5. Armored
Planet Hell
Solocitizen
5.
Armored
13th of Planting Season, 10,056 AC
Present Day
He woke up sweating cold and heart racing. It was still early, but he didn’t want to close his eyes any longer than it took him to blink. So instead he lay as still as he shaking body allowed, on the bedspread he sweat cold, and waited for his memory of his dreams to fade. He shivered. During the night, he must have flung the blankets and the rest of the sheets from the bed, as he had nothing to pull over him for warmth.
After a time he sat up, still shaking, wide-eyed and wing open. He breathed in slow and deep, and exhaled, and then repeated until the thudding in his heart calmed.
“What’s the matter, my love, did you have another flying dream?” Breeze Heart rolled over in bed and ran a hoof all the way down to his spine, then up to where his wings joined his back. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Every pegasus dreamed of flying, starting from when they were very little. The dreams usually went away by the time they transitioned into adulthood, but for Thunder Gale the dreams never petered away. Instead they had only become much more vivid and frightening. Now they always ended in falling.
“I was chasing someone,” he said. “A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane unlike any I’ve ever seen before. And she had these burning red eyes. When I was finally about to catch up to her, I fell. I know. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s a dream, it doesn’t need to make sense.” Breeze Heart lay sprawled out in their bed with her mane dashed across her pillow, the warm light of her bedside clock reflecting off the curves of her chest and her flanks.
“I know I’ve never seen her before in my life, but there was something so familiar about her and I needed to get closer–—it wasn’t anything sexual, but because looking at her almost felt like looking in a mirror.” He shivered, and scooped the blankets up off the floor and wadded them up in a ball. “Part of me doesn’t get it. Why do I keep having these dreams?”
“I suppose they’re part of having wings.”
“Then why do we have wings if we can’t fly?”
“That depends on whom you ask.” She brushed her hoof over his wings and he relaxed enough to lower them. “An evolutionary biologist would probably tell you we have them because it’s advantageous. Those who believe in the fables of Equestria would probably say it’s because we’ve lost our connection to our magical-selves, and that forgotten part of us still yearns to fly.”
“So where do you fall on the subject?” He turned to her and set the blankets down at the foot of their bed. “What did you tell yourself when you had these dreams?”
“I don’t know what I think on the matter; I never did sort it out.” She ran her hoof down his back again, inviting him closer. “I suppose the answer doesn’t really matter. All I know is that you’re trembling and that I want to help. Come here. You can rest your head next to mine, and we’ll go back to sleep for a little while longer.”
Already it was daylight out, and the angry sun poked through the steel shutters guarding their window in long streaks. The smell of breakfast frying on the grill climbed up into their cabin, and the clock on Breeze Heart’s bedside read ten after nine. In the low light, his blue-gray coat glistened with cold sweat.
“I should go.” Thunder Gale shoved himself off the bed. “Cloud Twist’s squad has been holding position all night. They need back up, and to be relieved. They should have gathered some tactically significant intel by now.”
Breeze Heart rolled onto her stomach and craned her head up at him.
“So you can keep looking for Hill Born, correct?” she said. “I don’t know how I feel about this. I know he’s your friend, but I almost lost you twice yesterday.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“You vanished right before my eyes and only a few hours later I watched you almost get stomped to death by that thing,” she said. “Chain Gleaming is still out there as well as whatever took you away and left you in the desert. What about us building something together? What happens to all those plans if you aren’t as fortunate next time he or something worse reveals itself?”
“I have to go back out there.” He met her eyes, but only long enough to tell himself he did. “I have a responsibility to the rest of this crew and the ponies that—for all we know—are still out there and in need of our help. I know this isn’t what you wanted for us and it’s not what I want either, but I have to do it.”
“Fine, then; you have your role and I have mine, so let’s play them.” She laid her head on her front hooves and gave Thunder Gale her back. “Go out there and do what you need to do, and I’ll be here playing ship’s doctor. I’ll examine the results of the sample I collected yesterday, and when the time comes I’ll mend the injured and declare the dead.”
“Breeze, listen, I—”
“Just go. I’ll wait here. Just go.”
Thunder Gale slipped into his officer’s cuirass, slid his family’s Shining Armor pendant off his dresser and around his neck, and did as she asked.
Most of the Spitfire’s crew was already up and busy making repairs by the time he stepped out of his cabin. Raised voices and the screeches of metal welding into metal inundated him on his way to the armory. Thunder Gale stepped around and over a good portion of his troops on his way there, and they all looked tired.
Half way down the hyperlift, Lightning Fire called him on his communicator.
“Major, I’ve just made contact with Lt. Twist’s team.” She paused to yawn. “While they were setting up shop in the armory, they found a data terminal for Sigil Tech’s archives. I had them start copying the data, so they should be wrapping up by the time you get there. No sign of hostiles yet, but frankly they don’t know what to look for, and I don’t know what to tell them.”
“For now, assume anypony that doesn’t identify as Manticore personnel is hostile.” Thunder Gale sighed and ran his hoof through his mane. “Have you been up all night?”
“Aye, sir.”
The hyperlift doors opened and Thunder Gale trotted out onto the armory. Most of his squad was at their lockers and squeezing into their coolant suits.
“You should get some rest, and let one of the junior officers direct this op,” he said.
“Negative, sir, I’m not heading out into the field and most of the crew is much more in need of rest than I am. If the ponies we got out there in the desert can handle there end I can handle mine. I’ll eat some stims, and rest when you’ve brought them home. Lightning Fire out.”
Thunder Gale just let the issue drop once his communicator beeped off. At his locker he traded in his uniform for a form-fitting coolant suit and joined his squad at the power armor bay.
Training for an imperial marine included advanced training in the operation and maintenance of the Dragon Mk III power armor and its variants. It was a staple of the pegasus military, and part of what made the marines so versatile and lethal. Combining the best traits of both infantry and armor, a marine could deploy in hazardous environments, carry heavy ordnance into battle, and leap over buildings at speeds over 180 mph. It was never intended to stop a bullet, but as an added bonus, it could. Each suit was custom fitted to the wearer’s dimensions and neural patterns and cost as much as three of the best tanks money could buy, but those three tanks were also next to useless against a marine in power armor.
For ops that required stealth more than speed and firepower, such as the one Thunder Gale was about to launch, active camouflage could be installed at the expense of 80 mph off the max speed and several of the heavy weapons. Two of his crew had labored through the evening to modify all six of his squad’s power armor, but a neural synchronization report reading one-hundred percent across his visor was worth the trouble and effort.
Power armor doesn’t so much move with the body as much as it moved with the brain. Electrodes along Thunder Gale’s spine—cemented to his skin and fur by a sticky gel—relayed the commands to his body to his armor. It wasn’t so much an extension of his body as a part of it.
After suiting up and briefing his squad, they retracted the airlock doors and galloped off into the desert. Under normal circumstances they’d go bounding along on micro-fusion thrusters the entire way there, but stealth was critical, so they kept to the ground.
Even with his under suit cycling coolant over him, the myomer muscles encasing him, the power plants surrounding him, and the labors of his own body turned the inside of his armor into a furnace. He panted. He sweated. He galloped, and he groaned across the desert toward the chasm and the city therein.
When at last they reached the edge of the chasm, and the towers no longer dotted the horizon but instead cast long shadows over them, Thunder Gale decided it was time for a break.
“Alright, marines, take five.” He slowed to a trot, and then in one tired motion plopped his rear end on the ground and lay all the way down. He deployed a straw from his helmet, and greedily sucked on his armor’s water supply.
Highlighted in green by his suit’s targeting computer, his marines either slouched down for a sit or collapsed on their sides or bellies. There wasn’t any chatter on Thunder Gale’s radio from any of them. They were just too tired from the run and their other duties. The only sound coming through on his headset was the wind wailing across the desert.
Even as he sat there recovering and cooling, the soldier in Thunder Gale never shut down. Not twenty feet to his left the ground gave way, and just beyond that a concrete monolith rose out of chasm and blocked out the sun. It wasn’t the only one, either, but just one of many that poked out like fangs from a predator’s maw. He kept his eyes on the windows. He didn’t trust them.
“Sir, you need to check this out,” said one of his marines. She stared over the edge of the chasm and didn’t move from her spot.
Thunder Gale picked himself up and cantered over to her, and as he followed her gaze down to the floor of the chasm, he spotted them: two unicorns wearing lab jackets as bright and clean as recently polished teeth. Each sported fur the color of ivory and was identical to the other. Their eyes searched the cliffs and buildings and passed right over Thunder Gale.
“Team, I’ve got eyes on two contacts less than three hundred yards away,” he said over the radio. “Why didn’t we spot them sooner?”
His entire squad got up and crept up to the edge.
“Switch to your thermals, sir, it’s weird,” said the marine by Thunder Gale’s side.
He did, and saw nothing. According to his thermal imaging the two ponies below him gave off no more heat than the desert background and blended in seamlessly.
Thunder Gale tapped the console on his forehoof and said, “Gerard, this is Major Gale, are you reading me?”
“Buzz off.” Gerard coughed over the radio. “Do you have my money yet?”
“No, but I have something that I need you to relay to Lightning Fire.” Thunder Gale kept his head steady and started uploading images from his suit’s sensors.
“No way, forget it, my ship isn’t your personal satellite. You know, I’ve been pretty damn patient with you, Mr. Prince-in-Exile, but I’m starting to think it might be in my best interest to leave your flank behind.” There was a pause on Gerard’s end, followed by a creaking chair. “Wait, what? Okay, this isn’t funny, just what am I looking at? How come they don’t have body heat? Last time I checked, ponies have body heat. This isn't good. That can't be normal.”
“This is real time data from my suit of whatever killed everypony here. Are you going to show my XO or not?”
“Yeah, I’m going to just send this right along,” Gerard said. “I think I’m going to go sober up now.”
The two unicorns were joined by two identical earth ponies and marched into a nearby building and out of sight. They waited for a few minutes, and once he was convinced the danger had passed, Thunder Gale pressed his marines onward.
Hugging the chasm walls, they crept down. Thunder Gale kept his eyes locked on the windows surrounding them. Their suits rendered them invisible, yes, but each slipped hoof sent gravel crackling down the side. By the time they reached the floor, Thunder Gale was sweating again, and his hooves were sore.
There wasn’t time to stop and rest again, and so Thunder Gale pushed them onward through the city in silence. They maintained overwatch as they travelled and cleared every intersection before crossing. Luckily, the building Lt. Cloud Twist’s squad had held up in wasn’t far from the edge, and they reached it in minutes.
Unlike the other towers that were eroded into featureless homogeneity, it still clung to its buttresses, and bore the frame of its steepled roof and the cross shining atop its highest point. It was shorter than the rest, but nonetheless just as intimidating; time had worn away the details, but the gargoyles perching on the edge of the roof and their empty sockets still stared back.
“Timberwolf, this is Helios, we’re right outside your door.” Thunder Gale stood facing the cross and the door beneath it.
Two of his marines flanked his sides and scanned their shoulder-mounted rifles over the windows and doors.
“I see ya, Major,” Lt. Cloud Twist said over the radio. “Around the side there’s another door. Better use it instead.”
“Roger that, Helios out.”
Thunder Gale took point, and crept further down until they reached another set of doors and crept into an empty chamber-hall in the heart of the building. After crossing the hall and ascending a flight of stairs—too tall and too close for their hooves—that fought them at every step, they reached Lt. Cloud Twist’s holdout.
Behind a table piled high with tin-foil caps, he sat on a couch on his hindquarters beside two of his marines, both half-asleep. His front hoof propped him up while the other sculpted a tin-foil cap held in place by his mouth. The late morning light pouring in through the windows and carved beams out of the dust in the air.
“Major, I know what you’re gonna say, but it’s not the reefer, and you can’t smell it from the outside,” Cloud Twist said between clenched teeth. “It’s sage, you know, the herb you use in cooking. Burning it wards off evil spirits, or at least, that’s what my grandma always said.”
“Is the armory secure?” Thunder Gale popped off the clasps around his neck, pulled his helmet off, and got a lungful of smoke. He held in a cough.
“Yes, sir, I have two guards posted outside, and please keep your voice down.” Cloud Twist finished the cap he was working on and passed it to him. “We don’t want them finding out we’re out here. Have a hat. I don’t know if works against creatures that blow things up with their minds, but it can’t hurt, right? Anyway, there’s something else I gotta show you.”
Cloud Twist flung himself off the couch and led Thunder Gale back down the stairs, and into a room behind the remains of an alter. It smelled of dust and faintly of sage, and was lit by a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling and a holographic image hovering above a lone projector. Glass crunched underneath their hooves as they inched closer.
“It’s a terminal for Sigil Tech’s computer network,” Cloud Twist said. “It wasn’t working when we got here, but then, all on its own, it clicked on for no reason. It started showing these strange images – they looked like security recordings. Some of them got really graphic. It was like a straight up blood and guts horror show, like the kind your parents hide their kids from. Know what I mean?”
“No.” Thunder Gale stepped closer to the projector, but stopped a few feet away.
Hanging above the projector was the image of a monster cast in stone as a statue, and enclosed in clinical walls. It had the arm of a lion, the talon of an eagle, the tail of a reptile, wings stolen from a bat and a pegasus, and the head of a pony. The wing and head were the worst of all, as they were so familiar and gave the monster a recognizable face, but in that cacophony of animal parts those details also rooted it firmly in the uncanny. It sat on a rock, with its twisted body hung over its drooping head, crying.
Then it was gone. The time index leapt forward and the cell was empty.
“What exactly am I looking at?” Thunder Gale didn’t take his eyes away from the projected image.
“Well, sir, from what I can tell the statue was there one minute and gone the next. What’s really weird, though, is that I check over the security logs, and apparently there was a whole bunch of prisoners here that Sigil Tech studied and kept locked up. This whole installation was fine until about two hours after that statue vanished, then the prisoners broke and ponies started dying.”
“What, so the statue got up and let them out?” he asked.
“No, sir, I think it’s stranger than that.” Cloud Twist stood up on his hind legs and pulled a tin-foil cap over his head. “I might not be the smartest pony, but I think, and this is just an idea, but they might have been trying to get away from whatever was in that cell.”
“They certainly wouldn’t have locked it up unless they had a good reason.” He backed away from the projector. “How much longer until we have all this copied?”
“It’s almost done. About another ten minutes or so.” Lt. Cloud Twist trotted over to the projector and got down on the floor to next to its base. “Yeah, it’s just about done.”
“Then let’s finish up here and get back to the ship.” Thunder Gale tapped the console on his forehoof and held down bud in his ear. “Spitfire, this is Helios, we’ve made contact with Timberwolf and we’re collecting the package now. We’re going to need extraction in ten minutes. Copy?”
“You’re coming through loud and clear, Helios,” Lightning Fire said over his earpiece. “After that last transmission to Gerard, he hurried the buck up and agreed to bounce our signals off his ship. He was pretty shaken up about whatever he saw on your visor feed. We can cut through a lot of the interference now. I’m scrambling dropships. ETA, ten minutes. Spitfire out.”
A few quick gestures over his console’s touchscreen, and Thunder Gale passed along a new set of orders to his troops. He sighed a little after hitting the send button. They still had to get out of there, but Lt. Cloud Twist’s team survived the night, and they somehow snuck in without alerting Chain Gleaming and his friends. So far so good, but there was still the armory to deal with.
Right away Thunder Gale decided to take it along, so while the troops assembled for extraction, he and Lt. Cloud Twist hustled across the empty hall to the armory.
A steel cage barred the way, but in the room beyond guns, dust, and crates overflowing with more of the same filled the room to the ceiling. As Cloud Twist pulled back the door with his teeth, Thunder Gale’s molar started to ache. In shock, he put a hoof to his cheek and tongued at the tooth. The marines installed an emergency beacon in his back molar when he joined, and for some reason it burned and hummed as he stepped inside.
He took a look at one of the weapons, and it certainly looked like a firearm, but none he had ever seen before. The trigger loop was too small for a hoof, and it lacked any recognizable magazine, sight, or shoulder mount.
“Do any of these still work?” he asked.
“I dunno, but Sigil Tech was real careful not to let the prisoners find any of these things, so I’m guessing they might.” Lt. Cloud Twist picked one of the guns up with his mouth and set it in a saddle bag slung over his shoulder. “Okay, remember, Major, we gotta do this as quietly as possible.”
“I know.”
Thunder Gale reached for one and the beacon in his molar screamed like a surgeon’s drill. He opened his mouth and nearly did the same, but he bit down on his tongue to keep his silence. He ran his hoof across jaw and felt around the tooth.
After the pain died down, he tried again further down the length of the barrel. That time he managed to get his teeth around it, at least, and dropped the gun in the bag before it seared his mouth. It clanked when it hit the bottom.
“Shush, as quietly as possible, remember?” Cloud Twist said.
Thunder Gale loaded another, and that time let out a hiss.
“Come on, sir.”
Thunder Gale picked up another one and said clenching his teeth, “I know!”
But as he spoke the firearm shifted a little closer to his back molar, and pain pierced his tooth and ran down his nerves and down his face. On reflex he let the rifle fall to the floor.
As the butt of the gun smacked against concrete, purple light flashed.
He remembered a gust of wind and a blast of heat. Lt. Cloud Twist’s face contorted in fear as light reflected off his eyes. Thunder Gale tumbled head and hooves into the far wall. Stone met his face.
* * *
He opened his eyes to the sun. His ears rang and his whole body throbbed. Bits of stone pelted his armor and the heat of the desert poured in through a hole large enough for a dropship to fly through. The edges glowed red and orange.
As the ringing in his head faded the sound of screaming took its place. The smell of burning flesh and hair stained the air.
Thunder Gale scrambled up on his hooves and his eyes widened. Anypony outside would’ve heard that.
“Lieutenant, forget the guns, we need to get out of here!” He stumbled over debris and mangled steel.
He found him, fallen over on his side at the other end of the room, screaming. The armor on his leg and shoulder were blown off and the exposed flesh was black and smoking. His face was pale and a hind leg twitched. Where his armor touched his burns the metal sagged and bled into him. All across his right side the armor glowed in red patches.
“My leg… I can’t feel.” Cloud Twist said. “I’m c-cold.”
“Hang on, I’m getting you out of here.” He got down on his stomach and used his hooves and wings to roll him onto his back. “I need you stay with me, now. No dozing off, that’s an order. We’re going up the stairs.”
“I’m d-dizzy, Major, sir.”
Although his armor was rigged for stealth ops it still endowed Thunder Gale with unnatural strength. He rose to his hooves shouldering Cloud Twist and dashed toward the door.
He turned back just before he left, just to get another look at the hole, and when he did he spotted three perfectly identical unicorns marching up the street toward the building. The heat of the sun rippled over them and the desert sand swept off the ground all around them, but they stayed clean. Thunder Gale didn’t waste another second and rushed out of there.
“Helios, this is Spitfire, we detected an explosion, what’s your status?” Lightning Fire’s voice wavered in his ear.
Thunder Gale tapped the console on his forehoof. “We were collecting what we could of the guns when one of them went off. I’m fine, but Twist has severe burns and is going into shock.”
“Get to the roof for dust off,” she said. “Our birds are still about six minutes out.”
A group of marines galloped out from around the corner and gasped at the sight of him and their lieutenant. They paused, stunned at the sight, but shook it off and rushed over to him. They pulled Cloud Twist off his back as limp as a rag doll.
“Negative, there are contacts closing in on our position,” he said to Lightning Fire. “In six minutes the LZ is going to be way too hot. Is our transmat system operational?”
“Yes, Major, but I wouldn’t want to try it with all the electro-magnetic interference,” she said.
“Just make it happen, and tell Breeze Heart”—he caught his breath and watched the marines carry Cloud Twist up the stairs—“tell the Doctor and her staff to prepare to receive casualties.”
“Aye, aye, we’ll let you know when we’re ready on this end. Spitfire out.”
The radio chirped off and Thunder Gale galloped after his marines. Each of them held a window on the top floor and aimed their shoulder-mounted rifles out at the city, with the exception of four individuals: the two ponies positioned in the stairwell, and the two providing field medicine for Lt. Cloud Twist. Their ministrations amounted to little more than comforting him.
Thunder Gale wiped the sweat from his brow, dug his helmet out of a pile of tin-foil scraps, and pulled it on over his head.
“Sir, we have eyes on four contacts outside our south-west corner,” one of the marines whispered in his ear. “Do we have permission to engage?”
“Negative, do not engage unless fired upon.” He released the safety on his rifle and a targeting reticule popped up on his HUD that followed the movement of his eyes. “Let’s try and stall them until we can evac.”
Creeping low to the floor, Thunder Gale hunkered down under a free window. The two power armor troops holding the windows beside him strained against the frame.
“Major Gale, I know you’re up there,” Chain Gleaming boomed in the same clear voice he remembered from the day before. “I’d much prefer to have this conversation like civilized equines, but if you force me to go through you and your marines to have a little chat I will. So please, do us all a favor and poke your head out from behind that windowsill so we can get on with it.”
“Helios, this is Spitfire,” Lightning Fire said in Thunder Gale’s ear. “We can only bring you back one at a time, but the transmat is ready and standing by.”
“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” he whispered back. “Start with Cloud Twist and his team. Chain Gleaming wants to talk, so bring me back last. I’ll stall him. Helios out.”
Thunder Gale cut the channel. As he glanced across the room at Cloud Twist’s limp body, yellow light circled and danced around him, and then swallowed the lieutenant up in a huff of vapor and color.
“I’m a firm believer that patience is a virtue, but even I have my limits,” Chain Gleaming called from right below the window. “Now, are you going to show your face and talk to me, or do I have to come in there?”
“Okay, I’m coming out.” Thunder Gale pushed himself away off the wall and stood facing out the window. “Now what do you want?”
On the corner of the intersection, surrounded by the unicorn trio, stood Chain Gleaming wearing a smug grin. He was leaner than before, and his face was more angular than he remembered, but he still came dressed in the disguise of the earth pony technician in a jumpsuit. Sweat dripped out of every pore on Thunder Gale and matted down his mane, but Chain Gleam basked in the heat of the sun and shed not a single drop.
“My associates and I have been away for quite some time, Thunder, and we want to go home,” he said. “I can understand if you have reservations about letting us come aboard, but the Spitfire is the only ship planetside. There is also a third party that is undoubtedly trying to worm its way aboard as we speak, so it would be in all of our best interests to depart before it does.”
“I don’t care where you’re going or who you’re running from,” he said. “You’re not stepping hoof on my ship.”
Thunder Gale glanced behind him and counted two more of his marines gone. He just had to keep Chain talking a little longer.
“I think you’re under the impression that I’m asking,” Chain Gleaming said. “One way or another I’m coming in. The only choice you have is whether I do so gently or by force.”
Thunder Gale propped himself up on the windowsill and leaned out.
“You know what, I don’t think so,” he said to Chain Gleaming. “I think you’re much more afraid of us than we are of you. I think that whatever you might have had over me, you lost the moment I put on this power armor. And I think that we have you outnumbered. Go ahead and try to intimidate me. It’s not going to work.”
“Is that so?” Chain Gleaming leaned forward and laughed. He got up on his hind leg and cupped his front hooves together around his mouth. “Alright boys, let’s show the Major who he’s dealing with.”
As one, an army emerged from out of every door, window, and alley in the surrounding towers. Each soldier marched out armed with a rifle and stern pair of eyes. There were earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns in the mix, but just like Chain Gleaming and his trio, all wore Sigil Tech uniforms. Many were identical. All were clean to the point of unnatural fairness. They filled the streets surrounding Thunder Gale’s building, and formed a circle.
Slack-jaw shocked, he let them encircle their walls. He had no idea of what else to do; there were more of them than the entire crew of the Spitfire.
Chain Gleaming grinned.
Thunder Gale blinked, pulled himself together, and unclipped his helmet and cast it aside. Despite the itch in his wobbling legs to run, he looked Chain Gleaming right in the eyes and held his ground. He glanced away just long enough to check on the troops behind him. Six of his marines were gone, and one beside him was in the process of vanishing into light. Just four more to go, he told himself.
“Let’s review,” Chain Gleaming said. “I have more soldiers and I’m clearly not afraid of you, so that’s two out of three of your presumptions about me debunked. Do you really want to pick a fight with me just to test that last one?”
“What are you?” Thunder Gale kept his hooves firmly on the floor. “Are you some kind of alien?”
"I do hope you’re not asking what I really look like,” he said. “Don’t you know? It’s rude to ask a changeling about his true form on the second date. Tell you what, though: if you survive to our third encounter I’ll show you what I really look like. Now, are you ready to surrender?”
“Not a chance.”
The console on Thunder Gale’s forehoof beeped; the last of his marines were back on the Spitfire and they were preparing to transmat him out but were waiting for his signal. He didn’t send it just yet.
“You murdered my friend,” Thunder Gale said. “I’m not surrendering.”
Shouting broke out in the distance. The back ranks in Chain Gleaming’s forces were breaking formation, dissolving, and fleeing. Thunder Gale squinted, and directed his attention back at him.
“Such a shame, I guess you leave me no choice other than to level the building.” Chain Gleaming strolled up to the building. “I imagine that you would have fled with the rest of your grunts if you had the capability, so this is the end of line. I wish I could say it’s been a pleasure. Farewell, Mister Gale.”
Green light flashed in his eyes. He stood up on his hind legs and reached his front hooves for the sky. Then the three unicorns beside him glanced around at the panic and chaos spreading over their army, shrieked, and ran off along with the others.
Chain Gleaming dropped back on all fours and turned around to watch his troops scatter.
“I wish I could stay and finish this, but I can’t.” He spun to Thunder Gale just long enough to throw that last taunt before galloping after his troops. “You lucked out this time. Bye!”
Once he vanished from sight only Thunder Gale remained, confused, and staring out the window at the empty streets.
“Major, do you read me?” Lightning Fire’s voice blared out of his headset along with a wave of static. “Are you going to give us the go-ahead to transmat or not? We need to do this now. EM levels are spiking. In a few minutes there’ll be too much interference to keep a signal lock.”
“Give me thirty seconds,” he said. “Chain Gleaming is gone. I’m going back for the data. Helios out.”
He pried himself from the window and bolted down the stairs, across the empty chamber, and into the projector room as fast as his power armor could carry him. He raced over to the data-block wired into the socket and ripped it out. The signal would be clearest on the roof, so with the hard drive in his mouth, he darted back up the stairs.
But then he glanced out a window and spotted something that stopped him in his tracks.
Walking down the empty streets was a pegasus stallion dressed in the golden cuirass of the emperor. His coat was as blue as the stripes on the flag and his mane was as purple as the stars. At that distance Thunder Gale couldn’t see his face, but he didn’t have to.
“Father?” He opened his mouth to speak and the hard drive tumbled down the stairs.
“Major, if we’re going to do this, we need to do it now!” Lightning Fire’s voice crackled through the static.
“I’m not coming back,” he said. “I can see my father. Helios out.”
She barked and protested and shouted into his headset, but he pulled it from his ear and set it on the floor. He went back downstairs and waited by the entrance.
White light danced and flickered across the edges of the doorframe, and a knock came. Thunder Gale pushed the door open and let him in.
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Until next week:
My two favorite sci-fi pony fics update on the same night?
Within less than an hour of eachother?? 
I am OK with this!
Also, dayum. Thunder's kinda in the shit here.
Fantastic chapter/s. They were well worth the wait.
4576754 what is the other one?
4577193 Project Sunflower: Harmony
The sci-fi bits are a lot less to the forefront or important, but still.
4577249 That looks like something to read, starting with the first story. Yay for sci fi
4577249
4577264
Well, seeing how much you two have been talking about it, I think I might have to check it out and see what this is all about. I'm all about scifi ponies after all . Although I must say, I am a little bit jealous about all the attention it's getting on "Planet Hell"'s comment section.
4578095 well tbh there are only two or three comments concerning it. Still loving your story though. Can't wait for thunder gale to fly. And as far as I have read (mostly just the prologue) project sunflower seems pretty cool.
Wait, wait wait, wait. The sequel to Awakening is out?
How did I not know about this sooner! At least it looks like I don't have too much catching up to do
It's funny how pegasi in this story make me feel even more slimy than the actual bug monster ponies. It's not just that it's militaristic there's just something wrong with that society.
Also calling it: Thunder Gale is the Element of
StubbornLoyalty.Is that... a weeping Draconequus?
OH SHI-
4579980
I deleted the second post, as it was a repeat of the first. Hope you don't mind.
And to answer your question: maybe.
Alrighty, let's get down to business! Here's a review.
Well, I suppose it would be easiest to review this based on individual points so as to point out what you did well in a more efficient manner.
PLOT- This is an excellent plot. It's unique, fresh, and reminds me of a summertime Action/Drama. Hats off for taking a poorly represented genre of fic and delivering a great take on it.
CHARACTERS- This is an area that really stood out to me. I love your OC's. It's so easy to mess up a good story with poorly characterized OC's and/or bad dialogue between characters. All of your characters work, and they feel real enough that you want to get behind them and see how things work out.
DESCRIPTION/WORLD-BUILDING- Alright, I had issues visualizing a few things, but we're gonna blame that on the fact that my imagination seems to be running a Windows '98 graphics chip. Altogether, you take great care in detailing the environments you put your characters in. As your comments would show, you can really feel and see the world around. The smell of fire, the sound of the rushing wind, the feel of pain and impact; you did it all very well.
PACING- I can't say enough about your consistency. Things always feel right. You've got excellent action but it doesn't overdo itself by going to fast. You manage to throw in enough down time as well to balance things. The story is progressing at a terrific pace that leaves readers hungry for more.
GRAMMAR- This is an easy one. Your grammar and spelling is great. Aside from an occasional miscue there's absolutely no problem here.
BOTTOM LINE- You've got something very good going here. You've taken what others have failed at doing, and succeeded greatly. However, I feel I should point out this is the first non-Spike story I've read through in a long time, so my knowledge of the genre and everything isn't the most balanced. However, despite my personal opinion, this is a terrific story! Good job.
A+
4582209
You caught some interesting slip ups here and there that I failed to catch. I went back and adjusted those that I felt where in the best interest of the story to change, some we'll just have to agree to disagree on, but, if you don't mind me asking, what did you think of the greater elements of the narrative? Any comment on the characters, setting, tone, use of the source material, pacing, narrative style, themes, or the set up for the book? Does chapter 1 compel you to read more?
Discord and changelings?
Villianous teamup? Or, is Discord the third party Chain Gleaming mentioned? The second seems more likely, but I could be totally wrong ;)
4582308
Overall the characters seem... OK? I'd need to read more to give a definitive answer. To sate my curiosoty, exactly what did you change? :P
4583572
4583073
I'm glad you've been enjoying the story and I wanted to thank you for your detailed review. I like the sound of ash-grey better too, so I think I might change that one.
As for the issues with consistency, I think that checking the dates, at the very least the year, at the beginning of each chapter might help with that. Also, you're making an awful lot of assumptions, like that they have sensors sophisticated and intelligent enough to discern between life and non-life forms, and that chapter 1 and 2 take place on the same planet at all; in fact, you're the first of my readers to have trouble following that particular detail. I might have to make that a bit clearer.
4581846
I wanted to take the time to thank you for the review! It's always reassuring to hear that as far as the first chapters go, it's so far so good!
I'm planning on writing up the review it promised you later this morning.
4584643
When I say fluidity and consistency, they're largely synonymous to a certain extent. When I say fluidity, I mean [from my perspective] it doesn't flow overly nicely together like other stories have done, and I find there's quite a few sharp transitions from one scene to another.
With consistency, you've got several different topographical descriptions without too much of a clear idea of where the protagonist is; in the first chapter he's in an ancient lake bed, in the second he's in a lush, thriving palace with beautiful gardens, then in the third he's in a different location, and that brings me back to the transition point too. Again, that's just me. I'm still confused as to Thunders association with the military and royal family, it seems you could have gone into some background as to his relations with them rather than just bluntly put it in there.
For the most part, it's just me nit-picking about this or that, that don't make too much sense and bringing them to your attention so you can change them (or not) or keep them in mind for when you write subsequent chapters so to avoid the same slip-ups/issues I've pointed out.
With the neutrom bomb; take that on principal in that when you want a weapon to eradicate all life in the area, do a bit of research into the weapon, that way it lends credability and realism to the story.
4586668
I'm actually really glad you asked about the pineapple: it's an off-world import, as there aren't any flowers on Hellas except for those at the palace garden.
I think that in the future, if I do the flashback chapter thing again for another project, I'm going to take your advice and make it clearer in the chapter titles when and where everything is taking place. The formatting in this book and it's other half I feel is a kind of staple of the body of work though, so I'll leave as is and do something different and clearer for future works.
As for Cadence, it's actually the same as the neutron bomb thing. Yeah, I know that's not how such things work, and I know that Cadence was an alicorn at the time of her wedding. So why would I write those things that way? You're smart, don't try to tell me otherwise, you had slightest details worked out with a mathematical precision I've only seen once before. So, why wasn't there any indication that a bomb had went off? And why do the pegasi insist that Cadence was one even after her transcension? What does that tell you? I'll give you a hint about Cadence: it's the same reason why, yes, better ventilation could have make life much easier in the lower city but they still haven't installed anything of the sort.
4586867
To answer your questions; it would seem to me the Pegasus Empire or whatever it's called appears to be [loosely put] brainwashing citizens to a certain degree? And the only reason I can think of for the bomb not going off is because it hasn't, and you've got use for it later in the story. My guess is someone digs it up, and has their own[nefarious] use for it; whether it be Thunder, or someone else.
As for Cadence, it puzzles me as to why the Pegasi would want to keep the notion for her being a pegasus.
4587243
I'll just let you keep pondering those because for me to answer them would be way too spoilerific, especially on my own comment page. That would just be bad form. But you're at least thinking in the right direction.
American spell-checks, especially on this site, bother me quite a bit. I'm English (but live in New Zealand), and we use 'U' where American's don't. armour/armor, colour/color, honour/honor and so forth. Since I'm guessing you're American(?) it behooves me to bring this to your attention . The more you know!
When opening a chapter/paragraph with 'He', it confuses the reader a bit until they read further down the page to get to where the story mentions whom it is. Granted it's Thunder Gale, but it would be an idea to put that in there.
If I read this correctly, every pegasus around has wings, but can't fly? I don't doubt this is an intentional doing on your behalf, and it intrigues me where you take it next.
Change this to ash(en)-blue, too
My headcanon says that Changelings can only mimic their hosts if they're alive. IF the changelings have plans for Hill Born, it makes me wander what they'll do with him.
Cock-blocked by your own arrogance
When I first saw this word, I looked it up on google and saw it to be mediaeval plate armour. I suggest changing the description to something that involves describing a more technological piece of armour.
*their. 'Their', is a possessive term. 'There' indicates direction or pointing at something. Just saying
This is just me being pedantic, but when two people end a radio conversation it usually ends with 'over and out'.
Originally Superman could only leap over tall buildings. It wasn't later he gained the ability to fly. *insert snide joke here* Don't worry, you'll get there soon too, Thunder!
How does it stop a bullet if it was never intended to?
This paragraph needs an indentation.
i.imgur.com/hIVen4T.png
So, like Doctor Octopus's robotic arms? Wander what will happen when the inhibitor chip breaks
Having a coolant suit entirely defeats the purpose of sweating inside the armour.
Lt. Cloud Twist is a stoner
Weeping Angels?
A targeting reticule that follows the path of your eyes is pointless; it doesn't show where your gun is pointing. A reticule that shows where the end of the gun is pointing is better.
NO, DON'T IT'S A CHANGELING!!!
And thus concludes my review of your story up until this stage. I'll compile my thoughts about the story later on.
4587601
HOLY SHIT I DID NOT SEE THAT O.O
4587473
I'm looking forward to reading your review, and I'll take time to change the typos you've mentioned. Also, I hate to ask, but:
You read the description for the story, right?
EDIT:
And, eyup, cuirass is definitely the right word. That's regulation attire for officers of the pegasi military, for much of the same reasons togas are the go-to formal wear for hoity-toity pegasi.
4587710
I did, but I'm assuming you've made that relevant to the plot somehow?
That's what I meant.
I look forward to your review of my story!
And back to the present, well, the further future.. gah damn time travel tense troubles.
I think I get what it's trying t say but, the phrasing is really odd.
Just like Lumina and her dreams of Twilight and magic. Though, wonder what Breeze Heart dreams about... But the falling bit. Portentous at all?
So the pegasi keep enough knowledge of the old ways to remember ancient customs. What pegasus society was like before even Equestria was created, not just before it was lost. Know about Shining Armor and Cadance. Are steeped in the history of the pegasi. But they don't have any records of Rainbow Dash?
Well they seem to treat Equestria having existed as fact. But if she means the fables about what it was like, that would make sense. And, okay what advantage would wings give that in no way involve flight? And extra pair of appendages, sure. But wings are rather specifically designed for one purpose. Sure they can use them for others, but it's hardly ideal and if they weren't meant for flight, would make more sense to be a more versatile appendage other then a wing.
And why don't you still have them? Or, do you? Then again, if she's the Element of Kindness, wouldn't really be a lot of flying involved with Fluttershy. (Then again only suspecting her of being an Element since I know from author posts that there will be two Elements discovered in this story.) But will we be getting into her head at some point to see her developing her connection to the last bearer?
And he still hates losing. Now lets see if he's learned how to avoid it in more ways then just bashing his head against the the problem till it breaks.
...
Okay so they WERE on the ship. But, why would they be sleeping in the same cabin then? And, those kind of shutters on a window.. on space ship?
...
And Breeze shows us a prime example of why relationships between a captain and part of their crew are not always a good idea. Though usually in these cases it's the superior being reluctant to let the subordinate go into danger.
Seems rather stupid not to design ARMOR that would offer some kind of protection. I mean sure this does but. Seems stupid not to have being at least somewhat bulletproof be one of the basic design criteria and just a happy accident isn't all the smart.
For a second I thought pegasi went so far as to give their marines Matrix style plugs directly into their spine.
No, that's not suspicious at ALL. Do the changelings just have some inability to replicate dirt? Or to look anything other then perfectly clean? Cause. Yeah a stark white coat in the middle of all these ruins, after this long, and after a disaster of some kind? Try not to let these ones escape Thunder.
Well, unless they have a way to fake body heat when they want to, seems they now have a way to detect changelings. That... is way to early and way to simple. Then again, they already HAD a way to test them. Just draw a bit of blood. Though that assumes these are changelings and not something else.
Well so it's official. And going by last chapter... how did the changeling impersonating his father fuck him over? And has anypony yet realized something was off about him?
Well, an ass, but not a total one. And knows when something really bad is going down and to just shut up and help.
So if they are invisible.. how does he know this? Or, do the suits have tech in them that negates invisibility? Or is it just recording data from friendlies suits and throwing up a holo image around where they are? And, better hope changelings only see in the visible spectrum. If they are more insect like, they might be able to see infrared, in which case, as hot as those suits seem to get, you're just wasting power.
Again how?
Meaning this wasn't built by changelings. But, were they brought here by Sigil Tec, or already here and also dealt with the humans? And again, how long ago were the humans here? Why were they here? So many questions.
...
Cloud Twist... what!? Okay, where did they get sage? And the tin foil, and, tin foil hats? Really? Blow you up with their mind?
You really did only make rank through shear dumb luck didn't you?
Okay that explains the 'blow you up their mind' fears. But, what turned it on? Or is it the AI trying to be helpful?
................................ Oh fuck.
But, how the hell is he still imprisoned? Or, well hopefully still imprisoned. This long after the Mane 6 were and the Elements were gone. And, did these idiots wake him up?
okay, so, not the Return of Harmony pose. So this is after being released, and then re-stoned at some point but.. crying? Discord? But stoned. I am very very intrigued at this. And then it vanishes.. is it the same thing that pulled Thunder off his ship? Is he free? Is Lt Featherbrain right about something?
Okay, so.. they have communication with the ship, but needed the griffon to rely i earlier? Or, is it JUST voice com and they need him to rely anything beyond that? So why couldn't they just say "Hey, we found things that don't register on thermal imaging." And wait till they got back to giv them log recordings if they were just going out hen coming back.
What was the purpose of the camo suits in the first place if all they were doing was walking out to that sight, grabbing the goods, and calling for a lift back?
Or even going out at all if they could have just sent a drop ship to pick up these troops?
Okay, one question solved. Though, while odd, what about it scares him that much?
But still leaves the other ones about why come out in the first place.
Okay. Came in with camo and on hoof t avoid letting anyling know about them coming. but why? If they are just sending a dropship to pick them up. Why come out in the first place? Why not just send the ship to start with? Or, was the plan to stay there longer, but seeing the recording made him change the plans and decide to return to the ship?
Well, emergency beacon good. But somewhere that accessible and easy to remove if captured.. the time you most need it... good and bad. bad for, well being easy to yank out. Good, for also being easy to yank out and not making the captor have to start cutting the marine open and digging around inside them to get it out. But, what is setting it off like that? Just a security field around the armory?
So something in the weapon reacts badly with the beacon. Is it some device setting of electronic interference? Are they guass pistols? And.. still active? Or, is it something about the material they are made out of?
Well fuck. these damn guns don't have safeties? Let's hope it's just some kind of stun gun or something, you know, that didn't kill anypony.
One gun.. packed enough of a punch to shoot a hole through the wall. MELT armor.. deal THAT much damage... and you are leaving them behind for these, whatever they are's to use? you have more ponies, get them in the there, grab as man as you can and hole up till the dropship arrives. Or.. did the gun go off? That seems, WAY to powerful just to be a single shot. Did it explode instead?
Huh maybe. but if it didn't, and just one of them going off is that powerful, yeah grab those things! Hell shot the damn changelings coming at you.
Okay, how is THIS going to screw them over?
Okay, so. Not their native planet. Though, that means.. they are from somewhere else.. and we know they are already messing with the ponies somehow.... for some reason...
Discord? Or, something else? Why don't you speak plain and explain things?
Well fuck.
Well, let's see if he holds to this. Also, so, the Changelings had to have been around since they left Equestria.. in the shadows, but.. just what were they doing? Always playing with the ponies, manipulating them? Did they find their own planet? Just, what? how? Why? The questions keep coming.
Cant wait to find out some answers.
So, is it who ever that third party was? The one they want to escape coming? A spike in interference, definitely sounds like something Discord would cause.
And guess it's a good thing he is just going for the data and not waiting to find out what the thing on it's way is. Though really want to know what is going on. Also, why didn't you have one of the troops grab it quick while you were talking?
Good chapter, tone more set up and so many more questions but, als learing some things, but less then we are being given to ask. DISCORD! Now, they have to deal with Discord!
Where does this stack up to what Lumina was going through? how long before, after, or at the same time? Is it Discord being freed that set off the Elements being activated? Does any of this have to do with the ship that attacked her? hurry hurry, must find answers!!!!
4587473
Umm yea that's kind of one of the fundamental parts of this 'verse. tht ALL ponies have lost their connection to their magic. Pegasi can't fly, unicorns can't cast anything. Earth ponies don't have the increased strength, toughness, and connection to plants. And No Cutie marks! The new bearers are as much gaining a connection back to that lost magic as finding the Elements themselves.
Still possible, it's just thick enough to do so out of need for that much casing that there is enough raw metal to do so.
But agree that making armor and not having being bulletproof one of the core criteria is rather stupid.
Ummm, being in armor completely defeats the whole purpose of sweating period. Since you are encased in it and the sweat cant evaporate away easily. But your body still reads it as being hot so does what's it's hardwired to do when it's hot. Sweat. And if it's that hot WITH the coolant suit, likely be fatal without it.
It's a shoulder mounted gun, being aimed by the armors computer systems. Using his eye movements to position the reticule IS how you aim the gun. Where you point the reticule IS where the end of the gun is pointing.
4578095
you want great pony Sci-Fi (not sure if I mention this yet or not) Days of Wasp and Spider! It is, AMAZING! The world, the characters, it is just nearly perfect. The one major issue it does have is the pacing tends to be really slow. But long as you don't mind a story that takes it's time, it is a must read. The slowness isn't because nothing happens, quite the opposite things happen really fast. it's just the story is so incredibly detailed it takes a long time to cover a relativity short amount of time in story.
4586668
Out of curiosity, did you read the first story in the series? Awakening? It did the exact same thing.
And given how the pegasi act and their whole society. Focusing on the fact that she was a pegasus before becoming an alicorn, and hence, seeing her as a pegasus first and foremost is perfectly in keeping with what we know of them.
it's pretty clear fro the start this is happening in flash back. The year itself is a give away, but the fact it's a stable of the series alone is enough. Add in the fact he's clearly younger, and we are seeing things that had to have happened before the present, like him meeting Lighting Fire for the first time, being a colt, all that. Not sure how it was confusing what was going on after the first time.
4587724 Pegasi are dependent on magic to fly, their wings are far too small to even be useful for gliding without it. In this series of stories ponies have lost their connection to magic so can no longer use it at all. Therefore despite them still having wings pegasi fly about as well as earth ponies (under normal gravity at least, I could see low gravity environments where their wings are actually useful as being popular with pegasi). This is extremely plot relevant as based on this story's description and "Awakening" the series is going to be about ponies regaining their connection to the Elements of Harmony and magic in general.
Well that's not good... Discord is free, the changelings have an army, and this is apparently not their home planet, Thunder is apparently an exile, his father was replaced by a changeling, which I suspect is probably related to said exile, the guns were interfering with the emergency beacon in his tooth for some reason, and now he's seen his 'father' (Discord?). This is definitely getting interesting, looking forward to more!
They have some really incompetent evolutionary biologists. Someone should be pointing out that those wings and horns are completely useless and do nothing but take up calories.
4606926
"Young ponies all over the galaxy are doing their part to save the future. Everypony is doing their part. Are you?"
4578490 I think you can chalk that up to the changelings...
Anyway, awesome update as usual. Just so creepy and just...
They found Discord. There's a word I could use, starts with 'F', ends with 'Uck'. Not sure if i should use it or not...