fine. I’m just on my way to class… I’m right next door to you.”

“I remember… You’re right across from my Maths,” he connected the dots.

The pair giggled for a bit.

“Soooo… thanks for dancing with me at Fall Formal,” she said.

“Sure… anytime.”

She paused in thought for a moment. “I was wondering…”

Ryder stopped and listened intently.

“Would you… maybe… like to go out sometime?”

“Ohh… I’m not exactly sure about that.”

“If you don’t want to, I understand. I’m not trying to force you into anything…”

“No, it’s just that…” He pondered his options from here. He could either turn her down or he could go for it, but also carry the burden or juggling two relationships with two different ponies at once, and from two different races. After putting some thought into it, he made his choice.

“Sure, why not? Ehh… do you want to catch a movie or something? Maybe… on Friday?”

“This Friday?”

“Yeah…”

“Absolutely!”

“Then it’s settled…” But then, he remembered something. “... ah, wait! I’ve gotta run errands for Kim after class that day… but I can pick you up, say, at around seven?”

“Sounds good.” Ryder nodded his head in the affirmative. “Here, I’ll give you my number.”

She then pulled a slip of paper and a pen from her purse and wrote it down, passing it to him afterwards.

“That way, if plans change, you can give me a call.”

“Alright.”

“Listen… I’d better head to class now. My teacher for this class is a bit strict about anypony being tardy.”

“On that note... I guess I’ll see you Friday.”

“Okay… buh-bye.”

.....................

That Friday, Ryder and Diamond Rose enjoyed a particularly entertaining movie in Canterlot's East End, all the while pissing themselves silly.

After wiping up the resulting mess (especially in Ryder's trousers), they walked for about thirteen blocks to a pizza parlor, where they were seated in a booth.

"What'd you like to drink?" the server asked them.

"Diet Coke, please," Ryder said.

"Your finest lemonade," said Rose.

"I'll be right back with that, what would you like to eat?"

"We'll split a large pepperoni pizza."

"Great... you should expect it in fifteen or twenty minutes."

"Sure!" And she was off.

And then, bang on, the pizza arrived, in twenty minutes’ time. The pair gnawed into the pizza, savouring every last bite, washing it down with the drinks they’d ordered.

Until they reached the final slice.

“Are you sure that you don’t want the last slice?” Ryder asked.

“No thanks, go ahead… I am stuffed,” Diamond Rose said.

“If you insist…” He claimed the last slice for himself before chuckling underneath his breath hysterically.

“What is it, Ryder-baby?” Rose called him out, referring to him by his other pet-name.

“I was just thinking about that scene… where that one guy lost all his clothes,” he replied. He was talking about the comedy film that they saw earlier that evening, which was a playful satire of the Cosararan political scene. The scene he was referring to contained references to an old law outlawing traditional Cosararan tunics throughout the country (of the type Ryder possesses) and the response to it, which occasionally involved resisters’ tunics being yanked off their bodies before they were sent to prison for violating the law.

In her best Russian accent, she responded as close to the movie quote as possible: “‘Zat is ze most obscene article of clothing zat I have ever laid eyes on!’ and he yanks it off…” before collapsing in a fit of laughter.

“I agree, that was an awesome movie…”

“That was hilarious… and the food fight?”

They laughed themselves into delirium once again, remembering the allusion-laden scene satirising the pugnacious state of politics in Ryder’s homeland, with the Cosararan Socialist Party and the opposition Cosararan Workers’ Party constantly bickering, with meetings of the National People’s Assembly often breaking out into fights.

“That was great… why can’t life be like that, you know? Why does everything have to be so serious?”

Ryder polished off his pizza and downed his Diet Coke.

“Soooo… I don’t have to be home for another hour and a half. What do you wanna do?” Diamond Rose proposed.

“I dunno, what do you wanna do?”

She stared at him, dreamy-eyed and deep in romantic thought. The look in her eyes screamed ‘let’s jump into bed now’.

Ryder had an idea almost immediately. After paying the bill, he found a secluded alleyway next to the shop. He managed to sneak past the back door and hide behind the dumpster. Diamond followed close behind.

"Okay, sweets, the coast is clear," he assured her.

"Alright..."

The young mare made the first move, pushing him against the cold brick wall and pressing her lips to his. A warm strand of saliva connected the two as they stared into each others' eyes.

Another round of fevered and passionate kissing ensued, with Rose attempting to unfasten the button on his pants as her wings involuntarily spread to zenith, a phenomenon known in these parts as a 'wingboner'. Ryder's fingers danced through her mane and tickled her ears. He eventually reached down to play with her feathers, and she suddenly let out a loud groan as her tail flagged ever so slightly.

"They're very sensitive," she explained to him.

"I'm just worried that someone may've heard that."

"Don't worry about a thing. I'm whisper-quiet when I need to be."

While somepony is standing there, bewildered and bug-eyed, unnerved at the scene unfolding before him…

...........

The next day, at Shining Armor's house, rumors of the encounter began spreading like a contagious disease of juicy gossip over a friendly game of Hocuspocus: The Get-Together.

"Did you hear of Ryder making it with that other one?" Gaffer excitedly mused.

"You mean Diamond Rose? That one, from Fall Formal?" Shining asked, wanting confirmation.

"Yep."

"I knew she liked Ryder a whole awful lot..." 8-Bit chimed in. Poindexter was analyzing his hand of cards, not caring much for the conversation at hand.

"But did they really go that far?"

"Seriously, mate, I live right across the street from that shop and I could see them, in the alleyway, goin' at it, third base an’ all that," Gaffer proudly boasted.

"Whoa... he's very lucky."

“But what if it doesn’t work out?” Gaffer posed the question, “...Then all their hearts would be broken.”

“Well, I know that.”

“My question, therefore, could be… will Ryder be able to hold on to those two, or will one of them find out about the other and ruin the whole damn thing?”

“One of them will find out, let’s put it at that.”

“But they’re both obsessed with him!”

“Which opens the door for a ménage à trois,” 8-Bit suggested. “and that will be the tricky part.”

“But whatever happens, Ryder’s got a lot of rough seas to navigate if he wants to keep it together,” Gaffer concluded in the most effortless of terms.

"What I wouldn't give to have two mares in love with me..." Shining's train of thought chugged out of the station.