Consequence: In which the truth sets free.
---=={***}==---
“Allow me to show off a little here,” Delilah said, turning back to the computer terminal, putting in more commands to her data pads. “One of my great talents is understanding machines, particularly computers. Another is understanding people.”
Two of the gryphons in the advance team and Ensign Tarah kept their weapons trained on the still blubbering Gilda. The third, Lieutenant Siatt, and Rainbow Dash all looked at Delilah. The two with wings wore slightly confused expression, but the Bolian smiled slightly as the woman he still loved started to pull off one of her old tricks.
“I’m going to attempt to reconstruct what has happened to Gilda here. Feeling rejected by an old friend, she thought she wanted revenge, not just against Dash but against all ponies. The band allied to the Orions offered her the opportunity, but when it came to hurting that old friend directly, she couldn’t. Then the choice was taken away from her.”
Gilda stopped weeping, and looked up at Delilah’s back as the Betazoid worked her magic on the computer. This was both like and unlike when she was subjected to The Stare; the truth in her soul was revealed, laid bare, but not for her. Delilah’s voice was calm, clinical, without any condemnation of the gryphon. Gilda was hearing the words she wished she was in a condition to say, the words she wished she was ever able to find.
“After the Cloudsdale raid Gilda learned what it felt like to lose a friend forever, with no hope of return. The Orion pirates had taken Rainbow Dash away; Gilda may have even have known that Dash had been singled out from the others, making it that much harder to find her, even if she somehow managed to wrest control of a ship from the Orions.”
The words that would make Rainbow Dash understand.
“Commander, is this-,” Tarah began, but stopped when Siatt put a hand on the Andorian’s shoulder, raising a finger to his lips to silently hush her.
Commander O’Niel, scion of a cadet branch of the Troi family, continued as if the ensign hadn’t spoken. “She realized that what she really wanted was her friend back, but by her actions that had become impossible. She was trapped in her crimes, unable to repent or repair her sins; all she had was her fellow gryphons. That small comfort, and duty to help them in return, was all that kept her functional.”
The words that- The words to-
“Then, in the depths of her hopelessness, and despair, she walked in here, and saw that what she thought she had destroyed had returned. The walls she had built around her pain collapsed, and she collapsed to the floor.”
The words that could let Rainbow Dash forgive her.
“Which brings us all back to now,” Delilah said, turning away from the computer to face Gilda, a broad smile on her lips. “Gilda, you’ve come accept what you really want, but are you willing to do all you can to make things right?”
The gryphon raider looked at the starship captain, rising up from the deck to stand on all four legs. This woman wasn’t soothing troubled souls any more, but smooth and far too friendly. After helping say what Gilda needed said, was this another con? “Yeah, why do you ask? Best that tradition and honor will let me do is stand aside, and that’s stretching it. We made an agreement, in good faith, with the Orions, and I’m stretching that to not report you all here... doing whatever.”
“Well then,” Delilah said, still grinning, “I found something you’ll be very interested in seeing.” One arm reached behind herself to activate a command on one of her data pads.
---=={***}==---
Zephyr was one of the few fliers, gryphon or pegasus, that could have made the flight, weaving between the limestone stalactites, dodging the beams being fired by the four humanoids and one unicorn, while building enough speed for an effective impact. The cavern roof was low enough that flying was dangerous, yet high enough to put his risky path out of range of the ponies on the ground. He adjusted his spear slightly as he moved into range; his lunging swoop would take him over the heads of the melee ponies and down onto Maya, his spear aimed for the blue-haired woman’s center of mass.
The gryphon was shocked to find that his shallow dive was interrupted by a white wall with gold armor rocketing up from the cavern floor to meet him. The impact was audible throughout the cave, even above the sounds of the fight.
Bulwark’s cutie mark represented his special talent, of being a bodyguard; for this fight he was guarding the bodies of the phaser-wielding people behind him. Ponies can and will go to amazing lengths to succeed at their special talents. If these heroic measures should fail, the results can be spectacular, such as the Grand Galloping Gala Great Garden Wildlife Stampede; (an event known to a few ponies in the know as “Flutter-Rage”.)
Today, the Guardpony Sergeant had, in a fraction of a second, seen a threat to one of his charges, and leaped ten feet up to intercept that threat with his body; the impact bounced Zephyr off the cave roof before he hit the floor.
But Gryphons are fierce fighters too, and Zephyr had not lost his grip on his spear. It took him less than half a second to recover his wits, sharp eyes noting that in the mid-air crash his spear-tip had scraped across dull grey iron armor before gouging into flesh, the red vibrantly clear against white.
Zephyr hopped back, shifting to the side, planning on rushing past again, but Bulwark turned to follow him, legs tensed to jump in any direction. The gryphon realized that the only way past this massive pony warrior was through. After a moment’s thought, he charged again, spear leading.
Bulwark lowered his head, taking the spear point on his helmet, neck twisting to grab the haft just below the spearhead; the lance on his right side swung forward, the battered tip still sharp enough to make the gryphon dodge backwards, wresting his spear loose from the pony’s grip in a shower of splinters.
Before they could clash again, each Orion communicator, both those worn by the green-skinned invaders and their gryphon allies, spoke as one, and loudly. Bulwark was content to let the gryphon jump backwards, and listen to the news.
“Yo! Fellow awesome gryphons! Gilda here, I’ve got some priority news!” The voice was filled with anger, “The Orions are planning a double cross, and Steel Sulfide is in on it! The shell-less bastard was going to sell us off to the aliens!”
---
The mood between the gryphons and the Orions was tense. Gilda’s revelation had many of the gryphons wanting to sit out, others pondering that given proof of future betrayal, it might be wiser to switch sides. Still more weren’t sure they believed Gilda, and were weighing their options.
The fight had effectively stopped, the gryphons glaring at the Orions, the Orions nervously looking back, and all shooting glances at Steel Sulfide; on the other side, the Starfleet crew and ponies were holding their line, not advancing or attacking, while the rescue team focused on the few remaining captives still in the cave.
Steel Sulfide was not confused. He knew the charges were true, and was pondering how to salvage that which mattered most to him: his personal skin. His vague dream of working for the Orion Syndicate as governor of this planet was not going to happen, so it was time to cut his losses. Under traditional gryphon custom he should face his accusers with dignity and pride, but the amoral gryphon had little use for those specific traditions.
Instead, he reached into a pouch on the bandolier he always wore. (As the leader of what many would call a band of terrorists, he's required to wear a bandolier so we can tell who he is.) From it he pulled out several clay spheres, throwing them into the middle of the cave. The products of Zebra alchemy exploded into blinding smoke that quickly reduced visual distances to no more than two feet.
As he fled under cover of smoke, Steel Sulfide shouted, “Tell that Gilda that I will have-“
*ZAP*
*thud*
Lieutenant Bindalla normally spoke slowly, and gave the initial impression of thinking slowly, taking time to think before she would answer questions, often with sentence fragments. But she thought very quickly, and in under three seconds she had used her tricorder to see through the smoke, aimed her phaser, and casually stunned Steel Sulfide before he could escape.
---=={***}==---
Ensign Tarah was amazed; she had respected Commander O’Niel’s rank and position, but seeing the change that had come over Gilda left the Andorian in full awareness of why the Betazoid had been fast-tracked after the Vega Colony Attack.
Lieutenant Siatt Onehli was less surprised; back at Starfleet Academy Delilah had used the truth to manipulate the situation with a professor that had been abusing his position. She had been the first to speak up, but her dry, matter-of-fact accusations lead other students to come forward. In the end, the teacher had been dishonorably discharged.
Delilah, on the other hand, was back to business, “We still have a ship to capture; my hacks have taken over most of their computers, locking down their weapons, engines, and communications, but given enough time they’ll be able to retake control of those systems. Further, I wasn’t able to touch their raiding shuttles aboard ship, so as soon as they can get the flight deck doors open they can launch. We need to hit their command deck, flight deck, and main engineering as fast as we can.”
As she spoke, security crewmembers beamed into the computer room, filling the small space. Delilah pointed at the first team. “You two; with me and Rainbow Dash, to the bridge. Onehli, you get engineering. Tarah, flight deck.”
“Oh I’m not letting you out of my sight, Dash,” Gilda interjected, having finished her speech into the communications system of the Orions.
“Then you’re coming with us,” Delilah replied, turning towards the door, pulling out a tricorder which held a map of the ship.
---
Rainbow Dash compared this hall of this ship to the other she had a chance to examine, the U.S.S. Judges. For one thing, there was a lot more dirt, and rust, where the Starfleet ship had been about as clean as Canterlot Castle. On the other hoof, neither was as pretty or decorated as Canterlot Castle, and this place had so many tripping hazards that the pegasus was hovering down the hallway.
As they approached the hatch to the bridge deck, Delilah raised a hand. “Wait,” she commanded, pointing forward.
The door was trembling in place, as those on the other side attempted to force it.
“It looks like the lockout held,” the Commander mused. She gestured to the two security ratings, guiding them to positions flanking the door. “Quietly,” she added, as she fiddled with her tricorder.
She raised one hand, three fingers raised.
She lowered a, leaving two left.
One.
The upraised digit moved to meet the tricorder, inputting a brief command.
The door swooshed open, a startled and burly Orion male stumbling as his balance was lost, and struck by a pair of phaser beams set to heavy stun.
Delilah flipped the tricorder closed with a smooth motion of one hand, while the other pulled out her own phaser; as the Orion in the doorway fell away.
---
The battle had been brief and decisive. Rainbow Dash was helping Gilda bandage the gryphon’s scrapes. The two security crew members were making sure their new captives, the former bridge crew of the ship, wouldn’t cause trouble. Delilah was examining the prizes the captain had decided were most valuable; particularly a gold necklace, with a large pink gem cut into the shape of a butterfly.
Delilah picked up the bejeweled necklace, examining it. Many officers in Starfleet would have not placed any value in such an item, aside from the value the natives gave to it. Delilah, on the other hand, with her psychic gifts for reading items was more inclined to treat them with reverence... and curiosity. She started to open her mind to the necklace, wondering what stories the piece of ‘crown jewel’ had to tell.
She didn’t expect the level of power stored in it, power she was ill-positioned to resist.
In the brief moment before she passed out Delilah did learn that the item was only trying to protect itself, but her open mind made even a simple rejection overwhelming.
oh my goodness i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to-
Not quite words, but the feeling of being SORRY for being so powerful.
Overwhelmed, Delilah passed out.
Author’s Notes for Chapter 11: Consequence
And that’s it! This was the last chapter of Equestria Trek: First Contact. There will be an epilogue to clear up remaining questions about the outcome of the battles, but that’s all the story. The epilogue will also help set up for the sequel, Equestria Trek 2: The Search for Fluttershy.
Cute representation of the element of Kindness.
What.
last.. oh for... COME ON!! dont leave us hanging like this even with the promise of more to come
hate to nitpick but it's Betazed not Betazoid </trekkie>
2329727
Nitpicks are good; they show that people are paying attention!
That said, the Memory Alpha wiki says 'Betazed' is the planet, and 'Betazoid' is the species.
2329455
Sorry, that's where this story's action ended. The epilogue will serve as a bridge, wrapping up the details and setting up the next story.
2329395
Yes? I know my reasons for not being completely satisfied with this chapter, but I'd honestly appreciate knowing where you think I failed.
2329817
What?
Rainbow Dash is put into a crate, and the crate is put onto a transport.
How is that not Rainbow Dash shipping?
2329828
oh Celestia why...
Actually, 2329787 I think my issues with this chapter... perhaps even extensible to this entire story, is that I don't understand the frame this fic falls into.
I don't know if I'm reading something meant to be a true novel, such as a vast number of epics like The Guardians of Ga'Hoole Series or the Redwall series, or even any number of the expanded universe of Star Trek or Star Wars books; reading a movie in literary form, such as a book-adaption of a Star Trek movie, or if I'm reading a literary adaption of a a TV series, with episodes being a book in and of themselves.
For the first option, the story falls so far short in terms of depth and length it would be insulting were it not so laughable, like someone was working on a low budget and had to compress it all down because they lacked the funding to put it all down.
For the second, the story still lacks... IDK, a kind of closure, though a hint more prose and depth would be nice that way too. It's almost a cliffhanger ending, with the Orions still out there and a large number of other potential plot points, both revealed and speculated, unresolved.
Finally, for the third option, it is... manageable? Still, it lacks the true flavor of a Star Trek universe story on account of the rushed nature of the final chapter and the vague awkwardness of several points in the previous chapters (star trek has always come across as refined and yet somehow laid back in it's progression, much like Submarine Warfare sits in my mind), and comes off more as a Star Trek Anime-to-book adaptation minus the over-the-top awesomeness of anime... which just leaves it... bland.
In short, while I do find it a decent read, I cannot call it truly fantastic like a number of other stories I have read on this site because it seems to sit in a bland spot. It wants to be an anime-to-book/Light-Novel work, but lacks the juicy fight scenes and characterization. It wants to be a movie-to-novel work, but lacks the prose, depth, and energy. It wants to be a true novel, but it lacks the length and complexity. To be honest, I don't know what I'm reading, just that it tastes like spam.
Please don't take offense at this, and I apologize if it is not nearly as useful as you desire. For all I know, it may simply be a problem with the way I'm reading it. However, if after an objective review of your work you find yourself agreeing with my statements, then I am glad I offered you some insight. Make of this what you will. All I ask is that you do not reject it as spiteful thrashing, because I could not be farther from it. I do love this story, and would like to see it go places... I just don't know what places those are. Please, help me figure this out?
2330035
Firstly, I want to say that I'm thankful, not offended. Thankful for two reasons: you cared enough about my story to put that big comment together, and because it is the sort of feedback that I was essentially hoping to get. The sort of feedback NEEDED if I'm to grow as an author. I'll try and give your comment the same kind of thought and consideration.
I will note that a lot of the closure, now that the battles are basically over, will occur in the epilogue, which I hope to get done before the 6th of April. This is the final chapter of the ACTION, and I can't think of interesting ways so show what happens next as action. Thus, it's turned into epilogue.
This is my first time writing something this long, and this, as is, could be considered a rough draft. My goals have been to make something that would be: a good learning experience, a good read, and a good starting point for later works. As far as your presented options go...
I guess I was aiming for a true novel, if somewhat short. (Maybe part 1 of the novel, where TSfF is part 2) Chapter 4 certainly has room for expansion, to better show events than just tell them.
I'm glad you care enough to want to see the story improve, and my plan A was, after I publish the epilogue, to re-read the whole thing, and do some serious editing, before going onto story 2. I'm confidant that I can make a good story on my own, but I'd need help to make a GREAT story.
Thanks again for the thoughtful comment.
The action was well done and I think you did a good job jumping between different characters and scenes without getting the reader too lost or confused along the way.
Every author seems to have a different approach to how their stories are divided and presented. Some imagine a story as a television episode, and have each chapter contain all the expected scenes and developments before a commercial/chapter break, which usually leads to really long chapters. Long chapters are hard to write and can be hard for readers to digest too, but I think in general that is preferable to breaks in the action, especially if its all related, or even one continuous event. When I first read your story, I read all the already published chapters in two or three large chunks, but that may speak more to how I personal read than to how one should write. I am actually a bit curious as to how you came to your decisions about where and how the chapters should be divided.
It's been fun following along and again I find myself looking forward to reading more in the future.
2330287 you are welcome. If you want a few initial pointers, I've noticed a surprising lack of pseudoscience (the lifeblood of star trek) as well as a lack of real complexity like one would find. There aren't enough plot twists. Not enough punch.
In novels, the plot is explained at a more lax pace in many cases, using mystery to maintain the tension. You didn't take advantage of that (which is most easily done by reflection IC of things that don't add up).
2331526
When it comes to STO, that's about as English as it gets. Which part specifically needs clarification?
you sir are a butthead leaving that cliffhanger..and i forget...what happened to fluttershy???
2333807
Psudeoscience isn’t my strongest suite, but I could add more with Raat and Bindalla. I could add in some bits about the mystery that is Pinkie Pie... While the characters didn’t really have enough time to reflect on those mysteries of magic, I could re-write things to give them the time they’d need. On the other hand, I don’t want to explain too MUCH. Yet. (Although, some time spent talking about Cloudsdale wouldn’t be amiss)
I went for a relatively simple plot because I wanted something manageable, something I could feel comfortable that I could complete, given enough time. Further, the point of this story was more so I could establish the characters and setting, for later stories to follow up on. Story 2 is intended to be more complex.
2330682
Ooo, this’ll be a fun question to answer. First off, each chapter was meant to have a given... feel to it.
Chapters 1 to 4 were the only ones where the chapter divisions went according to my original plan, even if I posted part chapters because I was still getting my feet under me, as a writer. (I still may officially split chapter 4)
Chapters 5, 6, and 7 were originally going to be one chapter, but I kept finding parts that had a unified ‘feel’ and were over my self-imposed minimum of 2,000 words.
Chapters 8 to 11 represent the ‘third act’ where the tone of the story shifts, which is reflected in the chapter titles. 9, 10, & 11 are shorter than most of the other chapters because action writing isn’t really my thing. I could merge chapters 9 and 10, but they work as is.
Okay, chapter by Chapter:
Introduction!
Getting my cast to head to Equestria
Getting my cast deeper involved than they wanted to be
What the ponies were up to
Surviving the landing
Learning about this strange new world
What happened with Delilah?
The decision that will change everything!
Fight scene!
Fight scene with the Gilda cliffhanger!
Gilda cliffhanger resolved!
2331914
Glad someone caught that one. Schlock Mercenary is one of the best webcomics out there. (As a note, I bought a set of the challenge coins in the recent kickstarter)
2339570
Fluttershy was also kidnapped, when Rainbow Dash was, but wound up in another ship.