Skipping class like a boss
[Rage speaks in this]
I think in this
There was a bright shining on my eyelids, making me see orangeish. Go away sun, I need more sleep. It was merciless. "Go...Away..." I turned over...The wrong way. I was rewarded with the entire beam of light on my face. Fuck... Alright, alright, I'm up. I pried open my eyes and got blinded by the sun instantly. Fuck you then, I'm going back to sleep. I turned over onto my other side and started to doze off... Until there was a knock at my door.
"Leave a message after the beep. Beep." I said drowsily to the door.
"Wake up soldier boy." Gilda
"Or what?"
"Or I'll give ya a new scar."
"I'm up!" I jumped up, and got light headed from the sudden change in elevation. [Pussy whipped] I heard Rage say. I ignored it. I made my way to the door and opened it up slowly. "Well good morning beautiful." I said as I saw her standing there. And I was rewarded with a deep blush on her part.
"Shut up." She smiled at me. "C'mon, we're skipping class."
"Skipping... Why?"
"Well, its a history class, and since its E-day, and you were there and all..."
"I see... So what did you have in mind?" I said, really wanting to change the topic.
"I don't know... Maybe an actual date?" She awkwardly scratched the back of her neck.
"Sure, ladies choice. Where too?" I took the steps outside and shook the sleepiness off of myself. Before quickly looking back in to a mirror on the wall. I still looked like I had bed head. I brushed my claw through my feathers, and got it under control again. I turned around and noticed Gilda was watching me. "See anything ya like?" She just chuckled.
"Anyways, let's go to the movies or something."
[You know what this means... Dark room, loud explosions... In movies no one can hear her screams... Of joy]
I could've gone my entire life not hearing that aloud.
[Well, I am very smart.]
What.. Nevermind. Tell me, what is the meaning of life?
[Forty-two.]
I don't even... I'm ignoring you from now on.
[All the easier for me to take over.]
Wait what?
Rage was silent after that. Forty-two huh... How does that even make sense? I thought as Gilda lead me to the closest city, Manehatten.
```````````````A short distance and a action movie later`````````
"That movie was awesome." Gilda said, walking beside me as we left the movie.
"Indeed it was. What was your favorite part?"
"All the fire and explosions." She said looked to me with what I can only describe as a little bit of madness, in her eyes.
"How was the ending?" I said, smiling widely.
"I can't remember." She said, and winked at me, and we both started laughing. We looked forward after finally calming down a little bit, and we serious'd the fuck up. There stood Shadow.
"You skipped my class." I swear what I really heard was, "I'm going to make you pay through psychological torture."
"NOPE!" I 180'd and walked the other way, back inside, Only to be stopped by a huge talon on my shoulder. Shadow's. He slowly started to drag me away, with Gilda walking beside us, looking at me as i tried my best to go back inside, my effort of fruitless. "NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE." I kept repeating, trying to resist.
``````````back at the school````````````
"HELP MEEEE!!! SOMEONE HELP MEEE!!!!" I yelled out as loud as I can. I was in a dark room, coulnt even see my talons infront of me... if they weren't tied. I got a flashback back to to when I was offered a sacrifice to Gilda when The day that all the girls went bat-shit insane. happened. OHH NONONONONONONOO. NOPE NOPE NOPE. NO RAPE TODAY. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!! Rage help me! BEFORE THEY ALL GO INTO HEAT AGAIN!!
[What's that? Sorry i can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.]
If I'm tied up, your tied up!
[I see your logic, and raise you: me not giving a flying fuck.]
Help me man, I'm begging you here!
[Fine, give me control...]
I gave him full control, and I felt my body heat up, not unpleasantly, but like I was camping with a fire nearby. Then what binded my talons together caught flame, and showed me I was in a closet. Alright way to go! i tried to move my body but couldn't.Uh.. Okay. You can give me control now.
[Now tell me... Why should I do that?]
I suddenly felt very cold. What do you mean, why?
[Your too weak to even break out of ropes. Why should I think of more of you, when I already view you as nothing more then a hatchling?]
I've done more things without you, then with you.
[Name one.]
Eclipse. Everfree. Basic training. Need I go on?
[I see. I will submit this once. But next time, we fight for control. It won't be easy for you. Understand?
... Fine. I felt feeling return to my body slowly, reluctantly. I opened the door to the outside world and walked right into a white unicorn with a lightning blue mane, with a darker blue outline. As well as another white pony, but a male pegasus, with abnormally larger wings then normal, plus a hoodie on. Okay, DJ-pon3 and some newcomer... AAALLLLLRIGHTYYY THEN. I need to find Azok in the future, maybe he can help with Rage.
I turned the corner and walked right into a griffon, male, but he had a smaller stature then the others. He said something about a party and kept walking. I finally found Gilda, after I got outside and took to the air. She was sitting outside the cafeteria with two cups of coffee. I landed next to her and she handed one up to me and smiled.
"How long was I away?"
"Only an hour, it's still noon." She replied taking a sip of the coffee.
"Good haha." I looked off into the distance. "Remeber the 'ponies only' place you told me about on the first day?"
"Mhm."
"Why is it so?"
She looked at the cup of coffee, it suddenly striking great importance and extremely intriguing. "It's not as much as ponies only.. As the Group had a fight with a pony Group. It's their territory. they'll kick anyone's ass that tries to go over there that isn't a pony, or a teacher."
"Ah. I see. We should change that."
She suddenly looked to me. "What do you mean?"
"We should pay them a visit, of course."
A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, school has been kicking my as of recently... anyways, I hope your imagination doesnt go to crazy... how did you like tha chapter? tha ending? DA MAGIKZ?\
Keep calm and read on
~Solar Eclipse / Badger
Nice
471621 >mfw it's nice
like to see that i help at some parts lol
471674 you deserve Ticket!!
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133487442322.gif
471789 yay a ticket for what
471789 oh yer because i helped you im special some time
471876
haha she's Ticket
the queen of ponychan.net/chan/pic/
You will be assimilated into the theater
471888 nooooooo i will just have to fight her off with my ninja skills lol
472455
none can fight Ticket
want a link to the ponychan thread?
"Keep clam and carry on."
473060
like a boss
fixed
473067...but...I liked it that way
473141
Well in that case then..
I'm not sure if I can appreciate this from a writing craft perspective. I think you have Gilda's character down pat, and the OC Hippogriff's perspective is well-constructed. I like the humor and the interactions between the characters, BUT, I think you can do w/out the bold text @ the end of each chapter IMHO. I do think the Comments box has a reason to exist, and I can totally see the first comment having the contents of that last little bit at the end of every chapter.
I guess I'm making a big deal about it 'cause it is distracting and takes me out of the story. AND it feels a little cheap as a result.
BUT, it is good fun to read, and I do mildly appreciate how you do try to make your character relatively realistic. The potential for true freshness among the various fanfics is here to be had. BUT you don't need to outright advertise your fics WITHIN THE TEXT OF YOUR FIC, nor do you have to give updates on the next chapters. It doesn't even work in an ironic way IMHO. Just sayin'.
Sincerely,
Mr. Album
475386
Thanks for the tips and such! I'll probably stop the A/N at the end anyways because its getting annoying to do
Its my first 'successful' fanfic, so there are bound to be some problems, or exclaiming things in the comments when i should, like this sentence. (herp le derp)
Also a quick question for you, would you mind being a pre-reader? I would like to have a (not sure if right word) 'critic' looking over what I may post as next chapters, or ideas?
475726
Actually, this is the perfect time for me to plug a group I just created!
http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=620
The general idea is to open up stories to honest criticism both to exercise the ability to understand writing craft in both critique and authoring, and to help authors get a feel for how people interpret their works and whether or not they accomplished what they set out to do. It's an idea, not sure if it's what you're looking for, but hey, if it helps, it helps!
As to being a pre-reader, sure, why not? Not sure how that would work out, though. I'm sure a way can be figured out and such ^_^
Can you tell that I've actually been here for only a couple months? Still trying to figure out how everything works
475765
thanks
and no i couldnt tell, i've only been here..... maybe 7 or so weeks if i remember correctly