Empire of Pink

by Gordon Pasha

Pink-allel Lives

It was already shaping up to be a normal day for Pinkie Pie, and she was in her normal mood. As she walked through the streets of Ponyville she could not hold back the way she was feeling. It was how she always felt at this time of day – or, in truth, any time of day. Pinkie Pie was depressed, you see.

She just walked along, silently, lost in her own permeating despair. She saw the other ponies walk by her, giving her a smile and a wave.

“Great party last night, Pinkie!” they all seemed to say. “I’m surprised you’re up so early after that one.”

She wished they would all just drop dead. Then maybe they would be quiet and leave her alone.

Pinkie Pie never considered herself much of a people pony. In fact, she did not even know why she still hung around this Celestia-forsaken town. Probably because she had no idea of where she would go otherwise. The whole of Equestria just seemed like a black hole to her.

“Heya, Pinkie!” came a voice from high above her. “Great party last night!”

Pinkie sighed as she looked into the sky and that multi-colored flying freak, Rainbow Dash, came into view. Luckily, Pinkie did not have to look at her too long, as the pegasus soon charged headlong into the nearest cloud.

“We’ll have to meet up later when my shift’s done!” Rainbow Dash called behind her just before disappearing into the white fluff. “Be careful until then. Even you can’t be one-hundred percent after that crazy party!”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. But she knew she was relatively lucky. Rainbow Dash did have a job to do clearing away the pre-dawn clouds – and given that it had been thirty minutes since dawn, must be running very late. So she had no time to bother Pinkie any further.

It was a relief. Pinkie tried to avoid that sort as often as possible, or really anyone who thought that they knew her. And that was quite a difficult thing to do, when you are a pony who has a reputation for being close, personal friends with every single individual between here and Canterlot.

None of them really knew her, after all, so they were simply not her problem.

But now, Pinkie Pie had found a quiet little alleyway to walk down, where there was no one to bother her. What was she doing, anyway? She did not know. Just killing time, she supposed. Just drifting because there was nothing else to do. That was all her life was, and she hated it.

Pinkie reflected how much she hated it. How much she hated this town. How much she hated all the ponies who came up to her, expecting her to say or do something funny at their command, like she was good for nothing more than putting on shows for them. Oh yes, she hated them all, and if she saw one more pony trying to bother her, she thought she would lose control.

Just then, a mint-green pony appeared from around the bend. Lyra Heartstrings.

“Hey, Pinkie! Awesome party last– Yaaaahh!”

Lyra immediately held her hooves to her nose, watching the dark red blood flood over her green coat. Within an instant, she had crumpled into the ground and began to whimper in pain.

Pinkie looked at her hoof to make sure that no blood had landed there and them walked away, a smile forming on her face. First a smile, and then a chuckle. Pinkie Pie was the element of laughter, after all, and she was glad that she finally had something to laugh at.

Maybe this won’t be such a bad day after all! she thought as she continued walking.

But this notion was soon to be proved wrong, as Pinkie came out of the alley and saw her walking along the opposite way. The one mare that Pinkie Pie absolutely detested above all of the rest.

If hate could kill mares, Twilight Sparkle, how mine would kill you!

Just look at her, Pinkie thought. Walking around with those wings of hers tucked into her sides, her nose buried in some book or other floating in front of her. Acting like she’s just another regular pony, like she’s completely oblivious to the role and position she holds, like she’s capable of forgetting it even for a second.

But Pinkie knew better. She knew that only someone who was absolutely certain of their superiority could act like they did not even remember it. Oh, how Twilight must be doing it on purpose, just to rub in the fact that she is now royalty, just to make everyone remember it.

How hard it had been to tolerate hearing that Twilight had been made one of the rulers of Equestria! But how even harder to see Twilight walking around Ponyville, pretending to be normal, all the while everypony knowing that she was not.

“Pinkie!”

Oh, great. Looks like Twilight had noticed her. No, don’t come over, don’t come over!

She came over.

“Great party last night, Pinkie,” Twilight said with a smile. “How long did it go on for?”

“If you were there, you should already know,” Pinkie responded, not bothering to hide her contempt.

“Must have been some wild night,” Twilight said. “You don’t even remember that I had to call it quits at ten! After all, big day of work today! I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing out here so early.”

No.

Pinkie just stared blandly at Twilight, knowing the arrogant clod would tell her anyway.

“Remember I said I was getting a copy of that rare book of Starswirl the Bearded’s lost spells they found in the Crystal Empire library? Well, I knew it was coming today and I just couldn’t wait to get down to the post-office and pick it up!”

Twilight clapped her hooves together in excitement. Pinkie just watched her, though her vision was soon taken up by the large book that flew into her face.

“Pretty great, huh?” Twilight said enthusiastically. “I was looking through it, and it’s got spells for practically anything you can imagine!”

“Does it have spells for getting rid of swine?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Why do you ask?”

Pinkie pushed the book out of her face. “You’ll probably want to skip those. They’d be too dangerous for you.”

Twilight just stared blankly at Pinkie for a moment, her large, dumb grin now seeming out of place compared to the rest of her face. But then, joy of joys, she perked up again.

“Oh, Pinkie!” Twilight said with a contented laugh.

There it was. That same “Oh, Pinkie!” The phrase ponies used they had no clue what she was saying and just assumed it was Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Pinkie hated that phrase! And all the assumptions behind it!

Pinkie felt herself beginning to grit her teeth at the dumb pony chuckling in front of her. But Twilight never saw it. She had once more dug into her book and now – thank Celestia for small miracles – was turning to leave.

“I don’t mean to sound rude,” Twilight said, not looking from the book, “but I’m going to have a lot of work to do today and I really can’t afford to be disturbed by anything.”

“Then don’t look in the mirror,” Pinkie responded.

Twilight did not even seem to register this. “Not that I don’t love having you around, but I really need to just be left alone today. Do you think you can do that for me, Pinkie, just this once?”

“It’ll be easy,” Pinkie said, not lying.

“Thanks, Pinkie, I really appreciate it,” Twilight said as she walked away.

“Don’t mention it,” Pinkie responded, adding the word “Swine,” under her breath.

But as Twilight was just disappearing around another turn in the road, Pinkie Pie noticed something on the ground. It was a book. At first, Pinkie did nothing but glance at it dismissively. One of Twilight’s boring old musty library books could never do much to fascinate her.

But then Pinkie noticed something. This was no library book. It may have been done up to look like one as much as possible, but its owner had never been quite able to get that right. No, this looked like it was a journal, or a diary.

Twilight’s diary.

Pinkie Pie swooped it up. A malicious grin spread across her face as she began to page through it. Maybe, she thought, this was just what she needed to bring Twilight Sparkle to her haunches. A few juicy secrets, a little blackmail, and that was all it would take.

Maybe this day was looking up after all.

---

The noontide sun lazily made its way through the windows and into the small, sparse room located on the upper floor of Sugarcube Corner. There, it came to alight on the form of a pink pony sprawled out on her stomach across the bed, a tiny alligator standing motionless beside her. She was snoring heavily and gave no indication that she would awaken any time soon.

But appearances can be deceiving, for a moment later, she became a pink blur blasting upward from the bed. Pinkie Pie seemed to hover there for a moment before coming back down onto the bed with enough force that it was a wonder that the bed did not break. The baby alligator, meanwhile, continued to remain motionless and apparently indifferent as it was thrown violently up and down by all this.

Pinkie’s blue eyes immediately looked to the window outside, focusing on the position of the sun.

“Noon already?” she said in alarm. “Gummy, do you know what this means?”

Gummy’s indifference continued.

“Yes, I know I overslept, but do you know what else it means?”

Gummy’s indifference still continued.

“No, Gummy, we don’t have time for that,” Pinkie responded. “Don’t you remember? I promised Mr. and Mrs. Cake that I’d do the baking for today!”

Pinkie now for the first time looked to her pet alligator, who did not bother looking back.

Pinkie let out an irritated sigh. “Yes, I know I should have ended the party much earlier. You don’t have to take that tone with me! But how was I supposed to realize it was already 3 a.m.? Well, yeah, the clock, but it got busted by the hammer during the dance-contest, remember?”

Gummy blinked.

Pinkie growled. “Fine, whatever. There’s just no talking to you when you’re in a mood like this. I’ve got to get to work. I just hope Mr. and Mrs. Cake didn’t have to do all the baking themselves!”

In a flash – a pink flash – she was gone, and Gummy remained as motionless as before.

Mr. Cake was just coming out of the kitchen with the last of that day's baked goods and Mrs. Cake was manning the register when the pink blur surged past them. It left them both stunned for a moment and nearly caused Mr. Cake to drop all of the goodies he was holding.

It was only the constant cries of “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” from the pink blur that brought them back to reality. Well, that and the violent swinging of the kitchen door which once more caused Mr. Cake to nearly drop the day’s assortment.

Mrs. Cake sighed. “You talk to her. I’ll go get the fire extinguisher.”

Mr. Cake placed the tray down on the nearest safe surface and ventured over toward the kitchen. He stood outside the door.

“Pinkie?” he said.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Cake!” came her frantic voice from inside the kitchen. The voice had seemed to move from one end of the kitchen to the other several times in the amount of time it took to say that one short sentence.

“Pinkie, it’s alright,” Mr. Cake said with as much false calm as he could muster.

“I know I let you down!” said her voice once more, almost from all points of the room at once. “I said I was going to be more responsible from now on and I let you down! But I’ll make up for it! I’m going to get all the baking done super-duper-fast so that you and Mrs. Cake can just worry about the store!”

Mr. Cake grit his teeth. Any time Pinkie announced the intention to do something “super-duper-fast” in the kitchen, he knew it could only lead to trouble.

“It’s okay, Pinkie,” he said. “We already did all the baking for today. You can take it easy.”

Mr. Cake felt a strong sense of relief when the kitchen door swung open to reveal Pinkie Pie standing there – away from any of cookware. But the look in her eyes soon made that relief flee as quickly as it had come.

“Take it easy? Take it easy?” Pinkie practically shouted. “But you and Mrs. Cake were counting on me! I was supposed to be the one to do the baking today!”

“I know, but–” Mr. Cake was about to say something generous and fatherly about how he and Mrs. Cake were quite happy to pick up the slack when Pinkie was not up to it, but he never got the chance.

“But nothing!” Pinkie continued. “I let you both down so badly! I have to make it up to you! I know, I’ll do all the baking that I was supposed to so that we’ll have double the yummy treats on hand!”

“Pinkie, that’s really not necessary,” Mr. Cake said as Pinkie disappeared back into the kitchen. “Especially after that party you had last night. I think that would have taken quite a bit out of any pony.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that too, Mr. Cake! I didn’t mean to keep you up all night or anything!”

Mr. Cake yawned. “Oh, it wasn’t…. it wasn’t…. all night.” True, it had just been until three in the morning.

“I’ll make that up to you too! I’m going to make these treats extra super scrumptious and that’ll make everything better!”

Oh dear, Mr. Cake thought.

He pushed open the door to the kitchen just in time to see Pinkie Pie stuff an overloaded and overflowing baking tray into the oven. With a few speedy turns and clicks, Pinkie brought the oven roaring to life.

“Pinkie, what are you doing?” Mr. Cake said, rushing over to the oven. But when he reached it, he could tell he was already too late. The oven had now begun to shake and scream uncontrollably.

“I’m just taking a few shortcuts to save some time,” Pinkie said casually, as though she did not even notice the alarm in Mr. Cake’s voice.

Mr. Cake barely had the attention left to process Pinkie’s innocent explanation of why she had just reduced something that should have taken hours into the span of five minutes. He was too busy focusing on the oven, which was shaking and sparking more and more with each passing second.

Finally, it seemed as though the thing was about to explode. Mr. Cake braced for the worst.

And nothing happened.

Mr. Cake let out a sigh of relief. The new fail-safe mechanism that the Cakes had gotten installed the last time Pinkie destroyed their oven seemed to be working. It had cost a hoof and a leg, but if it Pinkie-proofed the kitchen, Mr. Cake had to admit that it was worth it.

“I’ve got the extinguisher!” Mrs. Cake called as she appeared beyond the kitchen doorway.

“No need for it this time, honey,” Mr. Cake said. “Everything’s completely okay–”

And then the oven exploded.

When Mr. Cake again became cognizant of what was going on, he discovered himself covered in candy-coating, batter, and extinguisher foam. As Mrs. Cake completed foaming down the kitchen, he finished his sentence with a dejected “here.”

Pinkie Pie now began to lick the sweets and foam from the sides of her face and her hooves. “Oopsy. Sorry about that… for the fifth time… this month…. But hey, it wasn’t all bad! How often do you get to be covered in ooey-gooey goodness?”

Her tongue reached up and wiped away a smudge of fudge from the tip of her nose. “And I was right – this is extra super scrumptious! You guys think we should make foam a permanent ingredient?”

Mr. and Mrs. Cake exchanged glances. Mrs. Cake was about to say something but Mr. Cake beat her to it.

“Yes, Pinkie,” he said, in as calm and measured a voice as he could still manage. “You were right. And now that you’ve finished making it, you’ve made up for everything. Now you can go out and do something with your friends.”

Pinkie tilted her head. “You sure? ’Cause I could always help out with something else around the store! Or I could watch the babies for you while you two work!”

“No, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake said, his voice straining. “Go out and do something with your friends.”

“What Mr. Cake is trying to say is that we don’t have anything else we need you to do right now,” Mrs. Cake chimed in. “Since you did such an… er… good job catching up, you can have the rest of the day off as a reward.”

Pinkie considered. “Okie dokie lokie!” she said at last, and hopped past the Cakes and out of Sugar Cube Corner.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave themselves sighs of relief when they were sure she was gone. These were, however, quickly interrupted when Pinkie put her head back through the doorway and said, “You really positi-lutely sure you don’t need anything else?”

“No, dear, that’s fine,” Mrs. Cake said, her own voice now straining.

“Okay, see you later!” Pinkie said as she once more disappeared from view.

After a moment, Mrs. Cake asked, “You think she’s gone now?”

“Lock the front door just to be sure,” Mr. Cake responded.

Mrs. Cake shrugged. “Okay, but not like it’s ever stopped her before.”

---

Pinkie Pie could not tell the Cakes this, but she was actually relieved to have been allowed to take the day off. She needed it, and not just because of the after-effects of last night’s party. No, something else was bothering her. And it was the reason that she had so badly messed up in the kitchen.

Well, one of the reasons. In hindsight, even Pinkie Pie had to admit that shoving as much into the oven as quickly as she could had not been the best idea. But there was something else which had knocked her off her game and kept her from paying the proper amount of attention.

When she first began to mix the different ingredients together, Pinkie had noticed something strange in the mixing pan. There seemed to be an image in there, a reflection, but it was not her reflection. It looked to be a male pony, older that her by far, and a dark blue in color. In fact, it looked just like someone she once knew….

And then, when she had been throwing everything together and throwing it into the oven, she thought she had heard a voice, a voice other than those of herself and Mr. Cake. It was a familiar voice, comforting and yet strong. But, given all the noise and confusion, Pinkie had been barely able to make out what it was saying.

All that she could hear was what sounded like, “Pinkamena, you must beware….”

Before Pinkie could try to piece it all together in her mind, she was distracted by the blast of multi-color light that came flying into view.

“Pinkie Pie, I am so sorry!” Rainbow Dash said as she hovered around in the air.

“Now you’re starting to sound like me,” Pinkie Pie said. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

“I know I said we were going to hang out today….”

“We were? When did we decide that?”

Rainbow Dash did not answer. Rather, she studied Pinkie’s face, expecting perhaps the stealthily-formed smile, the shining eye, that would tell Dash that the joke was on her. But it never came. Pinkie just continued to stare at her, waiting for a response which both knew was taking far too long to come.

Dash finally answered, “Still haven’t recovered from that party last night, huh? Well, anyway, it turns out that some newbie on the job over in Cloudsdale accidentally sent a massive cold front toward Ponyville and they need all available pegasi to turn it back. So… that’s probably gonna take up the rest of the day. I hope you’re not disappointed.”

Pinkie Pie suddenly brightened up, now being able to darkly figure what Dash was going on about. “No, of course I’m not disappointed. But when did we agree to hang out?”

“Um, this morning?”

Pinkie Pie’s smile widened. She laughed. “Come on, silly, I was sound asleep this morning!”

“But I saw you and we talked.”

“Nope! I was still bouncing around in dreamland until noon!”

Rainbow Dash just stared at Pinkie for what felt like a very long time. Finally, she said with a smile, “Oh, Pinkie….”

Thus having settled things to her level of satisfaction, Rainbow Dash gave a cursory farewell and sped off into the clear sky above, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake. As Pinkie watched her go, the pink mare could not help but reflect that her friends could be exceptionally strange sometimes.

Pinkie continued along her path in her usual way, saying hello to every single pony she met. The occasion was as cheerful as ever until Pinkie heard something – crying.

She looked around to see Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon sitting nearby. Lyra was holding onto her nose with both hooves while Bon-Bon seemed to be trying to comfort her. Pinkie did not need to see anymore. She was ready to jump into action. After all, Pinkie Pie could not possibly let one of her friends continue to suffer and hurt when she had it in her power to turn that pain into laughter and happiness.

“Lyra, why the sad sounds? What’s gotten you so down?”” she said as she approached, her voice taking on that characteristic sing-song tone. “Don’t you know playing happy music is the purpose of a lyre? Come on, play your music, and lift your heart higher!”

But Pinkie’s well-meaning little ditty just seemed to make Lyra cry even more. Now that she was there, Pinkie could get a better look at Lyra’s nose, which was completely wrapped in a white bandage. She also got a better look at Bon-Bon’s face and the rage it contained.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie felt like she was in over-her-head. And not in the good way she usually felt in-over-her-head. No, she could tell that this was bad.

“What, you think that’s funny?” Bon-Bon practically screamed at her. “Showing your face here, after what you did, and making jokes about it? Don’t you have any decency at all?”

Pinkie’s mouth formed into a very rare frown. Her tone became like that of a child whose parent scolds it for something it cannot comprehend. “I… What did I do wrong?”

“You broke her nose, you monster!” Bon-Bon shouted, loud enough for everyone else on the street (and the next two streets over) to hear it.

Pinkie Pie reared back. How could she be accused of doing something so terrible to a friend of hers? She would never do that, she knew.

But then, the cold sense of realization fell upon her. She began to calm down.

“Was it the party last night?” Pinkie Pie asked. “I mean, by the end there, most of us were pretty much out of it, so I guess maybe something might have happened accidentally….”

Pinkie Pie was trying to explain herself the best she could and adapt to the new situation of being called a monster. But what she said just seemed to make Lyra cry even more and Bon-Bon look even angrier.

Pinkie Pie had not known that Bon-Bon could look that angry. She had not known that any pony could look that angry.

“You know well what you did, and on purpose!” Bon-Bon shouted. “You know that this morning you punched Lyra here right in the face and broke her nose! Now, I admit that party last night was pretty awesome, but that gives you no excuse for what you did!”

Pinkie shook her head in unbelief. The full horror of what she was being accused of gripped her for the first time.

“No, no, no, no, no, no!” she said, her voice spitting the no’s out with a rapid speed matched only by the shaking of her head from side to side.

When she had finally finished uttering her long string of no’s, Pinkie said, “I couldn’t have done that! I was asleep until noon today!”

Bon-Bon just sneered. “You’re really sick, you know that? Come on, Lyra, we’re getting out of here before she gets violent again.”

Bon-Bon mustered the still-sobbing Lyra to her hooves and dragged her away. As they disappeared from view, Bon-Bon called over her shoulder to Pinkie. “I always knew there was something wrong with you!”

Something very odd was going on, Pinkie realized. Very odd indeed. And there was only one pony that could help Pinkie Pie make sense of it.

Twilight Sparkle.

Would Twilight be able to make some sense of these strange proceedings?

Read on.

Comments

[Harmony Charmer]

Oh, snap! This is really good!